Whats so good about marriage??

[kkeller]

I understand how you are feeling, because in my family...my Mom & Dad got divorced but not until all of us kids had grown and moved out on our own. Besides myself, (i have 4 siblings) 3 of my siblings have been married and divorced more than once. Now here's my 2 cents: me and my family were not a Godly family, we weren't evil satan worshippers or anything like that, but we just didn't have God in our lifes. I'm 50 yrs old now, and I'm in my 3rd marriage, only this time, I came to Christ and live a life in God's word. My marriage has been blessed...we've been married for almost 20 years now. I can't count how many times I have heard my Mom asked..."what's wrong with our family?" ....or "Why can't we get along with each other?" I truly believe since I've turned my life over to Jesus Christ that my relationship with my wife has been SO enriched, I can't wait to see her when I get off work each day. AND my relationships with my other family members is just as new as ever too! I stopped thinking about living for myself (or living with one person the rest of my life) and started living my life for Jesus Christ. Amen!

[nebula_omega]

I also have a love/hate relationship with marriage. My parents divorced when I was in high school. In fact, out of my entire family I can count two successful marriages, and they complain about each other all the time! I still want to get married, but I'm very doubtful of my ability to make a marriage work because I have had no good examples. And a lot of the married couples I talk to at church, good godly people, still tell me that marriage stinks and I need to stay single! Does anybody know what's up with that?

[moonglow]

I also have a love/hate relationship with marriage. My parents divorced when I was in high school. In fact, out of my entire family I can count two successful marriages, and they complain about each other all the time! I still want to get married, but I'm very doubtful of my ability to make a marriage work because I have had no good examples. And a lot of the married couples I talk to at church, good godly people, still tell me that marriage stinks and I need to stay single! Does anybody know what's up with that?

That is sad... Yet the 'studies' say those that are married live longer... then those that are single...

I had married women at one place I worked at years ago bug me all the time saying I needed to get married and have kids..one went as far as saying 'so I could be miserable like the rest of them'..

Another time I babysat three kids while their parents went to work...last minute thing as the other sitter suddenly quit on them...well these kids had some pretty severe behavioral problems. I think that was one of the longest days of my life. The mom later told me to never ever have children...

I guess what scares me is when I do see great marriages..eventually one of them dies and the other is so heartbroken and left alone... Many times they die a year later themselves...I think from heartbreak. Makes me wonder if even good marriages are worth that incredible pain!

I guess the only thing we can do is just put this all in God's hands and let Him guide each of us on marriage or single life.

God bless

[Studyin'2Show]

That is sad... Yet the 'studies' say those that are married live longer... then those that are single...

I had married women at one place I worked at years ago bug me all the time saying I needed to get married and have kids..one went as far as saying 'so I could be miserable like the rest of them'..

Another time I babysat three kids while their parents went to work...last minute thing as the other sitter suddenly quit on them...well these kids had some pretty severe behavioral problems. I think that was one of the longest days of my life. The mom later told me to never ever have children...

I guess what scares me is when I do see great marriages..eventually one of them dies and the other is so heartbroken and left alone... Many times they die a year later themselves...I think from heartbreak. Makes me wonder if even good marriages are worth that incredible pain!

I guess the only thing we can do is just put this all in God's hands and let Him guide each of us on marriage or single life.

God bless

You can look at the worst in anything, not just having children or being married. I have three children 20, 12, 9 and though they can be a pain in the rump....I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world! I have been married for 24 years and though there are times when like any two people, we can get on each others last nerve.....I wouldn't give him up because I'm afraid I'd miss him when he dies. And whichever one of us goes first will still have a lifetime of memories and the knowledge that death is not the end.

