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Thread: Question for you ladies...

  1. #1
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    Question for you ladies...

    Have you ever felt just...completely lost in the Christian faith?

    I think I've always been at that gate, just completely lost. I'm unmarried, have no children (nor, to be frank, any real interest in having a child of my own, as much as I like playing with other people's children), and am disinclined towards what most Christians I speak with seem to assume is the 'proper' path for women: marriage and children.

    No. I'd rather not, thanks.

    I've always been more independent than a lot of girls I know, so it makes it doubly difficult to figure out just what I'm supposed to do with it all. I get so many lectures on how to be a 'Christian woman' that amount to: wear dresses, heels, and makeup. Defer (as I translate it, lose your brain and common sense) to men. Don't speak up. Be pretty and stupid and completely without the skills to make it on your own. Frantically search to be married, then frantically cling to staying home and perfecting manners suited to high tea.

    Yeah, not too thrilling for a girl who spent most of her life wrestling with her male cousins as opposed to learning how to fix her hair (trufax: My first haircut happened when I was two. I yanked it all out. Should have tuned people in to the fact that I wasn't going to be fond of hair...)

    I've never liked 'the rules' because the rules don't do anything for me.


    What about you?

  2. #2
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    Hi Spike,
    Actually I can't really relate to what you're saying. I've been married almost 30 years and have two grown children. I love being a wife and a mother, BUT that doesn't mean it's meant for everyone.
    God has given you unique gifts and talents, and since you're single, you can devote your time to them.
    What I suggest you do, is to pray and fast. Seek out His will for your life and ask Him to show you where He'd like you to be, and how He'd like to use you for His glory.

    Many blessings to you,

    Jeanne

    "He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it". ~ Martin Luther King Jr.

    "If we ever forget that we are ONE NATION UNDER GOD, then we will be a nation gone under" ~ Ronald Reagan

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spike View Post
    Have you ever felt just...completely lost in the Christian faith?

    I think I've always been at that gate, just completely lost. I'm unmarried, have no children (nor, to be frank, any real interest in having a child of my own, as much as I like playing with other people's children), and am disinclined towards what most Christians I speak with seem to assume is the 'proper' path for women: marriage and children.

    No. I'd rather not, thanks.

    I've always been more independent than a lot of girls I know, so it makes it doubly difficult to figure out just what I'm supposed to do with it all. I get so many lectures on how to be a 'Christian woman' that amount to: wear dresses, heels, and makeup. Defer (as I translate it, lose your brain and common sense) to men. Don't speak up. Be pretty and stupid and completely without the skills to make it on your own. Frantically search to be married, then frantically cling to staying home and perfecting manners suited to high tea.

    Yeah, not too thrilling for a girl who spent most of her life wrestling with her male cousins as opposed to learning how to fix her hair (trufax: My first haircut happened when I was two. I yanked it all out. Should have tuned people in to the fact that I wasn't going to be fond of hair...)

    I've never liked 'the rules' because the rules don't do anything for me.


    What about you?
    I am single also..but a single parent. I tried the marriage thing once..he was extremely abusive..later when I totally gave my life to Christ I thought it would be best to leave this whole man thing in His hands...

    So I don't even date. And yes I found it difficult to fit into many churches..but thank the Lord I found one that simply accepts me as I am. Most of the women around here anyway don't wear makeup..or at least not much...and certainly not dresses and heels and stuff unless they are working in an office. Maybe it depends on where you live? I live in a rural farming community. To me its odd to see a lady all dressed up like you mentioned...

    There are no rules like what you mentioned other then we are to dress modestly. Nothing in the bible about wearing dresses or makeup...kind of wonder where you got that idea from? Again it might be more the area you live in.

    There are verses in the bible about being blessed with the gift of singleness. Since there are alot more women then men...we all just can't get married and I don't think we were all meant to be married.

    Look forward to visiting with you more! Gotta go pick up my kid from school now.

