cure-real
Results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: Dealing with emotional pain: REALLY NEED ENCOURAGEMENT, reaching out for ppl of God

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    Lancaster,PA
    Posts
    58

    Dealing with emotional pain: REALLY NEED ENCOURAGEMENT, reaching out for ppl of God

    Ok, so I was hesitant due to my pride not wanting people if they found out my name to think any less of me, as I am starting to become well known in my denominational fellowship as a young minister out of Pennsylvania, but I need some serious venting and spiritual guidance, even aside from what my home church is giving me.
    If you have the time I really believe God will bless you for responding with scriptures and encouragements to me.
    Disclaimer: This may be a bit long, but I really need some encouragement: I am 20 years old, a yeare removed from high school. One thing Im struggling with is something alot of young men my age struggle with, though it may seem menial, it hurts real bad to me.
    Let me tell my story. It all starts back to a big conference last year. I was asking God to speak to me about where to go next with my ministry one night. I felt like if I laid money on the altar as they were taking up a collection for pastors starting churches in unchurched cities, the Holy Spirit moved through the place and, they called for any young man who feels a call to the ministry to come to the center. I had felt like at the time through praying and elders speaking over my life that I was being called to go to Bible College (in another state). It is unaccreddited and I still need some money for it, but I felt like even though I didn't have all the money I needed to even get started I should have just gone by faith knowing God would provide (I've heard of His provision my whole life). Well things were looking great. I had also started courting a young lady from my church who sincerely loves the Lord and had become my best friend, and I fell so much in love with her I forgot about my other friends, and put Bible College on hold until we could get married. We had even talked to her mom about our desire to get engaged and I was looking for a job that paid enough. I truly loved her.
    I kept feeling like though that it wasn't time for me to get married and that God wanted me to sacrifice some time for Him to work on me, like in Bible College. I didn't want to leave her behind, so I kept praying for God to let His will be done. In Fact I even told God this scary prayer: Lord, if you want me to go to Bible College, she is holding me back, you would have to fix that somehow. Well at a convention we were at I never realized I grew up learning jealous insecure and controlling behaviours, and unfortunately due to someone trying to cause trouble, her and I had gotten in a fight, and I said something mean to her and she got really hurt, started reacting loudly, but forgave me at first. However we made quite a scene. So our pastors and pastors wife talked it over with our families and asked us to seperate ourselves for a week and half to pray and fast about God's will. I kept trying to talk to her though I wasn't supposed to and made her mad and just showed my emotional immaturites. At the end of the week and a half all of a sudden she decided she wasn't ready for a relationship right now. I respect her wishes, but she seems to be moving on with her life, and I am stuck it's been a week since then and I am just hurting so bad.
    When I was with her I wasn't always the person I was supposed to be, and seemed to have fallen a little.
    I do now feel that God wants me to go to Bible College, wants me to be a minister, but after how far I seem to have strayed, I can't seem to bring myself to a place where I am just immersed in the presence of God like I used to be.
    I am dealing with so much heartache right now I just feel really empty inside. I had made her a huge part of my life. On top of it all, after losing my best friend (though my friends have been comforting me) who was the one I wanted to marry, I had found out a little while ago that my dad has blood cancer and it's getting worse.
    And now... I really just feel like blank. I don't know how to pray, I don't know what to pray for, I don't know what God is doing, I still have a sneaky suspicion He wants to use this and me for His glory, but I am at no peace about anything right now. Any advice would be helpful. again I know this is long, but I really appreciate any guidance I can get.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    one step closer to agnosticism every day
    Posts
    9,834

    Re: Dealing with emotional pain: REALLY NEED ENCOURAGEMENT, reaching out for ppl of G

    First and foremost, step back and realize you're in a painful situation. A relationship you thought was heading for marriage has ended. Been there, and it hurts like getting beat with a sac full of nickels. But its supposed to hurt, and what will make or break this experience for you is whether or not you'll integrate it into wisdom. For experience to transform into Wisdom, you must (i) accept the situation as reality (ii) understand what feelings you have (iii) understand why you have them (iv) understand what you've learned (v) let that understanding shape who you are. If you feel heartbroken, then mourn. If you feel angry, then be angry. The key is to give yourself permission to feel those emotions, and (this is really important!) understand why you feel them. Too many times we want to dismiss "negative" emotions as irrational and we bury them. By doing so, we just plant landmines for our future.

