Are you just like your mother?generational curses?

[Kingsdaughter]

As much as I don't want to admit it I think I may have taken on some of my mothers bad habits, could I be up under a generational curse? Are all curses broken now that I'm a believer?I'm struggling with the same negative emotions that my mother struggled with and I cant seem to change it, i'm frustrated and discouraged, because i keep failing in this area when all i want is to walk in obedience to the Lord. Thanks for your insight sisters.

[L'Ange]

Well, I certainly by no means whatsoever at all had all my faults go away with the gift of salvation. "Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling" to me implies an ongoing process of santification. It does seem that this is to be expected. Paul talked about his own personal struggles long after his Damascus experience. Yahushua, in Revelation, warns some people that they are falling to the wayside and must turn from their sins and be "faithful to the end." These were believers He was addressing. So a perfect, fault free believer doesn't seem to be the norm, or even maybe possible.

Personally I believe in generational curses, but I hope no one wants to debate it, actually. Just putting in my 2 cents and think they are something to be taken to our Savior along with all our other problems.

[MrsAmazzin]

As much as I don't want to admit it I think I may have taken on some of my mothers bad habits, could I be up under a generational curse? Are all curses broken now that I'm a believer?I'm struggling with the same negative emotions that my mother struggled with and I cant seem to change it, i'm frustrated and discouraged, because i keep failing in this area when all i want is to walk in obedience to the Lord. Thanks for your insight sisters.

Hi sweetie

Can you be a little bit more specific. Generational curses are a real thing but many times we associate inherited traits with generational traits.

Thank You

[Kingsdaughter]

Hi sweetie

Can you be a little bit more specific. Generational curses are a real thing but many times we associate inherited traits with generational traits.

Thank You

Hi MrsA, I didn't know there was a difference, okay the two major negative emotions are depression and anger, well it's more like bitterness because she didn't have the kind of explosive anger where you yell and throw things or are physically abusive, it was a quiet kind of anger, if that makes sense, I could tell by the look on her face that she was angry and she didn't communicate with me at all growing up, she would ignore me and if she said anything is was nagging me to clean something.

I'm outgoing and easy to get along with, I always try to see the good in everything, but sometimes I wake up depressed, for no reason, or sometimes the kids will be running around being kids and I'll be so annoyed, then yell at them to be quiet, I feel so bad afterwards because they are just being kids. Sometimes too I ignore the kids like my mom ignored me, I hate saying that, it tears me apart to think that I'm like her in the way I treat my children. but I know in order for me to get help I need to be honest with myself and with God.

Also she had a gambling problem and my childrens father has a serious issue with money as well, I on the other hand dont.

[MrsAmazzin]

The things one inherits are involuntary. They are referred to as involuntary curses. These curses are passed onto you without your permission. It's like your DNA, it's passed on to you.

So here's the question. What curse do you see in your life that you did not allow or give permission to take an inhabitation? You mentioned depression and anger. Those may or may not be generational curse depending on the circumstances in which they first manifested. As you know depression has many causes both spiritual and physiological. What has a doctor said about your depression? Has his medical advice helped? If not, then you need to look at spiritual influences.

Also, anger. You listed situations where anger rises up in you. It has a stimulus,...kids, etc. Do you get angry when there is no stimulus? Are you in that angry state most of your day?

The explosive anger you mentioned is a good indication your mom has a generational curse that has not been passed onto you because your anger is not explosive. Gambling too, that's an addiction and very much involuntary. You seem to have been spared.

I want to encourage you my dear that you exhibit some very normal features. We all don't like it when we act out of character. But as you said, and I can feel it in my spirit, you are indeed a great person with some awesome qualities about you. I think if you answer the question on depression you will also see everything else will come into submission. Start form there.

[miepie]

I have inherited some bad things from my mom as well....... I don't know if it is in there for generations as we don't have contact with most of her family..... but according to my husband I have "control issues" and not much patience..... because I am severely handicapped a lot of things need to be done for me and sometimes I get impatient about it........ or I try to "help" which is not appreciated...... I have prayed about it and not much seems to change..... I try to be as patient as I possibly can, but sometimes I run back into patterns...... my mom is just like that.......... she and my dad have a good marriage though..... and so do we.... but I still would like to change that..........