    Oh and one other thing..many women on here might take offense to what you said about dressing up and wearing makeup...they do because they simply enjoy being a woman..nothing wrong with that...doesn't mean they lost their mind or common sense..we are all different..as God made us.

    God bless
    "People do not drift toward holiness. Apart from grace-driven effort, people do not gravitate toward godliness, prayer, obedience to Scripture, faith, and delight in the Lord. We drift toward compromise and call it tolerance; We drift toward disobedience and call it freedom; We drift toward superstition and call it faith. We cherish the indiscipline of lost self-control and call it relaxation; we slouch toward prayerlessness and delude ourselves into thinking we have escaped legalism; we slide toward godlessness and convince ourselves we have been liberated?" - D A Carson

  4. #4
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    Yeah, it's an unfortunate product of the area I live in, where people feel like they have to pretend. Quite a few things. This is the stuff I was taught in the mierable excuse for a church I used to attend. I never realized, until lately, how seriously derailed my faith has been.

  5. #5
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    I'm in a special situation too........ I am married to Charles and Charles has kids in the USA out of a previous marriage...... He's now with me in the Netherlands, he emigrated to me, and is my main caretaker. I am severely disabled and bedridden...... He is the perfect man for me..... He takes care of me, our animals and the house/laundry etc....... Daddy has given me a cardministry, and I send out most cards to America, but also to Australia, England and South Africa..... Charles helps me with that too and I have a dear ladyfriend Tina who helps me there as well......

    Lately I have been changing my attitude and look, and I am wearing more dresses than before, they make me feel more like a lady....... besides I am tired wearing pj's all the time....... so I got me a couple of dresses and nice leggings to put under it...... looks real neat and even my mom loves it! I can't wear high heels (I am in a wheelchair) but I don't think that's necessary at all....... Most of the dresses I bought are lowcut, so I only wear those with a tshirt under it......

    If I were healthy I would love to look after my husband, do the housework and help him wherever I can....... and he knows that...... sometimes I have difficulties accepting that I can't do more than this.......

    Love you,
    Mieke
    Just to know You and to make You known
    We lift Your name on High
    Shine like the sun make darkness run and hide
    We know we were made for so much more than ordinary lives
    It's time for us to more than just survive
    We were made to thrive

    Casting Crowns

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spike View Post
    I've always been more independent than a lot of girls I know, so it makes it doubly difficult to figure out just what I'm supposed to do with it all. I get so many lectures on how to be a 'Christian woman' that amount to: wear dresses, heels, and makeup. Defer (as I translate it, lose your brain and common sense) to men. Don't speak up. Be pretty and stupid and completely without the skills to make it on your own. Frantically search to be married, then frantically cling to staying home and perfecting manners suited to high tea.

    Yeah, not too thrilling for a girl who spent most of her life wrestling with her male cousins as opposed to learning how to fix her hair (trufax: My first haircut happened when I was two. I yanked it all out. Should have tuned people in to the fact that I wasn't going to be fond of hair...)
    I don't think you're lost in the Christian faith so much as lost in the unreasonable expectations of a certain subset of Christians. I grew up in the church and that's not the vibe I got at all, so it's not universal to the Christian church -- and it's definitely not stuff that's mandated in scripture.

    I'm not as independent-natured as a lot of girls/women I've known, but I've also never been the helpless little thing in cute skirts and heels. I worked to pay for my expenses in college (my parents did pay most of my tuition; I paid bills, gas, groceries, etc.), and I've always been pretty self-sufficient. My job involved hauling heavy camera equipment all over back and forth across campus, often working in less-than-cushy (and certainly not very female-oriented) environments like the sidelines of the football field or shooting from the baseball dugout. As a kid, I lived in the country and worked with our livestock, which meant hauling feed, water and equipment and being confident and strong enough to handle whatever the animals were up to. I've always been a jeans, tennies and t-shirts kind of girl because that's what you wear when you're ducking through barbed-wire fences, chasing down cows, or jogging up and down a sideline to follow the action. I have two brothers (no sisters) and I always preferred hanging out with guys because girls were too girly. I've always worked hard at what I do, and have always been successful at it. I have a brain and common sense, I speak up, and I have the skills to make it on my own.

