Siblings fighting!

[Twin2]

My 15 year old daughter and 13 year old son have began to fight with one another. They used to be really close, but in the last few years, she has sort of out-grown him. I understand both sides, but I just don't know what to do about this. Our house is small. It is hard for them to get away from one another. My children's rooms are very small, so they don't spend a lot of time there. Usually they are in the living room together. In the evenings, or weekends, my daughter likes to sit quietly reading a book. My son, talks NONSTOP. He is getting on everyone's nerves. My daughter usually asks, well lately tells him to be quiet and he just keeps talking. If he doesn't talk he insists on watching TV or playing a video game. Of course, the volume gets out of control and my daughter gets angry. Before long my daughter becomes frustrated and has started to punch her brother for this. Then of course he either screams for me, demanding my prompt attention to her, or he cries like he's being murdered. I know it is normal for kids to fight. I know they will get on one another's nerves. I know one or both are at fault. I know my son needs to back off when he starts to annoy his sister. He seems to not understand that he's annoying. I know my daughter has no right laying a hand on my son. She has become demanding of having her own way. This is so frustrating. I really, really do not know how to deal with this anymore.

[soldout4God]

Maybe Family devotions? We've been reading through proverbs and disscussing them.My sisters still argue sometimes but it decreases it.
( after reading it agian it sounds like I am completly inoccent) (I'm guilty to sometimes)

[Diggindeeper]

I had 4 children and I remember they used to get into squabbles, too. Its nicely referred to as 'Sibling Rivalry.' But, I'll tell you what I did not do. I refused to be a REFERREE! I would punish BOTH, or all THREE, if 3 were involved. Isn't this the same son who was not included in the "Teen" thingie at your church? He is fighting for attention, albeit, he is (like often happens) fighting for it in the wrong way. He just does not know he is doing that.

I think I'd find some small ways to give him a bit of special time and recognition. Like, invite only him to go to the store with Dad, or with you. That 15 year old daughter is already probably showing a few more signs of untying her own apron strings. Talking with friends more. Wanting to be with peers more. Things like that.

Whereas the 13 year old boy has not gotten that far along yet. Girls DO just naturally mature a little faster, and a 13 year old boy, in my opinion, is barely, BARELY, a teen. There is an age gap, and he just needs more time with Mom or Dad than she would right now, and he is resentful of big sister...who gets included more at church and perhaps in other ways, just due to her being a little older.

One other thing that I found to help at our house was to see the funny side of things as often as you can. At age 13, boys especially are FUNNY! They will annoy sister, just to be cute. If you and your husband can find ways to laugh with him more often, he will be getting the attention he craves...which that craving is pretty typical at his age. I don't mean laugh at him, but WITH him.

My 3 boys at that age I remember had pimples, which to them must have seemed like mountains on their noses. They'd ask for more Noxema cream, which I still say works! And I'd say, "Are you passing out Noxema to all the people you know who have pimples? "

They were developing stinky feet. I pretend to BEG them "PLEASE, please don't take off those shoes in this room! Run, everybody...run! He's taking them off!"

Their feet at that age were too big for their bodies, or so it seemed to me. I used to tease my boys of having clown feet. I'd' ask them, "Do those big shoes REALLY fit you? Are your feet THAT big?"

They seemed to trip over their own feet, and I'd say, "It's those big shoes you're wearing, boy!"

In all these ways, I was giving them attention, and laughing WITH them at the same time. It worked for me.
(Wouldn't it be nice if there was a "Mother's manual for Raising Boys" that we could buy?)

[Twin2]

Maybe Family devotions? We've been reading through proverbs and disscussing them.My sisters still argue sometimes but it decreases it.
( after reading it agian it sounds like I am completly inoccent) (I'm guilty to sometimes)

Actually, I am reading a book that I want to use for a family study, once I finish reading it. The author compares some of today's attitudes to some of the attitudes of people in the Bible and I really feel like my family can benefit from sharing this book. I have been thinking that it would be good to bring it all out over a few weeks of family devotions.

[karenoka27]

Oh, how I remember those days. You are not alone my sweet sister.
I call the teens the "terrible teens"..it's just like what they call the terrible two's only now they can talk!

The teen years can be tough. Each child is beginning to grow into their own person, finding their own identity. It's all normal.

My two girls were so close you couldn't separate them. Then came the teen years. The older wanted nothing to do with the younger. The younger was devastated. It took a lot of years but now they are both married and have a relationship again. You just have to have patience. Praying for you.

