My husband's mother never did talk, well...like normal people. There were several reasons for this, and we all knew that. She only had a third grade education, because when she was a girl, she didn't like school and stopped going in the third grade. Girls could do that back then, because all they were expected to do was get married, cook, keep house and have babies.
Another reason she talked differently was because her life had been lived WAY out in the countryside and here in Tennessee, those first known as 'hillbillys' ALL talked differently! Especially in the county where she had always lived. They still say things like, "That thar bull over'n Sam's pasture done got loose and hit took off after-n me. I hadda climb plum up that danged apple tree to git outta his way, and he still pert near gored me afore I clum high a-nuff in that tree! Stayed settin' on a limb fer hours and just now saw my chance and tuk off a-runnin' like a shotgun shell. Whew! I'm a-gaspin' fer breath! " (Like I said, they still talk this way in that one county. Mainly the old folks.)
Then, with his mother, I think she literally may have had a speech impediment. She's say, "Hit must be cwrelve o'clock. I hear the crain cummin' down the railroad crack."
Well, my husband's dad was in World War 1, and when he came home, they say after being "gassed", he ended up spending his last months in a Knoxville hospital, still fighting that eyeball to eyeball war. He died before my husband was 2 years old, so my husband never really knew his dad. His mother never remarried, so naturally, my husband picked up on a LOT of her lingo, or whatever it was called. He has always substituted words and it drives me batty! I tease him, and tell him he needs to learn to speak English. (He thinks its all so funny, he does a lot of it to get laughs, too. I think. Or, I hope some is intentional.) But, if all early indications are right, he's had Alzheimers since he was a little kid!!
Here are a few of the things he's said wrong, when he was quite serious...
"Those rescue workers rescued that puppy and gave him mouth-to-mouth hesitation and saved its life!"
Several years ago, the Wholesale Grocery Warehouse where he had worked for 25 years had to shut their doors, and the employees got to take all the groceries, frozen foods, etc. that they could, since the company got credit and was going to 'dispose' of all of the food anyway. One day he came home with 25 or 30 one half gallon jugs of orange juice. We HAD to give away that juice to anyone we knew who would take it...our kids, our friends, neighbors. So, my generous hubby told our neighbor across the road, "We have more orange juice than we can store or use, so if it won't defend you, I'll be glad to share it with you."
Bless her heart, she kept a very straight face and replied, "Oh my. With three children who love orange juice, that would never ...(pause)...defend...me! I'll take 3 or 4 jugs!"
His "words" even spilled over into church gatherings! One time when he was called on to pray, he was just praying away, and said, "Oh Lord, I ask you to just show us mighty signs and divisions..." (I knew he meant visions, not divisions.) And wouldn't you know! About a week later, something happened that split that church right down the middle! (After that, he was heard telling people to be careful what they prayed for!!)
But the one that was really, really a wrong word at the wrong time was about a year ago, in church, when he was just testifying as earnestly as he could and...I knew he meant to tell of a time when we were doing family devotions around the coffee table in the living room....
But he said, "We were doing abortions around the coffee table in our living room..."
When he got through, I did have to add that we never had done abortions in our living room, and I was sure he meant to say 'devotions'.
My favorite scripture: Malachi 3:16
"Then they that feared the LORD spake often one to another: and the LORD hearkened, and heard it, and a book of remembrance was written before him for them that feared the LORD, and that thought upon his name!" (Every time we speak of the Lord, or even THINK of him--its written down in a book of remembrance!)