Am I wrong?

[Moonlit Mourning]

Urban

you said "Mat 26:11 For ye have the poor always with you; but me ye have not always."

This has hit me hard for some particular reason. i've been sitting here for about ten minutes just reading this verse over and over again. His face lights up with joy when he sees me there. When he sees that I care. So basically, i need to cut all ties with him and see what happens. You know thats gonna break my heart. Its gonna hurt bad. Because I know that deep inside that man is a heart that means well and just made bad choices. He has been this way all his life from what I have gathered from his family. Thats why they have turned their backs on him. And for me to turn mine on him is gonna "kill him". Im just so lost and confused. Very very confused

How is what D in Georga said not true:

You seem determined to continue this relationship.

when you talk about how cutting your ties with him is going to break your heart? Everyone here is saying the same thing; put the well being of your family/children first and leave that man for God to deal with and even though you asked for advice and have gotten a healthy amount of answers that all agree with one another yet you've rejected them and have even gone as far as to use scripture to try and justify what you're doing. Were you really looking for guidence or just someone to agree with you? Again the people here have given you some very sound advice on how to handle this problem follow it and save you and your precious ones some unnecessary grief and suffering.

[lilmsmagic]

i need guidance. i just feel guilty for leaving him there all alone knowing that i am the one who brightens his day and gives him something to look forward too. My love for human beings is so great that i often get myself in trouble. This is a little off topic, but i ran into an older lady who asked me to run her to the store to buy some chicken, that she needed something to eat. So I did. I thought, what if this was an angel God sent to see how i would react. I took her to the store expecting to buy chicken and wound up spending over $60 dollars for her on groceries, then off to the thrift store to buy her some undergarments, then off to the pharmacy to buy her medicines. She took me for everything I was worth and I was just trying to help someone in need. Is it written all over my face that my heart is too big please take advantage of me? Thats just one of the stories I can tell. Just wanted to give an example of how my heart is and why I feel a need to help this guy out. The thought of people going without tears me up. I will give you the shirt off my back if you needed it, I will come get you at three am if you need a ride, I will do anything for anybody. Starting to think this is more of a weakness than serving the Lord

[JohnDB]

The Bible has commands concerning this,

Do not give what is sacred to Dogs or Pigs.

The rescources that God has given you are sacred...even if you have earned the money...it is still God-given...like your children. They come before these strangers, theifs, liars.

It is disrespectful to God to do otherwise. You can't buy love from others...and these don't love you because you give them things. They only love the things that you do for them.

Here's the thing...I would rather have a plate of spaghetti at my mother's house than a meal at the finest restaraunt in this town. The reason being is that my Mother loves me. (I ain't been out to eat in a long time either) She doesn't have to buy me anything...I love her for who she is and not the things that she does or the things that she buys me. but if she makes me a plate of spaghetti (and I don't like spaghetti) I eat it and enjoy the stew out of it anyway....because it is a symbol of her love for me.

If she buys me something...OK...it's junk. I don't really need any more junk. But I won't love her more because of it.

Same thing...if I really did need something expensive that I couldn't afford...my parents would be there to help me out...not because I tell them a sad tale or asked nice...but because of all the times I just went there to see them and hug them...not any other reason.

And because I do care for them they usually don't know when I am in need of some of the small things in life. I don't worry them about it. That is love. What you have been doing isn't. It is something very different.

[lilmsmagic]

JohnDB when you said "They only love the things that you do for them." I believe you. So if i cut off all ties with this man, how will I know that ? How will i know that he doesnt care about me, it was only the things I done for him? How will I know I did the right thing?

[Firefighter]

God will give you peace about it.

It is in His Word.

It is never wrong to protect and provide for your family first.

Good, Godly people with years of experience with this type of person has given you good counsel.



Take your pick.

[DocGrace]

funny you ask about low self esteem issues. I have that problem to a great extent. and I do mean GREAT!!! I dont know what I am trying to do for this guy!! I am just gonna put it out there. I need to be able to lay my head down each and every night and know that I did the right thing! He is a good guy who made bad decisions, yes, i want to fix him. And I know i wasnt sent here to fix him. I am all he has here in SC. He has no one else. How lonely of a life he would have without me. It breaks my heart to pieces to know that any person, not just him, is sitting there with no one in their life because of bad choices. God rises the sun on the good and bad and we are to love them all. My problem is my heart is so HUGE that it gets in the way of making wise decisions because for some reason I feel the need to fix people and make this world a better place. I know that people know that I have a huge heart and that they take advantage of it, but they have to answer for that, not me. I done what I felt in my heart was right. Is there a lesson here that God is trying to teach me? I dont know. I have asked God if I should quit it all, but I get no answer, or atleast I havent heard His answer. Im just so confused. How can I sleep at night knowing that there are people out there who need me and I didnt help them?

As it appears you may already understand, God did not send YOU here to fix anybody. God did not send me here to fix anybody. You, nor I, nor anyone else, has the power to FIX another human being.

