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Thread: The girl I like has a boyfriend, but...

  1. #1

    The girl I like has a boyfriend, but...

    A month ago, right before the end of the college semester, I started intimately dating a beautiful girl. She tells me a few days before we leave for winter break that (surprise) she has a boyfriend back home , but that she really likes me.

    Flash forward a month later to now. She is still seeing her boyfriend, who seems to love her. However, she is now at school with me, and her boyfriend is far away. She says that even though she has a boyfriend she wants to be with me, she wants to sleep with me again, that she really likes me, etc. She invited me over her dorm room because her roommate will be away for a few days.

    I am very hesitant to accept her invitation because of Proverbs 5:

    3:For the lips of the adulterous woman drip honey,
    and her speech is smoother than oil;
    4 but in the end she is bitter as gall,
    sharp as a double-edged sword.
    5 Her feet go down to death;
    her steps lead straight to the grave.
    6 She gives no thought to the way of life;
    her paths wander aimlessly, but she does not know it.

    and Proverbs 6 right after, especially:

    25 Do not lust in your heart after her beauty
    or let her captivate you with her eyes.

    28: Can a man walk on hot coals
    without his feet being scorched?
    29 So is he who sleeps with another man’s wife;
    no one who touches her will go unpunished.

    She isn't a prostitute and her boyfriend is not her husband, but of course I never interpret the Bible literally.

    To be honest I like this girl a lot; she is beautiful, classy, and just plain attractive to me (I'm pretty picky with girls). She says she likes me a lot (and she sweet talks me from her "lips that drip honey") and in all likelihood her boyfriend might not find out that I am with her. However, it just feels like something is off with this situation.

    Should I see this girl? Should I tell her to end relations with her boyfriend first? Should I ignore her? I'm torn.
    Last edited by BibleBob; Jan 21st 2011 at 08:00 AM.

  2. #2
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    Re: The girl I like has a boyfriend, but...

    Be faithful to God. If having this girl causes you to choose sin over God, then you know the answer. There's nothing wrong with a friendship IF you do not give into sin.

  3. #3

    Re: The girl I like has a boyfriend, but...

    This relationship already has a bad start. If she cheated on her boyfriend by sleeping with you, what's to make you think she won't do the same to you?

  4. #4
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    Re: The girl I like has a boyfriend, but...

    She is a **lady** and you are a **sinning**. ______________. Having illicit sex with her would be consist with your Christian character.

    Oh wait. Are you a Christian? Your behavior and thought processes would say "no."

    If you are, then get your head screwed on straight, repent, and stop sinning either in your mind or your body. Don't see her again.

    If you are not, _______________be prepared for her to bring whatever sexually transmitted disease she got ___________________

  5. #5
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    Re: The girl I like has a boyfriend, but...

    To be honest I like this girl a lot; she is beautiful, classy, and just plain attractive to me (I'm pretty picky with girls).
    Classy ladies DO NOT act like that.
    For what mortal has ever heard the voice of the living God speaking out of fire, as we have, and survived? ~ Deuteronomy 5:26

    If you're not prepared to risk your very life for your "enemy" you have no right to speak to him of love. ~ Daughter

    Many say they are called... but I am pretty convinced that with many of them it was the wrong number. ~ Project Peter

  6. #6

    Re: The girl I like has a boyfriend, but...

    Quote Originally Posted by Firefighter View Post
    Classy ladies DO NOT act like that.
    I suppose you're right. What I love most about God is that if you are looking for answers, He will answer you, you just have to be receptive, and be able to "think outside of the box" because His message could come in virtually any form. At least, that's how he speaks with me. Sometimes, I don't like the answer, but I know deep down inside that it is the right way. I have prayed to God about this issue and he has shown me the right answers. The more I communicate with God, the clearer His messages become.

    She is Christian as well which is why this whole thing has caught me off guard. I am usually a very good judge of character, and I know that this girl is showing me her genuine feelings. She has strong feelings of confusion running through her head. I have told her that if another man loves her then it is not right for me to remain interested in her, and that she is wrong for pursuing me without terminating her previous relationship. Besides the fact that she could harbor STDs, she is not being honest with her boyfriend which is the #1 draw for me, because, as one of you stated before, if she is not honest with her current boyfriend, how can I expect her to be honest with me in the future?

  7. #7

    Re: The girl I like has a boyfriend, but...

    Quote Originally Posted by RabbiKnife View Post
    She is a **lady** and you are a **sinning**. ______________. Having illicit sex with her would be consist with your Christian character.

    Oh wait. Are you a Christian? Your behavior and thought processes would say "no."

    If you are, then get your head screwed on straight, repent, and stop sinning either in your mind or your body. Don't see her again.

    If you are not, _______________be prepared for her to bring whatever sexually transmitted disease she got ___________________
    I am someone who is rediscovering God. I am a confirmed Catholic, but like countless others my age, I fell into a lifestyle of sin in my young adulthood. In our society, we are so surrounded by sin that we forget what is right and wrong according to God. I have had a spiritual reawakening in the past few years. I have been making steps to improve my life physically, mentally, and spiritually, and live my life under God's rightful guidance.

  8. #8
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    Re: The girl I like has a boyfriend, but...

    Quote Originally Posted by BibleBob View Post
    I am someone who is rediscovering God. I am a confirmed Catholic, but like countless others my age, I fell into a lifestyle of sin in my young adulthood. In our society, we are so surrounded by sin that we forget what is right and wrong according to God. I have had a spiritual reawakening in the past few years. I have been making steps to improve my life physically, mentally, and spiritually, and live my life under God's rightful guidance.
    Good for you!!!!
    For what mortal has ever heard the voice of the living God speaking out of fire, as we have, and survived? ~ Deuteronomy 5:26

    If you're not prepared to risk your very life for your "enemy" you have no right to speak to him of love. ~ Daughter

    Many say they are called... but I am pretty convinced that with many of them it was the wrong number. ~ Project Peter

  9. #9
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    Re: The girl I like has a boyfriend, but...

