Whats so good about marriage??

[PictCry]

well this is probably a harsh opinion, but as I am loyal to a fault I will speak my heart. To me anybody who can just get tired or bored of their mate are seriously not worth marrying. Who ever that person is who has to have an affair every once in a while just to get a "change" is not worthy of marriage. That is seriously selfish and that is NOT what marriage is about at all. Ugg it can make my blood boil. Commitment is deeper than emotions and flesh, its truly deeper. My brother and his new wife are sick of each other lol, but they are committed to each other, to their marriage, and most importantly to God-- That is love.
I must say I can understand your fears about marriage, I have many many of my own fears. My mom had a hormonal imbalance and for years after her first child and it had caused much damage to our family, not to mention a lot of other problems. My mom's side of the family had had mental problems, such as learning disability, seizures, t retts (How ever you spell it, that twitching disorder) and not to mention many emotional problems such as abuse and depression as well as alcoholism. I also have had struggles with depression and am more likely to pass on the gene to my offspring. To tell you the truth I am scared out of my mind of screwing up my future kids and relationship to my husband. But inside deep down I desire to be married and have kids. To me its a beautiful thing to expierence deep worship of God with a special someone and being able to teach your own kids about God's amazing love, well sounds just amazing. You know what though? I might just stay single anyways, just to be one only for God. THat way I wouldn't have to worry about the stresses of family drama and complications like that. It would just be God and me! However, in the end, it only matters what God says. If He wants me to be married, then I will. If not, then I will remain single. Its not such a bad thing-not at all. God will decide who enters your life, just rely on him. It is only to make us stronger and better Christians in the end. I just cannot agree with "casual hookups" sounds like too much danger to me. Sounds like putting yourself on the edge of a ledge and daring the wind to push you off.

[RabbiKnife]

Thanks.I guess its because i've heard or seen alot more negative , than positive about it from other over the years that i seem to think so poorly of it esp in my family.- Most of myu relitive dont bother getting married, just hook up get kids etc, those who did get married didnt fare 2 well- my parents divorced after 6 yrs, 1 relative mistreated his wife and kids and is now seperated, another relative got married and divorced twice and both relationships were abusive at some point and another uncle hops from wife to wife , girlfriend to girlfriend sometimes simultaneously. Doesnt leave much hope for me does it?

What does your relatives sinful lifestyles have to do with your joy, satisfaction, and encouragement in a Godly marriage?

You are not responsible for nor bound by their mistakes.

You know the truth. The question is, will you embrace it or settle for the excuse of "my family are a bunch of losers, so I must be, too?"

[motormouf]

What does your relatives sinful lifestyles have to do with your joy, satisfaction, and encouragement in a Godly marriage?

You are not responsible for nor bound by their mistakes.

You know the truth. The question is, will you embrace it or settle for the excuse of "my family are a bunch of losers, so I must be, too?"

I'd prefer you retract that part where you call my family losers please.

But it just seems kinda strange that so many members of one family have had unsuccessful marriages/relationships- several were actually saved and active in church. Sorta like a curse or something

[Steve M]

I'd prefer you retract that part where you call my family losers please.

But it just seems kinda strange that so many members of one family have had unsuccessful marriages/relationships- several were actually saved and active in church. Sorta like a curse or something

Actually, that's usually true. You see, we learn important lessons from our family, often without realizing it. We learn how to view the opposite sex, how to relate to them, and how to act in a relationship.

We often find ourselves emulating even those behaviors we hate the most from our family.

This also leads to unhealthy attitudes towards family and marriage.

I'm not saying this specifically to your situation, but from experience working with families with a variety of different behavioral problems.

It takes a real effort to break that kind of pattern. It takes a conscious attempt to break down and deconstruct the way you think and the way you behave, and the way you interact with people and especially the opposite sex.

And the reward? Besides the possibility of a whole family, that kind of example inside a family can change more than just one person.

[moonglow]

Actually, that's usually true. You see, we learn important lessons from our family, often without realizing it. We learn how to view the opposite sex, how to relate to them, and how to act in a relationship.

We often find ourselves emulating even those behaviors we hate the most from our family.

This also leads to unhealthy attitudes towards family and marriage.