Have a blessed day!
Denise

[miepie]

My health is slowly turning to be more and more a major problem...... it was already difficult but it's becoming even more difficult now..... my husband is my main caretaker and he says he loves to do that...... and I love the way he takes care of me....... Without him I don't think I could make it..... I would end up in a nursing home.......
I have had major pains the last few weeks that no doctor can cure...... when I have them my husband puts everything aside for me and comes to my bed and holds my hand, hugs me and prays with me....... sometimes we watch an episode of CSI Miami for distraction and he "forgets" about taking care of the house and joins me in watching them...... sometimes he reads to me from the Bible...... and sometimes he puts music on that I like...... seems like little things but they mean so much to me!
We just celebrated our 5th anniversary...... and we're still very happy with each other....... even though we've been in sick times ever since we started, for both of us...... that's how a marriage should be, to love each other in the hard times and take care of one another with love.......

Love you,
Mieke

[turtledove]

I probably already posted on this thread but every day our marriage is it is renewed as we grow in the things of God and especially his Word.

Recently I rejoice as my husband joins me in church ministry where we act together for others as part of a team. We know how important the fellowship of other Christians is. We are both former missionaries and even met through mutual missionary friends many years ago. Our mission goes on wherever God does lead: home, family, neighborhood, city, church, workplace (although we are now both retired).

But I like most of all that we are mutual partners, parents, friends, sweethearts, grandparents, out door lovers, cat lovers, bible lovers, committed Christians, and inclusive of others in our life.

We don't share time on the Internet and there I have to be careful I don't get too distracted; but he has his own interests too apart from mine.

We take good care of each other. He has survived heart surgery (14 yrs ago) and I am a cancer survivor.(20 years ago). This has meant many times of special care, patience, and support..sometimes more than others.

We have been married 48 years for which I give God praise and glory especially for sticking with us and getting us through some very tough times when we were younger. And that He is with us now. This is what to me is good about marriage.

peace and blessings,

turtledove (and husband)..

[Hedied4me]

Very well said, thank you.

The most important thing to learn about marriage must be learned BEFORE you get married.
Marriage is not for your gratification. It isn't marrying the perfect person for you. Not the most beautiful. Not the most exciting sexual partner.
What you need to learn is that marriage was made expressly to conform you to the image of Christ. You are to love the other person unconditionally, knowing that they don't live up to all YOUR selfish expectations, and vice versa...No matter how perfect you deem your spouse, there is going to be a time when that will no longer be true. There are always more beautiful people, better at conversing, more understanding, more loyal, etc...etc...what you need to know is that you are not the perfect mate, either. Two people come together to be one. You are to love your wife as Christ loved the Church. He gave His life for her. THAT is the way you should feel about your wife. If you can't see yourself selflessly loving someone like that, then you are not spiritually ready to marry. Also a good thing to keep in mind is that even if you marry the "wrong" person...it may NOT have been God's will then, but after you marry, it certainly will be His will then that you stay married to that person.
people of today think marriage is all about them. They don't really even think of the other person, which is a sure bet the marriage is troubled from the start.
It's also a good thing to realize when looking for a mate that you probably aren't perfect mate material yourself. When expectations are too high, they will easily be let down. God Bless.


I don't know if anyone has ever really thought about this in the same way, BUT...Jesus said to look upon a woman with lust was to commit adultery with her in your heart...I don't think if we are all honest that we can say we have never done that at anytime, so actually, ALL people have a "REASON" to get divorced. There is a lesson to be learned there...

[Hedied4me]

I hate to say it, but I married when I was 22, had courted my now ex wife for 3 years, went to premarital counseling, both virgins when we married, both Christians. I believe the root of our problems was my selfishness. Though I was a strong Christian, I had a difficult up bringing which I allowed to shape some of my thought processes.

