Single Woman's To-Do-List

[Michigander]

What would be the advice you'd give a single woman to meet, attract, and keep a man of God? I'd like to preface this with some of my own beliefs first:

A. If you're single right now, appreciate that time, and develop your relationship with your heavenly Father. He is the best example of a loving husband that we will ever have.
B. Trust God's timing. Maybe you'll be single for 2 more days, maybe it will be 20 years; that's up to God. But He doesn't want us to turn finding a husband into a false idol, thinking that "when we're married, then we can be safe/happy/loved, etc." No, we need to learn that God is the one who meets all of our needs, through Christ Jesus.
C. There's no harm in working on yourself. Learn to be patient, kind, longsuffering, meek, etc. Learn to be the kind of wife that a husband worth having would value.

I've heard many amusing bits advice, that have included:
-hang out at the hardware store
-dye your hair blonde
-ALWAYS wait for him to ask you out, men like to pursue

What would you add? What do the single women need to know and do?

[Dani H]

Having been a single mom, all I can say is Amen. You basically covered all of it, and there's really nothing to add.

[brokengirl]

I like your list, Michigander. There is really nothing spiritual I can think to add....
In the terms of physical, however, I can tell you what I did when my boyfriend and I broke up. I dyed my hair, bought some sunless tanner, a couple new outfits, and crest white strips! I'm not saying we should have to alter our appearance to find a man. Not at all. But I am saying that I, personally find it's easier to be patient in singledom when I feel good about myself. If I feel ugly, then I'm going to take the first opportunity that arises, and that's not necessarily a good thing. If I feel beautiful, then there's more chance that I'll wait for the right one to come along, instead of just snapping up the first guy to throw me a compliment. Self esteem goes a long way. Having good self esteem and valueing yourself will help your future man to respect and value you.

[Moonlit Mourning]

LOL, thank you. I think you're list is awesome and complete in that it's compact, to the point, and easy to understand.

My favorite bit is this one;

C. There's no harm in working on yourself. Learn to be patient, kind, longsuffering, meek, etc. Learn to be the kind of wife that a husband worth having would value.

A-men sister! A-men!

As for the other list while the first two are garbage there is something to the last one;

-ALWAYS wait for him to ask you out, men like to pursue

It's not so much the thrill of the chase or hunt but more so you know the man actually wants you and is worth having if he gives a crap enough to come after you. Proverbs 18:22 says "He who finds a wife finds a good thing. Not he who sits on his lazy you know what and waits for one to hop, drop, or fall into his lap. Also, I don't know why this is so but when it comes to things guys actually want they aren't shy about going after them. If you find you have to lower your standards in order keep a man's attention you don't want him. Throw that fishy back into whatever ocean, pond, stream, lake, river, or bucket he came from.

Standards do not include;

• The kind of car he drives
• What he does for a living (as long as there is no sin involved. Sorry, stripping would fall under that catagory.)
• His hair is not blond. (Sorry had to go there cuz yeah...)
• Anything else outright superficial; not pale enough, not dark enough, not tall enough not built enough, etc., so on and so forth.

I'm not saying I don't like a man that meets my sense of aesthetics cuz who doesn't like eye candy? BUT In selecting a mate how pretty he is or the things he has are should come dead last and in all honesty shouldn't even be on the list. His character, walk with God (if he doesn't have one he should be automatically disqualified), personality, and common goals and/or interests, things that really matter (like hygene) should take presidance. Anything in addition to those things that are to your liking should be considered bonuses. Beauty fades but marriage lasts for a lifetime...

I like your list, Michigander. There is really nothing spiritual I can think to add....
In the terms of physical, however, I can tell you what I did when my boyfriend and I broke up. I dyed my hair, bought some sunless tanner, a couple new outfits, and crest white strips! I'm not saying we should have to alter our appearance to find a man. Not at all. But I am saying that I, personally find it's easier to be patient in singledom when I feel good about myself. If I feel ugly, then I'm going to take the first opportunity that arises, and that's not necessarily a good thing. If I feel beautiful, then there's more chance that I'll wait for the right one to come along, instead of just snapping up the first guy to throw me a compliment. Self esteem goes a long way. Having good self esteem and valueing yourself will help your future man to respect and value you.

