How do you guys handle enforcing getting your own life away from your parents without feeling guilty for insisting on having your own life? It seems to be a recurring theme with me and my mother. When I went to college, I felt pressured to stay with my mother and 'take care of her', or else I'd be disowned.
When I got my first apartment, I felt like I had to allow her full access to my place in order to make her feel better. It seemed like she was always forcing herself on me, claiming she wanted 'a relationship' with me, even though I wasn't particularly interested in visiting with her. And it's been that way for as long as I could remember. I was never really allowed to have my own life, my own friends, nothing that wasn't shared with her. I hated always having to go with her to her friends' houses, where I was guaranteed to be bored out of my skull, because I wasn't interested in her friends' kids.
I even gave up an opportunity to get a decent job in a different state because my mother started telling me about how sick she was getting. Naturally, I felt guilty about wanting to leave.
On the other hand, I feel resentful and put-upon, because I have an older brother, who she practically never bothers, because she doesn't want to look like a pushy mother in law. So why am I automatically responsible for her and making sure she's okay? I am so sick of feeling guilty for wanting to experience life without my mother attached to my hip, or feeling like I have to help her with everything.
I've realized lately that at the ripe old age of 34, I feel very, very old, and very tired.
I've realized that this is probably why I don't want kids or marriage, because I feel like I'm responsible for a kid already... my 50+ year old mother. And it's depressing; I want a life, darn it. One where my mother is simply... not present. Really. Not dead, not disowned, just, for the love of Christ and fluffy bunnies, away from me.
I find myself with very little patience for anything at all these days.