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Thread: Okay, ladies, a question about submission.

  1. #1

    Okay, ladies, a question about submission.

    What do you think of the idea of "submission" to a male authority, such as in marriage? What does the idea mean to you and do you value it and try to live by it as a standard, or have you dismissed it in favour of more modern ideas such as women's liberation and gender equality? Do you think the Biblical passages ordering women not to teach men, to be silent in church and to be obedient to a male head of household are still important today or just remnants of a brutal past that we've pretty much overcome?

    I've already posted a thread about whether the Bible is meant to be taken as a guidebook or more a historical reference. This is somewhat in line with that question and I invite you to also visit that thread on Biblical Literalism in the "Growing in Christ" section. However, this is a specific question and I'd love to see what other women are thinking and feeling about the issue.

  2. #2
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    I think we have the easy part of the marriage...... yes we do have to submit to our husbands, but he has to submit to Christ and be willing to die for us!

    Ephes. 5:22-28
    Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. [23] For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. [24] Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. [25] Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; [26] That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, [27] That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. [28] So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

    I do not think that submission is easy in this time of women standing up for their rights...... but I do think it's essential and necessary..... you can't have two persons lead a marriage, as you'll be unequally yoked pretty soon......
    In my marriage my husband has given me some tasks that he isn't able to do (because he doesn't speak the language of my country), but he is leading for the rest...... our situation is unique because I am bedridden and he takes care of me...... but that makes us closer together too......

    Love you,
    Mieke
    I would rather be dead than spend one second without Daddy!

    Glory to the Lord our God
    Glory to the Lamb on the throne
    We open wide the gates of our hearts
    With our lips we rise up and pray
    as we worship the Ancient of Days


  3. #3
    Do you feel like your input is heard, though? Are you able to make decisions for yourself and contribute to decisions that will affect both of your lifes, like say, whether or not to make an expensive purchase that may create debt or add a financial burden, or about relocation? I guess I've always interpreted submission as being stuck barefoot in a kitchen - which is some women's dream, but not mine - and also having no control over my life and little input into decision making. For example, I fear that if I marry and attempt to live as a submissive wife, I won't be able to make choices about expenses, or will have to ask permission to do things whereas right now I make almost all choices independently with a bit of input from my family (parents mainly).

    It's nice that he does take care of you with your situation. A lot of men seem like they'd run the other way when faced with the responsibility of caretaking and assisting.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by SoSheWrites View Post
    Do you feel like your input is heard, though? Are you able to make decisions for yourself and contribute to decisions that will affect both of your lifes, like say, whether or not to make an expensive purchase that may create debt or add a financial burden, or about relocation?
    Oh yes definitely..... my voice is heard..... my husband does not treat me like I am lesser than him, my input is 50% and sometimes I like to order things for my cardministry and I just do that out of myself and hubby has no problems with that..... My cardministry is something I do myself and I always call my husband to help me pick the best color card and background...... I always send the cards from us both....... I involve him as much as I can in it and he likes that...... I am in control of the finances so I make most decisions there and he agrees to that...... so I have a lot of freedom....... I do involve him there too though...... but when we're doing Biblestudy, he is clearly the leader of this household..... not that I can't say anything, but he knows so much more than me and he also taught me how to apply it to my life...... He is the leader in other areas too, but never does anything without informing me first and asking my opinion.......

    I guess I've always interpreted submission as being stuck barefoot in a kitchen - which is some women's dream, but not mine - and also having no control over my life and little input into decision making. For example, I fear that if I marry and attempt to live as a submissive wife, I won't be able to make choices about expenses, or will have to ask permission to do things whereas right now I make almost all choices independently with a bit of input from my family (parents mainly).
    Well if you find the right guy that is certainly not the case...... in my case my husband cooks, but he lets me decide the meals although I do involve him in that too...... the basis of our marriage is doing as much as possible together...... and we are 24 hours a day together so we can do that..... if you have a husband who's away a lot, you can't do that, but in our case that works the best......

