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Thread: Getting so fed up with my church family

  1. #1

    Getting so fed up with my church family

    I feel so left out and out of place at my church. I want to leave so badly, but have continued to press on thinking I'm doing the right thing. I don't want to leave for the wrong reasons. But I'm just so tired of being ignored and left out of events and get togethers. Tuesday night our secretary, someone I used to be close to, got together a group of people to go to a revival in the neighboring town. They took several vehicles so I would have been able to ride with someone. Everyone was talking about how wonderful and blessed it was at church tonight. I would have loved to have went to this, but I didn't even know anything about it. I know the secretary knows that I would have been interested in going as well. There are numerous times when people get together at church through out the day. Again that is something that I'd enjoy doing. It'd beat sitting here at my apartment all day every day by myself. People in my church know that I get lonely being here by myself, but they don't include me in any of there plans or come by and visit me. I've been there a year now. I just don't know when I'm going to feel like I belong or fit in at this church.

  2. #2
    Join Date
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    I hope it gets better for you.

  3. #3
    I had this problem with my friends. It got really fustrating after awhile and it hurts. But keep praying about it. Maybe mention that you would like to go to a conference sometime and was wondering if they'd keep you posted on the dates and if maybe you could catch a ride with them. And keep inviting them to outings, keep befriending them, keep being nice and patient with them. And if you really feel like its teh best thing and prayed about it, talk to them too, mention how youw'd love to spend time with them but it hurts when you are left out of these events. Maybe they don't realize how you feel.

    I wouldn't leave the church yet. I know thigns can get uncomfortable and uneasey but we just can't leave eright away when things don't go our way or we don't like it. Church is about God, not a place to sociallize. God should come first. So go there for God, focus on God nad pray over this. God will get you through this and he will work something out. Maybe God has a plan for you and maybe he has you there for a reason. Just keep on praying for him to use you in whatever way he has planned and know that you arne't alone. Don't give up on the church and leave unless God tells you to but just keep being there as long as God wills. I will pray for you and your church.
    <a href=http://i77.photobucket.com/ albums/j70/Elsie_2006/hysterical.gif target=_blank>http://i77.photobucket.com/ albums/j...hysterical.gif</a>

  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by *Living~By~Faith* View Post
    I feel so left out and out of place at my church. I want to leave so badly, but have continued to press on thinking I'm doing the right thing. I don't want to leave for the wrong reasons. But I'm just so tired of being ignored and left out of events and get togethers. Tuesday night our secretary, someone I used to be close to, got together a group of people to go to a revival in the neighboring town. They took several vehicles so I would have been able to ride with someone. Everyone was talking about how wonderful and blessed it was at church tonight. I would have loved to have went to this, but I didn't even know anything about it. I know the secretary knows that I would have been interested in going as well. There are numerous times when people get together at church through out the day. Again that is something that I'd enjoy doing. It'd beat sitting here at my apartment all day every day by myself. People in my church know that I get lonely being here by myself, but they don't include me in any of there plans or come by and visit me. I've been there a year now. I just don't know when I'm going to feel like I belong or fit in at this church.


    Hi Living by Faith,

    My name is Benn. I don't know all there is to know about your situation but this does happen from time to time.

    You may confide in someone and that can help you or you may do some home work yourself. Sometimes we just want to be waited on. Not saying this is your situation. Then there are those that are really just insensitive.

    Try taking some one that you can confide in to lunch and ask them to help you pray about it and be sure you are freindly yourself.

    This is good;
    I went out to find some friends and I didn't find any.
    I went out to be a friend and I found many.

    Benn

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by *Living~By~Faith* View Post
    I feel so left out and out of place at my church. I want to leave so badly, but have continued to press on thinking I'm doing the right thing. I don't want to leave for the wrong reasons. But I'm just so tired of being ignored and left out of events and get togethers. Tuesday night our secretary, someone I used to be close to, got together a group of people to go to a revival in the neighboring town. They took several vehicles so I would have been able to ride with someone. Everyone was talking about how wonderful and blessed it was at church tonight. I would have loved to have went to this, but I didn't even know anything about it. I know the secretary knows that I would have been interested in going as well. There are numerous times when people get together at church through out the day. Again that is something that I'd enjoy doing. It'd beat sitting here at my apartment all day every day by myself. People in my church know that I get lonely being here by myself, but they don't include me in any of there plans or come by and visit me. I've been there a year now. I just don't know when I'm going to feel like I belong or fit in at this church.
    Hi LBF,

    Don't take this the wrong way please...

