Attracting Godly Men.... (moved from GIC)

[TomH]

Let me restate the purpose of this thread:

Single women new to Christ…and not so new to Christ…are told over and over to “look for their mate in church rather than bars or other worldly venues”. And, yet, if they choose to dress modestly as scripture tells them, they find that they are overlooked by the single men as those men seem to gravitate toward the ladies who are dressing less modestly/more fashionably (“fashionably” from a world’s perspective). So, they are left with what seems to be two options: dress more worldly and at least get on the men’s radar or continue to dress modestly and be forever the friend of these guys while the guys date and marry the more worldly women.

So, the question of this thread is thus: rather than dressing more worldly, how can a Christian single lady make herself attractive to single Christian men? What do truly godly Christian men find attractive in a godly Christian woman?

The red highlighted quote caught my eye.

This is bad advice, unless it is directed totally to church social functions. Never in the pews. That is not what pews are for.

If there are no church social functions (which I find hard to comprehend) then any social function (other than your bar options) are excellent choices.

Suggestion.

You meet a man (anywhere) and begin a conversation. If it's a normal conversation, it will very quickly turn to "So, what do you do, or like to do?"
Answer, "Well, I'm really involved in a lot of my church functions."

The rest is history.

[Frecs]

The red highlighted quote caught my eye.

This is bad advice, unless it is directed totally to church social functions. Never in the pews. That is not what pews are for.

If there are no church social functions (which I find hard to comprehend) then any social function (other than your bar options) are excellent choices.

Suggestion.

You meet a man (anywhere) and begin a conversation. If it's a normal conversation, it will very quickly turn to "So, what do you do, or like to do?"
Answer, "Well, I'm really involved in a lot of my church functions."

The rest is history.

That’s good. So, do I understand you to say that first option is to be active in church social activities (or perhaps even ministries within the church) but barring that (or in addition?) a godly woman can search outside the church through social activities of mutual interest to her and potential godly single men? The church does not need (and perhaps is not the best venue???) for the kinds of social activities that lead to mate selection?

[Ta-An]

Do you think that a majority of Christian men would be attracted to a lady who may not be as physically attractive but who's faith is genuine?

Well , may I jump in here??
Years ago, before internet, Hubby and I met on a "Pen-pal" forum in a magazine. His friend played a trick on him by submitting his name, and I was on holiday totally bored, reading this magazine.... and I thought....Ah-ha let me have some fun

So we started corresponding with one another... for about a year before we went for coffee one day..... but by that time, we knew one another through-and-through and it did not matter what we looked like, we knew what made the other one tick.... his/her love for God!!

Hubby had hippie-long-hair but he had brains
I had skew teeth and a long nose and I was anorexic-skinny
Yet there was something that drew us together.....

Not the looks, because he could do much much better ......
Yet 30 yrs later,, here we still are..... sharing the same thing that drew us together... our individual relationships with God.

I'll jump back in.

Look for a Christian nerd. They have been rejected all their lives and are longing for someone to love them.

They are smart. They know how to learn. They know how to make money. They will not get any uglier with age, and if anything, will actually get better looking. You can clean them up, cut their hair, put them in decent clothes, and get them contact lenses. Each step increases their self-esteem, and the love of a woman makes them devoted to that woman forever.

I should know.

That is what I did ...... I married my hubby for his brain and he just became so so attractive .... just like a TEDDY-BEAR.


IT IS INNER BEAUTY THAT COUNTS.

The rest is just a bonus

[miepie]

I met my husband Charles here on the site...... he was attracted by my faith in God and I was attracted to his faithfulness and his knowledge about the Christian religion and we were both poets so we used to pm each other in rhyme...... with much fun! I was attracted to his jokes and we had much fun together....... we were both on the modsteam but never really "met" each other as we were both in different sections..... we both prayed for a godly spouse and the next day we met!
I am not the most attractive girl (although I know that Charles will disagree with that) and I am handicapped too and he just wanted me like I was, so that made me love him even more...... He is older than me, but I still think he's the most beautiful man in the world........ but the most important thing is that we have such a friendship I never had with anyone....... if I can't sleep he stays up all night talking and finding music we like on youtube....... we did that last week...... because there is such an age difference between us (15 years) we come from different time periods and he's been educating me about the music in his days..... but the most wonderful thing about us together is that he's a Bible teacher and I am eager to learn...... slowly I am understanding difficult concepts of the Bible that no one could explain to me before........ Daddy has been really good to me by sending me Charles and I love being with him!