    All that said, I got married at 22, three months after I graduated from college. I dearly love and respect my husband, or I would never have married him. Got pregnant right away (we wanted kids sooner rather than later and sooner definitely happened), quit my job after I'd had it for about a year, and now I stay home with our 2-year-old and am expecting #2 any day now. The work I used to do was sometimes a nice challenge, but so is what I do now. Because I have a brain and common sense and all that, I'm able to handle a lot of the stuff that goes on involving our home and family. I don't sit at home having high tea. Just today I met with a contractor to get a quote on replacing our gutters, and a couple of weeks ago I dealt with some confusion with our insurance company that resulted in them sending us about $1,000 they owed us and didn't want to pay. I handle a lot of the routine financial transactions, and most of the time when we want to make a large purchase or undertake a significant project around the house, I do the research and pricing before we make a decision. My husband is perfectly capable of doing these things, but so am I. We make the final decision together, meaning we're both fully informed and express our opinions and come to a conclusion.

    Aside from that kind of stuff, I love that instead of being stuck at a desk all day like my husband is, I'm out and about doing things. I can take the kiddo to the park and run around and wrestle with him in the middle of the day, or go to the pool with friends, or whatever. It's honestly a lot more "thrilling" than any of my jobs were -- and that's saying something because journalism isn't a boring field. Sure, there's work to be done too, but when you get a comfortable routine going you can fit in both work and play with a lot more freedom than any other job I know of.

    I know you've said marriage and kids aren't for you -- but just so you know, there's a very different side to it from what you seem to be seeing. You don't have to shut off your brain and lose your individuality. If that's really what you feel your community expects of you, maybe it's time to look elsewhere and find a place where you can be better encouraged to live out your faith while utilizing the gifts and talents God has given you, whether or not marriage and kids ever become a part of that.
    Give me one pure and holy passion
    Give me one magnificent obsession
    Give me one glorious ambition for my life:
    To know and follow hard after You.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spike View Post
    Yeah, it's an unfortunate product of the area I live in, where people feel like they have to pretend. Quite a few things. This is the stuff I was taught in the mierable excuse for a church I used to attend. I never realized, until lately, how seriously derailed my faith has been.
    Some of the strongest women you will ever read about are found in the bible..one lead a war!

    While its common for Christians to be focused on being married and having a family..like I said, even the bible says there is the gift of singleness. Its not a bad thing to not get married or have children though some women truly think this should be our goal. Paul encouraged the unmarried to remain single as he was in the bible.

    1 Corinthians 7
    6 I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7 But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. But God gives to some the gift of marriage, and to others the gift of singleness.

    8 So I say to those who arenít married and to widowsóitís better to stay unmarried, just as I am. 9 But if they canít control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. Itís better to marry than to burn with lust.


    So please do not let any one pressure you to marry...if God one day wants you too..I believe He will place that right man in your life. And if not...that is ok too.

    God bless
    "People do not drift toward holiness. Apart from grace-driven effort, people do not gravitate toward godliness, prayer, obedience to Scripture, faith, and delight in the Lord. We drift toward compromise and call it tolerance; We drift toward disobedience and call it freedom; We drift toward superstition and call it faith. We cherish the indiscipline of lost self-control and call it relaxation; we slouch toward prayerlessness and delude ourselves into thinking we have escaped legalism; we slide toward godlessness and convince ourselves we have been liberated?" - D A Carson

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by moonglow View Post

    Oh and one other thing..many women on here might take offense to what you said about dressing up and wearing makeup...they do because they simply enjoy being a woman..nothing wrong with that...doesn't mean they lost their mind or common sense..we are all different..as God made us.

    God bless
    Just so it's clear: I don't think it's a bad thing to wear any of that... I think it's a bad idea to try to force /all women/ to wear any of that, simply because of the -- in my never humble opinion -- spurious idea that skirts, dresses, heels and makeup equals enjoying being a woman. Huh? How exactly does that work. Heels hurt. Skirts can get blown around in the wind. Makeup makes me itch. Not to mention it's just boring for me.

