I love looking at my life in retrospect and then labeling years. And maybe this will help you understand who I was before I truely found Christ.
2002 - Found First True love.
2003 - Year of Selfishness (left love, found more, and more and more.)
2004 - Year of New things (mostly drugs and moved to NYC)
2005 - Highest highs, laughter, parties... "TOO MUCH FUN"
2006 - Year of consiquince, murder, lonliness, alcoholism, doubt, hate.
2007 - Year of cleansing. clearing out the rubish. realization. buddha..
2008 - Year of reconstruction and rebuilding a new life with first love.
2009 - Year of demonic attack and God.
Turns out that you can play with the devil for years and years and things might feel okay, but in 2007 I got rid of everything (drugs, drinking etc) that was holding me back from growing as a person. I found yoga and peace...and basically gutted out the evil things that were dragging me down. Little did I know that when you get rid of those things is when the devil is more likely to torment you. See...even though I had stopped all of those things that satan loved, I never replaced them with God. I was not christian, but believed in a God, had never really read the Bible and didn't really believe Jesus was the messiah. I basically was a clean slate which is Satans FAVORITE type of PERSON!!
So here we go. This is going to be really difficult and I might even have to stop and pick back up some other time because the experience I had this year was extremely traumitizing and has changed my entire life, has changed me inside and out as a person, changed everything I know just about. I know it sounds intense, but really, in retrospect, it was the best experience of my life because it brought me to God. And I know now that was His plan all along.
Before I get into the meat of the story let me inform everyone that might not know, I have had vivid dreams of satan and demons my whole life, and I know he has always been close to me and in control of me and those dreams have always effected me horribly. I want to say firstly I KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DREAMS AND REALITY. Especially THESE dreams, because I have experienced them my whole life. What happened to me was NOT a dream.
About a week before these experiences happened I had decided to randomly pick up a bible to see what it was all about. I guess this made satan angry.
The night was just like every other night and my husband and I went to bed, it was an average night and we both had to wake up for work the next day. The first thing that happened was the most realistic dream I've ever had, satan was on top of the bed choking me and my husband and laughing, he asked me if I believed in God and I said "YES!" I started thrashing all over the bed and woke up to me kicking, choking and in a panic. My husband shook me until my paralysis wore off and I asked him if he was okay, he said he was fine.
I lied there terrified to fall back asleep, a couple minutes later i took a deep breath and felt hot burning air creeping down my throat, i uncontrollably sat STRAIGHT up and let out a scream. I basically felt him crawling inside of me.
The days that followed I didn't eat much, I was feeling very ill and suffered dramatically from post traumatic stress. I refused to go into my bedroom, i didn't sleep, i couldn't stay in my house, couldn't be in a dark room or in the dark. couldn't be in a car at night. My husband said I basically changed into another person, especially when it would get dark out. I could still feel satan following me. I started reading the Bible more but found it very difficult to trust God and put all of my faith in Him. I thought I was possesed my demons and there was no way God could help me anymore.
One night I told my husband that Satan would never leave me alone unless he too repented with me and believed Jesus was our savior. We got into a huge argument because I was basically accusing him of not having faith and that was why I was attacked. I felt like i was going crazy and I didn't know who I was anymore, I told him if he didn't start trying to believe in Jesus that I was leaving him. I packed a bag and was going to my moms but decided to give it one more night.
The following night I had appologized and decided that I was going to ignore what had happened to me and pretend like it was a dream. All I wanted to do was pretend like it never happened, pretend like it wasn't real even though I knew 100% that it was, my husband didn't believe me so I started to not believe me too.
We were sitting on the couch and I was trying not to think about it and was writing checks and paying bills when all of a sudden it happened. It started with a smell and it forced me upright, i couldn't breath, my mouth went completely dry and i knew he was back. My husband asked what's wrong? I said "do you smell that? I can't breathe..." basically i started to panic because I could sense him. We sat there a while as I described to him how i felt he tried to talk me out of it, i told him i had to leave i was going to my moms and suddenly he felt it. he felt pressure on his throat and was terrified.
Right then and there I knew the only way we would get this thing out of our house and lives was to open our hearts to Jesus and command it to leave. My husband for the first time in his life accepted Christ with me and we opened our hearts and demanded the demon to leave our house and our lives.
I cannot even begin to tell you HOW MUCH my life has changed since then. I have had no nightmares of satan, I have a neverending THIRST AND HUNGER for God's word. I can't get enough knowledge of Jesus! Everyday since then I have clung to my bible just craving every single word. My outlook on life is so fresh. My depression and anxiety i've delt with my whole life is almost non existant and extremely easy to deal with knowing that Jesus is protecting me.
I feel like my whole experience is one of those extreme cases you rarely hear of but it is soo hard to talk about!!! I wish I could tell everyone my story and I wish it would help them realize that Jesus IS our savior but unfortunatly demonic attacks aren't very believable to a lot of people. I still feel alone because I haven't found anyone else that has had these experiences but I am SOOO GREATFUL that God allowed it to happen. If He hadn't allowed it I would have never been brought to all the Glory and Beauty and PEACE that He has given me!!! I will praise Him all the days of my life forever for saving me from satan and posession.
There are some things I left out of this story I realize now reading back on it, but I tried to keep it short and easy...
Thank you Jesus for saving me and loving me. Without you I am nothing, I will always praise you forever. Amen