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View Poll Results: Single parent..what is the first thought that comes to mind?

Voters
45. You may not vote on this poll
  • They are a disgrace

    1 2.22%
  • Poor and uneducated

    1 2.22%
  • their kids will only grow up to be in trouble

    1 2.22%
  • We care for them in your church, help out when they need help.

    4 8.89%
  • figure they will bring in any man, no matter how terrible that will abuse their children

    0 0%
  • know they have a difficult time and try to be loving and supportive of them.

    41 91.11%
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Thread: Single parent..what is the first thought that comes to your mind?

  1. #16
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    I picked the last one on the list, but it was not all in regard to single moms..my dad died when I was 18 and my little brother was almost 13 years..so, i saw my mom have a tough time...but I guess I am even more impacted by my brother-in-law who is a single parent of a 6 year old boy...he really struggles as the mom is usually the one that kids want when sick or hurt..and he just really seems less gentle, understanding, or patient as moms can usually be..don't get me wrong..he tries..but it is a big struggle and his little boy does not understand why he doesn't have a mom..

    I cannot imagine not having someone to lean on or talk to about discipline, schoolwork, etc..always having to be the one to discipline along with everything else..I sincerely pray for all of the single parents trying to fill both rolls in the family...single parents have a hard road..
    I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me...Phil. 4:13

  2. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by ShortStuff View Post
    I picked the last one on the list, but it was not all in regard to single moms..my dad died when I was 18 and my little brother was almost 13 years..so, i saw my mom have a tough time...but I guess I am even more impacted by my brother-in-law who is a single parent of a 6 year old boy...he really struggles as the mom is usually the one that kids want when sick or hurt..and he just really seems less gentle, understanding, or patient as moms can usually be..don't get me wrong..he tries..but it is a big struggle and his little boy does not understand why he doesn't have a mom..

    I cannot imagine not having someone to lean on or talk to about discipline, schoolwork, etc..always having to be the one to discipline along with everything else..I sincerely pray for all of the single parents trying to fill both rolls in the family...single parents have a hard road..
    I will be sure to keep your brother-in-law in my prayers...

    God bless
    "People do not drift toward holiness. Apart from grace-driven effort, people do not gravitate toward godliness, prayer, obedience to Scripture, faith, and delight in the Lord. We drift toward compromise and call it tolerance; We drift toward disobedience and call it freedom; We drift toward superstition and call it faith. We cherish the indiscipline of lost self-control and call it relaxation; we slouch toward prayerlessness and delude ourselves into thinking we have escaped legalism; we slide toward godlessness and convince ourselves we have been liberated?" - D A Carson

  3. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by moonglow View Post
    I will be sure to keep your brother-in-law in my prayers...

    God bless
    Thank you very much for the prayers..we try to help as much as possible, but I know it is just not the same..Mother's day was very hard for both of them...and right in the middle of the service full of songs and poems about moms..my little nephew breaks my heart and says..But I don't have a mom....

    I know it is hard for my b-in-law to try to fulfill the dad that makes the money to support the family and the mom that takes care of all the little things..it just seems that every woman he dates ends up not caring for or mistreating his son..
    I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me...Phil. 4:13

  4. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by ShortStuff View Post
    Thank you very much for the prayers..we try to help as much as possible, but I know it is just not the same..Mother's day was very hard for both of them...and right in the middle of the service full of songs and poems about moms..my little nephew breaks my heart and says..But I don't have a mom....

    I know it is hard for my b-in-law to try to fulfill the dad that makes the money to support the family and the mom that takes care of all the little things..it just seems that every woman he dates ends up not caring for or mistreating his son..
    What happened to his mom anyway..if you don't mind me asking?

    Nate would do the same thing on Father's day..cry and say he didn't have a day..he was probably five or six and he got so upset we have to leave church...I learned when he was young to NOT take him to church on Father's day..why bring up alot of pain especially in church? I would advise your brother in law to do the same thing...avoid church on Mother's Day. It only causes alot of pain. Now we attend a church on Saturday evenings so that helps alot. At first it was really, really tough you know...but as the years have gone by its really not that bad being a single parent. You get used to it. Another thing I did was stop dating. I ran into the same kind of men your brother is law in running into with women..its not worth having that happen or having people they can get attached too but never works out..in and out of their lives. It causes more problems then it helps. So I just focused on my son and doing what I need to do around here. Believe me I stay plenty busy and rarely feel lonely.

