New here, appreciate feedback

[SweetAsHoney]

Happy to be here, have a situation that's concerning me and not sure how to handle.

I currently serve as the children's music coordinator at a church I have been a very active member of for 5 years. The Youth Pastor over children's church (who I work under) was overheard by another helper openly bashing my musical abilities (or lack thereof, apparently) behind my back. The helper felt I should be aware of this behavior and advised me of what was going on.

The statements were very hurtful, and this is not the first time that his behavior towards me has been critical. I can't decide if I should confront the situation directly, or have a meeting with our Pastor. I could certainly handle being told that there are areas that need improvement, but bashing me behind my back within earshot of other helpers and children that I teach is humiliating. I forgive him, of course, but not sure what my next course of action should be. I want to step down from my position...I don't really feel I posess enough confidence in my musical ability at this point to continue despite his negative attitude. Any feedback would be appreciated....thanks!

[Vhayes]

Happy to be here, have a situation that's concerning me and not sure how to handle.

I currently serve as the children's music coordinator at a church I have been a very active member of for 5 years. The Youth Pastor over children's church (who I work under) was overheard by another helper openly bashing my musical abilities (or lack thereof, apparently) behind my back. The helper felt I should be aware of this behavior and advised me of what was going on.

The statements were very hurtful, and this is not the first time that his behavior towards me has been critical. I can't decide if I should confront the situation directly, or have a meeting with our Pastor. I could certainly handle being told that there are areas that need improvement, but bashing me behind my back within earshot of other helpers and children that I teach is humiliating. I forgive him, of course, but not sure what my next course of action should be. I want to step down from my position...I don't really feel I posess enough confidence in my musical ability at this point to continue despite his negative attitude. Any feedback would be appreciated....thanks!

You should go to him privately and tell him he has offended and hurt you. That if he has things to say ABOUT you, he should address them to you and NOT to others. It's gossip and tearing down a fellow Christian and it is above all else sin.

If he doesn't listen to you, then take the pastor and talk with him again.

It's good that you have forgiven him - it will be easier to talk with him because of the forgiveness. It will show you are speaking out of concern for him and not out of anger or out of self defense.

Matthew 18
15" - If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. 16 - "But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that BY THE MOUTH OF TWO OR THREE WITNESSES EVERY FACT MAY BE CONFIRMED.



I hope this helps you a bit. I'm sorry you were hurt in this way.

V

[SweetAsHoney]

You should go to him privately and tell him he has offended and hurt you. That if he has things to say ABOUT you, he should address them to you and NOT to others. It's gossip and tearing down a fellow Christian and it is above all else sin.

If he doesn't listen to you, then take the pastor and talk with him again.

It's good that you have forgiven him - it will be easier to talk with him because of the forgiveness. It will show you are speaking out of concern for him and not out of anger or out of self defense.

Matthew 18
15" - If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. 16 - "But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that BY THE MOUTH OF TWO OR THREE WITNESSES EVERY FACT MAY BE CONFIRMED.



I hope this helps you a bit. I'm sorry you were hurt in this way.

V

This is very helpful, thanks for the response.

[markedward]

My recommendation would be to speak first with youth pastor and see what he has to say.

If nothing positive takes place, you and the other witness (1 Timothy 5.19) should seek the advice of your church's head pastor and/or the "elders" (assuming your church has a group of designated spiritual leaders).

The number one thing to keep in mind is to be respectful, not just to the leader(s) you will talk to, but be respectful about the youth pastor who is speaking poorly of you.

I would also recommend taking in a sampling of Scripture to the pastor to support why you believe you are being wronged. Regardless of whether you were wanting to step down the from position, a pastor of the church should not be openly (or even privately) "bashing" you behind your back. From the sounds of it, Romans 1.29-30; Ephesians 4.31; Colossians 3.8; and 1 Peter 2.1 are applicable to the situation, since they each rebuke "slander", "gossip", "malice", and "obscene talk". 1 Timothy 3.11 also stands here, because there Paul commands "deacons" (servants of the church) to "not be slanderers". As a servant to the church, the pastor needs to be "blameless"; he can hardly be fit to lead if he does not have his own words under control regarding matters that have nothing to do with sin or salvation (such as your musical ability).

[Diggindeeper]

Me? How would I handle it? Well...I guess I would NOT go and tell anyone else that I have been told that he was saying this about me to someone, and that the person who overheard it came and told me.

I would be guilty of spreading the gossip.

What I suppose I would do, is to go directly to the person I work UNDER, who is the one who said the hurtful thing, and I would tell him face to face, "I am officially turning in my notice, and stepping down.

Because it has been called to my attention that YOU were "openly bashing my musical abilities (or lack thereof, apparently) behind my back. The statements were very hurtful, and this is not the first time that your behavior towards me has been critical.

I had trouble deciding if I should confront you directly, or have a meeting with our Pastor. But, I decided to just go ahead and step down, without involving anyone else. I don't want to spread what someone else has told me. No matter how it hurt me.

I could certainly handle being told that there are areas that need improvement, but bashing me behind my back within earshot of other people is humiliating." (By the way...all this was quoted from your original post! Well, almost word for word.)

My bet is that he'll lie awake at night, wondering who in the world overheard him, and told you!

And you know what, my friend? I'm sincerely thinking that God is getting ready to promote you! To something much better!

Perhaps you just need to turn in your notice to the one you are 'WORKING UNDER'!!!

[SweetAsHoney]

Thank you everyone for your replies...this feedback was a lot of help. I needed some prespective on this situation, and I was able to get that. Thanks again!