If that's what makes you feel beautiful more power to you! We all have our sense of style, but a man, any human being is just wrong for devaluing another person just because they feel down on themselves. Some of us hardly ever feel beautiful at all and it well may or may not be the truth (I doubt most of us meet our own standard of beauty but that's sort of a whole 'nother topic unto itself so moving along.), but that doesn't mean we are of less value of as a woman, as a human being. The biggest lie ever told is; "You can't expect others to love you if you don't love yourself." That's the most destructive load of garbage to say to a person especially when they are feeling like that are garbage themselves. Feel free to do what makes you feel pretty but don't feel other's respect of you hinges on it any way.

[Hollywood8098]

I like your list, Michigander. There is really nothing spiritual I can think to add....
In the terms of physical, however, I can tell you what I did when my boyfriend and I broke up. I dyed my hair, bought some sunless tanner, a couple new outfits, and crest white strips! I'm not saying we should have to alter our appearance to find a man. Not at all. But I am saying that I, personally find it's easier to be patient in singledom when I feel good about myself. If I feel ugly, then I'm going to take the first opportunity that arises, and that's not necessarily a good thing. If I feel beautiful, then there's more chance that I'll wait for the right one to come along, instead of just snapping up the first guy to throw me a compliment. Self esteem goes a long way. Having good self esteem and valueing yourself will help your future man to respect and value you.

I also like Michigander's list Although I have not reached the point of settling down yet, I do completely agree with those tips. Over time God has definitely grown me in many of those areas. I also agree with brokengirl on the self esteem thing and treating yourself like a princess. I do that whether I'm in a relationship or not, but that might be inner girly girl coming out. There's nothing wrong with a spa and shopping day Love the Crest white strip comment too! I was just having a conversation about Crest stuff on twitter earlier today

[Hollywood8098]

[QUOTE=Moonlit Mourning;2228009]

Standards do not include;
[/SIZE]

• The kind of car he drives
• What he does for a living (as long as there is no sin involved. Sorry, stripping would fall under that catagory.)
• His hair is not blond. (Sorry had to go there cuz yeah...)
• Anything else outright superficial; not pale enough, not dark enough, not tall enough not built enough, etc., so on and so forth.

[SIZE=3]I'm not saying I don't like a man that meets my sense of aesthetics cuz who doesn't like eye candy? BUT In selecting a mate how pretty he is or the things he has are should come dead last and in all honesty shouldn't even be on the list. His character, walk with God (if he doesn't have one he should be automatically disqualified), personality, and common goals and/or interests, things that really matter (like hygene) should take presidance. Anything in addition to those things that are to your liking should be considered bonuses. Beauty fades but marriage lasts for a lifetime...

You have no idea how much that list speaks to me! I used to be a very superficial girl. Not tooting my horn by far, but my exes would always look like they would fall out of an Abercombie & Fitch ad. That's always what pulled me in, in any relationship in the past. I based it all off of looks. That's just embarrassing now. Some of those guys turned out to be mega jerks and others eventually bored me to tears For the first time ever I must've finally allowed God to work something in me. Because now the guy who I'm head over heels for I actually fell for because of his personality and who he is as a person! Which for me is a shocker I was no where near physically attracted to him. In fact, I thought he was downright nerdy. He makes me laugh so much. His sense of humor was what peaked my interest in the first place. And oh my goodness, the energy he has is wonderful. His personality became a turn on first and later the rest of him became attractive. So eventually being physically attracted to him caught up. It's like the reverse of how I used to be. Still don't know what will come of this situation. But I will take the positive differences in it as a good thing though.