Love you,
Mieke

[Kingsdaughter]

The things one inherits are involuntary. They are referred to as involuntary curses. These curses are passed onto you without your permission. It's like your DNA, it's passed on to you.

So here's the question. What curse do you see in your life that you did not allow or give permission to take an inhabitation? You mentioned depression and anger. Those may or may not be generational curse depending on the circumstances in which they first manifested. As you know depression has many causes both spiritual and physiological. What has a doctor said about your depression? Has his medical advice helped? If not, then you need to look at spiritual influences.

Also, anger. You listed situations where anger rises up in you. It has a stimulus,...kids, etc. Do you get angry when there is no stimulus? Are you in that angry state most of your day?

The explosive anger you mentioned is a good indication your mom has a generational curse that has not been passed onto you because your anger is not explosive. Gambling too, that's an addiction and very much involuntary. You seem to have been spared.

I want to encourage you my dear that you exhibit some very normal features. We all don't like it when we act out of character. But as you said, and I can feel it in my spirit, you are indeed a great person with some awesome qualities about you. I think if you answer the question on depression you will also see everything else will come into submission. Start form there.

Hi Mrs A, well I haven't seen a doctor about my depression, lately I've been getting up early and before I get out of bed I talk to God and then I sing a song of praise and that gets my mind off my depression and onto Him, if I don't do that then my depression kicks in. The anger I realized is caused when I dont' get my way, at least now I know it's sin(self centeredness or pride or selfishness) I'm so desperate to get rid of these traits that have been passed down to me because I don't want my kids to get them, I know we all have a sin nature and you don't have to teach children how to sin, but I still want to give them the best, thats giving them the best of who I can be, know what I mean? oh and thanks for the compliment Mrs A

Can you give me an example of a generational curse and if I have one how do I break that curse?

[Kingsdaughter]

I have inherited some bad things from my mom as well....... I don't know if it is in there for generations as we don't have contact with most of her family..... but according to my husband I have "control issues" and not much patience..... because I am severely handicapped a lot of things need to be done for me and sometimes I get impatient about it........ or I try to "help" which is not appreciated...... I have prayed about it and not much seems to change..... I try to be as patient as I possibly can, but sometimes I run back into patterns...... my mom is just like that.......... she and my dad have a good marriage though..... and so do we.... but I still would like to change that..........

Love you,
Mieke

I can't see you as controlling mieke At least I'm not the only one

[Dani H]

I think you've been given some great advice.

I've only got a couple things to add:

1. You can't try and not be something, or not be like somebody. That pulls you away from God's plan, which is for you to be a whole person. Just accept you for you, all of you, and just be, and let God decide what to do with everything about you. Give Him your whole person and don't hold anything back, regardless of how you feel about it. God loves you totally and completely, not just part of you.

2. We often end up judging our parents because we see something about them growing up that impacts us negatively and so we resolve within ourselves "I will never be like that ... I will never treat my children like that." However, we can't judge and honor our parents at the same time, so we're going to have to decide between obeying God's commands and our own unresolved feelings.

It doesn't really matter where our sinful bents and behaviors come from, because whether they come from our parents or the influence of strangers, the solution is the exact same: repentance. And the way of deliverance is the exact same: Jesus.

So anyway, that's what I've learned. I hope it helps.

[moonglow]

Personally I am undecided on actually true generational curses exists or not...we know from the OT that at one time God told the Jews that the punishment for the father's sins would be passed on to several generations but I think that needs to be explored in content...because later we clearly see that God says the son is NOT responsible for the father's sin's but only his own. Not sure if you were really wanting to do an actual study on this or not...

Personally what I see is learned behavior going on. If you had been adopted at birth and had not grown up around your bio-mom its doubtful you would have these habits now...you simply learned it from her. If it was truly a family curse, you would have these habit regardless of who raised you. But I never heard of habits being a curse actually.

