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Thread: My 16 year old wants to attend a different church than my Husband and I do-Thoughts?

  1. #16
    Quote Originally Posted by bs13 View Post
    My husband and I and our adult daughter and her kids and our 16 year old daughter have been attending church together for about a year now. My daughters and I have accept Christ and have been following for a couple years but my husband is not there yet.

    The church we have been attending we all like very much. It is a small non-denominational church. The people are wonderful and we have grown so much since finding this church.

    My oldest decided after much thought and prayer that she wanted to start attending a little bit larger Christian Reformed church that has a wonderful childrens program. (her sons are 3 and 1) she has only been going a few weeks but really feels it is going to be a good fit for her family. We don't disagree that it was the right thing for her.

    Here is my dilema...My 16 year old daughter went with her the first couple times and she too really likes it. They have a wonderful teen program also and she was pretty excited about it. She now wants to attend church services there and go to their youth group. I personally have no problems with this church and in fact my own kids all attended preschool there.

    I don't want to switch churches because currently I feel where we are attending is the right place for my husband and I. He is going willingly and we have met some wonderful people whom I pray the Lord is using to reach out to my husband. I too have so much peace since attending this church and I continue to learn so much!

    They just don't really have much of a childrens program. It isn't their strong point. The teen program is OK but she says she really doesn't fit in. She has been attending up until recently but she wants to go somewhere where they actually go out into the community and do service projects etc...Our churchs group just doesn't do much of that. I should add that she is attending a Christian high school that she really wanted to attend because of the Christ center education. She attends a chapel twice a week at school and Bible studies are a required part of the curriculum so really the reason she wants to attend a youth group at all is for the fellowship and to get involved in the community.

    I asked for her reasons for wanting to switch and she gave well thought out answers.

    Just wonder what you think about the family not attending the same church together?
    My father is a pastor of a very small church - so small that service etc is actually in his home - the home I grew up in.

    I agree with the others. You need to let your 16 year old go to the other church. She needs to confront her own sin and come to a saving knowledge of Jesus on her own - this may take years - it may be happening now.

    My concern is for your older daughter. I see it all too often - people go to larger church's because it is better for their children, by outward appearances. But God does not work by outward appearances. If she is truly moving on after much thought and PRAYER - and she is certain that it is God's will for her and her family - then she is making the right decision. But if she is moving because the new church appears to "offer more for her family" - then this is a mistake. It must be God's will - like everything else in our lives.

  2. #17
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    Dallas, TX
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    1st I would give God the praise and glory that a 16th wishes to go to church. 2nd I would say that God has a path for all of us and we may want it to be together but it may not be. God is using your child for His purpose, we as parents have a little hard time letting go but we must and trust in God. 3rd, while your husband is on the path but just not there yet could be helped by your church and also once you get home have your daughter tell him about her church, she is probably excited about her and that may help your husband also. Kind of like your husband getting hit from 2 churches at once.

  3. #18
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Pacific Northwest
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    I don't think it should be an easy answer. My question would be: Who will God hold responsible for the spiritual teaching and discipling of your child? I would say God says we parents will be held accountable for that. How can you be aware of what teaching she is getting and if you don't have immediate access. To me, it would be unwise, to hand off a vulnerable teen into any environment without being very active to be informed on what is being taught, and know those who will have a serious influence into her life (like church leaders and youth group leaders). We have considered this re: just going to another church's youth groups for more than a visit or two. It is always a matter of serious prayer and reflection to assure we are truely being responsible to protect and disciple our children before God.

  4. #19
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    san bernadino , california
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    19

    it's time to let go

    WELL mom, let's look at the situation , you have a 16 yr old who you need to monitor she is starting to grow into woman-hood with the help of big sister. You finally get your husband to go to church , [ maybe your husband has issue's he wants to take to the lord in prayer] . And some church's are better equipped then other's . let's face it , it is time for your child to leave the nest yet again maybe she has a boy-friend at the other church she is going to.

  5. #20
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
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    Strawberry Plains, Tennessee, USA
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    You brought back some memories for me! You see, I have 4 children, all now grown and married and all have children of their own. They are all active in their own churches, and I thank God that all of them, their spouses and all of my 7 grandchildren (their children!) are Christians.

    Thinking back, I began to remember how each one of them, when they were in the same age group as your daughter, began to ask if they could attend another church. Since we knew of the churches, and knew some people who attended at those churches, we untied the apron strings all four times and let them go where they wanted to go.

    Their reasons were all about the same...either they liked the youth group better, or they had friends who went to those churches, or they had visited and just liked it better.

    I've never regretted this decision. We never had to make our children GO to church. They always liked going. I wanted them to continue to LIKE going. And they did. I really believe its best that they go where they LIKE going, and at that age they LIKE being in groups of their own age.

    I've always said that teens are kinda like penguins...they want to talk alike, walk alike, dress alike, act alike...well, you get the idea. I see this desire to go where the youth group offers more for them as part of this 'penguin' mode they are in.

    I would let her go where she will continue to LIKE going to church. And, I think going to the other church will help strengthen the union between the two sisters, too. And with her sisters children! Its just going to strengthen the family ties all the way around! And family ties that revolve around 'church' is a wonderful way to keep the family ties connected and strong!

    By the way, I assume your husband does not object. I would make sure he is comfortable about it, too. I don't imagine he has objections, but this should be his decision also.
    My favorite scripture: Malachi 3:16

    "Then they that feared the LORD spake often one to another: and the LORD hearkened, and heard it, and a book of remembrance was written before him for them that feared the LORD, and that thought upon his name!" (Every time we speak of the Lord, or even THINK of him--its written down in a book of remembrance!)

  6. #21
    Quote Originally Posted by bs13 View Post
    My husband and I and our adult daughter and her kids and our 16 year old daughter have been attending church together for about a year now. My daughters and I have accept Christ and have been following for a couple years but my husband is not there yet.

    The church we have been attending we all like very much. It is a small non-denominational church. The people are wonderful and we have grown so much since finding this church.

    My oldest decided after much thought and prayer that she wanted to start attending a little bit larger Christian Reformed church that has a wonderful childrens program. (her sons are 3 and 1) she has only been going a few weeks but really feels it is going to be a good fit for her family. We don't disagree that it was the right thing for her.

    Here is my dilema...My 16 year old daughter went with her the first couple times and she too really likes it. They have a wonderful teen program also and she was pretty excited about it. She now wants to attend church services there and go to their youth group. I personally have no problems with this church and in fact my own kids all attended preschool there....
    Well, it's certainly a great thing that your daughter has found a church that she wants to attend. Many parents pray hard for that to happen.

  7. #22
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Modern Day Corinth
    Posts
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    Let us know how this all pans out!
    Quote Originally Posted by Job 34:19
    God is not partial to princes and does not favor the rich over the poor, for they are all the work of His hands.

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