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Thread: Leaving a church

  1. #1
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    Leaving a church

    I was wondering. When should a person leave a church? I'm having a hard time convincing myself to stay at the church I currently go to. There are various reasons for this. What are biblical reasons to leave a church?

  2. #2
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    Well let me ask you a question to see if I can help you. I went through this about 2 years ago. Why is it you feel that you want to leave your current church?

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Warrior4God View Post
    I was wondering. When should a person leave a church? I'm having a hard time convincing myself to stay at the church I currently go to. There are various reasons for this. What are biblical reasons to leave a church?
    Go to a church where the Holy Spirit is present to manifest his power and get you filled. If you are not getting filled with the HS when you go to church, go to another one, but before ask yourself, are you the only one or is that the norm there?

    I know there is no church out there that believes exactly as I believe in everything. There will be differences, always.

    Shalom

  4. #4
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    Some ex-close friends of ours are snubbing my wife and I over something stupid and it's making me feel uncomfortable to be there. Also, I'm frustrated about being on the worship team. Apparently, I can't play the drums well. I'm always playing too fast. Or too slow. Or too loud. Or too soft. I used to enjoy being involved with the music ministry, but now I'm dreading it. I'm kind of pessimistic by nature, so I often bring negativity to our rehearsals. I would probably be doing the worship team a favor by leaving. However, I would feel awkward staying at the church since I would feel useless there and people would be constantly asking me why I'm not drumming anymore, since I've done it for several years. Also, many people know about my past. I was an adulterer before becoming a believer, and though people don't throw that in my face, they could at any time and it would be nice to go somewhere where people don't know about that ugly and shameful part of who I am.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Warrior4God View Post
    Some ex-close friends of ours are snubbing my wife and I over something stupid and it's making me feel uncomfortable to be there. Also, I'm frustrated about being on the worship team. Apparently, I can't play the drums well. I'm always playing too fast. Or too slow. Or too loud. Or too soft. I used to enjoy being involved with the music ministry, but now I'm dreading it. I'm kind of pessimistic by nature, so I often bring negativity to our rehearsals. I would probably be doing the worship team a favor by leaving. However, I would feel awkward staying at the church since I would feel useless there and people would be constantly asking me why I'm not drumming anymore, since I've done it for several years. Also, many people know about my past. I was an adulterer before becoming a believer, and though people don't throw that in my face, they could at any time and it would be nice to go somewhere where people don't know about that ugly and shameful part of who I am.
    I do not mean to be unkind but why do you go to church? There is always going to be "stupid stuff" going on in any church. If you are not being fed from Gods word then you are in the wrong church. Christ told Peter to "feed My sheep". No matter what church you go to the same you will be there. If something is to change it must be you or there will be no change except the scenery.

    I have seen far too many that become nomads going from church to church that never find happiness. Go if you must if you are still not finding happiness at least seek to be fed from Gods word. It is a whole lot harder to be unhappy with a soul full of Gods word.

    Just an observation based on no first hand knowledge of your personal situation. I assume you have consulted with your pastor on the matter.

    For the cause of Christ
    Roger

  6. #6
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    Well it looks like you got a couple of things of your mind.

    Quote Originally Posted by Warrior4God View Post
    Some ex-close friends of ours are snubbing my wife and I over something stupid and it's making me feel uncomfortable to be there.
    To better address this i would need to know just a bit more. What do you mean by this?

    Also, I'm frustrated about being on the worship team. Apparently, I can't play the drums well. I'm always playing too fast. Or too slow. Or too loud. Or too soft. I used to enjoy being involved with the music ministry, but now I'm dreading it. I'm kind of pessimistic by nature, so I often bring negativity to our rehearsals. I would probably be doing the worship team a favor by leaving. However, I would feel awkward staying at the church since I would feel useless there and people would be constantly asking me why I'm not drumming anymore, since I've done it for several years.
    To me this seems simple enough. If you are dreading it and it is not working out to be fruitful just take a minute and ask "is this what i should be doing?". To me perhaps you should take a little break from it. Its nothing to feel useless about. As for people asking about it.... just be honest. "Hey I was really into it at the time but lately i am not sure that is where God wants me. So i am taking a break and working more on my walk with God". Are people going to ask? Sure sometimes people are curious and after all we are brothers and sisters in Christ. We shouldn't dread conversation after years of attendance.


    Also, many people know about my past. I was an adulterer before becoming a believer, and though people don't throw that in my face, they could at any time and it would be nice to go somewhere where people don't know about that ugly and shameful part of who I am.
    This is by no means a reason to leave. Welcome to being a Christian. You used to be something and are now changed through Christ. We all were involved in some sort of sin at some point. Its part and parcel in being a Christian. The fact that you are no longer an adulterer testifies to the changing power of Christ!

