Glenn Beck wrote a novel
...and it is, predictably, awful. Not that I read it, heaven forbid, but here's the only quote I remember from glancing over it in a bookstore (which quote is pretty representative of the general quality of the prose):
The Christmas Sweater by Glenn Beck, everybody, in which the presence of one "Mr. Ashton" causes a house to spontaneously change size! And in which Glenn Beck is an inconceivably terrible writer (in addition to being an inconceivably terrible everything else)!
Mr. Ashton was as tall and quiet as the house became when he was in it, which wasn't all that often.
"We are symbols and inhabit symbols; workmen, work, and tools, words and things, birth and death, all are emblems; but we sympathize with the symbols, and being infatuated with the economical uses of things, we do not know that they are thoughts." - Emerson, "The Poet" (Essays, Second Series)