Something has to change

[Spike]

Te-An... this is not a thread asking for dieting advice. Thanks, I'll pass.

Miepie: I'm glad that worked out for you, but I'm not looking for dieting advice or 'encouragement'. Thanks for sharing, though.

Lovex: Yeah, I know that; that doesn't mean I have to walk around looking like a pile of animated laundry, now do I?

catlover: I've watched that show... they can be rather off-putting with the superior attitude sometimes. Sometimes though the might have good ideas.

[BirdOfPray]

I'm terrible with clothing and fashion, but my best advice is to make a point of looking at what the people around you are wearing. When you see something you like, ask the person where they got it. They'll be flattered, and you'll start to get an idea of where you want to shop. And if you see someone wearing lots of styles you like, ask them where they shop. I can't help you with specific stores since I don't think we have the same style, but I hate clothes shopping and that's been my approach to finding clothes I like.

Good luck!

[Poetry4Me75]

Spike, I will be 35 next week and funny I was having similar thoughts.

I went clothes shopping the other day and there is nothing out there for me. It takes me hours to go through Goodwill and find my size in something I like. I have a very small chest, porportionally, and it is difficult to find tops that don't look ill-fitted.

I looked at earrings yesterday. There is nothing there I like, either. I refuse to conform to societies trends and being me has become difficult when you cannot buy clothes that say "me". Who is 'me' anyway?

I like the goth look myself. I know the associations with it but I thoroughly enjoy wearing all black. I do not have the gloomy personality, however, I am standoffish because I am introverted. I just LIKE BLACK. Black was popular int he 80's and my mom was forever buying me clothes but I wouldn't take the hint (I wore metal band shirts and jeans, leather or jean jacket with PATCHES oh yeah lol). I think it was earlier this year I finally told Mom we should never buy clothes for each other. Ever. lol.

When I hit my late teens, early 20's I became the expected chameleon. I did whatever I thought would get me most accepted in society.

Now I am a breath away from 35 and I still dress very young. I do not shop in the woman's section, I shop in the Misses section. I have some aunts who are my size and pass me their clothes. I NEVER wear them. They are so "old". I also look very young, I get carded for buying normal things they now require ID for because of all the meth labs. My 18 year old would shake his head at me but never seemed embarassed. I also act young. I play with my kids, hacky sack is my new favorite "sport", I jump on the trampoline, I watch hip movies, etc. But I am not immature (for 35). This is contrast to my husband, who is 40 and has been old since the day he was born. I have a son like that. What can I say, HE likes me...lol.

I am also devoutly Christian. I do all this without crossing lines. I do not dress lewd. I have read my Bible and my conscious is clear in this area.

It took me some time to be WILLING to be myself and fail to meet other's expectations. For example, I finally stopped wearing dresses to church. I have always hated dresses and skirts and never looked good in them. I always felt like an imposter in them. I talked with my grandmother about all this (she would never wear jeans to church!) and my Mom, who would also never wear jeans to church.

I. Am. Odd.

I am eccentric. I am unique and I will no longer try to meet the social expectations of others. I am accountable to God and I am happy being ME and not a product of societies hands. I am His. My me-ness is my His-ness as well. I have endured many a negative comment about my attire (I have a weird looking scarf that manages to draw attention. Not sure why). If you were to come to my house any given day I would be wearing my work clothes which are scraggly and very un-womanly. When I go out I dress in what I like. I stopped wearing make-up this year. I never liked that either. I only use it once in awhile to cover blemishes now. I got LOTS of comments when I quit wearing make-up because I am pale and peaky looking. People were forever asking me if I am ill. That has finally stopped. It just took time for people to get used to it. I did not make all the changes at once. It actually took some time for me to figure out who I am and what was me, piece by piece. Now I am not as preoccupied with how I look because I am not trying to please anyone (except my husband, and he seriously doesn't care). I only wish there were clothes out there I liked. I don't do frills. I like earrings but not other jewelry.

