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Thread: Preacher's Wives

  1. #1
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    Preacher's Wives

    What is it like being married to a preacher/pastor? I am just wondering because I recently met an older lady who was married to a preacher for many years. It seems there would be a lot of pressure on the wife to be "perfect".

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    My uncle was a preacher and I can remember stories of how congregrants felt they had the right to judge them because "we help pay your salary" But, I also remember stories of families who did whatever they could to make life easier for their family.

    I know pastors and their wives often only share their life with few people and have heard several pastor's wives talk of sharing a confidence only to find it was talked about later. I feel their role as a pastor's wife is hard because people assume that as a pastor's wife they are supposed to be under an obligation to be part of their husband's ministry. However, biblically speaking a pastor's wife is not under any obligation to fulfill a role. There is only a biblical obligation is that the pastor himself be the husband of one wife and that his family is under his control i.e. he does serve as head of his own household. (1 Timothy 3)

    I'm sure there are some that feel they have to "be perfect" but are congregants wanting "perfection" from pastors and their wives? Unfortunately, for most the answer is yes. Which is sad, being in the ministry is hard enough without everyone having unsung expectations of those who are called to do the will of our Father. We are supposed to be on the same team.......working side by side serving one another. We are all supposed to be the same fish in the same pond. If we are on the outside looking in maybe it's time for a bit of self-examination to see what kind of fish we really are.
    Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him.
    Psalm 62:5

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    I think many people mistakenly think she should fulfill a role. Our pastor assured us his wife was an "extrovert" and would get very involved in many things. I would feel immense pressure because I am introverted and don't like socializing that much. Also, if you have to look after your own family, but also feel you have to look after everyone in the church, that must be major stress.

    I really need to understand it. This woman I know was a preacher's wife, but she doesn't speak anymore, so I can't ask her about her life or what went on.

  4. #4
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    Just watching our preacher's wife, I see she has a lot on her. First, expectations are high. People tend to expect to see the perfect wife, perfect children, perfect family thing there. What about when the little one is tired or cranky? What about when the teens rebel? It all falls on the preacher's wife.

    The preacher's wife may be expected to counsel. She is told so much personal business and must keep between her and the Lord. She is burdened for the congregation she loves when they are burdened. She rejoices with them in good times. Her prayer list is so long, hope she doesn't forget anyone! There are so many things I don't possibly know about being a preacher's wife, but one thing's for sure, she's busy, busy, busy!!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Twin2 View Post
    Just watching our preacher's wife, I see she has a lot on her. First, expectations are high. People tend to expect to see the perfect wife, perfect children, perfect family thing there. What about when the little one is tired or cranky? What about when the teens rebel? It all falls on the preacher's wife.

    The preacher's wife may be expected to counsel. She is told so much personal business and must keep between her and the Lord. She is burdened for the congregation she loves when they are burdened. She rejoices with them in good times. Her prayer list is so long, hope she doesn't forget anyone! There are so many things I don't possibly know about being a preacher's wife, but one thing's for sure, she's busy, busy, busy!!!
    I don't expect anything from the pastor's wife. She has an infant and a toddler to care for. She must be incredibly busy with just that.

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    Quote Originally Posted by lendtay View Post
    What is it like being married to a preacher/pastor? I am just wondering because I recently met an older lady who was married to a preacher for many years. It seems there would be a lot of pressure on the wife to be "perfect".
    Oh my dear lenday. I can totally understand. Not only must she be a wife to her husband but she also needs to be a spiritual mother to the congregation. But I learned that being a pastors wife you need to know your purpose as a pastor's wife. Then and only then, can you live a life free of pressure's and criticism.

    In the early years, I saw how difficult ministry could be for my husband. He always wanted to fix things. He was always criticized by others. His worse enemies were those who were co-leaders or board members. I watched and experienced the same sentiments of abandonment and betrayal as my husband.

