My sister

[Misfit]

tried to commit suicide about 12 days ago. She is angry about her life (made fun of when she was young, abusive marriage 11 years ago - since been married to a wonderful man for 7 yrs. Has 3 handsome almost all grown boys. She graduated top honors, but has not had much success in regards to finding jobs - has had difficulty with those she works under. She also has fibro and other related conditions that go with. She is 47 yrs old. Hoping this info will help a bit) She feels that God is punishing her. We had hoped this view would have changed slightly after her attempt, but it has not. She is even more angry...feels that God 'Vetoed' her - why she is still here. She feels no one has suffered like her, and if we bring up anyone that is having a very tough time (my mom's pastors daughter just had her leg removed due to cancer (she is 33 - kids - married) and now they have found 3 spots on her lungs) she refuses to believe that they do not think that God is punishing them as well, even tho they state differently. She is going back to the same psychologist (not Christian) who has counseled her for years...she refuses to see anyone else.

Getting to my point...Should we be worried that she will try to attempt suicide again soon? Not sure what else we all can do? She knows we are there for her...We listen, but she feels that no one can relate to her at all ( ex: I have fibro related symptoms and suffered an abusive marriage - no kids resulting from that one tho. My other sister also has ailments - some the same as my sister who tried to kill herself. My brother suffered horribly as a child - made fun of...so, we can all relate a bit..tho understandably every ones pain is their own..not trying to put us all in the same basket)...so sharing our experiences to show how God walked us through it all, does not help.

(edited to say: She said she would never try to kill herself again)

Advice?

[Dani H]

I don't think she's angry. I think she's wallowing in self-pity and depression. I think anger is only part of it.

You and I both know that your sister's perception has nothing to do with reality. Because in reality, her suffering is very little, comparatively speaking. And nobody owes her for it. Not God, not her family, nobody. Suffering is part of life, and we don't get to wear it as a badge and hold it over people's head to manipulate them with and demand things from them.

Your sister would know this if she actually took a look at Jesus and saw HIS suffering. For HER.

Is she a believer? And by "believer" I don't mean "believe that God exists" (as obviously she does) or "calling myself a Christian because I go to church". How are she and Jesus doing?

Maybe God is using that suicide attempt to make you aware of something underlying that maybe you'd have never thought of addressing, but that He is well aware of.

I'd focus on your sister's relationship with the Lord, first of all. If that was my sister, that's what I'd do. Obviously there's something lacking there in a very great way.

[Misfit]

I don't think she's angry. I think she's wallowing in self-pity and depression. I think anger is only part of it.

You and I both know that your sister's perception has nothing to do with reality. Because in reality, her suffering is very little, comparatively speaking. And nobody owes her for it. Not God, not her family, nobody. Suffering is part of life, and we don't get to wear it as a badge and hold it over people's head to manipulate them with and demand things from them.

Your sister would know this if she actually took a look at Jesus and saw HIS suffering. For HER.

Is she a believer? And by "believer" I don't mean "believe that God exists" (as obviously she does) or "calling myself a Christian because I go to church". How are she and Jesus doing?

Maybe God is using that suicide attempt to make you aware of something underlying that maybe you'd have never thought of addressing, but that He is well aware of.

I'd focus on your sister's relationship with the Lord, first of all. If that was my sister, that's what I'd do. Obviously there's something lacking there in a very great way.

Idk...I'd have to say she has a head knowldege - but not heart. My mom said that she feels she is probably saved - that we can't judge by her angry words because of her mental state...I don't really agree with that statement tho. She always refers to anything she does as 'doing her duty' ...ex: acknowledging my kids birthdays - raising her kids...Shes 'done her duty' ..I think she feels shes done what she was supposed to do, but has gotten nothing in return for it but pain/suffering. Guessing here.

No one can talk to her about God...As soon as its brought up, she is on the defense, folds her arms, gets angry...

When I've had the opportunity to talk with her via email (she won't talk on the phone - does not like to) I've tried to bring God into the convo by using my life...She just goes on to say how I don't understand because she has suffered so much worse. I don't know how to communicate with her anymore.

[Dani H]

But you know how to communicate with your God. So bring her before Him and intercede for her. Ask Him to send people to her that she will listen to. Ask Him to give her husband solutions for their marriage and for his wife's mental state and emotional health and spiritual condition. She's not just alienating herself from her family, but underneath it all, I reckon she's alienating herself from God also. He knows where it all comes from and what the root of it is, and He knows how to get to it and bring true transformation. It's never too late, and God has a nutcracker for every nut.

