Struggling with something

***lovex*** · Jun 29th 2010, 01:21 AM

That I am not sure how to approach. If you have any advice please feel free to speak up... in need of it.

I had a journal that I wrote in occasionally... prayers, situations that I was dealing with at the time that I wanted to jot down, etc... . I brought some of my books over to my grandmothers house because I'm going to be living there in about a week. Anyway.. I came home from Church on Sunday and my mom said "Your grandmother just called me, she was snooping through your journals and was reading me what you wrote"... in the beginning my first reaction wasn't anger, it was just why? So I went over to her house, picked up my things and not once did she say sorry. All she said was " I was sitting in your room and saw your books and I just wanted to read it" I asked her why she thought she needed to read my personal writings outloud (which I am not upset about, it's just the fact that she'd want to start a drama fest over what I wrote and said that I am in a "cult" and "too biblical" to my mom) and she said, she was just reading and thought nothing of it. So I left... This morning I wake up to find out that my uncle called my mom and told her that my grandmother had called him and read him all my entries.... WHAT??? Seriously... What is the point? She hasn't said sorry, she has turned the whole situation around and said that it was my moms fault that she told me she was reading it. Let me remind you, my grandmother gets like extremely excited over arguing and gossip drama... and I am not a fan whatso ever.... BUT... her's the but... am I adress this? Am I to ask her why she would first lie to me, second tell everyone my busniess, and third not only apologize to me but to Jesus because she claims shes a believer and trys to tell me all the time "I love Jesus, I talk and pray to Him everyday"... Why am I not seeing fruit? Should I speak up? I don't have anger inside of me at all Thank the Lord Jesus... but should I speak up and correct her???

***lovex*** · Jun 29th 2010, 01:24 AM

P/S What I am struggling with is that I don't want to get angry over this...but I am not sure how to address it without getting the point across BOLDLY. She has called me and my sister look like transvestites before because we dont "wear enough makeup" .. and I never addressed it only cried. I am hurt by this... so many things this women who is my grandmother says... hurtful.

**HisLeast** · Jun 29th 2010, 01:30 AM

Originally Posted by lovex

P/S What I am struggling with is that I don't want to get angry over this...but I am not sure how to address it without getting the point across BOLDLY. She has called me and my sister look like transvestites before because we dont "wear enough makeup" .. and I never addressed it only cried. I am hurt by this... so many things this women who is my grandmother says... hurtful.

If it is hurtful then what is wrong with being angry?
Scripture tells us not to sin in our anger... but it does not say that we can not be angry.

If it were my grandmother, I wouldn't "ask" her anything. I'd tell her that she had wronged me and that I expect an apology when she's thought about it for a while.

***moonglow*** · Jun 29th 2010, 01:34 AM

Well frankly...you know what...I would write down exactly what you said here (except the no fruit thing...but just about her reading a private journal) in your journal and let her read it. I had a close family member that acted this way when I was younger and did stuff like this and the only way I could get anything through to her, because she wouldn't listen, was to write her letters. You can't argue with a letter.

Why are you going to be moving in with your grandmother? And considering all of this and how she is...is that such a good idea to be living with her and dealing with this stuff daily?

I am praying for you on this! Its tough when its our elders that need correcting..I know..

God bless

***lovex*** · Jun 29th 2010, 01:46 AM

^ Oh you have no idea... it's crazy because when I go to her house, she'll say things to me like "We need to watch every word that we say, everything... we will be held accountable" and I am just lost when she says this stuff. I mean, following Christ isn't a joke to me... at all. It's not something I just talk about to sound cool or anything, He's my everything. But, for her to not even apologize to me...rude. So rude... and you know,I guess I was expecting to much from someone who is older than me and is my grandmother.

***moonglow*** · Jun 29th 2010, 01:51 AM

Yea I am sure you were...but it kind of sounded like from what you said that she has always been like this on the gossping and stuff? I guess I would remind her if she believes we are held accountable for what we say..then why is she gossping about you? If this is a new thing with her though..there could be some health concerns going on...

But again...why would you want to go live with someone like this in the first place? She is going to make your life miserable I am afraid..

God bless

***lovex*** · Jun 29th 2010, 02:38 AM

I don't think she goes a day without talking numerous bad things about people. It's sad...because I love her so much but I know that I cannot tell her anything. If I do, I'd be telling the whole world. I just am praying hard about her... I want God to work with her, and I pray that she will take Him more serious.