    If this sounds like strange and uncharacteristic advice, then I'd advise you to read both Ecclesiastes and Job. Both of these books deal with the full range of human emotion, especially the tougher "negative" emotions nobody likes to talk about. What you'll find is that the emotions themselves are not condemned. I could be wrong, but I sense you might not be giving yourself permission to feel, nor allowing yourself to learn from the feelings.

    For example, when you say you want to be "immersed in the presence of God", what you're trying to say is that you want to feel confident, secure, and certain. I ask you what patriarchs of our faith ever felt this way? Job, for example, only wanted his misery to end. After an unmistakable encounter with God, complete with marching orders, Moses' first thought is about his speech impediment. The author of Ecclesiastes seems to think that life is a mix of soaring highs and abysmal lows. I'm really worried that you've confused uncertainty with being farther away from God, when in fact it can be the crucible in which you demonstrate faithfulness.

    Lastly, some more conventional wisdom. You're young. I dare say "very" young. Perhaps this was your first glimpse at the love that leads to marriage. Let me assure that the pain eventually subsides. When you do find a wife, the experiences of your past that felt like "it" will feel like a cheap imitation. Learn whatever you can from this break up, both in terms of how you behave (it sounded like you might have some issues there) and also what works for you in a partner.

    As for going to school and being a pastor, I constantly wish we had crystal balls for that kind of thing. Everyone wants to know where they're "supposed" to be. An exceedingly rare few get that direction explicitly pointed out for them. If, like me, you're not one of that group then the only option is to make the best decision you can with the resources you have available. Heed the parable of the talents: the master was gone after the talents were distributed. The servants could not rely on the master to tell them what to do. Each was expected to do the best with what they had.

    Stop. Feel. Think. Be wise.

    Hope there's at least some wisdom in there for you.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    in the gap
    Posts
    8,498
    Blog Entries
    19

    Re: Dealing with emotional pain: REALLY NEED ENCOURAGEMENT, reaching out for ppl of G

    You know, often in life, we want God to guide us through every decision, every step of the way, and we think we operate in faith that way.

    When in reality, we're deathly afraid of making those decisions and we want someone to hold us by the hand and take our fear away and the burden of failure lest we decide wrong.

    Well guess what? Sometimes you just need to make a decision and roll with it, and trust God to stop you if it's one that'll veer you too far off the path He has for you. That's part of trusting Him. Live your life according to His standards, treat people the way you know you should, and show respect for God in all you do. But learn to make a decision. Take that first step and trust God to lead you. How can He lead us if we don't ever move anywhere but just sit there, afraid to even take one wrong first step? God's provision happens in the process. The mana came as the Israelites were in the wilderness, not while they were in Egypt. They had to get up, and get moving out of Egypt and God met them along the journey. Take that first step, and God will light the path, one step at a time, one day at a time as you live your life.

    Fear is the opposite of faith. But perfect love drives out all fear.

    Also, seems to me like God answered your prayer. So now go for it.

    Maybe you'll marry her one day, maybe you won't. Evidently neither one of you people is ready for marriage at any time in the near future, so don't sweat it right now.