The only thing I disagree with in above is disqualifying someone who doesn't have a walk with God. Just because they may not have one now, doesn't mean they won't in the future. And perhaps that woman being in their life may be the positive influence they need. It could be win/win. The guy gets a personal relationship with Jesus and a really awesome wife for introducing him to the coolest guy in the Universe, our savior I say never say never. But then again, I'm all about challenges. Playing it safe has always bored me and God knows that with me

[NFLFan]

I am divorced, and I do not wish to go through certain things again. I have come to the realization that I may not find anyone, and I am o.k. with that. I am not looking for a "Settle For." I am not going to find a guy for the sake of finding a guy. I am perfectly happy just growing in my relationship with Christ. I am just seeing what happens; if things are meant to be, they are meant to be. Does that make sense? So ladies, make sure your guy is not a "Settle For." You deserve better. That's my advice.

[moonglow]

[QUOTE=Hollywood8098;2228019]

Standards do not include;
[/SIZE]

• The kind of car he drives
• What he does for a living (as long as there is no sin involved. Sorry, stripping would fall under that catagory.)
• His hair is not blond. (Sorry had to go there cuz yeah...)
• Anything else outright superficial; not pale enough, not dark enough, not tall enough not built enough, etc., so on and so forth.

[SIZE=3]I'm not saying I don't like a man that meets my sense of aesthetics cuz who doesn't like eye candy? BUT In selecting a mate how pretty he is or the things he has are should come dead last and in all honesty shouldn't even be on the list. His character, walk with God (if he doesn't have one he should be automatically disqualified), personality, and common goals and/or interests, things that really matter (like hygene) should take presidance. Anything in addition to those things that are to your liking should be considered bonuses. Beauty fades but marriage lasts for a lifetime...

You have no idea how much that list speaks to me! I used to be a very superficial girl. Not tooting my horn by far, but my exes would always look like they would fall out of an Abercombie & Fitch ad. That's always what pulled me in, in any relationship in the past. I based it all off of looks. That's just embarrassing now. Some of those guys turned out to be mega jerks and others eventually bored me to tears For the first time ever I must've finally allowed God to work something in me. Because now the guy who I'm head over heels for I actually fell for because of his personality and who he is as a person! Which for me is a shocker I was no where near physically attracted to him. In fact, I thought he was downright nerdy. He makes me laugh so much. His sense of humor was what peaked my interest in the first place. And oh my goodness, the energy he has is wonderful. His personality became a turn on first and later the rest of him became attractive. So eventually being physically attracted to him caught up. It's like the reverse of how I used to be. Still don't know what will come of this situation. But I will take the positive differences in it as a good thing though.

The only thing I disagree with in above is disqualifying someone who doesn't have a walk with God. Just because they may not have one now, doesn't mean they won't in the future. And perhaps that woman being in their life may be the positive influence they need. It could be win/win. The guy gets a personal relationship with Jesus and a really awesome wife for introducing him to the coolest guy in the Universe, our savior I say never say never. But then again, I'm all about challenges. Playing it safe has always bored me and God knows that with me

This last part of your post really concerns me as the bible says to not be unequally yoked. I would suggest you visit that forum on here where mostly wives are married to unbelievers and the extreme grief its caused them. Rarely does the other spouse turn to God. That is just not realistic and why the bible warns us against it. Do you really want to take a chance of having constant strife between you and him? The thing I also read alot is many, many stories of Christian women dating a man that pretends to be interested in God and will even attend church with her and even say he believes but the second they are married and he 'has her'...he drops all the pretending much to the shock and hurt of his new wife. No more going to church...reading the bible etc. That kind of betrayal does so much damage to a marriage right off the bat and it hangs there between them.

Basically its setting yourself up for a broken heart. God wants us to avoid this kind of pain which is why He tells us not to be marrying an unbeliever to start with.

