What do I do??

[lordleadme89]

Guys, I need help. All my life, I've seeked the approval of my parents especially my mom, and no matter what I do, no matter how good I do a certain task, it's never good enough. I do things I feel are great and acceptable to her standards (because I live under her roof), yet she still finds a way to tear me down and find a fault in me. I just don't know what to do. My parents are divorced, and I stay with her and I miss my dad but I don't want to leave her alone because I don't want to hurt her, yet I can't handle this hypocrisy anymore. I've been crying for the past couple nights before I go to bed, wondering why I'm never good enough for her, and why I just can't make her happy and I just don't know what to do anymore. Please help.

[livingwaters]

Maybe it's not even about you...Maybe your mom is going through her own, "why am I not good enough" issues. Have you ever just asked her to talk about her. How is she doing? What can you do to make it easier? Can the two of you do something together, just the two of you?

I don't know, maybe I'm way off base. If so, I'm sorry, no harm intended. Just trying to be helpful.

God bless

[lordleadme89]

Thats kind of a problem. I've always kept to myself, been shy around people and really didn't like listening to other people talk about useless stuff, thats just how I've been since I was little. I've tried to focus on discussions with her and I just can't do it, I dont know why, I just lose focus. Whenever we go out and do something together, for some reason she just gets on my nerves and upsets me, I don't know why I get upset either its just something I always do. I don't know why I do these things, why I get upset, but I don't know why she makes me feel like dirt all the time either. I my hardest to not get annoyed at her (I've never full blown yelled at her, she has though), I try to respect her because she did raise me kind of on her own, and I try to show her that respect but I have a hard time doing that because she finds flaws all the time and I can't handle it.

[crossnote]

Thats kind of a problem. I've always kept to myself, been shy around people and really didn't like listening to other people talk about useless stuff, thats just how I've been since I was little. I've tried to focus on discussions with her and I just can't do it, I dont know why, I just lose focus. Whenever we go out and do something together, for some reason she just gets on my nerves and upsets me, I don't know why I get upset either its just something I always do. I don't know why I do these things, why I get upset, but I don't know why she makes me feel like dirt all the time either. I my hardest to not get annoyed at her (I've never full blown yelled at her, she has though), I try to respect her because she did raise me kind of on her own, and I try to show her that respect but I have a hard time doing that because she finds flaws all the time and I can't handle it.

She sounds like a perfectionist. You will never be able to please her for she will always find fault. Listen. You ought to put Christ in the middle of your relationship. It is Him you try to please. Have pity on your mother, realize her weaknesses and the pressure she is under but also remember that Christ knows what you are going through, He knows each others motives so keep entrusting the situation into His hands and see if you don't see an improvement either from your mom's side or yours or both.

[SweetSomber]

I'm sorry to hear that you are in such a tough situation. I've had people I knew who were in situations like that, and some became suicidal and cutters, some became completely passive about life (dont care about anything, do anything - they just dont try anything anymore) and one had a nervous breakdown.

So yeh - you're in a bad situation. My advise? Well, first off, I would recommend that you stop seeking her approval, for now, because you are not going to get it even if you are perfect, even if you are better than perfect. She is a critical person, and does not praise. That does not reflect on you so much as it reflects on her choosing to look at things in a negative way, etc. I would confront her about it. I mean, if someone tried to hit you physically, you would defend yourself, right? Of course. Emotional pain is deeper - confront her about it, explain that it is destructive, not loving, etc.

She probably won't want to stop being critical because she wants things to change - give you suggestions of better ways to change things. Like, helping others who are struggling (rather than putting them down) Encouraging people when they put effort it (which will result in more effort being put in) and Negotiating. Those work. Criticism all the time tears down people on the inside AND doesn't work to change things. So yeh, make her stop, but don't get mad, be willing to be patient, and forgive, and of course do what's right so that she will not have good reason to blame you, but definitely set some boundaries and put your foot down here.