    Allow yourself to feel pain and hurt, then forgive, focus on God, and move on. You can trust Him. He's not a man that He should lie, and when you ask Him for a fish, He won't give you a snake, and when you ask Him for bread, He won't give you a stone.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    Lancaster,PA
    Posts
    58

    Re: Dealing with emotional pain: REALLY NEED ENCOURAGEMENT, reaching out for ppl of G

    thank you. That was very great advice and it is much appreciated. I will chew on it for a little bit.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Tennessee, usa
    Posts
    1,487

    Re: Dealing with emotional pain: REALLY NEED ENCOURAGEMENT, reaching out for ppl of G

    ‘Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ Isaiah 41:10

    If you you love her, tell her, tell her, your need for her, tell her your emotions. Then tell her you need to go to bible college.

    If she loves you she will wait for you, untill you have fully completed bible college, then you can start your life with her.

    But go with your heart and hold nothing back.
    Every temptation is of the devil, and every sin leads to death.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    Lancaster,PA
    Posts
    58

    Re: Dealing with emotional pain: REALLY NEED ENCOURAGEMENT, reaching out for ppl of G

    @Hunter121 thank u bro but she knows that we've shared it with each other... she is distancing herself from me she needs time for her. I will let her know before I go one last time, but I need to trust God and see what He is doing.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Strawberry Plains, Tennessee, USA
    Posts
    11,374
    Blog Entries
    1

    Re: Dealing with emotional pain: REALLY NEED ENCOURAGEMENT, reaching out for ppl of G

    Quote Originally Posted by SaveMeDaily View Post
    Ok, so I was hesitant due to my pride not wanting people if they found out my name to think any less of me, as I am starting to become well known in my denominational fellowship as a young minister out of Pennsylvania, but I need some serious venting and spiritual guidance, even aside from what my home church is giving me.

    Well things were looking great. I had also started courting a young lady from my church who sincerely loves the Lord and had become my best friend, and I fell so much in love with her I forgot about my other friends, and put Bible College on hold until we could get married. We had even talked to her mom about our desire to get engaged and I was looking for a job that paid enough. I truly loved her.
    I kept feeling like though that it wasn't time for me to get married and that God wanted me to sacrifice some time for Him to work on me, like in Bible College. I didn't want to leave her behind, so I kept praying for God to let His will be done. In Fact I even told God this scary prayer: Lord, if you want me to go to Bible College, she is holding me back, you would have to fix that somehow. Well at a convention we were at I never realized I grew up learning jealous insecure and controlling behaviours, and unfortunately due to someone trying to cause trouble, her and I had gotten in a fight, and I said something mean to her and she got really hurt, started reacting loudly, but forgave me at first. However we made quite a scene. So our pastors and pastors wife talked it over with our families and asked us to seperate ourselves for a week and half to pray and fast about God's will. I kept trying to talk to her though I wasn't supposed to and made her mad and just showed my emotional immaturites. At the end of the week and a half all of a sudden she decided she wasn't ready for a relationship right now. I respect her wishes, but she seems to be moving on with her life, and I am stuck it's been a week since then and I am just hurting so bad.
    When I was with her I wasn't always the person I was supposed to be, and seemed to have fallen a little.
    I do now feel that God wants me to go to Bible College, wants me to be a minister, but after how far I seem to have strayed, I can't seem to bring myself to a place where I am just immersed in the presence of God like I used to be.
    I am dealing with so much heartache right now I just feel really empty inside. I had made her a huge part of my life.
    On top of it all, after losing my best friend (though my friends have been comforting me) who was the one I wanted to marry, I had found out a little while ago that my dad has blood cancer and it's getting worse.
    And now... I really just feel like blank. I don't know how to pray, I don't know what to pray for, I don't know what God is doing, I still have a sneaky suspicion He wants to use this and me for His glory, but I am at no peace about anything right now.
    You know friend, you do have a lot to deal with at this time in your life. I suggest first things first. And I know I'll see this different than most. But yet, most here have not lived through as many trials as I have. I am much older than you. In fact, 54 years ago today I got married. That's over a half century. I guess I can see pretty much what your problem REALLY is, because I've 'been there'. I assure you, I've had my share of heartache.

    Now about those '1st things 1st'.