Maybe she needs to forgive some people. I mean, who knows? I don't know her, and so I can't comment. But whatever it is, she certainly needs help, and whatever psychologist she's been seeing ... may need changing; however, counseling only affects us if we actually put into practice what we're being told. Going to step foot into a mental health professional's office and spending time with them is only part of it. We actually have to work with them and submit ourselves to the process of it all and work on things our own selves.

[karenoka27]

My best friend for years had a son who committed suicide last year. They always knew he would. He got help, he had a great family/wife/kids...and he still did it. Sometimes we just can't understand the pain and agony that is going on inside someone.
My heart breaks for your sister. She suffers in her world in a way she truly believes no one can understand.
I would suggest two things.
~pray for her often
~you have Christ in you. Be kind and gentle with her when she is around. In her world, she does suffer more than others, you aren't going to change her by pointing out others pain. One reason why you want to keep doing this is so that should something happen, "you" will have no regrets. You won't be left wishing you had done more for her. Do it now.

[Misfit]

But you know how to communicate with your God. So bring her before Him and intercede for her. Ask Him to send people to her that she will listen to. Ask Him to give her husband solutions for their marriage and for his wife's mental state and emotional health and spiritual condition. She's not just alienating herself from her family, but underneath it all, I reckon she's alienating herself from God also. He knows where it all comes from and what the root of it is, and He knows how to get to it and bring true transformation. It's never too late, and God has a nutcracker for every nut.

Maybe she needs to forgive some people. I mean, who knows? I don't know her, and so I can't comment. But whatever it is, she certainly needs help, and whatever psychologist she's been seeing ... may need changing; however, counseling only affects us if we actually put into practice what we're being told. Going to step foot into a mental health professional's office and spending time with them is only part of it. We actually have to work with them and submit ourselves to the process of it all and work on things our own selves.

I know she is angry with me, for not standing up and protecting her when I was 6. She wants her ex husband dead (abuser) and have two very good friends who she feels deserted her - and hates them. She has said in the past that she feels these people need to come to her and apologize, in order for her to forgive.

If there are others, I'm not aware. My mom and dad are the ones who probably get the most info from her.

I will continue to pray for my sister.

Karenok27 - I think? that everyone is kind and gentle around her...I have not seen her in almost 5 yrs..so, idk. When I speak to my mom, I get the impression that everyone is tho. That said, when she starts talking about her life in a crazy way - my mom/dad I believe do point out in a loving way why they can't join in with her view. I suppose they are worried about enabling her in some way.

[moonglow]

Wow..I am so so sorry...I have an idea how difficult this is for you. So is she home then? Did they put her on medication? As far as the fears she might try this again..you can pray (I do believe in the power of prayer), and if you think she might be in that state of mind again, tell her husband right away. It sounds like she has alot to work through for sure.

We all have our trials we go through but sometimes when a person is severely depressed their thinking gets distorted and its impossible to reason with them. Medication can help with that..and of course prayer. If I were you I would read up on depression in order to understand it better and why she is talking the way she is. It will also help you in knowing how to talk to her. I know when I was seriously depressed many years ago I was completely unreasonable and unable to let go of that anger and hopelessness I felt. My family reacted angrily towards me which only made me feel much worse. But it was their lack of understanding (just not knowing what depression was), as to what I was feeling and thinking that caused them to react this way towards me. Of course I didn't understand it either.

I would also argue about any thing 'good'..and it would make me more upset and more angry and more depressed..but I had no idea why I was being like this. It just seemed impossible to me at the time that anything could be good in any sense of the word. My thinking was really just messed up. I can tell you one thing for sure I didn't want to feel that way or be that way. Of course not but I didn't know how to change it. What I needed more then anything was just for someone to listen and validate my feelings...(not agree I was right about whatever I was upset about...just validate the fact I was upset!). In other words you do alot of 'reflective listening'.

When they she says she has a horrible life..you say something like, wow I didn't realize you felt that bad about your life..it must be really hard feeling that way. Or, I can tell you are feeling really bad about things right now. When she says she has suffered, you say, I know you have..I am so sorry things have been so difficult for you.

It really doesn't help to tell someone feeling this way that others have had it worse..or as bad. Its like saying what they are going through is no big deal...or telling them they have no right to feel bad at all because others have it worse. You see what I mean?