Now of course there are times where they are both unbelievers and one later gets saved ...yet again that causes major problems in the marriage because being a Christian IS a lifestyle. Its not a once a week thing (going to church). It keeps us from watching certain shows on TV, certain movies, reading certain books, listening to certain things...and unbeliever though doesn't have these restriction ..so conflict arises. Then if you have children! Oh boy...then things really get complicated. Two different standards and moral values are being taught in the home much to the confusion to the kids. Its just not worth going there if you don't have too...

NFLFan
The "Settle For"
I am divorced, and I do not wish to go through certain things again. I have come to the realization that I may not find anyone, and I am o.k. with that. I am not looking for a "Settle For." I am not going to find a guy for the sake of finding a guy. I am perfectly happy just growing in my relationship with Christ. I am just seeing what happens; if things are meant to be, they are meant to be. Does that make sense? So ladies, make sure your guy is not a "Settle For." You deserve better. That's my advice.

Me too. I am a single parent and well frankly..I am not looking for a another husband. The one I had soured me on marriage .. I have just left it up to God..if one day He wants me to remarry He will put that man in my life..regardless of how I look or where I hang out..lol. If not..that is ok too.

God bless

[Hollywood8098]

This last part of your post really concerns me as the bible says to not be unequally yoked. I would suggest you visit that forum on here where mostly wives are married to unbelievers and the extreme grief its caused them. Rarely does the other spouse turn to God. That is just not realistic and why the bible warns us against it. Do you really want to take a chance of having constant strife between you and him? The thing I also read alot is many, many stories of Christian women dating a man that pretends to be interested in God and will even attend church with her and even say he believes but the second they are married and he 'has her'...he drops all the pretending much to the shock and hurt of his new wife. No more going to church...reading the bible etc. That kind of betrayal does so much damage to a marriage right off the bat and it hangs there between them.

Basically its setting yourself up for a broken heart. God wants us to avoid this kind of pain which is why He tells us not to be marrying an unbeliever to start with.

Now of course there are times where they are both unbelievers and one later gets saved ...yet again that causes major problems in the marriage because being a Christian IS a lifestyle. Its not a once a week thing (going to church). It keeps us from watching certain shows on TV, certain movies, reading certain books, listening to certain things...and unbeliever though doesn't have these restriction ..so conflict arises. Then if you have children! Oh boy...then things really get complicated. Two different standards and moral values are being taught in the home much to the confusion to the kids. Its just not worth going there if you don't have too...

You may have missed my point .... I understand the being unyoked thing. I'm saying I don't see anything wrong in dating an unbeliever because they may become a believer during the time of dating in which maybe they wouldn't if they didn't have that girlfriend in their life as the right influence they need. If he got down on one knee still being an unbeliever I'm not saying I would say yes, but I'm not saying I would say no either. This is a very grey area and what God speaks to one person in their relationship may not be what God would speak to someone else because every couple is different. In my particular case I'm not sure exactly where he is with God, but we have had discussions about it and he's definitely not turned off by the things of God, so I take that as a good thing. If anything he's open. So I don't have strife in this situation. Why would I walk away from a situation that is going in the right direction and abandon him being open to the Lord? Jesus didn't abandon me when I was still trying to understand it, so I'm going to take from Jesus's example. I'm sorry to hear some guys have "pretended" to be interested in God and fooled some women out there. But even a guy who claims to be a born again believer who actually is not could do that too. I think in that case it comes to knowing them by the fruit. Someone shouldn't have to put it on blast they're a Christian to let someone know it. It should show in their actions, how they treat people. And I watch that, not just with him, but people I surround myself with in general! So far, I can safely say I'm pleased with his actions. He geniuely helps people and gives back a lot. Plus he's a mama's boy big time. And you know what they say about a mama's boy. If he treats his mom well chances are he's going to treat his wife/girlfriend well. I just personally lean more towards the positive in life in general whether it were to be this or anything else than the negative. And that to me just sounds like a very negative, untrusting perspective.