Your original post sounds like you have lost your niche. God created you to be you, not what people expect of you. If black makes you feel YOU, go for it. If it is big earrings or wild patterns, whatever...

I get compliments on my hair but never my clothes. I had to ask my self what my motivation was for how I dressed. To please others eyes? To get compliments? To draw attention (positive or negative)? To please God?

I used to be far more creative, too, but all the effort was done for the praise of others. At 35 we are old enough to discern our own motivations, pray about God's will and seek it in His word, then make an informed decision for the RIGHT reasons regardless of whether mankind places their stamp on us or not. It takes a little more effort than succumbing to impulses. At 35 we are still young but have more maturity. There is a balance. I think it is a prime age, personally.

I don't know where you are in life (spiritually, emotinally, mentally, etc.). But sometimes when we feel than funk it is time to stop and assess our motivations and goals. Maybe the chnage you feel urged towards is the beginnings of a call. Maybe it is preparation for something only God knows. But all times and seasons of life can be used for growth in Him.

Feel free to discard anything I said. I think I wrote it as much for myself as anything!

[Ta-An]

Te-An... this is not a thread asking for dieting advice. Thanks, I'll pass.

.

No, that I charge for

I am suggesting you choose to make the right choices

[Spike]

No, that I charge for

I am suggesting you choose to make the right choices

Since you know nothing about either my dietary choices or how much I exercise in any given day, your commentary is offensive and unnecessary. I am suggesting you choose to not post here, since you don't seem to be getting the point of my actual post. I was asking women of a certain size about their clothing choices, not about how to lose weight, or 'make the right choices'. Right choices according to whom? You, who don't even know me? No thanks, I'll pass.


Poetry4Me75: I think you might have a good point, there. Food for thought, certainly. Thanks for posting, you've given me a lot to think about!

[Ta-An]

Since you know nothing about either my dietary choices or how much I exercise in any given day, your commentary is offensive and unnecessary. I am suggesting you choose to not post here, since you don't seem to be getting the point of my actual post. I was asking women of a certain size about their clothing choices, not about how to lose weight, or 'make the right choices'. Right choices according to whom? You, who don't even know me? No thanks, I'll pass.


Poetry4Me75: I think you might have a good point, there. Food for thought, certainly. Thanks for posting, you've given me a lot to think about!

Sorry that you took offence....... I did not try to hurt you
but according to your criteria, I qualify



Your thread header is :Something has to change,,,, So....

In any case,,,I'll stop offering you advice on how to "change" and be more happy with-in yourself

[moonglow]

Spike, I will be 35 next week and funny I was having similar thoughts.

I went clothes shopping the other day and there is nothing out there for me. It takes me hours to go through Goodwill and find my size in something I like. I have a very small chest, porportionally, and it is difficult to find tops that don't look ill-fitted.

I looked at earrings yesterday. There is nothing there I like, either. I refuse to conform to societies trends and being me has become difficult when you cannot buy clothes that say "me". Who is 'me' anyway?

I like the goth look myself. I know the associations with it but I thoroughly enjoy wearing all black. I do not have the gloomy personality, however, I am standoffish because I am introverted. I just LIKE BLACK. Black was popular int he 80's and my mom was forever buying me clothes but I wouldn't take the hint (I wore metal band shirts and jeans, leather or jean jacket with PATCHES oh yeah lol). I think it was earlier this year I finally told Mom we should never buy clothes for each other. Ever. lol.

When I hit my late teens, early 20's I became the expected chameleon. I did whatever I thought would get me most accepted in society.