Its like the study done on alcoholism ..did the children learn to be drinkers by watching the parents...or did they really carry the gene of alcoholism? They studies on children that had been adopted out and so were not exposed to alcoholic parents. If I remember right they still had a high rate of being alcoholic and this is because its an actual gene that runs in families. But environment does still play a big role. Depression can also run in families too btw.

You experienced it first hand from your mother. If she had been cheery and happy no matter what life threw at her, you would have learned to do that same. To break this learned behavior you took the first step in realizing its happening...and the second step in trying to figure out how to stop it.

First there is really nothing wrong with telling kids to be quite...the noise can get on anyone's nerves. That really is normal. But instead of yelling..go up to them, get on their level and tell them in a normal voice they need to be more quite and thank them then go back to what you were doing. But honestly all parents yell at their kids to be quite once in awhile. Sometimes we have to yell because they are so loud they can't hear us! I have told my son a billion times over the years to be quite and I don't feel guilty about it at all. He really was being way, way too loud. We all share a home with each other and have to be respectful towards each other. My son for instance has asked me to not turn the TV on while he does his homework and I respect his wishes. The noise is just too distracting for him.

As far as ignoring your kids...there are times I ignore my son's behavior...not him but what he is doing because sometimes giving attention to bad behavior gives them a pay off so I ignore what he is doing which is no easy task cause I really do want to yell at him to stop it...lol. I really have to grit my teeth too... I had gotten after him many times for this certain behavior..it wasn't working so I changed tactics and went to the 'no-pay off by getting even negative attention from me' and its worked..

But I realize you are talking about something different..being angry at your kids like your mom was with you...or just angry for not getting your way or for no reason at all and giving them the cold shoulder.

This you do need to stop. Years ago I dated a man that would do this to me..totally ignore me even when I asked him a direct question. I found it very demeaning and controlling..bordering on abusive manipulation. His excuse (when he started talking to me) was he didn't feel like talking..well that is no excuse at all to totally disrespect someone else like that).

What I started doing with my son years ago was tell him that yes I was in a bad mood...or upset about something that had nothing to do with him and that if I snapped at him or seemed grumpy to not take it personally...just give me time to work through it. I would reassure him it had nothing to do with him. Please try to do this with your kids..then you can withdraw emotionally and work through it without worrying about the affects on them. All of us have our bad days...our bad moods..that really is normal. You can still choose how to handle it though with your children. Just tell them you are grumpy today and you would like them to be more quite...

Being a parents is HARD because we have to put our children before our own wants and needs. I was single for many years..didn't marry until my early thirties and didn't have my son until I was almost 35..I was very used to doing what I wanted when I wanted...

It literally took me years to adjust to him and his needs. That he needed to come first. I remember times when I would be sick and make a doctor's appointment only to have to cancel it because he came down sick that day and I had to make an appointment for him which almost always clashed with my own. I finally solved that problem by us having the same doctor! It seemed like for years we were sick at the same time..so I would just have both of us see the same doctor at the same time. It helped to in I didn't have to try to find someone to watch him while I went to the doctor too or cancel my own doctor's appointments.

I am one of these people that got in the habit of planning my day usually a day or two ahead..I would have it all laid out in my mind...needed to clean house..then go to the store, then pay bills, etc, etc...well Nate would always throw a wretch into my plans more often then not. When he was little he got sick alot due to allergies. Once I realized he was sick I realize my plans for the day went out the window and I would literally stop in my tracks and have to mentally process it all. Change is hard for me.

I used to get upset, angry, feel very stressed...part of that was due to my own strange self..lol...part of that was selfishness. Like I said I was used to doing what I wanted, when I wanted and I could simply not do that anymore. Eventually I realized like you, that I was self centered and selfish and in order to be a good parent I just couldn't do that anymore. But like I said, it took years for me to change my attitude and my thinking and not get so freaked out over things like that. That I needed to see this IS a helpless child that is totally dependant on me to take care of him. That he wasn't getting sick on purpose..that he wasn't plotting and scheming to mess up my day...