    I also focused on 'us' being a family. That it is just the two of us so we need to support and encouage and love each other. Of course my extended family has helped greatly...I would be in a much tougher situation without them...probably a really bad situation without them. My mom would take Nate when he was little when I couldn't deal with him and all of this anymore and just needed a break. She would take him over night or even several days. When they are young it is harder..they are much more needy and it is a strain. Plus lack of sleep...seems like they are sick at night or bad dreams or whatever. Nate is 14 now so its not 'constant' demands on my time and attention.
    "People do not drift toward holiness. Apart from grace-driven effort, people do not gravitate toward godliness, prayer, obedience to Scripture, faith, and delight in the Lord. We drift toward compromise and call it tolerance; We drift toward disobedience and call it freedom; We drift toward superstition and call it faith. We cherish the indiscipline of lost self-control and call it relaxation; we slouch toward prayerlessness and delude ourselves into thinking we have escaped legalism; we slide toward godlessness and convince ourselves we have been liberated?" - D A Carson

  5. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by moonglow View Post
    What happened to his mom anyway..if you don't mind me asking?
    She was addicted to meth..she was clean when b-in-law met her..and she was pregnant with a little boy(not his)..she had the baby..b-in-law married her..they had Nathan..and she was back on the drugs, maybe even while pregnant with him..it was horrible..we found out that she had even been taking both boys on drug runs..and hiding it under the mattress in the boys' room..I have to say it is best that she left..but she said she only wanted her older son..not my little red-headed nephew..He saw her last when he was 1 years old..b-in-law tried to pay for rehab..she left..showed up on his doorstep..then he started finding out a lot of stuff he did not know.. She signed away her rights to this beautiful, loving, fun little guy in trade for a broken down truck..

    Nate would do the same thing on Father's day..cry and say he didn't have a day..he was probably five or six and he got so upset we have to leave church...I learned when he was young to NOT take him to church on Father's day..why bring up alot of pain especially in church? I would advise your brother in law to do the same thing...avoid church on Mother's Day. It only causes alot of pain.
    it was my fault for keeping him in the sanctuary during the music..I teach children's church, so I could have taken him out earlier..which I should have..I just was not thinking..

    At first it was really, really tough you know...but as the years have gone by its really not that bad being a single parent. You get used to it. Another thing I did was stop dating. I ran into the same kind of men your brother is law in running into with women..its not worth having that happen or having people they can get attached too but never works out..in and out of their lives. It causes more problems then it helps. So I just focused on my son and doing what I need to do around here. Believe me I stay plenty busy and rarely feel lonely.
    Well, I just keep praying that God will help b-in-law come to the same conclusion..including Nathan's mom, there have been 3 women now that have cared more for something else than him..so, i keep praying that his daddy will realize that God has blessed him with a wonderful family in Nathan even though it is not the traditional family that he has always wanted..

    I also focused on 'us' being a family. That it is just the two of us so we need to support and encouage and love each other. Of course my extended family has helped greatly...I would be in a much tougher situation without them...probably a really bad situation without them. My mom would take Nate when he was little when I couldn't deal with him and all of this anymore and just needed a break. She would take him over night or even several days. When they are young it is harder..they are much more needy and it is a strain. Plus lack of sleep...seems like they are sick at night or bad dreams or whatever. Nate is 14 now so its not 'constant' demands on my time and attention.
    I try to do the same as your mom...watch him while his daddy shops for his b-day, etc...make things easier when possible..and I just keep praying for Nathan to be what b-in-law centers on..
    I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me...Phil. 4:13

  6. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by ShortStuff View Post
    She was addicted to meth..she was clean when b-in-law met her..and she was pregnant with a little boy(not his)..she had the baby..b-in-law married her..they had Nathan..and she was back on the drugs, maybe even while pregnant with him..it was horrible..we found out that she had even been taking both boys on drug runs..and hiding it under the mattress in the boys' room..I have to say it is best that she left..but she said she only wanted her older son..not my little red-headed nephew..He saw her last when he was 1 years old..b-in-law tried to pay for rehab..she left..showed up on his doorstep..then he started finding out a lot of stuff he did not know.. She signed away her rights to this beautiful, loving, fun little guy in trade for a broken down truck..


    it was my fault for keeping him in the sanctuary during the music..I teach children's church, so I could have taken him out earlier..which I should have..I just was not thinking..