    It's nice that he does take care of you with your situation. A lot of men seem like they'd run the other way when faced with the responsibility of caretaking and assisting.
    Absolutely..... I always say that he's my Gift from God...... the blessing that I needed to survive..... without him, I'd probably be in a nursinghome....... I feel very blessed that he wants to do that..... he says it's his way of serving God.......

    Matthew 25:35-40
    For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: [36] Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me. [37] Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? [38] When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee? [39] Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee? [40] And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

    Love you,
    Mieke
    I would rather be dead than spend one second without Daddy!

    Glory to the Lord our God
    Glory to the Lamb on the throne
    We open wide the gates of our hearts
    With our lips we rise up and pray
    as we worship the Ancient of Days


  5. #5
    Hi, this is my first time posting on this particular board (women at the well). I have a lot of thoughts about this so here goes:

    My problem with submission is that it seems to be discussed much more than the man's role in marriage, which is to love and sacrifice for his wife. When I go to Christian msg boards I see so many more discussions about submission than I do about men's sacrificial love of their wives. Men also don't seem to worry about loving their wives as Christ loves his Church as much as women worry about being good at submitting to their husbands. Maybe some husbands do, but it doesn't seem to come up as much as the submission discussion.

    As a single woman I also don't like the idea of giving a fallible, fellow fallen human being that much power over me. According to the Bible noone is perfect and we all have problems with sin. What if the husband is extremely bossy and dictates things like who the woman can be friends with, if she can see her family or not, what she can read, how many kids she can have, how often she can pray, if she can work, etc, without taking any of her feelings into consideration. What if the husband has bad financial judgement and insists on doing things that are financially harmful and doesnt' listen to his wife's opinion on the subject and the family is ruined on account of this? Would the woman have to meekly submit to these things? And what if the woman's submission just serves to enable her husband's bad behaviors and habits?

    A lot of people have good marriages where submission is practiced, but from what I've observed it's because the husband is a good leader and loves and respects his wife and takes her input into account. What happens though if a husband doesn't respect his wife or cares about her input? Is she just stuck submitting to him and letting him boss her around no matter what he tells her to do?

    I have to wonder if we should address the context of these verses in the time and place they came from. Paul also gives instructions that slaves should obey their masters, and yet I don't think any of us would agree that slavery was a good thing and that slaves who ran away on the Underground Railroad were sinful. He also gave instructions about matters like head coverings, women not wearing pearls, etc, that we don't seem to follow nowadays because we see these were cultural practices. Paul's instructions about slaves, wives and children were really revolutionary for that time because most instructions from that period to slaves, children, wives, etc, were only about what they should be doing and absolved the authority figures from all responsibility. Paul differed from this by showing that authority figures also had their own responsibilities to those they were in authority of. A master is told that he must see his slave as his brother and not to abuse him, and a husband is told that although he has authority over his wife he must love her as Christ loves the Church. Paul was showing how people who were in these hierarchical relationships (master-slave, husband-wife) that were common during this period should behave in a Christian fashion while in these relationships.

    Does this mean that these rules still apply to marital relationships today? Well, I'm not sure. My problem is that our 21st century marriages are so different than ancient marriages, in which women were basically chattel and belonged to their husbands. Those instructions make sense if your husband legally owns you, but in modern marriages? Well, as I said I'm not sure. Submission can too easily become abusive if not in the right hands (I'm not talking about physical abuse, although that can happen also).

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by miepie View Post
    Oh yes definitely..... my voice is heard..... my husband does not treat me like I am lesser than him, my input is 50% and sometimes I like to order things for my cardministry and I just do that out of myself and hubby has no problems with that..... My cardministry is something I do myself and I always call my husband to help me pick the best color card and background...... I always send the cards from us both....... I involve him as much as I can in it and he likes that...... I am in control of the finances so I make most decisions there and he agrees to that...... so I have a lot of freedom....... I do involve him there too though...... but when we're doing Biblestudy, he is clearly the leader of this household..... not that I can't say anything, but he knows so much more than me and he also taught me how to apply it to my life...... He is the leader in other areas too, but never does anything without informing me first and asking my opinion.......