When I was talked to like that in my depression it made everything so much worse for me AND added guilt on top of it. And made me feel stupid and like a wimp for not being stronger. I was furious too about it because I thought my family really didn't care about me at all. I truly believed they didn't care because I kept being told how others had it so much worse. That they just wanted me to pretend and put on a fake smile so I wouldn't cause them any problems. So then resentment was added to my list of negative feelings.

All I wanted for them..or anyone to care..and listen and validate my feelings. Not put me down for having them. I think I would have pulled out of it alot sooner if I had that actually.

I will keep your sister in my prayers.

God bless

[karenoka27]

I didn't realize you don't see her on a daily basis. In which case, I would say pray for her..and for your Dad and Mom. This must be hard on them.
Praying for you as well, this is a difficult situation.

[Misfit]

Wow..I am so so sorry...I have an idea how difficult this is for you. So is she home then? Did they put her on medication? As far as the fears she might try this again..you can pray (I do believe in the power of prayer), and if you think she might be in that state of mind again, tell her husband right away. It sounds like she has alot to work through for sure.

We all have our trials we go through but sometimes when a person is severely depressed their thinking gets distorted and its impossible to reason with them. Medication can help with that..and of course prayer. If I were you I would read up on depression in order to understand it better and why she is talking the way she is. It will also help you in knowing how to talk to her. I know when I was seriously depressed many years ago I was completely unreasonable and unable to let go of that anger and hopelessness I felt. My family reacted angrily towards me which only made me feel much worse. But it was their lack of understanding (just not knowing what depression was), as to what I was feeling and thinking that caused them to react this way towards me. Of course I didn't understand it either.

I would also argue about any thing 'good'..and it would make me more upset and more angry and more depressed..but I had no idea why I was being like this. It just seemed impossible to me at the time that anything could be good in any sense of the word. My thinking was really just messed up. I can tell you one thing for sure I didn't want to feel that way or be that way. Of course not but I didn't know how to change it. What I needed more then anything was just for someone to listen and validate my feelings...(not agree I was right about whatever I was upset about...just validate the fact I was upset!). In other words you do alot of 'reflective listening'.

When they she says she has a horrible life..you say something like, wow I didn't realize you felt that bad about your life..it must be really hard feeling that way. Or, I can tell you are feeling really bad about things right now. When she says she has suffered, you say, I know you have..I am so sorry things have been so difficult for you.

It really doesn't help to tell someone feeling this way that others have had it worse..or as bad. Its like saying what they are going through is no big deal...or telling them they have no right to feel bad at all because others have it worse. You see what I mean?

When I was talked to like that in my depression it made everything so much worse for me AND added guilt on top of it. And made me feel stupid and like a wimp for not being stronger. I was furious too about it because I thought my family really didn't care about me at all. I truly believed they didn't care because I kept being told how others had it so much worse. That they just wanted me to pretend and put on a fake smile so I wouldn't cause them any problems. So then resentment was added to my list of negative feelings.

All I wanted for them..or anyone to care..and listen and validate my feelings. Not put me down for having them. I think I would have pulled out of it alot sooner if I had that actually.

I will keep your sister in my prayers.

God bless

Yes, she is home. They only kept her in there from Monday night till Thursday morning. They felt she could be treated as an outpatient. They realeased her to the care of her old psch. that she's had on and off for 10 years.

I doubt they put her on meds, or that she'd take them. She was on a popular antidepressant (can't remember the name) and she said it ruined her....She titrated off the meds and has not been on anything for the depression since (I think she's been off the depression meds for 6 or so months)

Thank you for your suggestions. When she emails me, or I her...I will be sure to be careful to just recognize her pain, anger, lonliness....and listen. If I do not hear from her in another week (my mom said she would contact me a week ago) I will try emailing her - see if she responds.

I was able to share some of the suggestions given here today with my mom this afternoon. Hopefully they will consider what I said to them.

Lots of prayer is needed for all..especially her.

[moonglow]

Yes, she is home. They only kept her in there from Monday night till Thursday morning. They felt she could be treated as an outpatient. They realeased her to the care of her old psch. that she's had on and off for 10 years.

I doubt they put her on meds, or that she'd take them. She was on a popular antidepressant (can't remember the name) and she said it ruined her....She titrated off the meds and has not been on anything for the depression since (I think she's been off the depression meds for 6 or so months)

Thank you for your suggestions. When she emails me, or I her...I will be sure to be careful to just recognize her pain, anger, lonliness....and listen. If I do not hear from her in another week (my mom said she would contact me a week ago) I will try emailing her - see if she responds.

I was able to share some of the suggestions given here today with my mom this afternoon. Hopefully they will consider what I said to them.