Many times I missed being single! I would think of the days I would lay in the sun with my book and a glass of pop and relax and read and be lazy for hours. But then I would remember also too how lonely I was and how THEN I wanted things to change... Human being are a walking contradiction..we really are. We want what we want, then don't like it once we get it..

When you fine yourself thinking negative thought which then cause negative feelings, derail them. Force yourself to change your thoughts to positive ones. Do what you have been doing..focus on God...say a prayer...pray for patience, pray for a cheerful spirit and a calm mind..pray for whatever you think you need in the Name of Jesus. He will grant you these things. And give yourself a break too..don't in your mind, beat yourself up..give yourself mental pats on the back when you do good...ok?

As Christians we tend, I think, to go too far in talking about our unworthiness to be saved so much so I think we sabotage ourselves. I have see people talk themselves out of their faith because they decide they are just too horrible for God to love them. They spiral down into a terrible self hatred and give up! I think we need to love ourselves like God loves us! He now counts us worthy!

So pray and ask Him to guide you to changing in the ways you need to be in order to be the mom you want to be and not like your mother was towards you.

God bless

[Kingsdaughter]

I think you've been given some great advice.

I've only got a couple things to add:

1. You can't try and not be something, or not be like somebody. That pulls you away from God's plan, which is for you to be a whole person. Just accept you for you, all of you, and just be, and let God decide what to do with everything about you. Give Him your whole person and don't hold anything back, regardless of how you feel about it. God loves you totally and completely, not just part of you.

2. We often end up judging our parents because we see something about them growing up that impacts us negatively and so we resolve within ourselves "I will never be like that ... I will never treat my children like that." However, we can't judge and honor our parents at the same time, so we're going to have to decide between obeying God's commands and our own unresolved feelings.

It doesn't really matter where our sinful bents and behaviors come from, because whether they come from our parents or the influence of strangers, the solution is the exact same: repentance. And the way of deliverance is the exact same: Jesus.

So anyway, that's what I've learned. I hope it helps.

No dani, ITS ALL HER FAULT!...just kidding, but seriously thats how I used to feel growing up, we didn't have a relationship at all, she worked full time and when she was home, she was unavailable. She wasn't involved in any of my school stuff, prom, first crush,homework, school activities. when I got sick or needed comforting, my grandmother was there. I don't remember her ever saying"i love you" or giving me a hug or anything. I would have loved to have a "mom" someone to talk to, to go places with, she never wanted to do any of those things with me. I hated her for a long time. we never had a real conversation until two years ago, thats the truth. and I'm 34. when I got saved one of the first things that the Lord wanted to deal with was my relationship with my mother and I didn't want to go there, I put it off and for a few years I wasn't maturing in my walk with the Lord and I knew it was because I refused to listen to God when He spoke to my heart to forgive her. I have since forgiven her and we have been talking now for two years. she also got saved a couple years ago, so we talk about the Lord. but I never shared with her how I felt growing up, i don't know if I should or just let it go, because I have forgiven her.

[Kingsdaughter]

I like your post moonglow, I have to go be back later to post response. thanks

[moonglow]

No dani, ITS ALL HER FAULT!...just kidding, but seriously thats how I used to feel growing up, we didn't have a relationship at all, she worked full time and when she was home, she was unavailable. She wasn't involved in any of my school stuff, prom, first crush,homework, school activities. when I got sick or needed comforting, my grandmother was there. I don't remember her ever saying"i love you" or giving me a hug or anything. I would have loved to have a "mom" someone to talk to, to go places with, she never wanted to do any of those things with me. I hated her for a long time. we never had a real conversation until two years ago, thats the truth. and I'm 34. when I got saved one of the first things that the Lord wanted to deal with was my relationship with my mother and I didn't want to go there, I put it off and for a few years I wasn't maturing in my walk with the Lord and I knew it was because I refused to listen to God when He spoke to my heart to forgive her. I have since forgiven her and we have been talking now for two years. she also got saved a couple years ago, so we talk about the Lord. but I never shared with her how I felt growing up, i don't know if I should or just let it go, because I have forgiven her.

Pray about this...ask God if writing her a letter about all of this would be a good idea..or not. People cannot argue with a letter..all they can do is stop reading it..