    At the end of a day you dont need a reason to leave a church. There is no biblical mandate to stay at "x street baptist church" (or whatever). Go where you are being fed. Are the sermons edifying? The fellowship, the praise, the worship? That's what i would leave over. If something in a church is biblical i wont bother to keep attending.

    Roger makes a good point

    I have seen far too many that become nomads going from church to church that never find happiness.
    Thats not something that should be encouraged. If you havent already talk to your pastor! Thats what he is there for (amongst other things)
    Quote Originally Posted by Job 34:19
    God is not partial to princes and does not favor the rich over the poor, for they are all the work of His hands.

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Warrior4God View Post
    I was wondering. When should a person leave a church? I'm having a hard time convincing myself to stay at the church I currently go to. There are various reasons for this. What are biblical reasons to leave a church?
    I think the most important reason is if the doctrine is not sound. If the doctrines the church teaches are not sound and does not adhere to the NT faith presented in the Bible, you should leave.

    You should also consider leaving if you think the church leadership are unsaved. Examine their lives according to Scripture, do they exhibit godliness and the fruits of the Spirit? Do they pass the test given for eldership given in Timothy and Titus?

    This might sound shocking, but I think a lot of pastors these days are unsaved. Maybe whole denominations are like this. Jesus said that if you follow the blind, they'll lead you into a pit and both will fall in.

    Perhaps if you could share your reasons, we might be able to offer more thoughts.

    What I'd look for in a church:
    1) Expository preaching. Sermons are preached in an expository way, going from book to book, expounding the word of God verse by verse. No man's teachings, human philosophy, ripping verses out of context to say what they don't say etc. Be vigilant about doctrine, because it affects people's salvation. I'd like to look for a pastor that has great depth and breadth in his understanding of Scripture.

    2) Godly leadership, who exhibit servant leadership as taught by Jesus. And the ability to teach. You can generally get a feel for the dynamics of the church by talking to the members and observing how they react to their leaders.

    3) Generally, I can see a pattern and a passion for obedience in running the church. The Bible serves as the guide for all faith and practice in the church, not some church growth guru or marketing guru. When I was looking for a church to attend, I just scanned the leadership page on their website, if I see a female pastor, I'd skip and go to the next one right away.

    Hope this is of some help.
    Tit 3:2 to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people.

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Warrior4God View Post
    Some ex-close friends of ours are snubbing my wife and I over something stupid and it's making me feel uncomfortable to be there. Also, I'm frustrated about being on the worship team. Apparently, I can't play the drums well. I'm always playing too fast. Or too slow. Or too loud. Or too soft. I used to enjoy being involved with the music ministry, but now I'm dreading it. I'm kind of pessimistic by nature, so I often bring negativity to our rehearsals. I would probably be doing the worship team a favor by leaving. However, I would feel awkward staying at the church since I would feel useless there and people would be constantly asking me why I'm not drumming anymore, since I've done it for several years. Also, many people know about my past. I was an adulterer before becoming a believer, and though people don't throw that in my face, they could at any time and it would be nice to go somewhere where people don't know about that ugly and shameful part of who I am.
    I don't really know these people but it doesn't sound like many Christians live there from how you're describing the way they're treating you.

    I mean, throwing past sins at a person's face? C'mon....

    Why not take a month off and go look at some other churches in the area? Or you could attend your church in the morning and go to another if they have evening services or something.
    Tit 3:2 to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people.

  9. #9
    Unfortunately, some churches serve themselves rather than God. I have found the best church for me was a Bible teaching pastor, and good music. Secondly, no church will ever meet all needs for everyone. Thirdly, go to church to worship God, and if you don't feel like taking part in other activities, go home. Fourth, ask God to place you in a position where you can be of use, and then you will find people of a like mind. Who knows, maybe you will find the right place, and enjoy fellowship.

  10. #10
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    I believe the church I attend teaches biblically sound doctrine. I believe the pastor does a good job at being a pastor. I believe the Holy Spirit is at out church. I don't find fault with the church as a whole.


    Our ex-friends are treating us like garbage because my wife defended me when our friend Diana made some stupid comment about my new hairstyle making me look like a Backstreet Boy when I got blond high lights in it. My wife said loud enough for our friend to hear, "See, I knew it. If anybody was going to make a crack about your hair it was going to be her." It isn't hard to understand why my wife said that. Diana does make cracks like that when I change up my hairstyle. It's kind of annoying, but I let it roll off. My wife got fed up with it, apparently. Since then, we don't get invited over anymore. We used to ALL THE TIME. Other people come over, but not us. You would have to be stupid not to see there has been a change in how we are treated now. I guess I should just get over it and move on. If she doesn't want to be friends with us over a hairstyle, maybe we weren't as good of friends as I thought. I'll still be civil to her, but maybe the friend thing can't work anymore. It just feels uncomfortable and awkward being around her and her husband now.



