How do you usually know? I don't mean vague answers, but like, specifically... how do you KNOW it's God?
Sometimes I feel as if the voice I'm following is God, but sometimes it leads me down the wrong path which then proves that I'm following my own thoughts disguised as God. Is it a flow of thoughts? Does it stop you in your tracks or thrill you forward?
I'm at a point in my Christian walk now where part of me believes that God has bought me and now He owns me, so I am His forever, so He has a plan for me even while I am far away from Him. But another part of me knows better. There's an encouraging voice that says "God loves you, just keep pressing forward", but there's another voice that says "Hold up...you can't just keep sinning and then get up like that. Take a time-out, internalize it, repent, bring it to God, and ask for forgiveness".
I'm concerned for my salvation. I know I have offended God and I've sinned against Him deeply. I cried out from my heart and said "God, I know I have offended You. You are the God of Heaven and I have offended You. I want to stop defiling the Temple you've built in me and I want to be what You've created." I took a half hour out of my time and prayed.
I feel like He heard me but He is still quiet and sensitive from it. As in, He has heard my prayer but He won't draw near for awhile. This makes sense in my mind and in my heart. But there's another form of God in my daily life that seems to be settled into my thoughts with positive affirmations but it doesn't purify me from sin and doesn't seem to do anything at heart-level for me. It's just simply, "dust yourself off, it's ok, just say you're sorry and move on".
To be honest I'm not happy right now. I need to feel God's presence, I need to be filled with His love and His acceptance again. I feel like praying deeply to Him tonight was a sign of me turning in the right direction, but if that's true, then all of this time I have been following a different god in my mind. Is this correct? It seems to go away as soon as I stop praying. It doesn't last long and it seems that it's like a vapor that just disappears. I have to chase repentance, it doesn't come naturally and it seems like I'm moving a boulder.
I'm just curious what you all think. If this needs to be moved to a more appropriate forum, I understand. Thanks.