    Now, other women what to do that, and they enjoy it, great! Go for it! I'm the last one to deny anyone something they like. Just, in general, I have a serious issue with people who want to make me do that. That's offensive to me.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spike View Post
    Just so it's clear: I don't think it's a bad thing to wear any of that... I think it's a bad idea to try to force /all women/ to wear any of that, simply because of the -- in my never humble opinion -- spurious idea that skirts, dresses, heels and makeup equals enjoying being a woman. Huh? How exactly does that work. Heels hurt. Skirts can get blown around in the wind. Makeup makes me itch. Not to mention it's just boring for me.

    Now, other women what to do that, and they enjoy it, great! Go for it! I'm the last one to deny anyone something they like. Just, in general, I have a serious issue with people who want to make me do that. That's offensive to me.
    I agree...no one should force anyone to wear certain things...but some women do like to wear dresses, make up, etc. When I was younger I really did enjoy wearing like sun dresses and jewerly..all that stuff. Now I am just blue jeans and a comforable shirt. Everyone is different. I am just so sorry you went to a church that tried to force that on the ladies. Its pretty rare I would think. I know some churches that think women should not wear any makeup at all...do nothing with their hair except let it grow long ...shouldn't cut it...wear very plain dresses too. That is the other extreme..

    I go to a church where at the time I go no one is dressed up...everyone is dressed casually..whatever they put on for the day, they wear to church including the pastor.

    God bless
    "People do not drift toward holiness. Apart from grace-driven effort, people do not gravitate toward godliness, prayer, obedience to Scripture, faith, and delight in the Lord. We drift toward compromise and call it tolerance; We drift toward disobedience and call it freedom; We drift toward superstition and call it faith. We cherish the indiscipline of lost self-control and call it relaxation; we slouch toward prayerlessness and delude ourselves into thinking we have escaped legalism; we slide toward godlessness and convince ourselves we have been liberated?" - D A Carson

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    I'm pretty sure there's lots of folks in the slums of India that are very glad that Mother Teresa never had aspirations to marry ....

  11. #11
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    I'm sure they did. But I'm nowhere near any Mother Teresa type. I am the last person on earth you want to try any of that. It would not go well, I promise you. I simply have no wish to marry nor have children. You know how a lot of girls can describe their wedding day, even though they're only six?
    My response is basically, "lolzwhut? Whatchu talkin' bout, Willis?"

    I have other plans for my life that don't include marriage or children. Ever. Nor any worldwide missions of mercy, unless you count /not/ going there as a mission of mercy.

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spike View Post
    I'm sure they did. But I'm nowhere near any Mother Teresa type. I am the last person on earth you want to try any of that. It would not go well, I promise you. I simply have no wish to marry nor have children. You know how a lot of girls can describe their wedding day, even though they're only six?
    My response is basically, "lolzwhut? Whatchu talkin' bout, Willis?"

    I have other plans for my life that don't include marriage or children. Ever. Nor any worldwide missions of mercy, unless you count /not/ going there as a mission of mercy.
    what kind of plans do you have? I am curious now.
    "People do not drift toward holiness. Apart from grace-driven effort, people do not gravitate toward godliness, prayer, obedience to Scripture, faith, and delight in the Lord. We drift toward compromise and call it tolerance; We drift toward disobedience and call it freedom; We drift toward superstition and call it faith. We cherish the indiscipline of lost self-control and call it relaxation; we slouch toward prayerlessness and delude ourselves into thinking we have escaped legalism; we slide toward godlessness and convince ourselves we have been liberated?" - D A Carson

  13. #13
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    Re: Question for you ladies...

    It involves rock music, goth glam, and 'how to save a life'. *makes mystic hand motions*

    Ahem. Seriously, I like to wrtie, and want to be a writer. There, I said it out loud....

    And, as a 'regular' job, I want to get into animal rescue and social services. Both of them at once.

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