We had problems with intamacy, in short, I believe I put sex on a pedastool. I thought because we waited till we were married, that God would bless this area of our life, but my expectations were very selfish, and on our honeymoon night, it was horrible. From that day forward, my family could tell we were different people. From then on, sex was horrible, and it was very hard for her to show me affection, which was very hard for me, because I am a very affectionate person. During the first three years of our marriage, we went to counseling twice to address the problems with intamacy. I had to virtually prepare myself before I got home from work, not to expect a hug or kiss from my wife. But that to stems from my immaturity and selfishness, knowing full well that she had been home all day, tending to our young kids and cleaning house.

I didnt know how to let go of certian things, like finances. I was over bearing, and controlling. I was letting my relationship with God slip out of my hands, as I tried to attain more and more control of the relationship. In doing so, I was demeaning, and very insecure. I tried to blame it on the fact that she wasnt able to show me any affection, which to me, is a big stress reliever. But in reality, I was not letting God meet my needs and fully satisfy me.

Unfortunately, I 3 years or so after we had taken our vows, through what I felt like was a 3 years of rejection and despair, I allowed the love of another woman to satisfy my lustful needs and desires. From there was a very painful slide to the bottom, my mindset had changed, I moved further away from my Lord, though I wanted to grow close to Him, I allowed this aspect of our marriage to harden my heart instead of soften it and grow closer to the Lord.

6 years into the marriage, my infedelity had finally taken its toll, and we are divorced now, with two little girls who will no longer have their father and mother together.

I have learned a grave lesson. I was totally selfish, immature, and very insecure. I did not make God the center of my thought process and my marriage, and it has ended me up where I am.

What has come from this whole mess is this though; God had to kill me first, before He could make me alive. I have been broken, far beyond what I have ever been before, and now my relationship with my Father is on the right track again, daily bible readings, and my prayer time has increased greatly, I am beginning to see my Creator again, clearly and grow in my realtionship with Him.

The time I spend with my two little girls has increased with quality, as compared to in my marriage. Instead of an angry and unsettled daddy in that marriage, I am a more focused and determined father to my little girls. I hate divorce, but I brought it upon myself, now, I will choose to walk in His will, and He will, I believe, still allow me to prosper. "He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, whoso walketh wisely, shall be delivered"

I am excited about my future now, and, seeing that my ex wife has no desire to reconcile, if God does ever bring me another wife, I will, and pray, that I never become that man again, but my desire is to be a great father, and hopefully, one day, become a wonderful husband.

So, I guess, to the original poster, I too have seen something bad come from or within a marriage, as I am sure my ex wife will share, but dont loose hope. As other members have stated here, it takes a 100% from each partner.

[hdt]

motormouf:

You can't help what you feel. Its good that you admit you feel that way, instead of going the way most do. I see alot of people denying their feelings instead of dealing with them.

The key is to figure WHY you feel this way, and that may take a bit of self examination among other things. I will admit that part doesn't come pain free at times, but you can deal with life better once you have a clear handle on what the real issues are.

For myself? I have a hard time dealing with feelings of all things. lol I know STRANGE huh? I was placed in an adult role as a child, and pretty much had to figure life out on my own in alot of ways. When I was afraid or confused there wasn't someone safe to go to. I will admit as a small child I had these long conversations in bed with God at night. The rest of the time? I pretty much stuffed the emotions, because that is what was expected of me. There were consquences I learned real quick when I didn't tow the line.

Its strange because I felt the authority of my parents as most children do, but at the same time I knew I was on my own in alot of ways. There were parts that some support was offered and received, but for the most part I learned to do life by myself. I was scared most of the time, and I figured that was just LIFE!

I pushed and shoved myself when it came to my own children. I put it out there as much as possible, and as much as I was capable of. I had a hard time learning just to play with them as small children, because play was never really a part of my life before. As an adult at that point? lol let me tell you that was a STRUGGLE! I pushed myself because I didn't want my kids to grow up scared, and I didn't want them to grow up scared of emotions. I wanted them to have safe spot within the human realm, but at the same time show them the important relationship they need to have with God. We all have struggles in life, and I didn't want them to have the same ones I had!