Bottom line is, if goodness is showing in their actions and they are being open to the word of God then why mistrust that? If you can't trust him while you're dating, you won't trust him in the marriage then either. Plus I would need to trust God in letting me know if I need to proceed or to step back. That's all a faith issue right there and being able to discern what God wants for you. I've done the broken heart thing before, but God is my healer, and when I fall off the horse I get back up and try again until I get it right. I will never know what's right unless I get out of the box and try. My past failures don't stop me from proceeding forward, otherwise I might as well be paralyzed by fear. I am relentless and downright persistent After all, it took Thomas Edison thousands of attempts to create the lightbulb. So thousands of attempts don't scare me. I understand heartache and pain may come with it. But I have already come to understand what needs to be done. And know it's worth it in the end

Maybe another difference is the Christian lifestyle thing for me. I agree it's not a once a week church thing. I think it's very important to have ongoing dialogue with God everyday. However, it hasn't "censored" my life I guess you could say. What I watch, read, and listen to hasn't really changed much since I became a Christian, and that was eight years ago. I actually enjoy and get along with probably more unbelievers than believers. And I haven't felt convictions that any of those things are wrong, nor have they caused me grief over the past eight years. I guess I'm just a pretty liberal Christian. While I understand the kind of concern that may bring to some Christians, for me, I know what God spoke to me. If anything mistrusting that and my lack of faith is what has brought me more pain than anything. I need to stand up in my faith and stick to it more often. The Christians in my life who know me and my life in a face to face type situation know and understand all this well and support me in what I'm doing.

Besides, I did have this dream a long time ago (and I'm not saying every dream I have like this is from God, but I do believe in this case it was). I was dreaming this guy I know was at his work and he was talking to people at his work about God and how he knew the subject was controversial, but he felt they needed to know about him. I wasn't in the dream, I was strictly observing. But I thought it was important. And it's not like I can force what I'm dreaming Anyways, I appreciate the concern, but it's definitely not the burden you may think.

[D in Georgia]

"The only thing I disagree with in above is disqualifying someone who doesn't have a walk with God. Just because they may not have one now, doesn't mean they won't in the future. And perhaps that woman being in their life may be the positive influence they need. It could be win/win. The guy gets a personal relationship with Jesus and a really awesome wife for introducing him to the coolest guy in the Universe, our savior I say never say never. But then again, I'm all about challenges. Playing it safe has always bored me and God knows that with me "

Please pray about this attitude. Living in God's will and trying to follow His Word should be challenging enough. This world makes it difficult. With love, D in Georgia

[Moonlit Mourning]

Hollywood8098, I appreciate your comments on my post thanks. It was meant to be serious but also throw just a bit of humor in. As someone else said on this board dating/having that kind of relationship with someone with no future plan in mind is pointless. I ignorantly have been there and done that and it's not something you want. If you want to get married then date someone, build a relationship with someone both of you having that purpose in mind having God at it's foundation (which means one can't be saved and the other still under Satan's rule). That is what the whole point in dating and having someone as a boyfriend. It's rather disturbing that you talk about it like it's some kind of game. You don't want to waste time playing with your life or someone else's in that way. It may be hit or miss, yes, which is all the more reason to be careful in who you look at as a potential mate. Hearts are involved here (yours and the other person's) and so it's not anything to be taken lightly or treated frivolously in any manner.

~*~

Saying dating a person to bring them to Christ or being in a romantic relationship with them to bring them to Christ is utterly ridiculous ladies and nothing more than a seriously bad excuse to go against God's word/commit sin all for the sake doing what we want (putting our will above God's idolizing ourselves); we see a man and want him so go after him regardless of the warnings in the Bible to not be unequally yoked, regardless of any instruction He's given us. There's really no point seeking His will if you're just going to ignore it and bow down to whatever yours says instead. God's word is pretty clear on how we are to conduct ourselves and in regard as to who we should marry knowing this and going against it is outright choosing to be wrong no ifs, ands, nor buts about it.