    Well if you find the right guy that is certainly not the case...... in my case my husband cooks, but he lets me decide the meals although I do involve him in that too...... the basis of our marriage is doing as much as possible together...... and we are 24 hours a day together so we can do that..... if you have a husband who's away a lot, you can't do that, but in our case that works the best......


    Absolutely..... I always say that he's my Gift from God...... the blessing that I needed to survive..... without him, I'd probably be in a nursinghome....... I feel very blessed that he wants to do that..... he says it's his way of serving God.......

    Matthew 25:35-40
    For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: [36] Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me. [37] Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? [38] When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee? [39] Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee? [40] And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

    Love you,
    Mieke
    Oh, wow, that sounds a lot different than what I was imagining. I don't think the woman should be the boss in the marriage, I just like equality as far as both partners making decisions about their shared lives together. Obviously sometimes someone needs to take charge - lead, I guess you'd call it - so that makes sense to me. Leading when he has the talent, like you described your husband doing during Bible study, that seems logical. I guess I just worry that sometimes a wives talents are dismissed, and it would be scary to be in a marriage where, if I were better or more capable at something, I wasn't allowed to do it for the sake of my husband's pride or ego. But like you said that doesn't have to happen. You do what you can do and he does what he is capable of doing, with no one imposing on the other.

    Quote Originally Posted by HaveMercy
    What if the husband is extremely bossy and dictates things like who the woman can be friends with, if she can see her family or not, what she can read, how many kids she can have, how often she can pray, if she can work, etc, without taking any of her feelings into consideration. What if the husband has bad financial judgement and insists on doing things that are financially harmful and doesnt' listen to his wife's opinion on the subject and the family is ruined on account of this? Would the woman have to meekly submit to these things? And what if the woman's submission just serves to enable her husband's bad behaviors and habits?
    These are my fears as well. I like the idea of an egalitarian marriage, where the different spouses trade off leadership depending on who has the ability, time and interest in a particular area. If the wife is better with money, and more practical, she should make financial choices with her husband's input, for instance. I also think submission gets turned into complete obedience to someone else's poor judgement, and also can make a woman vulnerable to her husband's irrationality, jealousy, etc, like you mentioned about choosing her friends, deciding whether she should work and when she can see her family members. In that respect it makes women sound like children and their husband's more like controlling fathers. I would not want to be in a marriage where my husband didn't respect me as an adult fully capable of telling him what I'm doing rather than asking. For instance, if I was married, it wouldn't be up to my husband whether I worked. He could share his opinion and I'd consider his advice, but I want to work and so I would. I wouldn't expect him to have to stay home on my say so either. About children, I already know I do not want children and that would be an issue for discussion long before marriage, but although it's possible I'd change my mind as the relationship progressed, I wouldn't appreciate my husband's insistence that we have to have children. All the things you mentioned really frighten me.

  7. #7
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    I came out of an abusive marriage before I met my current husband..... and although my exhusband wasn't a Christian he certainly liked to demand things....... I got out just in time before it became physical abuse....... thank God for that!
    I believe that submission does not mean that you're completely owned by your husband..... my husband does NOT determine when I see my friend Tina or when I call her or things like that...... he lets me handle a lot of things on my own, but I do involve him in it........ as he involves me in his decisions........ but most of them when a decision has to be made, we talk about it together and think of a solution together too........ I am very blessed with my husband in many ways.....

    Love you,
    Mieke
    I would rather be dead than spend one second without Daddy!