Now I am a breath away from 35 and I still dress very young. I do not shop in the woman's section, I shop in the Misses section. I have some aunts who are my size and pass me their clothes. I NEVER wear them. They are so "old". I also look very young, I get carded for buying normal things they now require ID for because of all the meth labs. My 18 year old would shake his head at me but never seemed embarassed. I also act young. I play with my kids, hacky sack is my new favorite "sport", I jump on the trampoline, I watch hip movies, etc. But I am not immature (for 35). This is contrast to my husband, who is 40 and has been old since the day he was born. I have a son like that. What can I say, HE likes me...lol.

I am also devoutly Christian. I do all this without crossing lines. I do not dress lewd. I have read my Bible and my conscious is clear in this area.

It took me some time to be WILLING to be myself and fail to meet other's expectations. For example, I finally stopped wearing dresses to church. I have always hated dresses and skirts and never looked good in them. I always felt like an imposter in them. I talked with my grandmother about all this (she would never wear jeans to church!) and my Mom, who would also never wear jeans to church.

I. Am. Odd.

I am eccentric. I am unique and I will no longer try to meet the social expectations of others. I am accountable to God and I am happy being ME and not a product of societies hands. I am His. My me-ness is my His-ness as well. I have endured many a negative comment about my attire (I have a weird looking scarf that manages to draw attention. Not sure why). If you were to come to my house any given day I would be wearing my work clothes which are scraggly and very un-womanly. When I go out I dress in what I like. I stopped wearing make-up this year. I never liked that either. I only use it once in awhile to cover blemishes now. I got LOTS of comments when I quit wearing make-up because I am pale and peaky looking. People were forever asking me if I am ill. That has finally stopped. It just took time for people to get used to it. I did not make all the changes at once. It actually took some time for me to figure out who I am and what was me, piece by piece. Now I am not as preoccupied with how I look because I am not trying to please anyone (except my husband, and he seriously doesn't care). I only wish there were clothes out there I liked. I don't do frills. I like earrings but not other jewelry.

Your original post sounds like you have lost your niche. God created you to be you, not what people expect of you. If black makes you feel YOU, go for it. If it is big earrings or wild patterns, whatever...

I get compliments on my hair but never my clothes. I had to ask my self what my motivation was for how I dressed. To please others eyes? To get compliments? To draw attention (positive or negative)? To please God?

I used to be far more creative, too, but all the effort was done for the praise of others. At 35 we are old enough to discern our own motivations, pray about God's will and seek it in His word, then make an informed decision for the RIGHT reasons regardless of whether mankind places their stamp on us or not. It takes a little more effort than succumbing to impulses. At 35 we are still young but have more maturity. There is a balance. I think it is a prime age, personally.

I don't know where you are in life (spiritually, emotinally, mentally, etc.). But sometimes when we feel than funk it is time to stop and assess our motivations and goals. Maybe the chnage you feel urged towards is the beginnings of a call. Maybe it is preparation for something only God knows. But all times and seasons of life can be used for growth in Him.

Feel free to discard anything I said. I think I wrote it as much for myself as anything!

Awesome post! Just love it. (too bad I hate shopping anymore...) But if I ever get inspired I will keep your post in mind...

God bless

[Dani H]

Ok ladies, let's not take offense at anything that is being said here, because I know that every post made here comes from a heart of concern and love.

Thanks!

[karenoka27]

I love clothes. I am so tired of struggling with weight issues and looking for clothes.
Ta-An made a good point about making other changes. If you can't find clothes to fit you, change you to fit clothes. I'm in the process of doing that. I've lost 10lbs so far. I can't believe how just losing a few pounds changes your attitude.

[Dani H]

I finally decided that it wasn't the clothes for me. My problem was that I was too heavy to feel comfortable in the clothes I was wanting to wear, but wouldn't allow myself to buy because my own vanity prevented me.

I then made peace with my own vanity and decided I was going to fit into those clothes I wanted to wear before I got too old to enjoy them. Lost 15 pounds since then. Made such a huge difference for me, like you have no idea.

Nobody is saying you have to lose weight. Just saying, clothes and self-image are forever connected, and there might be more going on with us than we allow to admit to ourselves because we don't want to really deal with stuff underneath, is all.

