Adoption: Tell About Your Experiences

[Ninna]

I'm an adoptive mom - 3 of my kids are adopted. They were older (4, 8, 9) and came out of the state child welfare system. It has been almost 12 years and life has been a roller coaster - I will share more about that later.

I would like to hear everyone who has adopted or even who is adopted share your experiences.

[karenoka27]

I have never adopted, but my sister has adopted two children. She has 3 of her own. Her and her husband became foster parents with the intention of one day adopting one child. A homeless mother had given birth to a little girl and my sister and husband and kids fell in love with her. About a year later this same mother had another child, a boy. Again, my sister and the family fell in love. They adopted both of them. This same mother has had 5-6 children. My sister said no more.
The father of the little girl is in prison. He has been listed as a child molester. My sister has to send him a letter once a year and sends pictures of this little girl, but more at a distance since he will be out of prison and lives in the same state. (Rhode Island isn't all that big).
I have to tell you that this little girl who though is adorable, shows signs of being a problem as she gets older. She is 6 years old now.
My sister and her husband are aware of it and are praying over it even now.

[moonglow]

My sister adopted three children ..you know the story on that. Her and her husband could not have children of their own. Though the kids are now all grown they are still in our lives though not as much. One is still sitting in jail awaiting a trial and one is doing better though still living with a friend who lives with his mother and the girl is doing fairly ok though does not have custody of her son. All have been dx with bipolar among other things. Its been rough...very rough for sure.

God bless

[Amos_with_goats]

Well,

As a grateful adult adoptee, and the father of an adopted son I think this is a wonderful thread.

We are ALL adopted son's and daughters if we are in Christ, so everyone here has that connection.

I believe that the deceiver hates adoption. I see this in the cultural reactions I see at times, especially in television. Shows consistently seem to approach this from one of two unfortunate positions.

We see the 'unwed mother' who is considering adoption as somehow inferior, and script writers are happy to pile guilt onto those mothers who have already made the selfless decision to do what can only be done in faith... offering a better life to their children then they can provide.

Another troubling theme I see depicted on television is the idea that adult adoptees would necessary feel 'empty' or 'abandoned' because they were adopted.

The reality is that I was chosen. I was blessed (twice) to receive the gift of love that would change my life in wonderful ways.

I am very thankful for my birth mothers decisions. First, the decision to allow me to live. She easily could have made another choice. Second, the decision she made to give me a better life then she could have made for me herself. What an amazing, selfless thing to do!

I understand the feelings some others have about this. Like so many things though, I believe it is an issue of perspective. If one is told they were unwanted, they might struggle with feelings of this. Satan is a liar and a thief.... he desires misery.

Much more to write, I will wait for more replies.

Blessings!

[BirdOfPray]

I'm not adopted and haven't adopted, so I guess I'm butting in... but I just wanted to say how much I love seeing adoptive families. Like Amos said, there's so much working against it, but it's amazing to see how God works and builds families out of often very adverse circumstances -- and it's a beautiful picture of how God redeems us and brings us into His family.

[Ta-An]

All I can say is.... even tho an adopted child can bring so much joy to the family they are adopted into...... blood stays thicker than water.
Some traits are inherited in the blood.

[Ninna]

Amos - your post is a wonderful testimony of two really great adoptions. Thank you for that!

All I can say is.... even tho an adopted child can bring so much joy to the family they are adopted into...... blood stays thicker than water.
Some traits are inherited in the blood.

I have to agree with you....we had so much joy with each of the children for awhile....the downfall, IMO, was when some of the biological family found us, coupled with fetal alcohol spectrum disorders. The two boys made choices of living with their biological family, but our almost 20 year old daughter does not get very far away from us.

[moonglow]

Amos - your post is a wonderful testimony of two really great adoptions. Thank you for that!





I have to agree with you....we had so much joy with each of the children for awhile....the downfall, IMO, was when some of the biological family found us, coupled with fetal alcohol spectrum disorders. The two boys made choices of living with their biological family, but our almost 20 year old daughter does not get very far away from us.

That is sad.

I do wish that there were more good adoption stories like we hear about...like with amos. I think when a mother does love her child enough to know she can't provide for him or her and is unselfish and puts the baby up for adoption..that is to be commended and I think in alot of those situations things do turn out well.

My sister adopted her's that were older too and taken by the state from their parents due to neglect and abuse and that has a lasting impact on the children..something the state didn't inform her about. They kept telling her the kids were acting up because they were still adjusting and it could take years before they felt secure. They needed therapy for what they had been through from the very start but she didn't know what they had been through so didn't know how to help them. And since they all inherited bipolar too, it would have been nice to have that medical information also.

I think if she had been more informed from the very beginning her and her husband would have handled things much differently then they did...and maybe it would have helped a little. Instead it just turned into a nightmare for many, many years.

God bless

[Ninna]

Most of the really good adoptions IMO are when a child is adopted as an infant. My children were badly damaged emotionally by the things they went through prior to the adoption. They were hungry much of the time, in and out of foster care (that in itself can be a nightmare. When I mentioned some of the things the kids told me that happened in foster care, our adoption case worker said we could only believe about 25% of what they told us. 25% is way too much!), they were exposed to alcoholism and drug use in their parents, then death of parents, being passed around from relative to relative....the list goes on and on.

No amount of informing us of these things or classes can truly prepare anyone for the day-to-day life.

[Amos_with_goats]

...My children were badly damaged emotionally by the things they went through prior to the adoption......the list goes on and on.

No amount of informing us of these things or classes can truly prepare anyone for the day-to-day life.

Yet, the compassion (you, and other) adoptive parents show is simply an astounding expression of the Love of Christ. Even with the struggles many adoptive parents face, the selfless expression of love is simply amazing.

Please do not mistake my comments as minimizing the challenges, just to say that the love show (especially in the challenges) is simply an amazing thing.

Blessings,

[NHL Fever]

My wife and I explored the possibilities of adoption and I had an interest in adopting a native baby because many of the native parents are hapless drunks to list but one of the many social problems. Turns out you can't adopt a full blood native baby because the government says its 'cultural genocide'. Suffice to say, those babies will not have much of a chance.

[christseeker]

I am adopted and I say twice. Once by my parents and then by Christ. One coule tried to adopt me but because I couldn't turn over they got a refund, all the better because my parents than adopted me and they were the best. They passed 3 years ago and I haven't gotten over it yet

[watchinginawe]

All I can say is.... even tho an adopted child can bring so much joy to the family they are adopted into...... blood stays thicker than water.
Some traits are inherited in the blood.

Surely there is a flip side to that Ta-an. Let me give it a try: An adoptive family can bring so much joy to children that are adopted.

[Ninna]

My wife and I explored the possibilities of adoption and I had an interest in adopting a native baby because many of the native parents are hapless drunks to list but one of the many social problems. Turns out you can't adopt a full blood native baby because the government says its 'cultural genocide'. Suffice to say, those babies will not have much of a chance.

It's the same in the U.S., NHL Fever. Since my husband is full blood Native American we meet the criteria of a Native American family. Our children are from a different tribe so there were some differences there but not much and their tribal child welfare folks approved our petition to adopt.

[Ninna]

Surely there is a flip side to that Ta-an. Let me give it a try: An adoptive family can bring so much joy to children that are adopted.

I saw this to be true as well. And my children all came to know the Lord as Savior

But Ta-An has a point about some inherited traits...