Seeking a woman

[truthseeker2]

I don't know if this is the best place for this or not. How did you find your Christian girl? Was it in a church, was it online? Was there mutual attraction at first or did you find the girl you wanted and went after her? Were there any girls along the way that at first did not seem interested but eventually you got with or if you found she was not into you would you just give up?

[baxpack7]

Sometimes it's best if we stop looking, and let God bring to us the desires of our heart:

Mt 6:33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.


When I met my wife, neither of us were walking the Christian path, but when I met her, we dated for a while(about a year) and we got to know each other real well.During that year I knew that she was for me, but I kept it to myself until the right time. Now, we've been married almost 25 years and it's been quite an adventure. We went from drugs and alcohol to redemption and salvation.

One thing that you can do is immerse yourself in the activities at your church.Idle hands can be tools for the evil one. After a while, people will notice the work that you are putting in to help your church and you never know how that will turn out. One thing's for sure. don't just go out huntin' fer dem wimmin cuz ya may ketch sumpin ya don't want or need!

2 Cor 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

Make sur that when you do meet someone you think you could date, then make sure that you think alike before you make any commitments. God bless you my friend.

[teddyv]

I met my wife through our church. We got to know each other as friends doing some outdoor things with others like hiking and skiing. Talking with her I found her very smart, funny and just great to be around. I also sensed that she did like me, so after my field season, in which I nearly killed myself, I came home and asked her out. And that was pretty much that.

[-SEEKING-]

Seeking a woman

No I'm not! !

[-SEEKING-]

On a serious note, I actually met my wife at church. I prayed to God and asked Him for a wife.I didn't want anymore gf's. And as when I met here I just knew it was her.

[The Mighty Sword]

No I'm not! !

Finally, someone has your number.


Truthseeker
On the real, God will hook you up with someone He want's you to be with.

[teddyv]

Finally, someone has your number.


Truthseeker
On the real, God will hook you up with someone He want's you to be with.

That doesn't of course mean one should not be proactive to some degree.

[truthseeker2]

I invited this girl over to the house I'm living in to eat some dinner because I was making some dinner, she said thank you for the invite but she actually had to go teach a lab soon that night. I realize that it could be a genuine reason or she could be using it as an excuse to not come over. If I were to invite her the very next night would that possibly be blowing it by being too pushy and just unnatural?

[HisLeast]

I invited this girl over to the house I'm living in to eat some dinner because I was making some dinner, she said thank you for the invite but she actually had to go teach a lab soon that night. I realize that it could be a genuine reason or she could be using it as an excuse to not come over. If I were to invite her the very next night would that possibly be blowing it by being too pushy and just unnatural?

Have you been out with this girl before? If not, I wouldn't invite her into your home. An invitation to a private dinner at your place is something you do after you've got a significant amount of rapport. By "significant" I mean you should both be aware that you both see potential for where things are going. If that level of rapport isn't there, she's at a tremendous disadvantage, because she has no polite way to disengage from the situation AND she's on your turf. In my experience if the woman is captivated enough but already has plans, she'll make a counter-offer. I think its probably best you don't re-invite her the next night. Let it sit for a while and if you want to try again, make sure you're on neutral territory.

Does any of that make sense?

[The Mighty Sword]

That doesn't of course mean one should not be proactive to some degree.

True.

50% you
50% GOD.

[Athanasius]

True.

50% you
50% GOD.

Or in my case, 90% God, 10% me. It just figures that the guy who doesn't believe in 'the one' or 'soulmate' theology ends up in that very circumstance.

[The Mighty Sword]

Or in my case, 90% God, 10% me. It just figures that the guy who doesn't believe in 'the one' or 'soulmate' theology ends up in that very circumstance.

Whatever works brother, whatever works.

[truthseeker2]

Have you been out with this girl before? If not, I wouldn't invite her into your home. An invitation to a private dinner at your place is something you do after you've got a significant amount of rapport. By "significant" I mean you should both be aware that you both see potential for where things are going. If that level of rapport isn't there, she's at a tremendous disadvantage, because she has no polite way to disengage from the situation AND she's on your turf. In my experience if the woman is captivated enough but already has plans, she'll make a counter-offer. I think its probably best you don't re-invite her the next night. Let it sit for a while and if you want to try again, make sure you're on neutral territory.

Does any of that make sense?

