Dear Motor, marriage is a standard set often by society, that you MUST marry. But if you look at the Bible, God did say if you remain single its alright, but if you're burning with passion, then get married. Its a blessing when we marry the one the Lord brings our way, or chooses for us. Rather than us choosing the one, we should keep it in prayers, that He blesses the spouse we're about to share our life with.
Not all marriages end up bitter and in divorce. Many are blissfully happy. No relationships are without thorns, but the thorns and troubles of the world, makes the couple who are married and pray together a living force of love growing deeper even in trouble. Often when couples fight, over small stuff or big stuff, they learn to get over it and forgive each other due to the love so great for each other. But even if we're meant to divorce, its God's will that we shall succeed in another marriage should He send the right one to you at that time. We never know how God works in our lives, but He will intervene.
I am one who chose to be single, simply because I do not feel marriage is important for me so far. I am a happy, single christian woman who enjoys my work, fellowship with good christians and simple life. I haven't had that urge to build a family, or perhaps it is not my choice in life. Not everyone views marriage as important. Some even get married and do not like the idea of children. Everyone is different, so do not worry about "what is right for others should be right for you". Sometimes God may use us, being single people, for His work.
Live to your principles should you be sure of what you want. Don't worry, but pray about it.
I am strongly trying to become the women of God that He has intended me to be. I want to be all that I can for that day the Lord says, this is it. I feel like He has given me feelings towards someone who I find very amazing... timing is hard when it's not our time, BUT in the end... God's ways are soooo much higer than mine will ever be!
'Husband is priest of the home' I've actually heard people use this to argue that women need a mediator, which is the husband, between themselves and God. And yet Jesus is supposed to be our High Priest, our only mediator! It seems incredibly unscriptural and frankly blasphemous to me to say that women need a second mediator between ourselves and God, as if Christ isn't quite good enough.
Paul listed one benefit here. We should not suppose this is the only benefit of marriage; only that it was the one that most applied to THOSE WHO DESIRED CELIBACY. If you desire celibacy, then you have to be perfectly frank and honest with yourself about your ability to stay celibate.
Better to marry than burn with lust; will everyone unmarried burn with lust? No. Will you, motormouf?
Is this thread about marriage in general, or are you looking for more specific advice?
In general, marriage is good and holy. Solomon said that he who finds a good wife finds something more precious than jewels.
One Lord, One Faith, One Baptism, One God and Father over us all.
I would say from the perspective of 35 yrs of marriage that your own parents marriage has a powerful influence on your own future marriage. You are correct in linking your own attitude to marriage from your negative experiences of your parents marriage and relationships. From experience I can say with Christ however it is possible to overcome these influences by the leading of Gods Holy Spirit and His grace, love and forgiveness. Your parents marriage will usually become your 'default' position in your relationship with your future wife so it is important to establish a Christian vision and basis for marriage if you want to be successful in it. This is why marriage is such a huge step. Things to think about are
1. What are you going to bring to the marriage (?) Your vision for marriage needs to be based on the Word of God. Back in the Reformation there were many articles and such written about marriage. Some of these are worth reading as it gives us a clearer biblical understanding unclouded by todays cultural and moral influences . Ones such as 'The Duties of Husbands ' and 'The Duties of Wives' ( just google) gives a clear message that this was the assumption back then we had 'DUTIES' to one another which is almost entirely missing today in todays modern concept of marriage. I can understand it must be very confusing for todays youth when they contemplate marriage. There seems to be no real 'definition' of what marriage is for.
One of the primary reasons for marriage which has been lost in todays age is the raising of a 'godly seed'. In other words a succeeding godly generation to carry on Gods work on earth.
The other aspect mentioned by God in Genesis is the one of companionship and help. A wife is meant to be a companion and a help and aid to her husband. Mark Grunger in his marriage seminar (Laugh your way to a Better Marriage) though I do not agree with everything he says ,correctly points out that married people statistically are happier, healthier and better off financially. Besides this the 'FRUIT" of marriage which God says he will BLESS you with are children. Even though children demand a high level of self sacrifice and committment on the part of the parents you will rarely ever find any parent (unless they are neglectful or abusive) say it was not worthwhile. Until you have your own children and hold them in your arms knowing this little helpless being will be relying on you for the next 18 yrs or more for their physical and spiritual needs you cannot really understand the incredible love a parent is filled with upon the birth of their children. Children are spoken of as 'arrows' in scripture meaning that they carry on and go beyond your life vision. As Christians that of course means the work of God in our lives. How well you carry out the task appointed to you will have lasting consequences for them (your children), the Body of Christ and the world at large. Do you want to 'make a difference?' as is commonly asked today.
Another really important thing to consider is your choice of a future partner and wife. You have to really think hard about this because generally speaking you will want your wife to be an 'asset' and not a 'liability'. In other words you will need someone who is going to bring good things into your marriage and not negative destructive forces. Good things being, total dedication and committment, LOVE, patience, happy and bright outlook, endurance, contentment with whatever material circumstances you find yourselves in ( a big one today with the materialism of our age) and a willingness to work through issues you will find arise in your relationship. There are really important issues you need to agree on before you decide to take the step of marriage as well.
One very important area is the area of children. Are you going to allow God to determine the number of children you have or will you use contraception and how. Will you allow for change and growth in these areas with your wife as you will allow for change and growth in other areas you initially might have have had views on such as theology or where or how you will live. These things can all be overcome with love but sometimes you might find yourself in a situation that is not as perfect as you envisioned. What if your wife becomes sick, physically or mentally? Then you will have the care of her besides that of possibly children. These things can happen as it could happen vice versa with you. This is why the traditional wedding vows mention these things as issues one must be prepared for beforehand.
But above all God does say he blesses marriage and it is the family unit that provides the stability of our society. Whether you decide to get married or not you will always be involved with families and married couples one way or another. I have found singles are often drawn to family circles for companionship and support. Anyway some things to think about. I would suggest as well to read some current modern publications on marriage in a Christian context as there are many excellent works out there these days. God bless and may He guide and lead you.
A marriage is good if only the partners have the following characteristics;
Husband and wife are to be careful to avoid temptations of infidelity.
Couples should respect one another.
In a good marriage, people are willing to admit they are wrong. People forgive one another in a good marriage.
Partners have to show respect for one anotherís boundaries and privacy.
Couples love, avoid unnecessary criticism, and are generally polite to one another.
The couple should recognize themselves that they are a team and a companionship.
I am on my second marriage. The first one was not good. My first husband was very abusive, and I am lucky to even be alive. The signs were there, I just didn't want to read them at that point in my life. I think then, I was in love with being in love.
Now I have been married to my second hubby for 11 years. We have a marriage based on total love and respect. Some people don't understand my marriage. I am a Stay At Home Mom. I have been accused by some for doing everything for him while he does nothing for himself or anyone else by some who don't understand. But what they don't understand is that he does everything I expect and ask of him in return, and he never would ask me to do anything that I don't want to do. It really boils down to mutual respect. I think if a marriage doesn't have that, it can lead to be trouble.
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