Love you lots,
Mieke

[RabbiKnife]

Most churches are a horrible place to meet Godly potential mates. Not only is the environment in most churches artificial, most people coming to a local congregation behave much differently than they are the rest of the week. We've been taught to be on our best behavior, to dress in our best, to be non-offensive...in short, to be phony.

I think the premise that you should "search for a mate at church" is a false premise destined for failure. Finding a mate is not like shopping for a car. Finding a mate is about being who you are, all the time, going where God leads you, doing what God has created you to be. If you seek a mate, which is perfectly fine and honorable, then you should not limit the pond you fish in to a local congregation.

Put it another way. Any male you come into contact can be a potential mate. Then, you simply start filtering.

Married? If yes, stop, do not pass go.
Christian? If no, stop, do not pass go. (No such thing as "dating evangelism.")
After those two issues are settled, then it is a matter of compatability, friendship, trust, etc.

[TomH]

That’s good. So, do I understand you to say that first option is to be active in church social activities (or perhaps even ministries within the church) but barring that (or in addition?) a godly woman can search outside the church through social activities of mutual interest to her and potential godly single men? The church does not need (and perhaps is not the best venue???) for the kinds of social activities that lead to mate selection?

Yes, to all of the above.

[Frecs]

Most churches are a horrible place to meet Godly potential mates. Not only is the environment in most churches artificial, most people coming to a local congregation behave much differently than they are the rest of the week. We've been taught to be on our best behavior, to dress in our best, to be non-offensive...in short, to be phony.

I think the premise that you should "search for a mate at church" is a false premise destined for failure. Finding a mate is not like shopping for a car. Finding a mate is about being who you are, all the time, going where God leads you, doing what God has created you to be. If you seek a mate, which is perfectly fine and honorable, then you should not limit the pond you fish in to a local congregation.

Put it another way. Any male you come into contact can be a potential mate. Then, you simply start filtering.

Married? If yes, stop, do not pass go.
Christian? If no, stop, do not pass go. (No such thing as "dating evangelism.")
After those two issues are settled, then it is a matter of compatability, friendship, trust, etc.

That I totally agree with. Church is very artificial in terms of how people interact with each other. We need to get out and into situations where we can more honestly assess the person and how well they do or do not fit with our own personality, goals, etc.

I also strongly agree with your point about dating/considering non-Christians. There may be the occasional example of it working but 99.99999% of the time it is a huge mistake to assume you can "save him" while dating or after marrying him.

[Frecs]

I met my husband Charles here on the site...... he was attracted by my faith in God and I was attracted to his faithfulness and his knowledge about the Christian religion and we were both poets so we used to pm each other in rhyme...... with much fun! I was attracted to his jokes and we had much fun together....... we were both on the modsteam but never really "met" each other as we were both in different sections..... we both prayed for a godly spouse and the next day we met!
I am not the most attractive girl (although I know that Charles will disagree with that) and I am handicapped too and he just wanted me like I was, so that made me love him even more...... He is older than me, but I still think he's the most beautiful man in the world........ but the most important thing is that we have such a friendship I never had with anyone....... if I can't sleep he stays up all night talking and finding music we like on youtube....... we did that last week...... because there is such an age difference between us (15 years) we come from different time periods and he's been educating me about the music in his days..... but the most wonderful thing about us together is that he's a Bible teacher and I am eager to learn...... slowly I am understanding difficult concepts of the Bible that no one could explain to me before........ Daddy has been really good to me by sending me Charles and I love being with him!

Love you lots,
Mieke

Mieke, you and Charles are such a wonderful example of how God can bring two people together that are perfect for each other.

[Frecs]

Well , may I jump in here??
Years ago, before internet, Hubby and I met on a "Pen-pal" forum in a magazine. His friend played a trick on him by submitting his name, and I was on holiday totally bored, reading this magazine.... and I thought....Ah-ha let me have some fun

So we started corresponding with one another... for about a year before we went for coffee one day..... but by that time, we knew one another through-and-through and it did not matter what we looked like, we knew what made the other one tick.... his/her love for God!!

