I feel lots of anxiety whenever I so much a see a link to a website that is hostile to Christianity. I feel obligated to visit anti-Christian sites to see all the arguments, but I'm just scared to do it. Also, in comment boards when someone says something about Christianity that I know is not true, I can't bring myself to reply. I'm usually anxious that there is a counter-argument of which I am unaware and unable to refute, or that my argument is just plain wrong and laughable and everyone will laugh at me. And as you all know, I am a gullible person who can get tricked easily into believing bad arguments. I have improved on that somewhat, but since I don't do well on anti-Christian sites, as I've said before, I don't know the counter-arguments well.
A few cases...
I decided one night to dare to click on the link to infidels.org. I lasted for only about a minute or two. I looked over the homepage and read the little statement on the front about their worldview, which wasn't even worded in a hostile way. Then I clicked on the "What's New?" page and looked over their new articles. I saw something called "More than an atheist" which, judging by the little preview thing underneath, was all about how important atheists are to the world. Another thing was an article that, if I recall correctly, was about the empty tomb and about an alternate explanation of the resurrection. And that's when I closed the window. I can usually see flaws in other people's theories about what "REALLY" happened at the resurrection, but this is a site by scholars. There are people like Richard Carrier and Robert Price on there, who are SCHOLARS.
It's not just anxiety that gets to me, but also anger. There's this one (kind of bad) Muslim apologist (let's call him Y) who used to post comments in a blog that I like reading (but now he's banned; I don't remember why). Y has a blog of his own, which is an Islamic apologetics site. I decided to visit it one day. The content just made me mad. I skimmed through a not-so-good rebuttal to a video posted on the other blog, and the comments on that post ("Christians are so desperate to use that old argument" etc.). I just hated it that all the Muslims were so blind to the bad argumentation. Then there was another post about an argument going on between Y and a Christian apologist (who made the video) who I'll call D. In the comments section, it was said that D had anger issues and those anger issues stemmed from his fatness. Y agreed (and why was supposed to be D's friend!). Then I just left. I don't know if it was apologist bashing or bad apologetics or what, but I get angry and frustrated and sad far too easily to even think clearly on Muslim websites. (And ironically, Y is on my friends list on YouTube.) There are a few other Muslim websites I've been on, which have made me mad or uncomfortable and I didn't stay long. (Except I was actually on Harun Yahya's site for several minutes and I had very little anger and anxiety for some reason. I had even started a rebuttal to one of his articles, but I later noticed that someone had already written one.)
I have more experiences to share, but I think I've written way too much already.
So I don't know if I'm just a coward who can't stand to have her faith challenged or just an emotional mess. Perhaps in the second case the extra emotion was because I'm sort of attached to D or something...Not sure.
The apologetics world seems overly intimidating and scarey.
So the point of me making this thread is to ask these questions: Has anyone else ever been scared of being refuted? Anyone have any advice for me?
I had planned to keep this whole anxiety thing a secret, but I think getting advice would be better. It's people like me who give Christians the bad name of "anti-intellectual."
I would love to be an apologist one day (and Peter also says that Christians should argue for the faith; 1 Peter 3:15), but because I'm overly emotional or scared or whatever, it just might not work out. Help would be great. Thanks =)