I Need Some Advice

[sarahhaycox]

I need help with an ongoing battle of mine. It's a bit complicated so i apologize to anyone who is confused at the end of this rant.

The situation is, i have a boyfriend who loves me and cares about me with all his heart. He's been trying harder latly to put himself first... but i know he struggles... alot. Then there's this other guy, Ryan. He's been one of my 6 bestest friends since grade seven when we all band together over our dorkiness and love for acting. Ryan is in love with me. He told me this 2 years ago and hasn't waverd from the declaration since. (I really admire his perserverance)

The thing about me is, I'm a huge flirt, I admit it. I try hard not to tease... and i pray about it... but i do enjoy it . But when i flirt, i flirt to gain the attention of the boy... i'm always TAKING something. With Sam (My boyfriend), i have his undying affection... and i just take it without returning anything. Because in truth, i only went out with him because i wasn't on speaking terms with god and i needed someone to hold me and care for me. But know God is back in my life so i don't need Sam's attention. I don't want him anymore.

But with Ryan... it's different. Latly i find myself wanting to give him a bit more of myself emotionally... It's a weird consept for me. I have all the affection i need from god... and Ryan has given me all that he has... and he's not particularily attractive so i don't need him for image or anything... But i still want Ryan to be around so i can just offer him something. Part of myself... a kind word... a hug... ANYTHING.

So what in the world do i do. I don't want to break up with Sam because he was such a good friend to me before we started going out and he is an amazing boyfriend. But i think i'm in love with Ryan.Before you tell me to pray... i HAVE been. But i want a living being's opinion.

Sorry... that was long and didn't make much sense... but it's so confusing!
Thanks for taking the time to read this!

sarahlouise

[CoffeeCat]

Hey, Sarah... I haven't talked with you before now, so just wanted to say.... welcome from a fellow Canadian!

After reading about the issues you're having.... I'll be honest, but understand I mean this in a spirit of caring about you. It might be that, right now, you need to back off both guys a little and focus on your relationship with Christ. I don't know how old you are, offhand, and age isn't even a huge factor here.... but being so focused on guys might be a stumbling block to you, and I don't want to see you get distracted by guys when your focus could be elsewhere.

If you don't want to be with Sam anymore, then I think you have to be as kind as possible, but as honest as possible, about this with him. It wouldn't be fair to continue to have a relationship with someone when you don't want them, as you've said.

But instead of replacing him with another boy.... it might be time to just back up a bit, and focus on the Word, some, sis.

If you don't mind, could I ask ya a few questions?

How long have you been a Christian?
Do you currently belong to a church?
Do you have a Bible and do you read it pretty regularly?

Thanks.

I am praying for you and with you!

[Friend of Jesus]

Since I know neither you, nor your two friends it is impossible for me to give an opinion as to which person you should have a relationship with. But I will give you some general advice:

1) PRAY SOMEMORE!!!! I know you have been praying, but if God hasn't given you an answer it's either because you haven't been listening out for his answer, or God's waiting for you to trust him a little bit more with this decision.

2) As CoffeeCat wisely said you may want to back away a few steps, take a deep breath and focus on God. Considering you were (and sort of still are) in a relationship with Sam in order to recieve something from him rather than give, it would be a good idea to submit yourself afresh to God and recieve what you were recieving from Sam, instead from God. Once you are fully dependant upon God, you can then be in a selfless relationship of your choosing. As I am not a woman this advice may not be perfectly suited to you, but this is the advice I would give to a man in a similar situation.

3) PRAY SOMEMORE!!!! (seriously it works)

[sarahhaycox]

I gave my heart to the lord for the first time when i was 4... but recently i re-gave my heart to the lord because i was having some issues.

I don't belong to one church currently, because my mom is emotionally and phisically sick and it's difficult for her to get up in the morining to take us. My father is not a christian.

I read my bible every day. I also like finding verses in the christian books i read and creativly making a little poster with the verse on it.

I guess you guys are right. I pray in most of my thoughts these days... but maybe it's time to listen. It's so hard sometimes to do that tho... because if you knew me, you'd understand that i act like im on caffeine 24/7 and i talk so much my parents have to lure me to silence with chocolat.

I think I'll work on being quiet and just listening, to god and everyone else.

[Burn4you]

I would love to suggest you the book Intercessory Prayer by Dutch Sheets. Maybe you need to change the way you are praying if God isn't giving you a clear enough answer, if so, this book will really help! Or maybe He is just trying to teach you patience, and that you need to trust in his will, don't jump to make decisions. Just allow God to guide your heart.
hope i helped!