Lots of prayer is needed for all..especially her.

I wonder if she was on Prozac? That used to be a popular antidepressant. There is now warning labels on all antidepressants that they can actually make the depression worse! Which is such a shame too because for many they do help...but sadly for many they do cause major problems. I know I had a really bad reaction to once one...very scary cause you don't realize its the medication...you think its just you.

I hope my suggestions help. Suicide ..its a devastating thing to any family. I know as my sister's husband killed himself many years ago. It was just horrible. And none of us realized he was even depressed let alone thinking of doing this but we weren't educated in the warning signs...especially not my sister who afterwards realized there were warning signs. It left a lasting mark on her and the three children they had adopted. I hope my suggestions help. Compassion can go a long ways...but its also a fine line because you don't want to feed into this either. Its just baby steps for her right now. And yes I am praying for her.

God bless

[Dani H]

Good overcomes evil, love overcomes hate, life overcomes death, forgiveness frees us from the grip of other people's sins, and mercy triumphs over judgment.

But we have to choose who we're going to serve, and obey.

[Misfit]

Just wanted to update. My sister has not replied to my last email - so, I am not gonna push - I'll just let her lead. From what I've heard from my mom, she feels all those who have wronged her, owe her money. She feels that if God loved her, that he would give her money as she feels she has none. As a result, my parents are validating her in her feelings, but dealing with her husband regarding any money issues. My sister knows this, and I suppose is okay with it. My parents do not get into detail with her - they just say that her husband is handling it and that she is so blessed to have him. Anyways, my mom called today and said that my sister was down to 'one sentence emails or phone calls' and sounded very depressed. I was told that she saw the psychiatrist, and that she will be seeing the psychologist soon (one she's seen on and off for 10 years - been 2 yrs since she last saw her)

Not sure what I should do if anything?

[Misfit]

I wonder if she was on Prozac? That used to be a popular antidepressant. There is now warning labels on all antidepressants that they can actually make the depression worse! Which is such a shame too because for many they do help...but sadly for many they do cause major problems. I know I had a really bad reaction to once one...very scary cause you don't realize its the medication...you think its just you.

I hope my suggestions help. Suicide ..its a devastating thing to any family. I know as my sister's husband killed himself many years ago. It was just horrible. And none of us realized he was even depressed let alone thinking of doing this but we weren't educated in the warning signs...especially not my sister who afterwards realized there were warning signs. It left a lasting mark on her and the three children they had adopted. I hope my suggestions help. Compassion can go a long ways...but its also a fine line because you don't want to feed into this either. Its just baby steps for her right now. And yes I am praying for her.

God bless

One of the reasons why I never went on meds for my PPD - horrified of sucidal thoughts..etc. I handled digging lots of holes in my yard, and planting trees all summer. Worked for me.

Wasn't prozac...I think cymbalta?

Your suggestions - yes they have helped. Thank you very much.

[moonglow]

One of the reasons why I never went on meds for my PPD - horrified of sucidal thoughts..etc. I handled digging lots of holes in my yard, and planting trees all summer. Worked for me.

Wasn't prozac...I think cymbalta?

Your suggestions - yes they have helped. Thank you very much.

Cymbalta..I cheated and googled it. I am sorry to hear she is sounding worse though. I will keep praying for her. Not sure why she thinks she need money to make up for past hurts...money doesn't change those things or make those feelings go away...but that could be her depression talking..the distorted thinking part. Also not sure why she thinks she has no money when her and her husband should be sharing everything... Anyway I am glad he is dealing with that part...though doesn't sound like its helping.

I will keep praying for her. Thanks for the updates.

God bless

[Misfit]

Cymbalta..I cheated and googled it. I am sorry to hear she is sounding worse though. I will keep praying for her. Not sure why she thinks she need money to make up for past hurts...money doesn't change those things or make those feelings go away...but that could be her depression talking..the distorted thinking part. Also not sure why she thinks she has no money when her and her husband should be sharing everything... Anyway I am glad he is dealing with that part...though doesn't sound like its helping.

I will keep praying for her. Thanks for the updates.

God bless

Idk why either - money. We try (family) but she lets know one in. Anytime we try to address - her opinion is that we just don't understand.

Her husband - money situation - strange. When they married - my sister asked that he stay out of correcting her kids, and that any money issues resulting from her ex-husband - that he should leave that to her. He agreed. Bad idea imho. Not sure whats been talked about since this all happened (finding our about her debt - etc) ...

Thanks again for the prayers...