I'm moving in because my parents are moving an hour away and I don't want to move. I know that it is going to be a struggle..everyday.. but at the same time I'm hoping I bring more Truth into her life by sharing the Gospel or even with my actions.

***moonglow*** · Jun 29th 2010, 02:52 AM

Ok...I think you are going to have your hands full. I'll be praying for both of you!

God bless

**MMK** · Jun 29th 2010, 12:04 PM

Difficult situation, you have remained patient which is the first good thing to do, and sometimes you have to take patience and go the extra mile on being patient.
How patient is God with us.
Gods word will supply you with the wisdom you need to deal with this situation, remain calm and respectfull and if i was you i would just not let it affect me anymore, easier said than done, but i have decided that if someone does wrong with me then i am not going to let it affect me to the point of me becomming angry and saying things i might later regret.
If you grandmother practises what she preaches and is in a good relationship with the lord then she WILL see whats going on here and learn from it, but its sounds from the fact she hasnt apologised as if she is not learning.Who knows what goes through peoples mind when you get older, maybe the particular sin of being nosey is so easy to do and you start to throw away the position of being older and abuse that position becomes to hard to resist and things like this happen.
I love your attitude during this time May god bless you both and bring peace trust and harmony back to this relationship.

***Frecs*** · Jun 29th 2010, 04:38 PM

My thoughts...in no particular order...just stream of consciousness...man that's scary even to me!

1. You have every right to be angry that your privacy has been violated. It sounds like boundaries need to be established.
2. You can not demand an apology. You can let it be known that your possessions are your's and need to be respected.
3. Respect & honor. That is your grandmother and your mother. Regardless of what they are doing, your place is to honor them. Respect is earned. Honor is given. Your response to this and any other situation must be coated in honor and love and grace. That does NOT mean that they get to run roughshod over you. It does mean that you stand up for yourself in a Christ-honoring fashion.
4. I would tell my mother and uncle they should be ashamed of themselves for listening to their mother read your journal. They are as guilty as she is. Again, you can not demand an apology but you can establish that information they gleaned from this act is not going to be discussed. Period. If they try to engage you in conversation/argument about what is written in your journal, remind them that that was private, they sinned obtaining it, and you aren't going to discuss it. If you have too, leave.

***lovex*** · Jun 29th 2010, 06:28 PM

My mom actually stopped her before she even got started which is how this whole situation got started. My grandmother still hasn't called to apologize... she feels like she did nothing wrong. She's turned the whole thing around and blamed it on my mother. I now come to find out that she was on the phone with my other uncle talking garbage about my mother (her daughter).... it's because she knows she did wrong and she got caught. This makes me so bothered...but still calm knowing that Jesus is center and nothing will step in the way. Hey, I'm glad she read my thoughts...maybe she'll find some Truth in it.

***lovex*** · Jun 29th 2010, 08:07 PM

Update:

She called me... she told me that SHE was humiliated the way that my mom and I "flipped out" over nothing. She doesn't need to say sorry, I do. She has never felt more hurt in her life. When I confronted her about talking gossip to me to the family she said "No...No... that's not it".. and changed the subject. She told me she loves God more than me.. and that she is satisfied with her life.

So now... I need to call on the Lord, pray for her because she is satisfied with her life which scares me.... and pray that he will work in.

***Scooby_Snacks*** · Jun 29th 2010, 08:31 PM

I would purchase an inexpensive safe, if intending to live with someone who will not respect your privacy.

Definately an opportunity to pray for her and other family members that co-signed her invasion without standing against listening to her.

Im sorry about this violation, it has happened to me, and has caused me much grief because what I write in journals much of the time is to vent and entries are filled with temporary feelings that may or may not be justified.

Much grace,

***Frecs*** · Jun 29th 2010, 11:25 PM

It is so tempting to try to "fix" other people. We see where they are in err and we love them and want to help them see the problem so they can fix it. But, it rarely works that way. The best we can do is work on ourselves and pray for them. It's also good if we can reflect Christ for them...to practice in front of them the behavior we want them to learn. Not easy. But, it grows our spiritual muscles while we are at it.

***Cloudwalker*** · Jul 6th 2010, 12:58 AM

I know that this may not be considered a very "Christian" attitude but I would be very tempted to try and find someplace else in town to stay and then have as little (or possibly no) contact with your grandmother as possible. If asked why I would say "She invaded my privacy and I am very hurt and until she realizes she was wrong and apoligizes there can be no healing of the relationship."