I'm not saying this specifically to your situation, but from experience working with families with a variety of different behavioral problems.

It takes a real effort to break that kind of pattern. It takes a conscious attempt to break down and deconstruct the way you think and the way you behave, and the way you interact with people and especially the opposite sex.

And the reward? Besides the possibility of a whole family, that kind of example inside a family can change more than just one person.

That is very true. Seeing my mom marry and divorce to many times (after my dad's death) didn't give me the example of a long and happy marriage. Though of course no parent plans to die! But once he had...well my mom was raised in a time where women were expected to be married. And I think she really thought she couldn't be happy without a husband. It was almost a shame for her to not be married.

This kind of desperation to be married though causes so many problems because she got married to men she should have never married. One turned out to be a schizophrenic that stopped taking his medication after they got married. She had no idea he had this mental illness. Another was way too old for her and once they married his interest in going out or doing anything stopped and he expected to sit around and be waited on.

Then my own truly horrible experience with marriage even though I did and still do see marriage as a lifelong commitment and was willing to do the work...but when the other person is dangerous to be with...well...things went badly. So yea I have a really hard time seeing marriage in any positive light at all. Plus...when I see those that have been together for most of their life and they are elderly and one dies...the heartbreak the other goes through is unbearable...and I find that very frightening too. For myself I don't know that I desire to marriage enough to break this cycle and even try again...there seems to be too many things that can go wrong and its not worth the risk. Plus the thousand threads on here that talk like once you marry you are trapped possibly in a terrible situation and too bad for you, that suffering in a horrible marriage is better then sinning and divorcing..or you are the worse human being alive for divorcing and a horrible sinner. They are So unforgiving and so rigid about this that it really makes me not want to ever try again. Just makes it far too scary to even want to marry by how they talk! They make it sound like a prison sentence rather then binding in an act of love..

But I have left that up to the Lord...that is my only comfort in this emotionally charged subject.

God bless

[jesuslover1968]

The most important thing to learn about marriage must be learned BEFORE you get married.
Marriage is not for your gratification. It isn't marrying the perfect person for you. Not the most beautiful. Not the most exciting sexual partner.
What you need to learn is that marriage was made expressly to conform you to the image of Christ. You are to love the other person unconditionally, knowing that they don't live up to all YOUR selfish expectations, and vice versa...No matter how perfect you deem your spouse, there is going to be a time when that will no longer be true. There are always more beautiful people, better at conversing, more understanding, more loyal, etc...etc...what you need to know is that you are not the perfect mate, either. Two people come together to be one. You are to love your wife as Christ loved the Church. He gave His life for her. THAT is the way you should feel about your wife. If you can't see yourself selflessly loving someone like that, then you are not spiritually ready to marry. Also a good thing to keep in mind is that even if you marry the "wrong" person...it may NOT have been God's will then, but after you marry, it certainly will be His will then that you stay married to that person.
people of today think marriage is all about them. They don't really even think of the other person, which is a sure bet the marriage is troubled from the start.
It's also a good thing to realize when looking for a mate that you probably aren't perfect mate material yourself. When expectations are too high, they will easily be let down. God Bless.


I don't know if anyone has ever really thought about this in the same way, BUT...Jesus said to look upon a woman with lust was to commit adultery with her in your heart...I don't think if we are all honest that we can say we have never done that at anytime, so actually, ALL people have a "REASON" to get divorced. There is a lesson to be learned there...

[superwoman8977]

I guess I just dont get the whole you have to be married to be committed concept, at least not since my divorce. I was totally devoted to my husband and my children, marriage was for better or for worse when things got tough you hung on. He didnt think like that and left and left me with nothing. I put 7 years into my marriage. Now almost 2 years later I have found my Mr. Right. We arent in a hurry to get married and he has become my best friend. He loves me and the kids. We have commitment and love and understanding and everything we just dont have that piece of paper. He was hurt very badly in his marriage before and is scared to be married again. I dont blame him. Someday we will get married, we both have to get over our fear of commitment again since it went so badly the first time. I dont understand why everyone pushes marriage 24/7 with 50% of marriages ending in divorce, its not all about marriage there is so much more to a relationship than that. I dont quite know how else to explain it.