    People don't slam me about having committed adultery, but I often wonder just what they think of my having done that. It's hard not to judge people and some sins are "worse" than other sins in some people's eyes. I'll admit it. I look down on a child molester much more than a kid who stole a candy bar. Yes, both are sin, but doesn't one seem to be more horrible than the other? Adultery is definitely one of the top horrible sins one can commit. Some people would even say it's worse than murder. I just wish people didn't know I had done it. Yes, I get that God has forgiven me over it, and so has my wife, but others may not be so forgiving of it. Even though I don't go to Hell over that sin, I still have to live with the memory and shame of it. That doesn't ever go away, no matter what I think, say, do, or pray. God doesn't see me as "guilty" anymore, but that doesn't change the fact that I did it. And others know that about me. Lucky me, huh?

  11. #11
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    Outside of this incident with Diana how is the fellowship otherwise with the other believers?
    Quote Originally Posted by Job 34:19
    God is not partial to princes and does not favor the rich over the poor, for they are all the work of His hands.

  12. #12
    Quote Originally Posted by Warrior4God
    I believe the church I attend teaches biblically sound doctrine. I believe the pastor does a good job at being a pastor. I believe the Holy Spirit is at out church. I don't find fault with the church as a whole.
    Then you have no reason to leave.

  13. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by Warrior4God View Post
    I believe the church I attend teaches biblically sound doctrine. I believe the pastor does a good job at being a pastor. I believe the Holy Spirit is at out church. I don't find fault with the church as a whole.


    Our ex-friends are treating us like garbage because my wife defended me when our friend Diana made some stupid comment about my new hairstyle making me look like a Backstreet Boy when I got blond high lights in it. My wife said loud enough for our friend to hear, "See, I knew it. If anybody was going to make a crack about your hair it was going to be her." It isn't hard to understand why my wife said that. Diana does make cracks like that when I change up my hairstyle. It's kind of annoying, but I let it roll off. My wife got fed up with it, apparently. Since then, we don't get invited over anymore. We used to ALL THE TIME. Other people come over, but not us. You would have to be stupid not to see there has been a change in how we are treated now. I guess I should just get over it and move on. If she doesn't want to be friends with us over a hairstyle, maybe we weren't as good of friends as I thought. I'll still be civil to her, but maybe the friend thing can't work anymore. It just feels uncomfortable and awkward being around her and her husband now.


    Hi Warrior4God,

    I think you have sum it up yourself. There maybe one in any hundred that will become a trial to us. Even those that we would count among our best friends as christians. It really sounds like she needs to grow up in Christ, but what maybe the best is to confront her and relay to her about what she has said and how that makes you feel, if Christ reigns in her [their] life then they will ask for you to forgive them. If not then just move on and let Jesus work, all the while being kind and loving unto them, I know that maybe difficult, but that's the love of God.

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Warrior4God View Post
    Some ex-close friends of ours are snubbing my wife and I over something stupid and it's making me feel uncomfortable to be there. Also, I'm frustrated about being on the worship team. Apparently, I can't play the drums well. I'm always playing too fast. Or too slow. Or too loud. Or too soft. I used to enjoy being involved with the music ministry, but now I'm dreading it. I'm kind of pessimistic by nature, so I often bring negativity to our rehearsals. I would probably be doing the worship team a favor by leaving. However, I would feel awkward staying at the church since I would feel useless there and people would be constantly asking me why I'm not drumming anymore, since I've done it for several years. Also, many people know about my past. I was an adulterer before becoming a believer, and though people don't throw that in my face, they could at any time and it would be nice to go somewhere where people don't know about that ugly and shameful part of who I am.
    W4God,

    Well, one suggestion: don't take any drastic action before talking privately to the pastor or someone else in leadership in the church. You'll find issues with the music ministry in any church. Also, most churches these days have a divider which acts as a sound muffler for drummers. If they don't have one, you might suggest it... to the leadership.

    Take care,

    BD
    3 John 4 - "No greater joy can I have than this, to hear that my [spiritual] children walk in the truth.

    BadDog!

  15. #15
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    In the entire bible I have never seen a command explicitly stated or even hinted at that one should swear fealty to one brick and mortar church... be it a mega church or a basement bound cell church. Why feel compelled to have people's approval to look around a bit?

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