    Well, I just keep praying that God will help b-in-law come to the same conclusion..including Nathan's mom, there have been 3 women now that have cared more for something else than him..so, i keep praying that his daddy will realize that God has blessed him with a wonderful family in Nathan even though it is not the traditional family that he has always wanted..


    I try to do the same as your mom...watch him while his daddy shops for his b-day, etc...make things easier when possible..and I just keep praying for Nathan to be what b-in-law centers on..
    Oh how sad about the mom... My son's name is Nathan also. (which means a gift from God). He just recently joined this board as a member btw. He is 14 now. He hasn't had a chance though to really post yet..stuff kept coming up and last week of school too. Tomorrow is his last day then summer break. His dad was an alcoholic and drug user..ended up in prison when Nate was four. We haven't seen him since (he is still in prison) which actually is an answered prayer because he was so emotionally abusive to both of us and neglectful of Nate. Long story...but I think you get the idea. Sometimes it is better if the other parent is not part of their lives. Of course I wish things had been different...very much so! Never intended or wanted any of this to happen. But Nate is safe...he is very loved by me and his grandparents and aunts and uncles...cousins...all of them. Our family is close and that helps alot. Its not me alone with him. That makes a huge difference I think.

    I am glad you are there to help. Next Mother's day I think maybe he should just stay home...its hard enough seeing all the commercials for Mother's and Father's day... As he gets older he will become more and more aware of Mother's day celebrations...see it in the stores and the commercials...that is when he needs to know he has someone to talk too. You can't take the pain of that away...but just be there for him when it comes. That means so much to these little guys...just knowing someone does care.

    God bless
    "People do not drift toward holiness. Apart from grace-driven effort, people do not gravitate toward godliness, prayer, obedience to Scripture, faith, and delight in the Lord. We drift toward compromise and call it tolerance; We drift toward disobedience and call it freedom; We drift toward superstition and call it faith. We cherish the indiscipline of lost self-control and call it relaxation; we slouch toward prayerlessness and delude ourselves into thinking we have escaped legalism; we slide toward godlessness and convince ourselves we have been liberated?" - D A Carson

  7. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by moonglow View Post
    Oh how sad about the mom... My son's name is Nathan also. (which means a gift from God). He just recently joined this board as a member btw. He is 14 now. He hasn't had a chance though to really post yet..stuff kept coming up and last week of school too. Tomorrow is his last day then summer break. His dad was an alcoholic and drug user..ended up in prison when Nate was four. We haven't seen him since (he is still in prison) which actually is an answered prayer because he was so emotionally abusive to both of us and neglectful of Nate. Long story...but I think you get the idea. Sometimes it is better if the other parent is not part of their lives. Of course I wish things had been different...very much so! Never intended or wanted any of this to happen. But Nate is safe...he is very loved by me and his grandparents and aunts and uncles...cousins...all of them. Our family is close and that helps alot. Its not me alone with him. That makes a huge difference I think.

    I am glad you are there to help. Next Mother's day I think maybe he should just stay home...its hard enough seeing all the commercials for Mother's and Father's day... As he gets older he will become more and more aware of Mother's day celebrations...see it in the stores and the commercials...that is when he needs to know he has someone to talk too. You can't take the pain of that away...but just be there for him when it comes. That means so much to these little guys...just knowing someone does care.

    God bless
    Yes, you are right, sometimes it is better that the other parent is not there. We are a very close family also, and b-in-law and nephew live right next door. So, they are at our house pretty much every evening..which I don't mind at all.