Hubby had hippie-long-hair but he had brains
I had skew teeth and a long nose and I was anorexic-skinny
Yet there was something that drew us together.....

Not the looks, because he could do much much better ......
Yet 30 yrs later,, here we still are..... sharing the same thing that drew us together... our individual relationships with God.

That is what I did ...... I married my hubby for his brain and he just became so so attractive .... just like a TEDDY-BEAR.


IT IS INNER BEAUTY THAT COUNTS.

The rest is just a bonus

Of course you can jump in!

Okay, so that is two couples two met each other via either "penpal" or "www" rather than meeting face-to-face. This makes me wonder what the general thoughts are on this form of "dating"? I know there are some serious potential for pitfalls but that exists in life in general. Seems that such "distance meeting" opportunities allow for learning about a person's personality, interests, etc while filtering out any potential bias about appearance. What do ya'll think?

[miepie]

Mieke, you and Charles are such a wonderful example of how God can bring two people together that are perfect for each other.

Thanks my friend.... We are both not perfect, and never will be, but you're right that we're perfect for each other! I hope you'll find your perfect man soon too!

Love you lots,
Mieke

[TomH]

I think most relationships, and especially marital relationships, began by accident.

It was God's bringing them together, and not them searching for each other.

[Jeanne D]

I first saw my husband and decided he was for me at the age of 10, he was 11 years old so I can't really answer your question, Frecs.
A few years later we became the best of friends.

Now remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Pray about it and continue to pray. God knows you better than you know yourself. He knows the best person suited to You and vice versa.
He isn't going to put you with someone you aren't attracted to or someone you don't love.

He is the best matchmaker there is.

Jeanne

[karenoka27]

Most churches are a horrible place to meet Godly potential mates. Not only is the environment in most churches artificial, most people coming to a local congregation behave much differently than they are the rest of the week. We've been taught to be on our best behavior, to dress in our best, to be non-offensive...in short, to be phony.

This is so sad..and yet true in many cases.
My sister met her husband online through a Christian dating service. He was from Arkansas, she from Rhode Island. They made each other laugh, and they both loved the Lord. As they became friends through the internet, the met and not long after were married.

Going back to the OP's statement: "how am I supposed to get the attentions of a Godly man when he is visually attracted to the lady at the other end of the pew who's showing off her wares? Men are visual, after all, and the nature of the beast is to want to mate with the most attractive mate they can. How can Miss Modest get his attention in a godly way?"
May I suggest not by showing what you got? It's absurd to think a Christian woman would lure a mate in through her cleavage.

Church is where the body of Christ meets, phony or not. It's a place to use our gifts and encourage one another in our faith. It's a place where we join together for communion in remembrance of our Lord and Savior. It's not a dating service.
However, while you are busy serving the Lord, The Lord Himself just might place your mate in your path in church. Then it's His doing, His blessing.

[Ta-An]

He is he best matchmaker there is.

Indeed so

If Hubby and I met face-to-face first.... we never would even have given a second look at the other one

May God reveal to you, at the right time, the perfect partner for you.

[tango]

As an off shoot from the "dressing modestly" thread, as a modestly dressed Christian single woman, how am I supposed to get the attentions of a Godly man when he is visually attracted to the lady at the other end of the pew who's showing off her wares? Men are visual, after all, and the nature of the beast is to want to mate with the most attractive mate they can. How can Miss Modest get his attention in a godly way?

Honestly, that would depend on whether you want a man who is more interested in good looks or a man who is more interested in something more lasting.

Men are visual creatures but at the same time the fact a woman is showing her wares doesn't immediately make her more attractive as a long term proposition. For all the testosterone in me is drawn to the kind of woman who does show more flesh I'd rather have a long-term relationship with someone who didn't flaunt what she had for all to see.

I've known several women who were stunningly attractive but as friendly as a hungry sabre-toothed tiger and several other women who weren't anything special to look at but who had an inner beauty that was far more attractive. That inner beauty is the kind of thing you only get to see if you take the time to talk to someone and spend a little time with them (in any kind of situation). If a man isn't going to even talk to you because you are less physically attractive than Some Other Female the chances are he's going to turn out to be the shallow kind you're probably better off without.