[Twin2]

I refused to be a REFERREE! I would punish BOTH, or all THREE, if 3 were involved.

My parents taught me this. As a twin, if one of us didn't fess up to the crime, we both paid. Today, both my son and daughter were sent to their rooms. I told them both we have a new rule today: If the other is bothering them, get up and leave the room. I told my son he is annoying, and he needs to learn that when people ask him to go away or to be quiet and he doesn't, there will be consequences (it's no wonder they want to hit him). He needs to find the sense to understand that. Then I contradicted myself, and I told my daughter she was not to hit her brother, but to leave the room. She doesn't have a monopoly on the living room. If she can't find peace there, find another room. Hitting her brother wasn't the way to solve it.

Isn't this the same son who was not included in the "Teen" thingie at your church?

You're good...All these posts and you remember that?

He is fighting for attention, albeit, he is (like often happens) fighting for it in the wrong way. He just does not know he is doing that.

This certainly is true. He wants attention and all she wants some peace and quiet.

I think I'd find some small ways to give him a bit of special time and recognition. Like, invite only him to go to the store with Dad, or with you. That 15 year old daughter is already probably showing a few more signs of untying her own apron strings. Talking with friends more. Wanting to be with peers more. Things like that.

Whereas the 13 year old boy has not gotten that far along yet. Girls DO just naturally mature a little faster, and a 13 year old boy, in my opinion, is barely, BARELY, a teen. There is an age gap, and he just needs more time with Mom or Dad than she would right now, and he is resentful of big sister...who gets included more at church and perhaps in other ways, just due to her being a little older.

One other thing that I found to help at our house was to see the funny side of things as often as you can. At age 13, boys especially are FUNNY! They will annoy sister, just to be cute. If you and your husband can find ways to laugh with him more often, he will be getting the attention he craves...which that craving is pretty typical at his age. I don't mean laugh at him, but WITH him.

My 3 boys at that age I remember had pimples, which to them must have seemed like mountains on their noses. They'd ask for more Noxema cream, which I still say works! And I'd say, "Are you passing out Noxema to all the people you know who have pimples? "

They were developing stinky feet. I pretend to BEG them "PLEASE, please don't take off those shoes in this room! Run, everybody...run! He's taking them off!"

Their feet at that age were too big for their bodies, or so it seemed to me. I used to tease my boys of having clown feet. I'd' ask them, "Do those big shoes REALLY fit you? Are your feet THAT big?"

They seemed to trip over their own feet, and I'd say, "It's those big shoes you're wearing, boy!"

In all these ways, I was giving them attention, and laughing WITH them at the same time. It worked for me.
(Wouldn't it be nice if there was a "Mother's manual for Raising Boys" that we could buy?)

I think part of my son's problem is that my husband doesn't really make time for him. He works so much and when he is around, the kids kinda do their own thing. They would both benefit from one on one time together. As for joking with my son, that's tricky. He is a very immature 13, and he doesn't seem to understand the difference between laughing with you and laughing at you. Adding to his securities, his sister is fun loving, and jokes all the time. I think there is some rivalry there because she is so secure in herself compared to him. Also, since my son doesn't seem to realize he's talking too much or making too much noise, everyone is short with him.I do like your suggestions. We really need to have some fun times as a family. My son and my husband would both especially benefit so much from this, as they seem the most stressed all the time.

[hdt]

My parents taught me this. As a twin, if one of us didn't fess up to the crime, we both paid. Today, both my son and daughter were sent to their rooms. I told them both we have a new rule today: If the other is bothering them, get up and leave the room. I told my son he is annoying, and he needs to learn that when people ask him to go away or to be quiet and he doesn't, there will be consequences (it's no wonder they want to hit him). He needs to find the sense to understand that. Then I contradicted myself, and I told my daughter she was not to hit her brother, but to leave the room. She doesn't have a monopoly on the living room. If she can't find peace there, find another room. Hitting her brother wasn't the way to solve it.

You are correct she can leave the room, and she doesn't need to hit.

lol maybe HIM talking to the walls because everyone is gone will make him think twice! I mean WHO will respond when he asks questions?

My son at times can get smoothering (like you talking about - get overly exciting and talks everyone's ears off), and when I see it I ask him to STOP! If he can't control himself right away - he is sent to his room.

There have been times in which I have brought out a list of bible verses, and sat him down on the kitchen table to write them out. That seems to cool his jets. When he is done he is asked how those apply to his life! It brings up some good discussions between us.