Our ministry is one of reconciliation - 2Corinthians 5:18-21. God works through us to bring others to Himself. God does the FIXING, we simply do the POINTING.

I will use a very simple illustration. If you were drowning in a pit of quicksand, the biggest mistake I could make would be to jump in and try and “save” you. Because I will die with you. That would be the wrong choice. Does that make sense? You see, there is a right way and a wrong way to help someone.

However, I could grab a rope and attach it to something solid, and throw it to you. But you would still have to grab the rope. I may point you to the rope, beg you to take the rope, but you still have to take the rope. The rope is your potential instrument of salvation, but it will benefit you nothing if you won’t grab it.

God’s grace is much the same way. All I can do is point another person to it. It is there, it is more than capable of saving them, but I can’t force them to do anything about their condition. I cannot fix one thing for them. I can only point them to the grace of God.

One of the biggest problems with enabling others trapped in a self-destructive pit, is it doesn’t force them to take the only real provision God has provided to rescue them.

Have you ever considered that possibly as long as you remain in the picture he will never look to God? Enabling someone to stay in the pit doesn’t help them, because eventually they will die there. What they need is a way out of the pit. Your role is to point him to the “rope” - God’s role is to deliver him by His mighty power, through His grace. Doc

[Firefighter]

That has got to be one of the best posts I have ever read on this board.


BRAVO!

[Vhayes]

That has got to be one of the best posts I have ever read on this board.


BRAVO!

Dude - ya gotta learn to use the quote feature...

[Firefighter]

I figure that as long as it is immediately following the post I am speaking of, ya'll will be smart enough to decipher my super secret code of who I am speaking to...

[Moonlit Mourning]

i need guidance. i just feel guilty for leaving him there all alone knowing that i am the one who brightens his day and gives him something to look forward too. My love for human beings is so great that i often get myself in trouble. This is a little off topic, but i ran into an older lady who asked me to run her to the store to buy some chicken, that she needed something to eat. So I did. I thought, what if this was an angel God sent to see how i would react. I took her to the store expecting to buy chicken and wound up spending over $60 dollars for her on groceries, then off to the thrift store to buy her some undergarments, then off to the pharmacy to buy her medicines. She took me for everything I was worth and I was just trying to help someone in need. Is it written all over my face that my heart is too big please take advantage of me? Thats just one of the stories I can tell. Just wanted to give an example of how my heart is and why I feel a need to help this guy out. The thought of people going without tears me up. I will give you the shirt off my back if you needed it, I will come get you at three am if you need a ride, I will do anything for anybody. Starting to think this is more of a weakness than serving the Lord

Having compassion isn’t a weakness at all.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. –1 Cor. 13: 4-7

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Cor. 13:13

However what you have been doing for this man and the example you gave of the old woman can’t really be called love.

I thought, what if this was an angel God sent to see how i would react.

You’re concern there wasn’t for the old woman it was for yourself. What would God say if I refused to give her a lift and that kind of thinking just extended itself into doing more than just giving the woman a ride. As for the man you've made it clear you just don't want to severe any ties you have with him… You may have warm and fuzzy feelings, but every reason you gave so far for continuing to do what you’re doing which is way out of balance and yes is wrong in case you needed those exact words to be said. JohnDB has given you a fairly good guide as far as where your priorities concerning people should be;

There is a heirchy of needs according to the Bible.

God is always first.

Your spouse is always second

Your children are third.

your extended blood family is fourth.

your fellow Christian brothers and sisters are fifth...including those involved in mission work.

Cheats, liars, swindlers, and theives come dead last after you have taken proper care of yourself. K?

God gave you family for a reason...He didn't give you a theif, drug addict, and a liar...that was a person you took in off the street because of lonely feelings.

He is a good guy who made bad decisions, yes, i want to fix him. And I know i wasnt sent here to fix him.

People are known just like trees are by their fruit.(Galations 5:19-26) This man may be able to act like one/put on a front like he is one, but he is not a good guy and has without question, abundantly by leaps and bounds proven this to you.

I have asked God if I should quit it all, but I get no answer, or atleast I havent heard His answer.

You’ve already received your answer through everyone here. You might have been looking for a voice from Heaven or a Divine vision or something along those lines, but you got us instead.

[Firefighter]

You might have been looking for a voice from Heaven or a Divine vision or something along those lines, but you got us instead.

We're not trying to depress her...

[lilmsmagic]

DOC.....as your wrote

"As it appears you may already understand, God did not send YOU here to fix anybody. God did not send me here to fix anybody. You, nor I, nor anyone else, has the power to FIX another human being.

Our ministry is one of reconciliation - 2Corinthians 5:18-21. God works through us to bring others to Himself. God does the FIXING, we simply do the POINTING.

I will use a very simple illustration. If you were drowning in a pit of quicksand, the biggest mistake I could make would be to jump in and try and “save” you. Because I will die with you. That would be the wrong choice. Does that make sense? You see, there is a right way and a wrong way to help someone.