This is what the Lord had me do with my ex as part of my working on forgiving him. Something was terrible wrong with your mother that she was incapable of showing you love..its no wonder you feel depressed and angry at times. While you have forgiven her, you haven't healed from these very deep wounds and you need too for your own peace of mind. I have mom issues too...we all probably do. I have decided, unless God tells me otherwise, though not to bring it up to her because it would solve nothing. It only bothers me if I think about it. I try to focus on what she is today..she is now saved too. The stuff with her though was not major like with your mother. Your mother was abusive whether she meant too be that way or not. My mother was just confused, lost and struggling for many years...

If you and the Lord feel it would cause more damage by talking to her about it, then ask Him to help you work through it so you can heal from it. God is the great healer of our minds and souls after all.

kingsdaughter I like your post moonglow, I have to go be back later to post response. thanks

thanks. No rush..I have stuff to do today too (unless of course Nate does something to throw a wretch into my plans!) I suppose now I will regret making that joke..so I'll knock on some wood..heh. Ok I won't..I'll just pray instead!

God bless

[MrsAmazzin]

Personally I am undecided on actually true generational curses exists or not..

It depends where on the theological fence we sit on. I am convinced that generational curses are real in fact demonic. I am not referring to demon possession but i am talking about demonic influences.

The body houses our soul and spirit. It is the shell that contains it, if you wish. Demons attack our bodies and inflict sickness. The soul is the center that houses our emotions. In our soul, we can chose (our will). It is the place where our five senses are located. Demons use the access points of our five senses to come against us. (smell, taste, sight, touch, ears). The spirit is our inner most being. It is the place where the Holy Spirit resides and lives forever. In a regenerated individual, Satan can bring bondage in the form of demonic activity to both the body and soul but the spirit is out of bounds. However, the spirit can be “processed” is the individual is not regenerate.

My interpretation of Generational Curses, (or as I like to phrase it-Generational Iniquities or Hereditary Spirit) are those sins that the parents have picked up. It becomes a sin when the offspring commits it as a result. For instance, a family who make a decision to worship an idol. The iniquity of a family can be passed down to the 3rd and 4th generation and only the blood of Jesus can break that curse.

It is absolute truth that Christ has paid the price to set us free, but many Christians are not free. They are bound by compulsions or problems such as fear, grief, hurt, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, anger, lust, hate, sickness, or other emotional disorders. Yet, many Scriptures promise freedom. Here are some:
• So if the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed’ (John 8:36)
• For freedom Christ has set us free’ (Galatians 5:1)
• Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom’ (2 Corinthians 3:17)

I hope this helps

[Kingsdaughter]

Pray about this...ask God if writing her a letter about all of this would be a good idea..or not. People cannot argue with a letter..all they can do is stop reading it..

This is what the Lord had me do with my ex as part of my working on forgiving him. Something was terrible wrong with your mother that she was incapable of showing you love..its no wonder you feel depressed and angry at times. While you have forgiven her, you haven't healed from these very deep wounds and you need too for your own peace of mind. I have mom issues too...we all probably do. I have decided, unless God tells me otherwise, though not to bring it up to her because it would solve nothing. It only bothers me if I think about it. I try to focus on what she is today..she is now saved too. The stuff with her though was not major like with your mother. Your mother was abusive whether she meant too be that way or not. My mother was just confused, lost and struggling for many years...

If you and the Lord feel it would cause more damage by talking to her about it, then ask Him to help you work through it so you can heal from it. God is the great healer of our minds and souls after all.


thanks. No rush..I have stuff to do today too (unless of course Nate does something to throw a wretch into my plans!) I suppose now I will regret making that joke..so I'll knock on some wood..heh. Ok I won't..I'll just pray instead!

God bless

Hi Moonglow I have decided not to tell her, it would not serve any purpose at all. i've forgiven her and now we are starting a new relationship. She is changing slowly, I can see it and hear it in her voice when she talks to me, what a powerful God we serve, that He can change someone the way He does, He changed me and is changing me, I'm still in awe! Thanks again sis for listening to me vent