    Quote Originally Posted by BibleBob View Post
    I am someone who is rediscovering God. I am a confirmed Catholic, but like countless others my age, I fell into a lifestyle of sin in my young adulthood. I have had a spiritual reawakening in the past few years. I have been making steps to improve my life physically, mentally, and spiritually, and live my life under God's rightful guidance.
    That's wonderful. Then you know _____________________ you need to find a good church and find someone to help you along the path.

  10. #10
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    Re: The girl I like has a boyfriend, but...

    Quote Originally Posted by BibleBob View Post
    She is Christian as well which is why this whole thing has caught me off guard. I am usually a very good judge of character, and I know that this girl is showing me her genuine feelings. She has strong feelings of confusion running through her head. I have told her that if another man loves her then it is not right for me to remain interested in her, and that she is wrong for pursuing me without terminating her previous relationship. Besides the fact that she could harbor STDs, she is not being honest with her boyfriend which is the #1 draw for me, because, as one of you stated before, if she is not honest with her current boyfriend, how can I expect her to be honest with me in the future?
    If she's confused the thing to do isn't to sleep with anyone she takes a shine to until she's got her head sorted out. If she terminates her existing relationship and makes you her "exclusive boyfriend" (whatever that means these days) and sleeps with you that doesn't really help - it's just a form of serial monogamy.

    One of the issues with sex being so widespread these days is that it loses its status as a special bond between husband and wife. When it is little more than a few steps after introduction it is cheap, and the results are plain to see across society.

    Best bet, by all means stay friends with this girl but I think you'd be foolish to be more than platonic friends with her until you've both got a better handle on what it means to be a Christian. The less you need to be repenting of later, the better.


    If you're looking to rediscover God then be very very careful of anyone or anything that causes you to lose sight of the narrow path. There are many things that do it, and some of the traps the devil sets for us don't reveal their teeth until they spring shut.
    24 August 2013 - I've decided to take a break from a number of internet forums, including this one, for my own reasons.
    I expect to be back at some time in the future, although at present don't know when that will be.
    I've been here just a few days shy of six years, and those six years have been greatly blessed.

    ---

    1Jn 4:1 NKJV Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits, whether they are of God; because many false prophets have gone out into the world.
    1Th 5:21-22 NKJV Test all things; hold fast what is good. (22) Abstain from every form of evil.




  11. #11
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    Re: The girl I like has a boyfriend, but...

    Just end this type of relationship,but don't ignore her. One day might a new one begin..

  12. #12

    Re: The girl I like has a boyfriend, but...

    Hmm... first off, I'm a little confused when you said "something just feels off about this situation".

    I really hope and pray that you are truly seeking the Lord because if you are, there is no way that you'd be able to get through the Gospels where sexual immorality is not brought up. The Lord has told us to FLEE from sexual immorality. Not stick around, think about, discuss it...but flee. Run, sprint, leap as fast your legs as go. Come on... I know you know it's wrong. But to talk about it is completely different than living it. For the kingdom of God is not just a lot of talk, it's living by God's power 1 Cor 4:20. Listen to the spirit, and let it move you, let the Lord guide you and allow Him to take you away from places that He is warning you of.
    Praying for you.. and I hope that you dig as deep as you can to find the Truth.
    Why are you searching for love? Why are you still looking as if I'm not enough?

  13. #13
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    Re: The girl I like has a boyfriend, but...

    I just wanted to reply directly to Bob and say only this:

    Everything written below is in truth and Love.... but most of all to you - thank you for your honesty with us. Jesus will take an authentic and repentant sinner EVERY DAY over a fake Christian and so will I.

    I always tell my students: "Don't give me the answer that you think I want to hear, give me your real answer".

    Thanks for being REAL Bob... God will reward you for your obedience and authenticity. It's easy to get confused about what's right and what's wrong in our world today - particularly in the college-life world. Stick with the Word and you'll never go wrong!

  14. #14
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    Re: The girl I like has a boyfriend, but...

    Quote Originally Posted by Otter77 View Post
    I just wanted to reply directly to Bob and say only this:

    Everything written below is in truth and Love.... but most of all to you - thank you for your honesty with us. Jesus will take an authentic and repentant sinner EVERY DAY over a fake Christian and so will I.

    I always tell my students: "Don't give me the answer that you think I want to hear, give me your real answer".

    Thanks for being REAL Bob... God will reward you for your obedience and authenticity. It's easy to get confused about what's right and what's wrong in our world today - particularly in the college-life world. Stick with the Word and you'll never go wrong!

    For what mortal has ever heard the voice of the living God speaking out of fire, as we have, and survived? ~ Deuteronomy 5:26

    If you're not prepared to risk your very life for your "enemy" you have no right to speak to him of love. ~ Daughter

    Many say they are called... but I am pretty convinced that with many of them it was the wrong number. ~ Project Peter

  15. #15

    Re: The girl I like has a boyfriend, but...

    Bob, I agree with Otter and others. I commend you for your honesty and forthright.

    Let me ask you this: If you were her long distance boyfriend, how would YOU feel if someone did what you've done/are doing?

    A girl in a relationship for me is always off limits.

    I pray you will continue to seek the Lord in everything and that you'll be obedient and faithful to what He calls you to do.

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