    Glory to the Lord our God
    Glory to the Lamb on the throne
    We open wide the gates of our hearts
    With our lips we rise up and pray
    as we worship the Ancient of Days


  8. #8
    To me, submission isn't being a slave. People seem to think it is like that though probably due to some using the scripture in the wrong way or the world trying to push that to sway us. But I believe man is hte head of hte marriage as God created him to be but a Godly man when he makes decisions will consider his family's needs and how his decision will affect and if it is a good one. He iwll also pray over it too with his wife and discuss it too and maybe get her input on it too before making the decision. God calls man to love adn chierish his wife, to tkae care of her and to pray with her, encourage her in her walk wit Christ.
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  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by SoSheWrites View Post
    These are my fears as well. I like the idea of an egalitarian marriage, where the different spouses trade off leadership depending on who has the ability, time and interest in a particular area. If the wife is better with money, and more practical, she should make financial choices with her husband's input, for instance. I also think submission gets turned into complete obedience to someone else's poor judgement, and also can make a woman vulnerable to her husband's irrationality, jealousy, etc, like you mentioned about choosing her friends, deciding whether she should work and when she can see her family members. In that respect it makes women sound like children and their husband's more like controlling fathers. I would not want to be in a marriage where my husband didn't respect me as an adult fully capable of telling him what I'm doing rather than asking. For instance, if I was married, it wouldn't be up to my husband whether I worked. He could share his opinion and I'd consider his advice, but I want to work and so I would. I wouldn't expect him to have to stay home on my say so either. About children, I already know I do not want children and that would be an issue for discussion long before marriage, but although it's possible I'd change my mind as the relationship progressed, I wouldn't appreciate my husband's insistence that we have to have children. All the things you mentioned really frighten me.
    You've got some really good thoughts on the subject and I can tell you that sometimes my husband does make irrational decisions (in my eyes) that I don't always agree with, but it's my job to submit to him. Obviously, if it's something against God, I will not follow that, but if it's a preference issue and I've voiced my opinion, he overrules me. It can definitely be scary. I'll admit to that right off, but God's role for my husband is to lead. He was designed for that. There was no guarantee that he'd be the perfect leader and always know what to do, but it's still my job to follow him. Like I said, sometimes it's extremely hard when I don't agree, but I have been so blessed when I've chosen to just follow. We're called to serve our husbands as we serve the Lord. That makes marriage a huge commitment that should be entered into with tons of prayer behind it, but it's also incredibly rewarding! If I had not been challenged in my marriage to humble myself in decisions and arguments, my walk with God would be so much different! I'm not a big fan of trials, but that's how I'm learning and growing. That's how I'm becoming more of Him and less of me.

    There are areas that my husband knows I'm talented in, such as cooking, laundry, and budgeting, but he is still involved in all of those areas. In my marriage, there is nothing that is solely mine or solely his. I ask him what he wants for dinner, we discuss how much money we'd like allotted for various things. It's all a joint effort.

    I definitely don't feel like a doormat. I know I can voice my opinions, but I also know it may not be done my way. That's the definition of putting others before ourselves. I am nowhere near perfect in the area of submission, but I truly strive to be. Submission is viewed so often as a lack of power, when in reality it is the pinnacle of self-control and selflessness. It takes so much strength to be submissive! It's not at all like being a child. It's knowing when to speak up, how to say things respectfully, and when to just follow. There are definitely things I gave up when I got married, like just running my own schedule. We discuss all of our scheduling and all of our purchases over $20 together. Most of the time, it's no big deal at all, like, "I was hoping to go to lunch with this friend, is that alright with you?" He asks me about those things as well. It's such a great way to show respect for each other! The answer is almost always, "yes" and I don't feel like it's a lack of control over my free time. It's just involving him in my decision-making. That's what being one flesh means.
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    Pray for Mieke and Charles

  10. #10
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    Submission is not something forced, but offered willingly. I think people confuse submission with subservience. Submission does not imply inequality, but simply an important role in a partnership. I used to have the same concerns, but now that I've been married 18 years I have to say I love how marriage works when it's done the way God intended it to be!