It took me a long time to face and admit the issues of my childhood, and how it effected me. For a long time I honestly didn't see them as a factor whatsoever. I knew the folks loved me, and overall they were very lovely people. I saw others around me that had things much worse in my eyes, and I was thankful I didn't have those fears that were present to others and more acceptable to acknowledge. Its strange how people are in the way. They don't have problems pointing out physical abuse or abandonment and how that effects a family and children. When it comes to neglect? They place that in catagories, and decide which are bad enough to have to deal with. The same goes for emotional and verbal abuse. I accepted soceity's views, and figured my experieces were small and didn't have true lasting effects. Soceity does this with all form of abuse and neglect in some fashion or the other. They pretty much tell you to get over it, because they don't know what else to say I guess.

When I decided to do a bit of self examination I found I had to deal with that huge hole in my life. If I didn't? I don't think I would have gone to far. I still love my folks, and I don't blame them for this. They did the best they could the tools they had available at the time. I learned it was okay to love them, and see the debits for what they were. It didn't make them bad people, and I wasn't one to search for places to put the blame. That gets you no where fast! LOL! I had to learn to accept things, and learn to change some habit patterns of my own if I truly wanted to move on. People telling me I just had to place the feelings out there on the table like they do? How that is their way to connect with people, and how they do this with lovely results - nice for them, but not helpful for me. Its like I had a pet that bit me everytime I went down to give some affection, and you learn to be leary of the pet! It sure doesn't help to know your neighbor has pet that never bit them, and how they just offer the advice of 'just need to keep trying'! LOL!

I don't blame you for your views, but there are ways of changing that fear into something will have a better time living with. You know what is expected of one that is married, and yet you don't know if you are up to the task. Understandable. People telling you how long they have been married, and grow closer everyday is nice but doesn't help with your anxeity. Search for the reasons that anxiety is running your life before you find that special person. It will be harder to deal with at that point if you don't. Give both of you a heads up on your life together, so you can have normal run of the mill type of anxiety. lol that sounds funny doesn't it? Life has anxeity at times, and you just need to find that one trigger that hands you that deathgrip of fear! Don't allow it to run your life! Make it so you have choices!

Heck you are ONE step of ahead of where I was! YOU admit things! GOOD FOR YOU! Your one step closer than alot of people! God can help you on this path as he has helped me. When the realization of the reality of my childhood was finally owned by me? I was MAD! I was HURT! I worked though that, and have forgiven and accepted. That is a huge burden to take off my plate as I walked into a new way of life. I feel safer now placing feelings out there. When people get snarky about them at times? I know how to deal with that better as well. I do still struggle from time to time, but I have to tools to do something with it that I didn't have before.

I pray that you find that sense of peace as well.

[Diane for Him]

They say it is better to marry than burn with lust so bacically everyone should be married.

[SoSheWrites]

I'm in agreement with you, and not at all anticipating getting married at any point in my life. There's no particular reason why. I've never witnessed an abusive marriage, though I have seen some people go through abusive dating situations. My parents are still married after over 35 years; I've known friends whose parents divorced but also friends whose parents have made the long haul together. Commitment doesn't strike me as frightening and I've been in love before so I'm not scared of those things. Just, I feel absolutely no interest in pursuing marriage or being beholden to anyone. Jokingly, one of my guy friends and I have talked about someday getting married (as friends) just to give my parents the ceremony, but not planning on a romantic sort of existence together, just life-long friendship and sharing living space. I guess I have a lot of things in my own life and don't feel the need for any additional relationships or commitments before I can feel fulfilled. I think Paul's writing in the Bible is a reflection of a Godly attitude towards singleness and I'm content to pursue that for my life. There are more things to dedicate my life to, and not that much time for spouse or family interests. Whatever you do I think it's okay as long as you consider it prayerfully and don't 100% rule out that there may be something in the works that you don't know about yet.