    I was always the prim and proper wife sitting at the front pew. For years I didn't know how I fit or where I belonged. Too many times pastors wives are relinquished into children's ministry or women's' ministry when that's not what they were created to do. It wasn't until God gave us a revelation that in ministry we are co-labourers. God called me along with my husband because we are one and the same flesh. When that revelation came we experienced such joy in the ministry. It is something we talk a lot about when we travel at conferences.

    Tell your friend that God didn't call her to be perfect. He called her to be who He created her to be.

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    It wasn't until God gave us a revelation that in ministry we are co-labourers. God called me along with my husband because we are one and the same flesh. When that revelation came we experienced such joy in the ministry. It is something we talk a lot about when we travel at conferences.
    That's interesting. I've heard many things from pastors and their wives but never that perspective.
    Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him.
    Psalm 62:5

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    For many years churches and denominations have instiled this wrong idea that the man is the minister/pastor and the wife is to submit and be an example to the women in the church. But the Bible is very clear that the women has a ministry role in the body that supersedes the rules and by-laws of the church. After all, the Bible is our authority.

    My husband takes me and he invites all of the leaders spouses to all meetings. In fact when a new leader is presented to the church, they are presented as a couple. I attend all executive meeting, all board meeting, all elders meeting. The only exception is disciplinary meetings. As my husband says, if we are all men we leave out 50% of the church. We need to hear both a mans and a woman's perspective in all our meetings.

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    In fact when a new leader is presented to the church, they are presented as a couple. I attend all executive meeting, all board meeting, all elders meeting.
    When proceeding in this manner are there any concerns from congregants that women don't have a say unless they are married to a pastor, elder or deacon?
    Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him.
    Psalm 62:5

  10. #10
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    Maybe I need to also clarify what I mean by "spouse". I used that word because we have female pastors and deacons who are married to men. So, the answer is no. We value men and women equally. My husband has worked extremely hard to get this point across over the past 11 years. It was hard at first but God helped him through this time.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsAmazzin View Post
    Oh my dear lenday. I can totally understand. Not only must she be a wife to her husband but she also needs to be a spiritual mother to the congregation. But I learned that being a pastors wife you need to know your purpose as a pastor's wife. Then and only then, can you live a life free of pressure's and criticism.

    In the early years, I saw how difficult ministry could be for my husband. He always wanted to fix things. He was always criticized by others. His worse enemies were those who were co-leaders or board members. I watched and experienced the same sentiments of abandonment and betrayal as my husband.

    I was always the prim and proper wife sitting at the front pew. For years I didn't know how I fit or where I belonged. Too many times pastors wives are relinquished into children's ministry or women's' ministry when that's not what they were created to do. It wasn't until God gave us a revelation that in ministry we are co-labourers. God called me along with my husband because we are one and the same flesh. When that revelation came we experienced such joy in the ministry. It is something we talk a lot about when we travel at conferences.

    Tell your friend that God didn't call her to be perfect. He called her to be who He created her to be.
    BINGO! or let me correct myself, Praise the Lord!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Twin2 View Post
    BINGO! or let me correct myself, Praise the Lord!
    Yes exactly. We don't do Bingo at the church. *smiles*

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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsAmazzin View Post
    Yes exactly. We don't do Bingo at the church. *smiles*
    Nuts, was gonna stop by and play a game or two!

    TF and I see it the same way. He knows his place, and I know mine but two can't be separated. One flesh. When one of us is moved, when one is functioning in their niche the Lord has placed them in, the other submits and allows that to happen. The other supports them in prayer and just being there. I've come to understand that when a man and wife are married, at the moment of "I do", a testimony begins.

    Hearing what you've said, the wives being included in your church, warms my heart. It upholds a precious testimony.
    Seek ye FIRST the kingdom.
    Not second or third, but first.
    Only when all else pales to God, when He receives all glory,
    when He is the source of all hope,
    when His love is received and freely given,
    holding not to the world but to the promise to come,
    will all other things be added unto to you.


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