    I am not sure that keeping him home from church would help much..they get all of it at school, too...and since I teach the children's church, I try to make sure and teach on God's love on the holidays that might upset the kids. I have several years worth of Mother's day crafts from this little nephew..this year he brought me what he had made at school on Mother's day morning...he came in all dressed up with a card he made, a page that the teacher helped him cross out Mom and write aunt, and a little poem with his handprints..with tears in my eyes and running down my face, I listened to him read why I was special to him..because I hug him, cook for him.. then at church we talked, and I told him that many kids don't have one of their parents..then I told him I could not love him more if he was my little boy..he siad he wished he was my little boy..I told him that in my heart he is my little boy..he told me that I am his mom in his heart..then he said,,but not in real life..and I told him that sometimes in the heart matters much more than real life..either way, i will be there for him whenever possible and any time he needs me..
    I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me...Phil. 4:13

  8. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by ShortStuff View Post
    Yes, you are right, sometimes it is better that the other parent is not there. We are a very close family also, and b-in-law and nephew live right next door. So, they are at our house pretty much every evening..which I don't mind at all.

    I am not sure that keeping him home from church would help much..they get all of it at school, too...and since I teach the children's church, I try to make sure and teach on God's love on the holidays that might upset the kids. I have several years worth of Mother's day crafts from this little nephew..this year he brought me what he had made at school on Mother's day morning...he came in all dressed up with a card he made, a page that the teacher helped him cross out Mom and write aunt, and a little poem with his handprints..with tears in my eyes and running down my face, I listened to him read why I was special to him..because I hug him, cook for him.. then at church we talked, and I told him that many kids don't have one of their parents..then I told him I could not love him more if he was my little boy..he siad he wished he was my little boy..I told him that in my heart he is my little boy..he told me that I am his mom in his heart..then he said,,but not in real life..and I told him that sometimes in the heart matters much more than real life..either way, i will be there for him whenever possible and any time he needs me..
    Awww how sweet. Yea you are right..I forget Mother's day happens during the school year. Father's day happens after school lets out so Nate doesn't have to deal with that at school. Before my mom remarried, Nate didn't even have a grandpa (my dad died when I was a kid and his dad's dad we don't know about)... one of his uncles committed suicide when he was just five. So he only had one uncle that lived out of town and he didn't get to see him much. So there wasn't a male relative really in his life...not until later..now we give his grandpa Father's day cards but called grandpa cards..lol. But Nate does not see him as a dad...just grandpa..which is good.

    Anyway it sounds like you are a real blessing to him! That is so very important as you know.

    God bless
    "People do not drift toward holiness. Apart from grace-driven effort, people do not gravitate toward godliness, prayer, obedience to Scripture, faith, and delight in the Lord. We drift toward compromise and call it tolerance; We drift toward disobedience and call it freedom; We drift toward superstition and call it faith. We cherish the indiscipline of lost self-control and call it relaxation; we slouch toward prayerlessness and delude ourselves into thinking we have escaped legalism; we slide toward godlessness and convince ourselves we have been liberated?" - D A Carson

  9. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by moonglow View Post
    Awww how sweet. Yea you are right..I forget Mother's day happens during the school year. Father's day happens after school lets out so Nate doesn't have to deal with that at school. Before my mom remarried, Nate didn't even have a grandpa (my dad died when I was a kid and his dad's dad we don't know about)... one of his uncles committed suicide when he was just five. So he only had one uncle that lived out of town and he didn't get to see him much. So there wasn't a male relative really in his life...not until later..now we give his grandpa Father's day cards but called grandpa cards..lol. But Nate does not see him as a dad...just grandpa..which is good.

    Anyway it sounds like you are a real blessing to him! That is so very important as you know.