Our goal should not be to seek after a man(men) and doing whatever it takes including going against the words of our Lord to have him(them), but to seek after our Lord and doing all we can to get close, remain close, and not fall away from Him.

[Hollywood8098]

Hollywood8098, I appreciate your comments on my post thanks. It was meant to be serious but also throw just a bit of humor in. As someone else said on this board dating/having that kind of relationship with someone with no future plan in mind is pointless. I ignorantly have been there and done that and it's not something you want. If you want to get married then date someone, build a relationship with someone both of you having that purpose in mind having God at it's foundation (which means one can't be saved and the other still under Satan's rule). That is what the whole point in dating and having someone as a boyfriend. It's rather disturbing that you talk about it like it's some kind of game. You don't want to waste time playing with your life or someone else's in that way. It may be hit or miss, yes, which is all the more reason to be careful in who you look at as a potential mate. Hearts are involved here (yours and the other person's) and so it's not anything to be taken lightly or treated frivolously in any manner.

~*~

Saying dating a person to bring them to Christ or being in a romantic relationship with them to bring them to Christ is utterly ridiculous ladies and nothing more than a seriously bad excuse to go against God's word/commit sin all for the sake doing what we want (putting our will above God's idolizing ourselves); we see a man and want him so go after him regardless of the warnings in the Bible to not be unequally yoked, regardless of any instruction He's given us. There's really no point seeking His will if you're just going to ignore it and bow down to whatever yours says instead. God's word is pretty clear on how we are to conduct ourselves and in regard as to who we should marry knowing this and going against it is outright choosing to be wrong no ifs, ands, nor buts about it.

Our goal should not be to seek after a man(men) and doing whatever it takes including going against the words of our Lord to have him(them), but to seek after our Lord and doing all we can to get close, remain close, and not fall away from Him.

Wow! Apparently I've been extremely misunderstood. I have dated unbelievers and had both positive and negative experiences. But the negative experiences do not make me feel hopeless or unable to bounce back or anything like that at all. Of course I would love to get married one day if that is God's will for me. I think the most important first step before even dating someone is having a solid friendship with them first. That is one of the most important things I have learned out of my experiences. Besides if you don't even know for sure where they stand everything is open ended, nothing one way or the other can be determined until more of the story unfolds. I wasn't trying to make light of the situation what so ever. I definitely understand how serious the matter is, however I think it's more important to cast my care rather become a worry wort over it. So please don't misunderstand my being relaxed with the Lord as "playing games." Maybe I'm not wording myself right, I don't know. But that's definitely not what I was trying to convey. One thing I think we all must remember is whether it's a Christian message board, a topic about the right person or otherwise, people can easily misunderstand one another through the internet because the most important ingredient of all is missing ~ that face to face interaction. That can mess up communication with anything.

Another example of misunderstanding my words was on the issue of being in a dating relationship to lead someone to Christ. Oh my lanta, that is not what I was saying either. I agree, if that's a person motive for being in a relationship, then that relationship shouldn't be happening. However, if you choose to date someone for the normal reasons (having things common, similar interests, being attracted to them for whatever reasons) that doesn't mean that while in the process of getting to know them better and getting deeper in the relationship a door can open up for an opportunity like that. I agree, never make that a reason to date someone. But if it's an added bonus that could happen, why not go with it?

Now I'm just downright frustrated. I have explained that my situation is going perfectly fine. And I have spent LOTS of time with the Lord on this subject, as well as reading in my bible, seeking Christian counsel from others. And I have peace! Last time I checked having peace with the inner man is key that you must be ok. If anything, everytime I've doubted and second guessed or tried to run away from it, that's when the peace is lost and chaos breaks out. It's also very interesting that people who actually know me in real life who know all the details of the situation (which you guys do not) who are Christian have a completely different view than you all do. This is exactly why I have problems with Christians, even though I am one. The judgemental stuff. That's exactly how I feel. Christians are supposed to feel loved by one another even if one is trying to correct the other. I don't feel lovingly corrected, but attacked because I have been severely misunderstood. I understand that's just my feeling, and you all mean well. But you may be more into listening to yourselves than what I'm saying since there's so much misunderstanding.