    Quote Originally Posted by HaveMercy View Post
    As a single woman I also don't like the idea of giving a fallible, fellow fallen human being that much power over me. According to the Bible noone is perfect and we all have problems with sin.
    Yet you also are imperfect, there's just as much chance of another making better decisions than you as there is of them making bad decisions. I know too many people who make the worst decisions about their own lives and everyone can see it but them, maybe someone like a husband who has a different perspective and their best interest at heart is the perfect person to consult with on decisions. I wouldn't marry a man who's opinions I did not value. Nothing about submission prohibits co-decision making, the husband being the leader in a far cry from dictator. I might not be enjoying the success I am getting as an artist right now if my husband hadn't pushed me to keep at it - he has the drive and ability to pursue dreams that are beyond my practical, common sense way of looking at things. He bent over backward to enable my dream, and I do the same for him.

    Quote Originally Posted by HaveMercy View Post
    What if the husband is extremely bossy and dictates things like who the woman can be friends with, if she can see her family or not, what she can read, how many kids she can have, how often she can pray, if she can work, etc, without taking any of her feelings into consideration. What if the husband has bad financial judgement and insists on doing things that are financially harmful and doesnt' listen to his wife's opinion on the subject and the family is ruined on account of this? Would the woman have to meekly submit to these things? And what if the woman's submission just serves to enable her husband's bad behaviors and habits?
    The key here is getting to know your spouse well enough first, so if you find any red flags that he's a controlling, possibly abusive personality... don't marry him! Discussing this very subject before marriage to establish what each person expects their roles and the roles of their future spouse will be can go a long way to preventing such problems.

    Also, a wife is not prevented from intervening when her husband is engaging in risky, dangerous or clearly wrong behaviors. If a husband is suffering from a serious problem like an addiction, a wife should step in and encourage him get the help he needs.

    What submission looks like in a marriage is somewhat individual, as well, which is why finding a person that's a good fit for you is important. My mom doesn't want to deal with finances, never was interested in a career and loves to maintain her home and entertain. My dad was very dedicated to his job (he's retired) and handles the finances quite well so she doesn't have to think about it. He lets her shop to her hearts content - and she's a bargain hunter so she makes sure she doesn't overspend. He lets her run the house and try's to keep his den closer to her idea of neatness than his, lol. It works for them, I can't imagine it any other way.

    That being said, that's sooooo not me! My husband and I are both artists, I handle the finances because he admittedly doesn't want to think about it. We discuss all major purchases, and even the smaller ones. We both work "regular" jobs, and then make some money doing artwork at home. We have an art room with co-art areas, some of our best time spent together is in this room. He's my biggest fan, and jokes about retiring in luxury when I "make it big" with my art. We keep everything on the level, we know basically where each other goes and what we're doing. We each have full access to each others computers including email. Neither of us checks, but we know we can.

    When we were first married I was independent minded and liked to do everything myself. Then I realized how happy it made him to "be da' man" and do things for me... take out the garbage, check the oil on the car. He knows I can do it, but he loves to be the go-to guy for that kind of stuff, and I really like that it makes him feel good about himself.

    Bottom line, besides both loving and putting God first, a marriage should be between two people that love and respect each other. If your looking at a spouse as an opponent then there's going to be a problems regardless of whether submission is a part of it. Both people in a marriage need to try to be the biggest advocate for their husband/wife this side of Jesus. It's so simple I am amazed at how few get it... if both take their job seriously to love and support their spouse, then they'll know true marital bliss.
    “Art is a collaboration between God and the artist, and the less the artist does the better”...Andre Gide

    http://www.andreenharris.com

  11. #11
    All of the posts from you married ladies who practice submission have been very helpful and have made the concept seem a bit less scary to someone like me who has never been married. canvasjockey, I have to say that your post is especially informative and wise and has given me much food for thought. You did a good job replying to some of my worries.

  12. #12
    Does anyone on here know of some kind of Bible study, book, workbook or course where a woman can learn more about this issue? There was a post that said people confuse submission with subservience, and I'm definitely one of those people! I can read the verses but I think I need a longer course or study in order to really understand all the details of what it means. I also want to be able to point to examples, and have them pointed out to me, saying this particular issue is submission, this is not, etc. For instance, friends. I want to know what submission to one's husband means in terms of friends. I have a few questions about friends here if anyone can answer.