[Vhayes]

I have a different problem - i am starting to lose all the muscle tone I have had over the years - something I took for granted. Gravity is indeed catching up and I do NOT like seeing my mothers body when I pass the mirror, ya know?

And Spike - thanks for the thread. You've helped me realize I am in a clothes rut. Well, frankly, a lifestyle rut. I get up, put on blue jeans, tee-shirt in summer, turtle neck in winter with a fleece zip sweater, the same shoes, the same everything. My hair is HIDEOUS! i look like a bag lady or the wicked witch of the North - seriously.

Hmmmmm. This thread has me thinkin'.
V

[moonglow]

I have a different problem - i am starting to lose all the muscle tone I have had over the years - something I took for granted. Gravity is indeed catching up and I do NOT like seeing my mothers body when I pass the mirror, ya know?

And Spike - thanks for the thread. You've helped me realize I am in a clothes rut. Well, frankly, a lifestyle rut. I get up, put on blue jeans, tee-shirt in summer, turtle neck in winter with a fleece zip sweater, the same shoes, the same everything. My hair is HIDEOUS! i look like a bag lady or the wicked witch of the North - seriously.

Hmmmmm. This thread has me thinkin'.
V

You sound like me..with the exception of the hair thing...

sigh...

[Dani H]

I have a different problem - i am starting to lose all the muscle tone I have had over the years - something I took for granted. Gravity is indeed catching up and I do NOT like seeing my mothers body when I pass the mirror, ya know?

And Spike - thanks for the thread. You've helped me realize I am in a clothes rut. Well, frankly, a lifestyle rut. I get up, put on blue jeans, tee-shirt in summer, turtle neck in winter with a fleece zip sweater, the same shoes, the same everything. My hair is HIDEOUS! i look like a bag lady or the wicked witch of the North - seriously.

Hmmmmm. This thread has me thinkin'.
V

You and I should hang out. I'll make you look sophisticated. Comparatively speaking.

Right now, my work uniform consists of a holy t-shirt with sweat pants that shrunk in the washer (always appreciate that), my husband's old socks (cause that's what I wear around the house) and my frizzy hair that looks like I done stuck my finger in a socket.

I still don't know why my husband insists I look pretty. He must be a special brand of blind.

[Spike]

Actually, Te-An, you don't qualify. Which is why bouncing in to talk about weight loss instead of answering the question is offensive. Losing weight isn't my concern. Finding clothes that fit me as I am now is. You see the difference between Poetry's post and yours? I get more than sufficient exercise daily, and my current diet is healthy. My doctor isn't in the least concerned about my weight. So, yeah, it's kinda offensive to have someone who's never seen me think they're in any way qualified to throw out the 'lose weight' commentary. Again, folks, I'm not interested in 'lose weight' comments. I don't believe in trying to fit into trendy ideals. So no, I won't be losing anything to fit a particular type of clothing. That's an unhealthy way to do things, and abusive to the body to boot. I tried that before and made myself sick physically and mentally. I shall pass, thanks.

[miepie]

I have a different problem - i am starting to lose all the muscle tone I have had over the years - something I took for granted. Gravity is indeed catching up and I do NOT like seeing my mothers body when I pass the mirror, ya know?

And Spike - thanks for the thread. You've helped me realize I am in a clothes rut. Well, frankly, a lifestyle rut. I get up, put on blue jeans, tee-shirt in summer, turtle neck in winter with a fleece zip sweater, the same shoes, the same everything. My hair is HIDEOUS! i look like a bag lady or the wicked witch of the North - seriously.

Hmmmmm. This thread has me thinkin'.
V

Will you stop putting yourself down like that? I have seen a pic of you and you look very beautiful and I love your hair! Maybe just a change of clothing might help you, but it's definitely not needed to make you more beautiful cause you already are!

Love you very much,
Mieke