    But have you reached out to the folks at the church, or do you expect them to pick up on the fact that you're feeling this way?
    Ιησούς Χριστός ο κυριος μου και ο θεος μου



    ****When the Lord opens a door, don't walk through it....run full speed; if it's the wrong one He'll let ya know...sometimes He just wants to see if you'll move at all!****


    A Minister of God Ministry - Support and understanding for a Christian serving in the military

  6. #6
    Proverbs 18:24
    A man who has friends must himself be friendly,
    But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

  7. #7
    People do not have the "luxury" of leaving their families.

    Most people who leave where God has placed them take their discontent with them. Why do that to another family?

    We must be very careful.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
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    Because if the people there are too selfish to incorporate you and treat you like a ghost, then they arent worthy of your company. They want to sell you out, then to put it nicely...forget them!

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by 365_days_gone View Post
    Because if the people there are too selfish to incorporate you and treat you like a ghost, then they arent worthy of your company. They want to sell you out, then to put it nicely...forget them!
    People need to learn to put themselves out there. Be friendly yourself, and you will have friends, just as the bible says.

    We don't go to church exactly for friendships, but that is a byproduct of living for Jesus and according to the Word of God.

    I'm not saying that there aren't some lukewarm, cliquish churches out there, but we must examine our hearts before we throw in the towel and leave. Leaving in disgust or in hurt is not a wise thing to do.

  10. #10
    Join Date
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    Have you told them that you feel like this? I find it quite shocking they would exclude you in this way. You need to tell your pastor that you're being excluded... perhaps write down your feelings. And point out that their treatment of you is not a good Christian witness.

    If you write it down, they can't forget about it.

    I'm sorry you have to go through this.
    Please could everyone pray for Mieke and Charles.

    My testimony http://bibleforums.org/forum/showthr...ight=testimony

  11. #11
    To answer some questions...

    I don't invite others to hang out or anything outside of church, other than having a few people over to eat a couple times. I don't visit people because I can't get into most people's houses and I just don't invite many people over to my place because most people are too busy with work and families. So I don't see most of these people outside of church.

    I'm going to talk to the church secretary about this. She was the one calling people to see if they wanted to go to a revival. She knows I'm here by myself most of the time and I've even told her how bored I get being here by myself.

    It happened again on Wednesday. I was supposed to have went to the church to help with office work while they had their staff meeting. I got up at 7:30 to get ready, which is way early for me. No one showed up to get me so I call the church and the secretary said she'd call me back when she found out something. She called back and said that the pastor said there wasn't a need for me to come in because the meeting wasn't going to last long. That didn't make sense because they hadn't had a staff meeting in two months, so they had a lot to catch up on. It sounded like the pastor was ready to get started that he didn't want to have to wait for someone to come by and get me. The people that was supposed to pick me up had been out of town and didn't show up for the meeting. Even though they knew about the meeting.

    I even called the secretary the day before to make sure they were still having the meeting and asked if it was okay if my niece came with me. I asked if she could play the Wii game with the pastor's kids during the meeting. She said that would be fine. It wouldn't have been much different than being at my house since my niece sent most of her time playing computer games and she could have kept me company while I was doing office work since that is sometimes pretty boring.

    There was also a women's meeting this past Friday evening that I didn't know about. But that was my fault because I hadn't looked at the church newletter lately. They are also having a women's day out tomorrow and going shopping and out to lunch. I was going to check into it, but I forgot about it until it was too late. I also didn't know if me niece was still going to be with me.
    Last edited by *Living~By~Faith*; Aug 1st 2009 at 05:38 PM.

  12. #12
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    Living, I had this thought back when you first posted about the revival and you not being asked.

    Maybe the secretary who organized the people and the rides assumed you would be going to your uncles funeral and wouldn't be around. I know it would BE an assumption and she should have checked with you, but I don't think she would do that just to cause you pain.

    I hope this helps you look at things in a different way -
    V

  13. #13
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    I think you should write a letter to the pastor, stating your feelings. Whether they mean it or not, it appears that you are being excluded in part because you're disabled. I'm not saying that they mean it that way... but it's just that little bit harder for them to accomodate you, and therefore they're giving you the cold shoulder.

