Helping my daughter be more feminine

**firstpeterone** · Jun 28th 2009, 04:43 PM

I've learned a lot. I need to work on some things!

**Diggindeeper** · Jun 28th 2009, 04:43 PM

Metalwolf, is patriarchialism another way of saying something like "male chauvinist"?

I think I know what you are saying. In fact, I have a friend who has 2 daughters and a son, all grown now. Her husband has always, always insisted that his land, his home, his electrical business...EVERYTHING...goes to the son. His reasoning (if you can call it reasoning) was that the girls would marry and their husbands would provide for them. Therefore, it all goes to the son. Period. No questioning allowed when it comes to any decision HE makes.

To make a long story short, he became disabled. Didn't die, but could not do his business any more. So, he immediately signs over everything he owns to the son.
Daughters got nothing. o. Not one dime. Not 1/4 acre. By the way, my friend and this male chauvinist are now divorced.

And, the son? Turned out to be a drunk. Won't work half the time. Very unstable.

Does anyone wonder why? I offer that there was too much difference made between him and his sisters, both now divorced and struggling on their own.

**Metalwolf** · Jun 29th 2009, 12:39 AM

Originally Posted by Diggindeeper

Metalwolf, is patriarchialism another way of saying something like "male chauvinist"?

Yes, essentially. Except it's the more insidious form of it, and 'sanctified' by the Bible.
Women are not allowed to work outside the home, the woman must 'die to self' when she marries because her primary/sole reason to exist is to serve her father and later be a 'helpmeet' to her husband, and to submit (not submit, but SUBMIT) to her husband because he is lord of the household.
Plus God is male. The female is a 'derivative' of man, who is made in God's image, and often times females must dress 'modest,' that is, full dresses with long sleeves.

Pretty much it's the militant athiest's dream come true, because s/he can point to this 'version' of why Christianity is an oppressive sexist religion.

**firstpeterone** · Jun 29th 2009, 12:59 AM

I appreciate your post, I sometimes forget that I as a husband must SUBMIT to God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I must die to myself and love my wife as Christ loves the church, setting my selfish ambitions aside and serving my family. I wonder sometimes if I'm supposed to be a helpmeet to Jesus, "baptizing all nations in the name of the Father , the Son and the Holy Spirit" and following where ever He wills. I don't think He really NEEDS me to do anything for Him, maybe it's just to see if I will be obedient. So much easier I have it to trust in Jesus as my shepherd, where as my family tries to trust me as I try to follow Christ. Where is Plan B?

If you use a person as a doormat, they won't be able to get up and help you as well when you need it.

***livingwaters*** · Jun 29th 2009, 01:18 AM

Originally Posted by firstpeterone

I've learned a lot. I need to work on some things!

Firstpeterone, we ALL have things to work on!!! You are not alone in this! The key point is to seek God's wisdom and guidance in everything we do...if we do it wrong, we ask for forgiveness and go about it a different way...the best way is how God's Word says to do things...of course, to follow the scripture, we need to ask for revelation from the Lord to understand what it is the scriptures are saying!!!

It's a work in progress till we leave this place, which is not our home, to go and be with our Lord and Savior in HEAVEN!!!!

ALLELUIA...ALLELUIA...WE PRAISE YOU LORD!

May God bless you and grow you in your walk with HIM!!!

**MaddJack** · Jun 29th 2009, 02:04 AM

Sounds like this child may have to have a chat with the 'board of education'.

***threebigrocks*** · Jun 29th 2009, 03:01 AM

Well, honestly - what does all that look like? I'm the wife of a truck driver. What about the wives (or husbands) of military personnel or anyone else's husband who makes a living that takes him away from home frequently? We manage a biblical home in despite of this.

Someone said that the family will realize that the father/husband is leader of the home by example. That is perfect. No need to sit the kids down on a routine basis and state so. If it's as it should be, no matter what, it will be an unsaid and understood thing. If it needs to be said and explained - there's trouble and it's not on the kids behalf.

***Firefighter*** · Jun 29th 2009, 04:32 PM

Originally Posted by cnw

if your daughter is challenging your husband...why isn't your husband dealing with it? It is not your job to be the authority. It is his just as you are teaching her. Her daddy is the head, let him deal with her and you continue to respect him and show her by example.
You could also ask her to sit with you and talk about why she feels this towards her dad. Pray with her and share your heart with her and your husband. Maybe he doesn't see what you see.

She is well within scripture to be teaching her own daughter...

Titus 2:3-5 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

Proverbs 31:26-28 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:

**Jesusdiedforme** · Jul 1st 2009, 07:33 PM

Scince your daughter has been challenging your husbands authority I think you should be asking why this is, try to understand her but don't make excusses for her.
Has she picked this behaviour up from school, if you think she may have I would advise homeschooling.
If your husband has been impatient with her I would advise giving her plenty of oppurtunitiesto state her mind in a respectful manner, but do draw a line and don't let her step over it.

***threebigrocks*** · Jul 2nd 2009, 04:03 PM

And may I add a good listening ear. I've had humbling moments for myself and grew from it by listening to my kids. It's hard to remember that they do indeed grow up into their own person with their own thoughts and if you don't know what they are you can't guide that.

***turtledove*** · Jul 4th 2009, 01:34 PM

At this age..she needs to learn to be respectful and, at the same time, be given guidelines and boundaries. But she sure sounds pretty normal to me. My kids started their testing, etc..when they were younger and also when they came into their teens. And now that they are all adults in their late 30's and 40's..they still test the waters at times. They keep me accountable.

**mishellyg** · Sep 5th 2009, 11:42 PM

Teach her respect. Tell her to respect her Daddy and that's not appropriate. She may be too young to fully understand. I wasn't very feminine until I was 12....