[motormouf]

I guess I just dont get the whole you have to be married to be committed concept, at least not since my divorce. I was totally devoted to my husband and my children, marriage was for better or for worse when things got tough you hung on. He didnt think like that and left and left me with nothing. I put 7 years into my marriage. Now almost 2 years later I have found my Mr. Right. We arent in a hurry to get married and he has become my best friend. He loves me and the kids. We have commitment and love and understanding and everything we just dont have that piece of paper. He was hurt very badly in his marriage before and is scared to be married again. I dont blame him. Someday we will get married, we both have to get over our fear of commitment again since it went so badly the first time. I dont understand why everyone pushes marriage 24/7 with 50% of marriages ending in divorce, its not all about marriage there is so much more to a relationship than that. I dont quite know how else to explain it.

I feel so too sometimes. I hear people pushing marriage to young christians acting like its the greatest thing ever. But imo they should push them growing before that because they had alot more problems and issues to worry about before they could consider getting married.

[RabbiKnife]

I can't think of anything bad about marriage...

[notuptome]

I can't think of anything bad about marriage...

Perhaps we should double check with your wife.

Apart from the Lord a marriage has almost no chance of surriving. The devil hates marriage. The Lord arranged the first marriage. It is in God's plan.

OK gotta run if the wife catches me on the computer I'm in trouble.

For the cause of Christ
Roger

[Desperaux]

I'd prefer you retract that part where you call my family losers please.

But it just seems kinda strange that so many members of one family have had unsuccessful marriages/relationships- several were actually saved and active in church. Sorta like a curse or something

You have touched on a point. there is such a thing as a generational curse. some families are affected by them. Divorce and trouble in marriages can come from previous generations.

[The Mighty Sword]

A family is an awesome thing, what is your calling??? single or married it's one or the other.

1 Corinthians 7:9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

James 1:14-15
14 But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. 15 Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.

Now if you have no desire to have sexual relations, then marriage isn't for you, but if you do plan on having sexual relations, then you must marry. Pretty simple.

[Studyin'2Show]

You have touched on a point. there is such a thing as a generational curse. some families are affected by them. Divorce and trouble in marriages can come from previous generations.

My parents got divorced (my mother twice). My father's parents were divorced (his father had children with 3 different women). My mother's parents got divorced. All of my aunts were divorced except one was widowed young. All of my uncles were divorced. My brother got divorced. Dozens of my cousins were divorced. If anyone should have been afraid of marriage it would have been me. Yet with God ALL things are possible. I've been married for 24 years and am still head-over-heels for my sweetie! The eneny wants people to give up ESPECIALLY believers. If you are single now then by all means serve God as you are, but don't give up on the possibility of marriage.

God Bless!
Denise

[Desperaux]

My parents got divorced (my mother twice). My father's parents were divorced (his father had children with 3 different women). My mother's parents got divorced. All of my aunts were divorced except one was widowed young. All of my uncles were divorced. My brother got divorced. Dozens of my cousins were divorced. If anyone should have been afraid of marriage it would have been me. Yet with God ALL things are possible. I've been married for 24 years and am still head-over-heels for my sweetie! The eneny wants people to give up ESPECIALLY believers. If you are single now then by all means serve God as you are, but don't give up on the possibility of marriage.

God Bless!
Denise

Amen! We can be the ones in the long line of family before us who can break that curse once and for all to the benefit of our children and future generations! What a privilege to know Jesus and to be used by Him in that way!

[Steve M]

My parents got divorced (my mother twice). My father's parents were divorced (his father had children with 3 different women). My mother's parents got divorced. All of my aunts were divorced except one was widowed young. All of my uncles were divorced. My brother got divorced. Dozens of my cousins were divorced. If anyone should have been afraid of marriage it would have been me. Yet with God ALL things are possible. I've been married for 24 years and am still head-over-heels for my sweetie! The eneny wants people to give up ESPECIALLY believers. If you are single now then by all means serve God as you are, but don't give up on the possibility of marriage.

God Bless!
Denise

And as I pointed out in a previous message--reversing a curse like that, breaking a family cycle, does more than just give good benefits to you; that gives good benefits back to your family. Brothers, sisters, cousins, however distant, can now see a positive example within the family. A positive example goes a very long way.