    It seems to me that your dad is very sick. He's going to need family at this time in his life. Cancer of the blood is a life-threatening disease. Do you still live at home? I'm telling you, your dad is going to need family around him. To encourage him. You may even end up having to care for his physical needs. I think you may have to put all YOUR desires aside soon, and think a lot about How can I help my dad and my family? I sincerely hope he lives many more years, but regardless of how long he lives...perhaps HE should be the one you should be concerned with at the present time.

    Do you understand how serious his disease is? Have you considered the possibility that God wants lots of things for YOU put on hold for the time being. By the way, and I'm going to say this as kindly as I can, but your request for advice sure has a lot of 'I's' and 'my's' and 'me's' in it. Have you noticed that?

    I offer that you don't know how to pray right now and you can't understand what God is doing and you have no peace about anything because you have not really been listening when God was speaking in that wonderful, soft, tender voice of his. You said your self, "I kept feeling like though that it wasn't time for me to get married and that God wanted me to sacrifice some time for Him to work on me." See? You did not listen. You ran on, headstrong with what YOU wanted.

    You also admitted that "I made her mad." You also recoginzed your own "emotional immaturites", but still...on you ran after her. Don't you see what you were doing?

    You even admitted to having lots of issues! Issues that I suggest you lay down at the cross BEFORE you ever, ever say 'I do'! You said yourself you have issues with "jealous, insecure and controlling behaviours". Taking that kind of baggage into a marriage is heading into a marriage that is destined for failure! Friend, you can't take your jealousy, your insecurity, and your 'controlling' behavior into a marriage. You would be a walking, talking divorce waiting to happen. You'd be time-bomb to a family. Waiting to explode. We ladies deserve better than that stuff.

    You said too, "When I was with her I wasn't always the person I was supposed to be." My goodness. Knowing this, how can you still wonder what you are supposed to do? Stay with her, and become so far from God that he would not even recognize you?

    One more thing...why on earth did you tell your pastors and their wives you would stay apart for a week, but yet you "kept trying to talk to her though I wasn't supposed to and made her mad and just showed my emotional immaturites."

    This tells me you most likely won't like my advise either, and you'll just go on, running after what YOU want. Even though it seems to me that (without knowing it) you have made this girl an idol. You have forsaken your friends, you lied to your Pastors and their wives, and now you wonder why you just feel 'blank'.

    I offer that God knows full well that you still have a lot of maturing to do. Before you get married. But also BEFORE you start preaching. How can you lead others to FOLLOW Christ when you can't even hear when he's dealing with you?

    I hope I don't chase you away, friend. You are young. I understand that. But like I said, you do need to learn what should come FIRST. I am sincerely sorry your heart is aching. I really am. I've known that heartache, and its almost a pain too heavy to bear.

    But I pray you will now use one of the greatest gifts that God has given us...the gift of time! Time. Believe me, it is such a marvelous gift! Time...to repent. Time...to mature more. Time...to help your dad, who sounds VERY ill. Time...to learn how to lead others. Time...to get rid of all that 'baggage' that would affect everyone around you. Time to put God back where he belongs...FIRST in your life. Time. Thank you, Dear Lord, for the gift of TIME!
    My favorite scripture: Malachi 3:16

    "Then they that feared the LORD spake often one to another: and the LORD hearkened, and heard it, and a book of remembrance was written before him for them that feared the LORD, and that thought upon his name!" (Every time we speak of the Lord, or even THINK of him--its written down in a book of remembrance!)

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    Lancaster,PA
    Posts
    58

    Re: Dealing with emotional pain: REALLY NEED ENCOURAGEMENT, reaching out for ppl of G

    Thank you. Good advice I will prayerfully take it.