However, I could grab a rope and attach it to something solid, and throw it to you. But you would still have to grab the rope. I may point you to the rope, beg you to take the rope, but you still have to take the rope. The rope is your potential instrument of salvation, but it will benefit you nothing if you won’t grab it.

God’s grace is much the same way. All I can do is point another person to it. It is there, it is more than capable of saving them, but I can’t force them to do anything about their condition. I cannot fix one thing for them. I can only point them to the grace of God.

One of the biggest problems with enabling others trapped in a self-destructive pit, is it doesn’t force them to take the only real provision God has provided to rescue them.

Have you ever considered that possibly as long as you remain in the picture he will never look to God? Enabling someone to stay in the pit doesn’t help them, because eventually they will die there. What they need is a way out of the pit. Your role is to point him to the “rope” - God’s role is to deliver him by His mighty power, through His grace. Doc"


You have hit the nail on the head. I am an enabler. I cannot fix him. I cannot save him. Only God can do that. I can point the way, teach the way, show the way,stc, but unless he wants to go that way, I cannot fix him. I just have this overwhelming desire in my soul to fix people and help people. I want everyone to be cared about and loved. This desire consumes me everywhere I go. Is this something I need therapy for? I do not know. Is this satans way of hindering my growth in Christ? I do not know. But you Doc, have just sent me into a whole new realm of awe that I have never experienced before.

And Moonlit, I do have compassion, a great deal of it. So how do i discern what is pleasing to the Lord and what is not. Just like the lil old lady. How would I have known that she was just one of those people who take advantage of people like me?
I guess my next step in my journey with God is to get my christian priorities straight. Just like JohnDB said.

What am I going to do with myself? Here I am trying to please God in all that I do and I come to find out I am not pleasing him at all.

[Firefighter]

You have to ask yourself the question...

"Is what I am doing really helping the person or am I really hurting the person?"

Giving a crack addict $10 to go buy supper seems like a very Christian thing to do, but in reality, you are simply supporting their habit. Giving them a hot plate is much better, but I have seen them sell hot plates of food for crack too. Does that mean we shouldn't feed a hungry addict? Not a chance. The trick is to minimize your risk of enabling the person to continue in a life of sin while still ministering to both their physical and spiritual needs. After you have minimized your risk of enabling them, if they continue to abuse your help, you cut it off altogether. Not only is this scriptural, it is also good stewardship of the resources God has given you.

[arcadia]

I work as jail guard. I see a lot of women supporting men in jail. Some men have 2 or 3 women sending in money for them. To the women they appear so sincere but it is a big act. Run from this guy and stop being an idiot. I know harsh words but seriously wake up. You are a mark. WAKE UP. He has no need of money. The jail provides lots of food. Seriously WAKE UP. Stop being used.

You are putting YOUR WANTS ahead of your children by having anything to do with guy.

[Desperaux]

You have hit the nail on the head. I am an enabler. I cannot fix him. I cannot save him. Only God can do that. I can point the way, teach the way, show the way,stc, but unless he wants to go that way, I cannot fix him. I just have this overwhelming desire in my soul to fix people and help people. I want everyone to be cared about and loved. This desire consumes me everywhere I go. Is this something I need therapy for? I do not know. Is this satans way of hindering my growth in Christ? I do not know. But you Doc, have just sent me into a whole new realm of awe that I have never experienced before.

And Moonlit, I do have compassion, a great deal of it. So how do i discern what is pleasing to the Lord and what is not. Just like the lil old lady. How would I have known that she was just one of those people who take advantage of people like me?
I guess my next step in my journey with God is to get my christian priorities straight. Just like JohnDB said.

What am I going to do with myself? Here I am trying to please God in all that I do and I come to find out I am not pleasing him at all.

I am so glad to see that you have an open heart to hear what the Lord may be speaking to you!

Indeed, what is necessary here is that your priorities are set: Be a mom who protects her family from predators like that man is a great way to move on from this trouble.

Set boundaries.

Realize that this man is suffering the very appropriate consequences of his sin, and allow it.

The best thing that anyone can do to help someone--anyone--is to pray for them. Do that, and move on in your life. Take this advice with you and apply it in every situation. If God wants you to physically help anyone else in trouble down the road, it can only help to stop and pray first, asking God what he would have you do.

Joyce Meyer just this morning in her TV broadcast talked about setting boundaries in our lives, and helping those in need in our lives. I thought of you this morning as I watched it. I suggest you tune in online to this broadcast! Near the end she talks about the fact that "God did not call you to let people use you! That is not what love is. Love is not letting people just use you. Love is being led by the Spirit about who to help and how to help them and how much to help them and what to do for them and what not to do for them..."

She also says, and I believe it, that a relationship where one is doing all the taking and the other is doing all the giving is ungodly.

Here's the link:

http://www.joycemeyer.org/ourministries/broadcast/