    I have some idea of how this happens... my husband had spina bifida, and it was surprising how often people would overlook his needs. Never meaning any malice, not because they looked down on him for being disabled. Simply because it was harder to put themselves out for him. If he didn't complain, he'd get ignored.

    This church needs a wake up call. They should not be treating you like that... particularly in the case of the meeting, where you'd spoken to them specifically the day before, and hoped to bring your niece. It's very shabby behaviour, and they need to know that they are making you feel unwelcome.

    Vhayes is right, you have to give them the benefit of the doubt... but on the other hand, you can't keep quiet about it. You are being treated badly, whatever the cause. I'm so sorry that there's nothing I can do... other than pray for the situation.

    Are there any support groups in your area? I know it's sad to think that secular support groups might be more friendly than the church, but it seems to me that you need to get out of the house more... you honestly seem to be at risk of depression if this social exclusion continues.
    Please could everyone pray for Mieke and Charles.

    My testimony http://bibleforums.org/forum/showthr...ight=testimony

  14. #14
    Quote Originally Posted by Vhayes View Post
    Living, I had this thought back when you first posted about the revival and you not being asked.

    Maybe the secretary who organized the people and the rides assumed you would be going to your uncles funeral and wouldn't be around. I know it would BE an assumption and she should have checked with you, but I don't think she would do that just to cause you pain.

    I hope this helps you look at things in a different way -
    V
    I never mentioned my uncle dying to anyone in my church. I had meant to ask for prayer request for our family during that time, but I forgot to send in a request.

    Quote Originally Posted by daughter View Post
    I think you should write a letter to the pastor, stating your feelings. Whether they mean it or not, it appears that you are being excluded in part because you're disabled. I'm not saying that they mean it that way... but it's just that little bit harder for them to accomodate you, and therefore they're giving you the cold shoulder.

    I have some idea of how this happens... my husband had spina bifida, and it was surprising how often people would overlook his needs. Never meaning any malice, not because they looked down on him for being disabled. Simply because it was harder to put themselves out for him. If he didn't complain, he'd get ignored.

    This church needs a wake up call. They should not be treating you like that... particularly in the case of the meeting, where you'd spoken to them specifically the day before, and hoped to bring your niece. It's very shabby behaviour, and they need to know that they are making you feel unwelcome.

    Vhayes is right, you have to give them the benefit of the doubt... but on the other hand, you can't keep quiet about it. You are being treated badly, whatever the cause. I'm so sorry that there's nothing I can do... other than pray for the situation.

    Are there any support groups in your area? I know it's sad to think that secular support groups might be more friendly than the church, but it seems to me that you need to get out of the house more... you honestly seem to be at risk of depression if this social exclusion continues.
    I want to talk to my pastor, but I don't know where to begin. I'm not very good at impressing my feelings. I'm afraid something will come off the wrong way. I've felt shunned many times at this church even by those that I thought of as friends. Like the time that I asked my friend if she was staying all day after church one Sunday and she said she was and I told her that I would stay too. And a few minutes later I happened to look out the window and saw her get into someones car and leave. I ended up having to go out to lunch with some people that day and have them take me back home. Otherwise I would have been left at the church all by myself. Then there was the thing I mentioned about camp a few weeks back. That I was told that I couldn't go the day before because I didn't turn my application in soon enough. Even though someone turned theirs in after me and still got to go. Then there was the time that I asked some people around my age if I could go to lunch with them after church and she said I probably couldn't get in the car because it was kind of high up. I can get in all cars. It's other vehicles that I have trouble getting in. I've found some information about portable ramps that are used for vans that I thought about mentioning to my pastor to see if they could get one for their church van. I don't like having to ask someone to come by and get me on Sunday mornings.

    I also don't know where I belong in my church. I'm doing children's SS class and helping in Super Church one Sunday a month, but I don't feel like my calling is in teaching. I wish we had an adult SS class that has open discussion like they have in youth class. I've thought about asking the youth pastor if I could help out in the youth class, but the guy that I used to like helps in there so that wouldn't look right if I went in there.

  15. #15
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    Oh, my goodness, that's terrible!!

    I'm so sorry that you're going through all of that with your church.

    In all honesty, I'm thinking that maybe it's time to seriously seek the Lord, and ask Him if he perhaps wants you to move on. I can't see why He would want you to remain in such an uncomfortable situation.

    I would definitely talk to your pastor. Perhpas after that, you will get a better idea of what you should do....but don't rule out the possibility that perhaps God has something else in store for you.

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