  9. #9

    Re: Dealing with emotional pain: REALLY NEED ENCOURAGEMENT, reaching out for ppl of G

    Quote Originally Posted by SaveMeDaily View Post
    Ok, so I was hesitant due to my pride not wanting people if they found out my name to think any less of me, as I am starting to become well known in my denominational fellowship as a young minister out of Pennsylvania, but I need some serious venting and spiritual guidance, even aside from what my home church is giving me.
    If you have the time I really believe God will bless you for responding with scriptures and encouragements to me.
    Disclaimer: This may be a bit long, but I really need some encouragement: I am 20 years old, a yeare removed from high school. One thing Im struggling with is something alot of young men my age struggle with, though it may seem menial, it hurts real bad to me.
    Let me tell my story. It all starts back to a big conference last year. I was asking God to speak to me about where to go next with my ministry one night. I felt like if I laid money on the altar as they were taking up a collection for pastors starting churches in unchurched cities, the Holy Spirit moved through the place and, they called for any young man who feels a call to the ministry to come to the center. I had felt like at the time through praying and elders speaking over my life that I was being called to go to Bible College (in another state). It is unaccreddited and I still need some money for it, but I felt like even though I didn't have all the money I needed to even get started I should have just gone by faith knowing God would provide (I've heard of His provision my whole life). Well things were looking great. I had also started courting a young lady from my church who sincerely loves the Lord and had become my best friend, and I fell so much in love with her I forgot about my other friends, and put Bible College on hold until we could get married. We had even talked to her mom about our desire to get engaged and I was looking for a job that paid enough. I truly loved her.
    I kept feeling like though that it wasn't time for me to get married and that God wanted me to sacrifice some time for Him to work on me, like in Bible College. I didn't want to leave her behind, so I kept praying for God to let His will be done. In Fact I even told God this scary prayer: Lord, if you want me to go to Bible College, she is holding me back, you would have to fix that somehow. Well at a convention we were at I never realized I grew up learning jealous insecure and controlling behaviours, and unfortunately due to someone trying to cause trouble, her and I had gotten in a fight, and I said something mean to her and she got really hurt, started reacting loudly, but forgave me at first. However we made quite a scene. So our pastors and pastors wife talked it over with our families and asked us to seperate ourselves for a week and half to pray and fast about God's will. I kept trying to talk to her though I wasn't supposed to and made her mad and just showed my emotional immaturites. At the end of the week and a half all of a sudden she decided she wasn't ready for a relationship right now. I respect her wishes, but she seems to be moving on with her life, and I am stuck it's been a week since then and I am just hurting so bad.
    When I was with her I wasn't always the person I was supposed to be, and seemed to have fallen a little.
    I do now feel that God wants me to go to Bible College, wants me to be a minister, but after how far I seem to have strayed, I can't seem to bring myself to a place where I am just immersed in the presence of God like I used to be.
    I am dealing with so much heartache right now I just feel really empty inside. I had made her a huge part of my life. On top of it all, after losing my best friend (though my friends have been comforting me) who was the one I wanted to marry, I had found out a little while ago that my dad has blood cancer and it's getting worse.
    And now... I really just feel like blank. I don't know how to pray, I don't know what to pray for, I don't know what God is doing, I still have a sneaky suspicion He wants to use this and me for His glory, but I am at no peace about anything right now. Any advice would be helpful. again I know this is long, but I really appreciate any guidance I can get.
    I'm not sure if it is okay to get too attached to people on earth. One thing we should do is get really attached to God first (Deuteronomy 10:20). He should be the preeminent one in everything we do (Colossians 1:18). (you probably havent read this but people don't get married in heaven but are like angels in heaven, Mark 12:25). Don't let worldly worries drag you down. the sorrow of the world produces death according to 2 Corinthians 7:10. When we are more spiritual in Christ, we have more power. If you need help praying, ask God. "The Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. Romans 8:26 " Ask and you will receive (Matthew 7:8). We " ought always to pray and not lose heart. Luke 18:1 "

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. Being emotional
    By Equipped_4_Love in forum Growing in Christ
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: May 19th 2010, 10:28 PM
  2. Reaching out
    By rabidchipmunk in forum Growing in Christ
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: Oct 16th 2009, 06:06 PM

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •