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Thread: I need some help.

  1. #1
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    Unhappy I need some help.

    This is a little long but I definitely need help. I've already turned to God for guidance but in the mean time I'll post my difficulties here in hopes for a response:

    I have a friend. We'll call her M. M and I have been friends for a while. We met because she started to date D. I found out be accident that D and M began having sex. (Neither D or M are religious) This made me upset because I've tried to be a good model. I've had a serious BF for almost 3 years now and we've never had sex. I'm very open about it but still they had sex.
    I was a little disapointed not only in them but myself for not being good enough for them to see that they should have waited. I talked to my BF about it at the time and he helped me realize that all I can do is share and be a good model. I can't force them to take my advice.

    Well D and M broke up. M then went to see another man, who is 23 and she's 18, and had sex with him and entered into a relationship.

    I'm very worried about M. When she was breaking up with D she posted a status on facebook that said, "It's times like this I wish I had some religion." That status update has stuck with me and I want to help her get out of this harmful relationship (it's long distance, they barely know each other, and she's in danger of flunking school). I want to help her find God and spread the word of the Bible to her...but I'm not sure how.

    Please help.
    I'm desperate for some answers. I feel like I need to take some action or I'll go crazy with worry.
    She got on a bus this last Wednesday to see him, didn't tell him she was showing up, had no idea where she was going to stay, and it's the week before finals.
    Please help me so I can help her!!

  2. #2
    Well my first suggestion would be to pray for her of course. Then perhaps make an appointment with her so that you can have a talk with her and let her know how you feel and that you are worried about her.

  3. #3
    I agree with what Seeking said, start praying for her and just telling God what is on your heart. Try and set up a time where you can get alone with her and talk to her. Just tell her the truth about how you are concerned about her. Let her know that you are her friend and that you love her and are there for her. I think it was John MacArthur that said that if it depended upon his ability to preach the gospel to people which was the determining factor as to whether they got saved or not...he wouldn't be able to preach and live with the burden. Our job is simple, be obedient to God and as a faithful servant, share Christ with others and allow Christ to make you the salt and the light of the world so that when people see you they can tell that something is different about you and that you are christian.

    Just do your best to tell her about Christ. We are called to plant the seed...God does the growing. We can only share what God has taught us. It's up to God whether or not your friend turns her life over to Him...so don't feel burdened that it's all on your shoulders. Like I said, just lover her and be there for her...keep praying for her and just do your best to set an example and show her why she needs Christ and leave the rest up to God.

    There are many people who I desperately would like to see them stop living in sin and turn to Christ and get saved...I can't force them. I can preach to them using the best theology but nothing is going to change unless God steps in and saves that person. I hope this helps...I know you were probably hoping for a more precise answer or a step by step to do list but it's really all up to God. We can only share Christ with others, set a good example of following Christ, be loving towards others even if they don't love you and trust in God for no matter what God does or does not do, He is good and loving and worthy of our lives. God Bless Katie.

  4. #4
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    Katie, as Seeking and SelftoChrist said, pray for her and be the ambassador the Lord wants you to be. It is hard to watch the ones you love go through life's hardships and, especially, if they are caught up in self-destructive behavior. She is trying to find 'the peace that passeth understanding' that is only found in our Lord Jesus, He being the 'Way, the Truth, and the Life.' There is nothing too hard for our Lord. Pray for your friend, keep on praying, and praise the Lord for what He will do in her life. He carried her sins, my sins, and all the sins of the world on the Cross. And on the third day, our Father raised Him up to sit at His right hand, interceding for us! Isn't that wonderful to know!? Put your friend in His hands and watch what He will do for her. Thank you for sharing with us and blessings to you, salvation and eternal life to your friend.
    2 Corinthians 13:14

  5. #5
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    Thank you soooo much for all of your comments. I think they are actually exactly what I needed.
    I will definitely take your advice and I'll try and find a time to talk to her and tell her how worried I am about her. I will continue to be her good friend and just keep praying that God will help her find the way to him and realize that this behavior is not healthy.

    Thank you, again.

    (If anyone wants to post more helpful advice I can never use enough)

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by katie View Post
    This is a little long but I definitely need help. I've already turned to God for guidance but in the mean time I'll post my difficulties here in hopes for a response:

    I have a friend. We'll call her M. M and I have been friends for a while. We met because she started to date D. I found out be accident that D and M began having sex. (Neither D or M are religious) This made me upset because I've tried to be a good model. I've had a serious BF for almost 3 years now and we've never had sex. I'm very open about it but still they had sex.
    I was a little disapointed not only in them but myself for not being good enough for them to see that they should have waited. I talked to my BF about it at the time and he helped me realize that all I can do is share and be a good model. I can't force them to take my advice.

    Well D and M broke up. M then went to see another man, who is 23 and she's 18, and had sex with him and entered into a relationship.

    I'm very worried about M. When she was breaking up with D she posted a status on facebook that said, "It's times like this I wish I had some religion." That status update has stuck with me and I want to help her get out of this harmful relationship (it's long distance, they barely know each other, and she's in danger of flunking school). I want to help her find God and spread the word of the Bible to her...but I'm not sure how.

    Please help.
    I'm desperate for some answers. I feel like I need to take some action or I'll go crazy with worry.
    She got on a bus this last Wednesday to see him, didn't tell him she was showing up, had no idea where she was going to stay, and it's the week before finals.
    Please help me so I can help her!!
    katie..where are her parents? And why do you think you need to be a good role model for her? I could understand a parent or a relative saying this...but I am not sure why you think you need to be this for her or why you feel you failed by not being 'good enough'? Sounds like your expectations are a little off here.

    As Christians we are to represent Christ in our lives..that is our biggest witness of course...but she isn't saved...you can't expect her behavior to be anything but worldly because of that. No one not saved is going to live by the higher standards we have because without the Holy Spirit, is impossible.

    I am truly surprised her parents aren't doing something to stop this kind of rash behavior actually...she is there responsibility not yours. Being 18 though their might not be alot they can do legally...but they can make things difficult for her and prevent her from running off like this. She could be putting herself in a very dangerous situation actually by meeting up with a man she barely knows. There are plenty of horror stories on the news about young girls doing this and being beaten up, raped or worse... Is she back home yet or still with this man?

    Keep praying for her..I will too!

    God bless
    "People do not drift toward holiness. Apart from grace-driven effort, people do not gravitate toward godliness, prayer, obedience to Scripture, faith, and delight in the Lord. We drift toward compromise and call it tolerance; We drift toward disobedience and call it freedom; We drift toward superstition and call it faith. We cherish the indiscipline of lost self-control and call it relaxation; we slouch toward prayerlessness and delude ourselves into thinking we have escaped legalism; we slide toward godlessness and convince ourselves we have been liberated?" - D A Carson

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by moonglow View Post
    katie..where are her parents? And why do you think you need to be a good role model for her? I could understand a parent or a relative saying this...but I am not sure why you think you need to be this for her or why you feel you failed by not being 'good enough'? Sounds like your expectations are a little off here.

    As Christians we are to represent Christ in our lives..that is our biggest witness of course...but she isn't saved...you can't expect her behavior to be anything but worldly because of that. No one not saved is going to live by the higher standards we have because without the Holy Spirit, is impossible.

    I am truly surprised her parents aren't doing something to stop this kind of rash behavior actually...she is there responsibility not yours. Being 18 though their might not be alot they can do legally...but they can make things difficult for her and prevent her from running off like this. She could be putting herself in a very dangerous situation actually by meeting up with a man she barely knows. There are plenty of horror stories on the news about young girls doing this and being beaten up, raped or worse... Is she back home yet or still with this man?

    Keep praying for her..I will too!

    God bless
    Her parents are very....open minded parents (Not to mention they live farther away from her and she's in college dorm rooms).
    My friend has basically told them that it's her life and she can do what she wants...so back off.
    I feel like I need to be a good role model because I feel like I'm the only one older than her by some sort of age (I'm 21) that cares what happens to her.
    She is home now, thank God. I'm planning on talking to her face to face about what she did as soon as I can.
    I just worry about her. She's a freshman in college and she's been homeschooled all her life. I know she feels that after her two BF's and surviving
    her first semester of college she can conqure anything and nothing can happen to her but it's not true, as we all find out, and I'm just worried she's
    going to find out by a pregnancy test, STD's or something worse.
    I will continue to pray for her and ask God for guidance.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by katie View Post
    Her parents are very....open minded parents (Not to mention they live farther away from her and she's in college dorm rooms).
    My friend has basically told them that it's her life and she can do what she wants...so back off.
    I feel like I need to be a good role model because I feel like I'm the only one older than her by some sort of age (I'm 21) that cares what happens to her.
    She is home now, thank God. I'm planning on talking to her face to face about what she did as soon as I can.
    I just worry about her. She's a freshman in college and she's been homeschooled all her life. I know she feels that after her two BF's and surviving
    her first semester of college she can conqure anything and nothing can happen to her but it's not true, as we all find out, and I'm just worried she's
    going to find out by a pregnancy test, STD's or something worse.
    I will continue to pray for her and ask God for guidance.
    Ok I see...without her parents to be the role models they needed to be for her..I don't think you or anyone else can take that place. You can be an inspiring example of a person content and happy with their life because of your faith though. But I think trying to make yourself a role model for her will continue to cause you grief when she doesn't follow your example. You totally cannot control what she does and feeling you failed is the wrong way to see this too..if you were her parent then you could feel this way to some extent but even parents can only do so much too. Each young person has to find their own way in this world and come to Christ on their own..even those raised in Christian families. Just be her friend..not a role model..that is going to put a wall between you too and keep her from really relating to you because you will feel pressured to always say and do the perfect thing..instead of relaxing and being yourself...someone she can connect too. You see what I mean?

    If she sees you as so perfect and never making bad choices, how is she going to relate to you?

    Look at it this way..I have a son and I tell him about stupid things I did as a teenager and bad choices I made..I do this for two reasons..so he doesn't think I am so perfect I can't relate to him when he struggles with things or messes up so he will feel comfortable in talking to me about these things so I can help him...and second, so hopefully he won't make the same mistakes I did.

    God bless
    "People do not drift toward holiness. Apart from grace-driven effort, people do not gravitate toward godliness, prayer, obedience to Scripture, faith, and delight in the Lord. We drift toward compromise and call it tolerance; We drift toward disobedience and call it freedom; We drift toward superstition and call it faith. We cherish the indiscipline of lost self-control and call it relaxation; we slouch toward prayerlessness and delude ourselves into thinking we have escaped legalism; we slide toward godlessness and convince ourselves we have been liberated?" - D A Carson

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