Re: Dealing with emotional pain: REALLY NEED ENCOURAGEMENT, reaching out for ppl of G
You know friend, you do have a lot to deal with at this time in your life. I suggest first things first. And I know I'll see this different than most. But yet, most here have not lived through as many trials as I have. I am much older than you. In fact, 54 years ago today I got married. That's over a half century. I guess I can see pretty much what your problem REALLY is, because I've 'been there'. I assure you, I've had my share of heartache.
Originally Posted by SaveMeDaily
Now about those '1st things 1st'.
It seems to me that your dad is very sick. He's going to need family at this time in his life. Cancer of the blood is a life-threatening disease. Do you still live at home? I'm telling you, your dad is going to need family around him. To encourage him. You may even end up having to care for his physical needs. I think you may have to put all YOUR desires aside soon, and think a lot about How can I help my dad and my family? I sincerely hope he lives many more years, but regardless of how long he lives...perhaps HE should be the one you should be concerned with at the present time.
Do you understand how serious his disease is? Have you considered the possibility that God wants lots of things for YOU put on hold for the time being. By the way, and I'm going to say this as kindly as I can, but your request for advice sure has a lot of 'I's' and 'my's' and 'me's' in it. Have you noticed that?
I offer that you don't know how to pray right now and you can't understand what God is doing and you have no peace about anything because you have not really been listening when God was speaking in that wonderful, soft, tender voice of his. You said your self, "I kept feeling like though that it wasn't time for me to get married and that God wanted me to sacrifice some time for Him to work on me." See? You did not listen. You ran on, headstrong with what YOU wanted.
You also admitted that "I made her mad." You also recoginzed your own "emotional immaturites", but still...on you ran after her. Don't you see what you were doing?
You even admitted to having lots of issues! Issues that I suggest you lay down at the cross BEFORE you ever, ever say 'I do'! You said yourself you have issues with "jealous, insecure and controlling behaviours". Taking that kind of baggage into a marriage is heading into a marriage that is destined for failure! Friend, you can't take your jealousy, your insecurity, and your 'controlling' behavior into a marriage. You would be a walking, talking divorce waiting to happen. You'd be time-bomb to a family. Waiting to explode. We ladies deserve better than that stuff.
You said too, "When I was with her I wasn't always the person I was supposed to be." My goodness. Knowing this, how can you still wonder what you are supposed to do? Stay with her, and become so far from God that he would not even recognize you?
One more thing...why on earth did you tell your pastors and their wives you would stay apart for a week, but yet you "kept trying to talk to her though I wasn't supposed to and made her mad and just showed my emotional immaturites."
This tells me you most likely won't like my advise either, and you'll just go on, running after what YOU want. Even though it seems to me that (without knowing it) you have made this girl an idol. You have forsaken your friends, you lied to your Pastors and their wives, and now you wonder why you just feel 'blank'.
I offer that God knows full well that you still have a lot of maturing to do. Before you get married. But also BEFORE you start preaching. How can you lead others to FOLLOW Christ when you can't even hear when he's dealing with you?
I hope I don't chase you away, friend. You are young. I understand that. But like I said, you do need to learn what should come FIRST. I am sincerely sorry your heart is aching. I really am. I've known that heartache, and its almost a pain too heavy to bear.
But I pray you will now use one of the greatest gifts that God has given us...the gift of time! Time. Believe me, it is such a marvelous gift! Time...to repent. Time...to mature more. Time...to help your dad, who sounds VERY ill. Time...to learn how to lead others. Time...to get rid of all that 'baggage' that would affect everyone around you. Time to put God back where he belongs...FIRST in your life. Time. Thank you, Dear Lord, for the gift of TIME!
My favorite scripture: Malachi 3:16
"Then they that feared the LORD spake often one to another: and the LORD hearkened, and heard it, and a book of remembrance was written before him for them that feared the LORD, and that thought upon his name!" (Every time we speak of the Lord, or even THINK of him--its written down in a book of remembrance!)