I know no one will understand any of that or let alone slightly agree. And I don't care. It was my mistake to express a view that was swimming up the stream instead of with it. I know of other Christians who have had that same problem, where they do, say, or think something that is not the "normal" Christian belief, but they still turn out just fine and have the fruit to show for it. I'm not going to sit here and defend myself and try to explain my life or the call God has placed on it. It's a waste of time. Of course I'm sure you all will think how wrong, foolish, stupid, or whatever I am, that I need to grow up. But what you think is just an opinion, doesn't make it right. God and I know where we stand in my walk, and that is all that matters. Considering I've become the scapegoat of this post maybe you all need to have a look at the telephone pole sticking out of your eye rather than the toothpick in mine. I'm not going to judge your situations so please give me the same respect back of not judging mine. You may feel haven't, but I am telling you that you are. I have learned this much. Prune the things you lose you peace about. And I've lost my peace about this place. This is obviously a box I don't fit into, nor am I going to try. I'm going to stick to my real life Christian friends who aren't judgemental and actually get it. So I guess this is my last post here. I wish you all the best and many blessings. Goodbye

[beckisted2004]

Hollywood, I'm sorry you feel attacked. You're right when you said that nobody here meant it as an attack. We're all here to support and encourage each other, but we're also here to help each other grow. So many of the women here have so much experience and wisdom to offer that it's a blessing to have that advice offered up to us.

God definitely wants us each to search our own hearts to make sure that whatever we're doing, we're at peace with Him. I'm so happy to hear that you're doing that! That is one of the most, if not the most, important thing we can do in our walks. I can definitely understand why the women here are so emphatic about this issue, as I've seen the same things happen with the relationships in the people in my life. It's just a word of caution and it really is out of love. Women here care about you and because we've seen the hurt in others' lives, we want to do everything we can to help you stay away from that pain. We're not trying to point fingers and cast stones. I'm sorry you're feeling so hurt. Just keep seeking the Lord on this.

With that being said, this is an important issue that can be discussed in another thread, but right now let's get back to the topic!

[L'Ange]

Mho, it is okay to be close friends with an unbeliever, but I don't think it would be wise to date, kiss, etc. him unless/until he became a believer - and not just because of you of course. Why get one's emotions involved until it is more wise to do so?

But then I pretty much hate the American system of dating anyway.

[moonglow]

Hollywood, I'm sorry you feel attacked. You're right when you said that nobody here meant it as an attack. We're all here to support and encourage each other, but we're also here to help each other grow. So many of the women here have so much experience and wisdom to offer that it's a blessing to have that advice offered up to us.

God definitely wants us each to search our own hearts to make sure that whatever we're doing, we're at peace with Him. I'm so happy to hear that you're doing that! That is one of the most, if not the most, important thing we can do in our walks. I can definitely understand why the women here are so emphatic about this issue, as I've seen the same things happen with the relationships in the people in my life. It's just a word of caution and it really is out of love. Women here care about you and because we've seen the hurt in others' lives, we want to do everything we can to help you stay away from that pain. We're not trying to point fingers and cast stones. I'm sorry you're feeling so hurt. Just keep seeking the Lord on this.

With that being said, this is an important issue that can be discussed in another thread, but right now let's get back to the topic!

Exactly...my intent wasn't to judge it was (hopefully) prevent someone from going through some truly terrible things like I did. I married a man I thought was a Christian..he said he believed in God anyway. In turned into a horror story.

Hollywood...I am sorry..I had no idea you were already dating someone. I didn't get that in your first post at all. I would have not written what I had, if I had known you were already dating someone. My approach would have been completely different! I truly was not trying to attack you or judge you..I am very sorry you took it that way. I just cared and didn't want you hurt is all...

God bless