[ShortStuff]

Hmmmm....well, I guess the only answer I have for what is so good about marriage would have to be God. My husband and I have been married for over 20 years now, dated 3 years before getting married, and I can tell you that the years that we were not following God were not good..I truly believe that it is through God's love that we love each other despite all of our flaws. Marriage is not easy by any means because we do not make it easy...each one brings expectations to the table, and we do not always meet these expectations...we all fall short..just as God says..However, if we live by the example set before us by Jesus, in which we see unconditional love, then we can love our husband or wife unconditionally and in spite of flaws and failed expectations...look at what was done for us in spite of our sins..Jesus gave His life for us and suffered unimaginable pain..willingly..even though many mocked Him..

Now, am I saying that marriage is for everyone...I cannot answer that..only God knows every heart... simply focus and rely on God, everything is in His control..

I can simply tell you that my husband is my best friend on earth...we work together doing God's work as He shows us...we laugh, cry, talk, and rely on one another when we are sick...would it hurt unbearably if he died...YES!...would I rather miss the pain and not have known him? NEVER! I saw my mom when my dad died at 47 and they had almost been married 26 years...I heard her pain and saw the fear and distress, but I heard her say, she would not trade the time they had to miss the pain... she cherished the time God granted them..

[Athanasius]

What's so good about marriage? God instituted it.

[motormouf]

They say it is better to marry than burn with lust so bacically everyone should be married.

That verse as i have read was taken outta context.Apparently, when Paul said it, some people in the church he was addressing were beginning to think sex was wrong (since alot of the Greek religion involved sex as a part of worship) and were avoiding marriage because of it .Paul simply told them, that it was better to marry than to burn BUT getting married just to cool the burning isnt gooD.wHEN ITS CPOOLOED THEN WHAT?

[Saved!]

In my history my maternal grandfather killed my maternal grandmother...my paternal grandparents divorced (beats murder!)...my own parents remained married but FOUGHT ALL THE TIME...they don't now in their 60s. My husband's grandparents stayed married, however, ALL of his uncles and aunts married and remarried sometimes as many as three times, his father married three times, and his mom is on number four. Now for our marriage:

I met him when he was 16 and I was 19. Something just clicked, and despite the age difference we dated two years. He was 18 when we married and I was 21. A year and a half later we had our son. We were poor, and young, and he had a GED and I was a college drop-out. Many thought we were destined for failure. But, oh did I love him!!

Early on I heard someone say that the way to stay married was to picture yourself as an elderly couple in rocking chairs sitting together on your porch and do everything in your power to make that an eventual reality. That is what I have done.

From 18 to his mid-twenties my husband loved me, but he also loved his friends, and hunting. I was alone, a lot!! I was miserable. But, I continued to give our marriage 100% and sometimes 200% when he didn't pull his weight.

He was kind to me and loving, but just so very young and naive. He was hard not to love and even harder to get mad at.

Anyway, over the years, without me saying a word, he began to change and even felt guilty about the early years of our marriage...though I NEVER bring it up. As a result, he completely turned things around.

Now, he spends some time with friends and hunting...but very little. He spends most of his time by my side. He buys me little inexpensive trinkets and candy, etc when I don't expect it. He NEVER misses church, he is a GREAT dad, a deacon, my best friend...my prayer companion.

We are not two seperate bodies. We are one. I honestly believe that if something happened to him, I would wither and die. It is a scary thing to be this much in love.

We have been together now for 22 yrs.

Our family's marriage history is horrible....our marriage on the other hand, grew and grew and those that know us often remark about the uniqueness of our love and connection.

God has filled my life with great gifts that arrived as a result of love and patience...this marriage is one of those precious gifts.

Besides Jesus and my family, nothing-nothing will ever come close to the blessing of having had my husband.

Sometimes in a marriage, prayer and giving up to 200% at times is required! But, I have reaped an abundance for my prayers and 200%!!!!!

SAVED!