    1.) Can you keep your old friends (friends you had prior to marriage or becoming engaged) or does your husband have a right to 'screen' them and decide if they are good friends for you?
    2.) Same question, only what about new friends that you make after marriage.
    3.) Does your husband have to know your friends? Should he be introduced to them/acquainted with them or are they just for you? I'm especially wondering about single friends, who probably wouldn't want to be the third wheel and may not be able to 'double date' or go out as a married couples group with you and your husband.
    4.) If your husband doesn't approve of or like your friends, can you still see them? What if you see them as edifying or beneficial?
    5.) Can a married Christian woman continue to have male friends? This is a HUGE issue for me because a good percentage of my friends are guys and I am really close to some of them. Obviously, not referring to "friends" who you are attracted to or might feel tempted to be romantic with, just platonic friends? If you can, are they still just your friends or do they have to be your husband's friends? Can you see them by yourself or do you have to have your husband as a chaperone when seeing them?
    6.) Can a married Christian woman remain friends with an ex-boyfriend? Obviously this is a little different from #5. I have one ex I'm very close to still. We are not romantically involved anymore and were never sexually involved. Our dating relationship ended because we experienced no attraction to each other and decided to be just friends, but he's still an ex so a different situation than some guy friends I haven't had any past with.
    7.) Is there anyplace a married woman can't go to with her friends that is okay for single women? I'm talking like certain movies, clubs, etc. For instance it might be okay to see a certain movie while you're single but not when you're married? Or vice versa I guess.

  13. #13
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    I'm a woman of few words but want to add a thought.

    When studying Eph. 5:22 in the original Greek I noticed the word translated "submit" wasn't there (not that I read Greek, but was using good tool to help me see how it was translated). Looking back to verse 21, the word translated "submit" is there. So verse 22, IMO, should never be read without it. (Really you need to start at about verse 17 to get the full impact of what is being said, but that's another story.)

    Eph. 5:21 "Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God"

    If you can not find a man that understands that he is required to submit as well, then run!!!

    He should to be a leader but not a dictator. Good leaders listen well and know how to recognize good talent and wisdom. They will "submit to", or get in step with, those that have the talents they do not, rather than arrogantly demanding their way.


