Seeing someone suffer.
Right now, I feel broken. My heart feels like it never has before. Maybe because I've never been exposed to such heart break, but... I feel it. I want to reach out, and comfort. And love. Not with a sappy love, but with unconditional love. That goes beyond measure. I want to hold all the suffering people, and let them know that God is going to handle everything.
The news that I received today, broke me into a million pieces. Maybe, just maybe, I am too weak. Who knows, I may be too sensitive. I work with children who have disabilities. There is this one little boy who is seven years old. He has epilepsy. The doctors have put him on almost every medication to calm down his seizures, nothing has seemed to work. They have even removed half of his brain. Nothing stops these terrible seizures that are taking over him. Today his parents came into school and told us that the doctors said that they no longer can do anything for him. and that everyday he is deteriorating. He is dieing.
How do you accept a statement like that? How can you look at this precious little boy, who is undergoing so much suffering, and not just break. No, I am not loosing my faith. I am simply wanting to know why. Which is really a silly question because I will not know why because God is God and He doesn't have to explain himself. And, I was thinking.. if I am this broken over this, how much more broken and distraught the Lord must be. His love for me is a million times more, and His hurt has got to be a million times more than mine too.
I know I can pray. And that is what I will do... but so much sadness rests on my heart. Wanting to know in which way can I help. How can I comfort. How can I ease the pain... but really... it is in His hands. Before it was in His hands, and from here on out... it is in His hands.
I ask you for your prayers. A deep humble and intense prayer for this little boy. And all the children who suffer. all the families.
Why are you searching for love? Why are you still looking as if I'm not enough?