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Thread: My testimony is LONG - not for the feint of heart LOL!

  1. #16
    Part 16 - Two priests walked into a bar, or rather an Inn

    I have been trying to figure out how to write this chapter exactly, because words, I fear will fail me. When I tell you that I was reintroduced to Jesus via World of Warcraft, you might laugh or smirk or just flat out not believe me. The funniest thing about this entire fact, is that I can recall this youth group (protestant) event I went to when I was 17 or so, where the preacher was preaching the evil-ness of Dungeons and Dragons. I raised my hand and said that I didnt believe that D&D was evil and had been playing it my whole life. The guy wanted me to "stay after and talk to him", well I did and he took off...then later said that I had left (which was a lie) and how, oh he "wished he could have" talked to me about evil evil D&D. Now the ironic thing is, that D&D is basically WoW without the fancy graphics. So the irony of this is almost too much.

    I picked a priest for my main character, and even though I wasnt thrilled about the cloth armor, the healing aspect intrigued me. I played for a while and eventually met another priest on there. We had a great time playing together and soon found out we both liked zombies and philosophy and religion...and oh wait, then he told me he was a minister in real life, sort of. Then I braced myself for the Jesus sales pitch. Low and behold it didnt come. I waited for it for a while, he was such an excellent conversationalist and could talk philoscophy and religion until the wee hours of the morning, which totally rocked. I realized I hadnt thought outside my own depression in a long time and my brain hurt after our conversations. In a good way. I remembered that I like to think. Amazing concept, really,...thinking that is.

    He told me the ministry that he wanted to go into was for porn stars. This ministry was in Las Vegas. Because, well, Jesus loved porn stars too. Which totally tickled me to death. *giggle*
    There were a series of events that happened during this time. I dont want to skim over any of them or make them seem trite, because this was a slow and amazing process. First thing, I was sad one night, really depressed. Probably one of my worst times and he sent me a song that I fell in love with and *shudder* it was a Christian song lol. (The Sky, by Showbread) It touched me. Apparantly this band did an entire concept album that seemed artsy and cool and deep. And again, they were Christians. I couldnt believe it really. After all Christian music is boring and stupid and shallow and all sounds the same, right? *ahem* I digress.

    Then shortly thereafter, he recommended a book to me by Ann Lamott called "Traveling Mercies". Honestly, I wasnt really thrilled about it. But, based on our conversations I thought I would give it a try. Afterall, I was going to Denver and could read it on the plane trip up there. I cried through the whole thing, practically. I know the people on the plane thought I had lost my mind. I felt God show up. It was reading that book that was yet another catalyst in my recent change of thoughts about Christianity. First of all, did you know, there are LIBERAL Christians? Now, when I say "liberal" ditch your preconcieved notions about what YOU think a liberal is. To me, a liberal cares about feeding the hungry, being a servant to humanity, caring about others and not just tax breaks, loving people and caring about the environment, thinking that maybe killing and war arent really such great ideas a la the Jesus. There are people that think Chrisitanity should NOT be used as a political platform. They actually take Jesus literally when he said go feed the hungry. They think that the word Christian, is a verb.

    This was an entirly new perspective for me. During this time, my friend always said that God loved me. I never felt like I had to change who I was. It was during this time I felt like I actually believed in God again. Yet I wasnt sure exactly where to go with this whole idea. Because, trust me, this was a miracle comparable to any miracle that ever was.

  2. #17
    Part 17 - having all the answers bwhahahaha
    I have always been the type of person to analyze and ask why. About everything. All the time. I analyze and analyze and then analyze some more. Funny thing is, after I read "Traveling Mercies", something changed in my heart. Something I couldn't explain or analyze. It was like having an answer to a question you couldn't verbalize. It was weird. And good. And unexplainable. During this time I started to pray again. Mostly for a pony. But I figured, Jesus had to have a sense of humor, right? I fully expected a pony to show up in my hotel room. Because, after all, I was praying. To JESUS. I mean...that is weird. On a side note, I still pray for a pony. At the end of every prayer, I end it with, now Jesus, about that pony....I even waited for one to drop out of the rafters at church on Sunday. But I digress....

    There are more revalations I had during this time. I dont have all the answers. Noone does, really. Becoming a Christian didnt mean that I had to stop questioning. I could never do that. I wouldnt do that, after all, when we stop questioning, we are dead, right? Also, I always thought that Christians had to check thier brains at the door and become vapid zombies that just spewed anything that was fed to them, right? And yet. I had my brain. And I wasnt spewing. What the heck was happening to me? It was crazy. I felt crazy in a weird way. After all I had been Pagan for years now. Built my business, my identity on Paganism. I mean, who was I without that?
    I had a thought today. In all the times I spent searching within myself for some kind of peace, I think I hyperfocused. Maybe some people find peace like that, but it was only when I looked outside myself, I found it. Its only when I submitted myself to God's will and basically said, use me as you happened. Its very weird.

    All these years I have had so much hostility towards the church in various ways. But I realize, the church is the people and the people are broken. The people are not God. The church is not God. And even the Bible is not God. And the amazing thing is, God loves us through our brokenness. And we are too love each other as well. Funny idea that is.

    Funny thing is, I look back and cant believe I am here. I still have a long way to go, but Im here. Baby steps. Half the battle is just showing up I think. Amazing things happen when you just show up.


  3. #18
    Part 18 - The New Fangled Bible

    So it had been recommended to me to read The Message. Which was really weird. Its the bible, but not at all like the Catholic Bible. It was cool that the message got across, but I missed some of the traditionalism of the "old bible". So then NIV was recommended. I found I was using my message bible and bumping it against the NIV. Cool thing is, I found one that has both versions in it and also has references and translation POI at the bottom. Its cool and shiny. I like it. If you would have told me that I would be happy about getting a bible 6 months ago. I would have told you, you were smoking crack. And good crack too.

    Funny things happen when you start to read the bible. Like Jesus really was a rebel. For real. He hung out with hookers and theives and other unsavories. He fed the hungry and believed in loving people and showing mercy. Hmmmm. Also the Pharasees were royal pains in the asses. Wow. The parallels to some of the more evangelical types and the Pharasees are too similar. I wonder how many people ACTUALLY read thier bibles....? I wonder how many people actually read WHY this was written or that was written or just listen to what Jesus said.

    I am still feeling my way around this. I still have a lot of questions. Lots and lots of questions.


  4. #19
    So that is basically the end, or rather the beginning, so to speak.
    every day I continue to grow in God's love and every day he speaks to me. Wonderful things happen when I actually shut up and listen and do what he tells me.


  5. #20

    Thanks for sharing!

    God's love abounds and sadly enough people can let us down or lead us astray. God never will and He will never forsake us. I praise God for bringing you through all of that and to the place you are now. My prayer is that through your testimony you will be able to lead countless others to Christ so that they can experience the love that we have. God Bless You!

  6. #21
    Wow...what a trip you have been through!

    I'm glad to see you have made it not to the end but the true beginning...a 'world without end'.


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