  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by EastTexasGal View Post

    He should to be a leader but not a dictator. Good leaders listen well and know how to recognize good talent and wisdom. They will "submit to", or get in step with, those that have the talents they do not, rather than arrogantly demanding their way.
    I agree with this completely. if your husband is living up to his part of this arrangement he loves you as much as Christ loves his church. Would Christ tell you that you can't talk to your friends or that even though you are better at finances, he should do them, or that even though you like the color blue, he hates it and you must never wear it?... O f course not! We are all human but an integral part of love, in my opinion is truly wanting that person to be happy. In your relationship with God, good works and obidience are not required (only faith in Jesus is) but if you love God, you do these things to make him happy. Love is what motivates me to purchase snowblwers for 10 feet of sidewalk. Love is what motivates my husband to budget in a fancy mop for me when it is un needed. Husbands will make mistakes and so are wives. But submitting your own will to your husband is far better then you can imagine! If he loves you and keeps his half of the deal, you get way more out of it then you ever feel that you've put in.
    Believe me sisters, I have had many a doubt about his decisions and about his reasoning but you know what? Even when he makse mistakes they are rarely selfish. I am submissive to my husband. But there is nothing that says I can't counsel him. He is not some King Such and such that makes decrees and exits the room. He loves me, and withthat comes respect and recognition and I take the time to make sure i let him know how I feel.
    At one time, I definitely felt that submission=subservience but I have been converted! It's amazing how much better life is when you give up what you know as true and accept what god says is true!
    to answer questions (USING CAPS SO YOU CAN SEE ANSWERS):
    1.) Can you keep your old friends (friends you had prior to marriage or becoming engaged) or does your husband have a right to 'screen' them and decide if they are good friends for you? I CAN'T SEE WHY A HUSBAND WOULD FEEL THE NEED TO SCREEN YOUR FRIENDS. WHY WOULD HE HAVE MARRIED YOU ID HE DOESN'T TRUST YOU
    2.) Same question, only what about new friends that you make after marriage. SEE ABOVE... UNLESS SOMEONE IS HURTING YOU OR YOUR MARRIAGE, I CAN SEE HOW IT MATTERS.
    3.) Does your husband have to know your friends? Should he be introduced to them/acquainted with them or are they just for you? I'm especially wondering about single friends, who probably wouldn't want to be the third wheel and may not be able to 'double date' or go out as a married couples group with you and your husband. HMM, WELL, THERE IS NO RULE ON THIS BUT WHY WOULDN'T YOU WANT YOUR FRIENDS AND HUSBAND TO KNOW EACH OTHER? IF THEY ARE BOTH IMPROTANT TO YOU? I DON'T THINK THAT HE HAS TO MEET THEM PER SAY BUT I DON'T SEE WHY IT SHOULD MATTER IF HE DOES EITHER...
    4.) If your husband doesn't approve of or like your friends, can you still see them? What if you see them as edifying or beneficial? ULTIMATELY, YOU SHOULD RESPCET YOUR HUSBAND DECISION I THINK. THE CATCH HERE IS WHICH RELATIONSHIP IS MORE IMPORTANT TO YOU? IN ADDITION, I CANT UNDERSTAND WHY ANYONE WOULD DO THAT UNLESS THERE WAS A GOOD REASON......
    5.) Can a married Christian woman continue to have male friends? This is a HUGE issue for me because a good percentage of my friends are guys and I am really close to some of them. Obviously, not referring to "friends" who you are attracted to or might feel tempted to be romantic with, just platonic friends? If you can, are they still just your friends or do they have to be your husband's friends? Can you see them by yourself or do you have to have your husband as a chaperone when seeing them? YOU WOULD HAVE TO FIND SOMEONE WHO ACCEPTS THIS AS A PART OF YOUR LIFE. THAT'S ALL. I DON'T THINK HUBBY SHOULD HAVE TO CHAPERONE YOU BY ANY MEANS, THAT SEEMS EXTREME. IF I WERE YOU, I WOULD WANT MY MALE FRIENDS TO BE FRIENDS WITH HUBBY TOO, REASON BEING THAT THE CHANCES OF HIM GETTING JEALOUS ARE LESS AND CHANCES OF THE FRIEND EVER THINKING THEY HAD A "SHOT" ARE LESS TOO. IT'S JUST AN ADDED MEASURE OF BALANCE.
    6.) Can a married Christian woman remain friends with an ex-boyfriend? Obviously this is a little different from #5. I have one ex I'm very close to still. We are not romantically involved anymore and were never sexually involved. Our dating relationship ended because we experienced no attraction to each other and decided to be just friends, but he's still an ex so a different situation than some guy friends I haven't had any past with. SEE ABOVE #5 IT IS YOU AND HUBBYS RELATIONSHIP. YOU DETERMINE WHAT'S APPROPRIATE BETWEEN YOURSELVES.
    7.) Is there anyplace a married woman can't go to with her friends that is okay for single women? I'm talking like certain movies, clubs, etc. For instance it might be okay to see a certain movie while you're single but not when you're married? Or vice versa I guess. I CAN'T THINK OF ANY. AS LONG AS YOU ARE STICKING TO YOUR CHRISTIAN VALUES IN WHERE YOU CHOOSE TO GO, MARRIAGE DOESN'T RESTICT THIS JUST BY BEING MARRIAGE. THE ONLY THING I CAN THINK OF IS A SINGLES MIXER.... BUT THAT'S OBVIOUS!!!
    Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
    Proverbs 3:5

    My soul yearns for you in the night; in the morning my spirit longs for you. When your judgements come upon the earth, the people of the world learn righteousness.
    Isaiah 26:9

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    New Jersey USA
    Posts
    732
    Submission brings blessings.

    We submit to God through Christ and we are blessed.
    We oppose God, he is forced to rule over us.

    Marriage exists as a physical demonstration of this relationship.
    Be Holy!

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