    God bless
    Thanks for saying that, but Nathan is a huge blessing to me..sounds like Nate has a very special Mom! I pray that God continues to bless you and Nate...and I am glad that he has grandpa cards now..my kids have a step grandpa, too..they never met my dad as he was gone before they were born..but Grandpas can be very important, too...and i thank God for placing someone in my Mom's life after my dad was gone..I know family can make some of the hard times a little easier for the little guys, but kids can be so smart and pick up on things when we think they don't...I know I try to just listen when Nathan talks...but someday, I know someone will tell him that his Mom traded him for a broken-down truck..I do not know how to keep that from happening..I just pray that he knows that we love him so much..Oh, well...I just have to put it in God's hands..He can take care of it..
    And now I am tired and rambling..sorry.
    I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me...Phil. 4:13

  10. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by ShortStuff View Post
    Thanks for saying that, but Nathan is a huge blessing to me..sounds like Nate has a very special Mom! I pray that God continues to bless you and Nate...and I am glad that he has grandpa cards now..my kids have a step grandpa, too..they never met my dad as he was gone before they were born..but Grandpas can be very important, too...and i thank God for placing someone in my Mom's life after my dad was gone..I know family can make some of the hard times a little easier for the little guys, but kids can be so smart and pick up on things when we think they don't...I know I try to just listen when Nathan talks...but someday, I know someone will tell him that his Mom traded him for a broken-down truck..I do not know how to keep that from happening..I just pray that he knows that we love him so much..Oh, well...I just have to put it in God's hands..He can take care of it..
    And now I am tired and rambling..sorry.
    I rambling too! We can talk more tomorrow...if you want too..

    God bless
    "People do not drift toward holiness. Apart from grace-driven effort, people do not gravitate toward godliness, prayer, obedience to Scripture, faith, and delight in the Lord. We drift toward compromise and call it tolerance; We drift toward disobedience and call it freedom; We drift toward superstition and call it faith. We cherish the indiscipline of lost self-control and call it relaxation; we slouch toward prayerlessness and delude ourselves into thinking we have escaped legalism; we slide toward godlessness and convince ourselves we have been liberated?" - D A Carson

  11. #26
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    Wow, great thread! My wife was in the same boat as you. Single mom with a daughter. And like you, she waited until her daughter was grown. So there is life after single motherhood.

    We met and married shortly after her daughter finished college. And she is much happier not having to worry about child/step-parent conflicts. Her daughter had uncles and a grandfather in her life. I can see the lack of a dad in her life, but she does good with it. When life hands you rotten bananas, make banana nut bread.

    1 Cor 7:8

  12. #27
    I have a cousin who is single and adopted two girls. She is a good mother to them. I do't have a problem with it as long as they have the means to take care of them or are able to do so by thesmelves, but I say that about married couples too. And those in situations that they can control, not including losing jobs while they have kids or other things happening after they have kids.
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  13. #28
    My paternal instincts click on and I'll somehow think I need to present myself as a Father figure, if the single parent is a Mom. Something I need, at all times, to work on. Besides, kids usually relate to me because they think I'm one of them. ()


    Just like to hear myself type

  14. #29
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    When I see or think of a single parent, I want to cry out," Lord Jesus help them!!!!!"It's hard enough to raise and provide for children when there are two parents involved and there is a partnership, when there is only one, the stress and worry are multiplied. The lonely nights and the guilt they feel when the kids ask about the parent who isnt there is heart breaking. My husband and I were separated for a year and I was raising our 4 little ones by myself, It was the most difficult time in my life,the sleepless nights I spent wondering how I'm going to take care of all our kids on my own, the guilt over my sons especially and how they are going to learn how to be men without their father. God always has a plan for every one of His children and I know many godly men and women who were raised by a single parent. Christians who have inspired me and have encouraged and strengthened me in my walk with the Lord who were raised by a single parent.

  15. #30
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    Being a single father, but widowed five years now, I have some of an understanding of the struggles. It was hard at first, but my DD has really matured and grown over the last two years.
    I have seen the struggles of teenage mothers, my wife was one with my adopted son when she was seventeen, years before we met. She had told me many times of the emotional and mental struggles she went through in raising him in his early years, and of dealing with the consequences of her actions. Fortunately, she had a loving grandmother who helped her so much, and pushed her to go to college and acquire a degree in accounting. When we met in the first of '83 she was already successfully working as an auditor for the state of Texas. She was a strong, smart woman who the three of us have missed very much. But, God has a way of stepping in when we really seek Him, and she learned that in her early years and carried that through the years of our marriage. She is one I will always love, and look forward to seeing when I get to heaven.....

    For her love, strength, and emotional support (and a very infectious laugh) I have always thanked God for her.....
    God happens!
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