Ok so this girl goes to a group with I and others. I have talked to her a fair amount, I have been biking/running with her and a couple other people (never 1 on 1). During Christmas time I went to a party where she was and I talked to her and she talked with me more then any one else at the party. Someone else went on a walk with a girl who was at the party and she mentioned to me how that was bold, unfortunetely I did not ask her to go on a walk because I guess I chickened out because I don't like the idea of being rejected. If I could do it over again and she did reject me on that offer then I would be fine now but I didn't. There have been a couple of times where I almost felt like there was an opening to ask her to do something, but I opened my big mouth too fast and screwed up any possible opertunity. She asked me about playing a sport with a group after church and did not make a point to invite anyone else that I know of, although it is possible she did when I was not physically there around her. More importantly I know she did not invite this other guy who she may or may not be interested in.

The house I live at has a bunch of Christian guys living there that all go to the same group that she goes to and we have dinners sometimes and she had told me or one of the other guys there to invite her the next time we had a dinner. I realize that she meant when a bunch of us were having dinner and this was just me (or anyone else that would have been home) but she has been to our house a bunch.

I agree though, I think asking her today would be a bad idea. There is another circumstance which makes it kind of more of a special occasion then any old time but I don't really want to go into that and I think despite that it's still not a good idea and does seem a bit pushy.

Do you think it would have been a better idea to ask her about today while I was talking to her yesterday?

[HisLeast]

Ok so this girl goes to a group with I and others. I have talked to her a fair amount, I have been biking/running with her and a couple other people (never 1 on 1). During Christmas time I went to a party where she was and I talked to her and she talked with me more then any one else at the party. Someone else went on a walk with a girl who was at the party and she mentioned to me how that was bold, unfortunetely I did not ask her to go on a walk because I guess I chickened out because I don't like the idea of being rejected. If I could do it over again and she did reject me on that offer then I would be fine now but I didn't. There have been a couple of times where I almost felt like there was an opening to ask her to do something, but I opened my big mouth too fast and screwed up any possible opertunity. She asked me about playing a sport with a group after church and did not make a point to invite anyone else that I know of, although it is possible she did when I was not physically there around her. More importantly I know she did not invite this other guy who she may or may not be interested in.

Ok... you both know each other. That's fine. But for private dinners on your turf requires a more personal rapport. She's got to feel a certain amount of attraction before that's going to sound like a good idea to her. There's certain social expectations when it comes to intimate dinners like that, and I'm not talking sexual. That's why I'd just leave the private dinners (at your place) until you've been on an actual date with her (that both of you interpret as a date). Does this make sense, and do you understand why?

I agree though, I think asking her today would be a bad idea. There is another circumstance which makes it kind of more of a special occasion then any old time but I don't really want to go into that and I think despite that it's still not a good idea and does seem a bit pushy.

Do you think it would have been a better idea to ask her about today while I was talking to her yesterday?

To be honest I think it doesn't matter much, based on her response. If she's interested in you "that way" I think she might have suggested an alternative time or activity right off the bat. Not saying that to bring you down, but rather so you don't waste any time or emotion unnecessarily. Also, as I don't know the girl, I couldn't tell you what she thinks of you, so there's no reason why you can't try again. Just remember... if its going to be just the two of you, its got to be on neutral ground.

[truthseeker2]

Thanks for the replys. I guess I see the house I'm in as a fairly neutral place seeing as there are a fair amount of others that live there that she knows and the fact that she has been over many times but I do see what you are saying.

Had I asked her on the walk I would have gotten a much clearer answer because it seemed to me that she was showing interest and if she had rejected me then at least I could be pretty sure she just was not interseted in me at all like that. Now I feel even if she was interested then she very well may not be now.

One thing about her that I have heard is that she wants the guy to be bold in addition to what she told me, I have heard this from someone else and I kind of wonder is she might be the type to play hard to get. Like you have to be constantly pursuing her to get anywhere, like being almost a bit pushy. I know that might change if the "perfect guy" all of the sudden dropped into her life but I don't think that means she will only settle for only "the perfect guy". I mean who of us feels they are really perfect anyway?

Ok... you both know each other. That's fine. But for private dinners on your turf requires a more personal rapport. She's got to feel a certain amount of attraction before that's going to sound like a good idea to her. There's certain social expectations when it comes to intimate dinners like that, and I'm not talking sexual. That's why I'd just leave the private dinners (at your place) until you've been on an actual date with her (that both of you interpret as a date). Does this make sense, and do you understand why?



To be honest I think it doesn't matter much, based on her response. If she's interested in you "that way" I think she might have suggested an alternative time or activity right off the bat. Not saying that to bring you down, but rather so you don't waste any time or emotion unnecessarily. Also, as I don't know the girl, I couldn't tell you what she thinks of you, so there's no reason why you can't try again. Just remember... if its going to be just the two of you, its got to be on neutral ground.