Domestic Violence

[A Seeker]

So here's fun. A dear, dear friend of mine has just told me her Husband gave her a black eye because she told him she wanted to leave him.

What is the Christian response to this?

My initial reaction is to go over there and beat seven kinds of crap out of him. But I'm guessing that is neither helpful nor scripturally based. Advice goes only so far and praying for her (and him) seems a singularly weak response.

WWJD?

[Vhayes]

Tell him you are eternally grateful that he was able to demonstrate to you how Christ loved the church.

Hopefully the dripping sarcasm will be enough to get through.

[confused]

I don't think a sarcastic response will be of much help either.

There truly is not much that you can do beyod being her friend. Prayer may seem like a helpless response but prayer is a mighty thing have faith in that. Stand by her and always let her know she can come to you.

I was in her shoes before havinga true friend is what she needs. Knowing she has a plac to turn will be a good thing. Keep lifting her up letting her know what she deserves and that if she is in danger she needs to leave, and sneaking out is not the cowards way even if he says so. You do what you must to stay safe.

[confused]

I also want to add I will also be praying for her, her self-esteem, her safety, and for God to protect her. If she stands up for herself and makes it clear to him that she will not stand ffor that behavior he will either change or he will leave. If he leaves then she is better off. Leaving and staying gone till true change is proven will help her learn to trust her strength and wake hime up, at least it did in my case.

[A Seeker]

Yeah, the problem with people like that is that when they get angry, they take it out on their victims. Can't do that.

Thanks for the other advice. That seemed all I could do. But it is a horribly impotent feeling.

[confused]

I know you feel helpless, cause she chooses to stay, you can't make her react how you would want her to and it's hard being in that positiion. Just seek God and focus on Him and his will for you dowhat you can and then occupy yourself with the Lords work. It will help keep you from worrying about somehing you have no control over.

[shepherdsword]

Yeah, the problem with people like that is that when they get angry, they take it out on their victims. Can't do that.

Thanks for the other advice. That seemed all I could do. But it is a horribly impotent feeling.

We have laws against that kind of thing. A black eye is pretty good evidence for abuse. Often things like this are only the beginning. Some sort of intervention needs to take place or it will get worse. Perhaps far worse.

[IMINXTC]

We have laws against that kind of thing. A black eye is pretty good evidence for abuse. Often things like this are only the beginning. Some sort of intervention needs to take place or it will get worse. Perhaps far worse.

Exactly...........!

[BirdOfPray]

At the very least, I would make an effort to document things, especially if they continue. If possible take pictures; if not, at least make detailed notes of dates, times, what she says happened, and any injuries or other physical evidence that you observe. If she stops telling you, still make notes of any suspicious bruises or other injuries you see. That way if this continues and she does get up her courage to leave, there's documentation to use in pressing charges, taking out a restraining order, or whatever else needs to be done.

Is this the first time it's happened (as far as you know)? What was his response? Is he willing to get some sort of counseling? I don't have any direct experience with this sort of situation, but it seems to me like he needs to get help and seriously demonstrate repentance and/or she needs to get out of that situation until/unless being with him is safe. Why did she want to leave him to start with? If it's because this sort of thing has happened before, then she does need to get out for sure. There are shelters available for women in these circumstances, where their locations will be kept confidential. She should also talk to the police.

[Dani H]

WWJD?

What Jesus DID do, was spend time with the tax collectors and other miscellaneous sinners of various flavors.

What do we think He did while He was dining with them?

Party or something?

No, if I read my Bible correctly, He spoke to them of repentance and the Kingdom of God, while treating them as human beings beloved of the Father.

The message of the Kingdom and of repentance before a holy God applies equally to all men and women everywhere.

And if you think prayer is "weak," then you don't perhaps quite realize that prayer connects you with the God of the universe who has the power to destroy men's bodies AND soul in hell, who is full of mercy and lovingkindness but who also judges righteously and deals with sin in His own way.

Last time I prayed for a person in a domestic violence situation, the fella ended up in jail, which was where he needed to be, for a spell, until God got a hold of him and broke him of addiction and helped him understand that there's consequences to sin.

[Reynolds357]

So here's fun. A dear, dear friend of mine has just told me her Husband gave her a black eye because she told him she wanted to leave him.

What is the Christian response to this?

My initial reaction is to go over there and beat seven kinds of crap out of him. But I'm guessing that is neither helpful nor scripturally based. Advice goes only so far and praying for her (and him) seems a singularly weak response.

WWJD?

Domestic violence is tough. No easy way to deal with it. There are usually two sides to the story.

[confused]

Domestic violence is tough. No easy way to deal with it. There are usually two sides to the story.

True, there is always 2 sdes, but it doesn't matter if she stood there screaming "hit me ...." he still shouldn't hit her. He's bigger stronger and it's wrong to control anyone with fear. Abuse is just a way to control someone.

But they can change. He can find help and be a different man. My husband hasn't laid a hand on me in over a year. And I know in my heart he won't ever again.

[Reynolds357]

True, there is always 2 sdes, but it doesn't matter if she stood there screaming "hit me ...." he still shouldn't hit her. He's bigger stronger and it's wrong to control anyone with fear. Abuse is just a way to control someone.

But they can change. He can find help and be a different man. My husband hasn't laid a hand on me in over a year. And I know in my heart he won't ever again.

From over 15 years of dealing with it daily, I have found the person who won the fight more often than not did not start it.

[confused]

Some fights can't help but get started. I know one or ours was over how to properly lock the seatbelt around the cra seat. He didn't do it correct when I mentioned it he got angry, I didn't back down and the hit me.

Couldi have gone about it differently Yes, but does that give him a right to hit me NO.

Doesn't matter why or how the argument starts Abuse IS NOT the answer.

Just because I believe in my heart my husband won't do it again, that doesn't mean I'm not still scard to approach him about things sometimes.

Abuse is not easy thing towork through. If he is willing to seek help they both should do individual for a while then do it as a couple

[A Seeker]

I'm certain that there were two sides, but I agree with confused that there is never an excuse. From EITHER party actually. What makes this more chilling is that it sounds as if this was not done in anger, but quite coldly. Its sick. I only know the guy vaguely (met him 2 or three times) but I'm amazed.

And if you think prayer is "weak," then you don't perhaps quite realize that prayer connects you with the God of the universe who has the power to destroy men's bodies AND soul in hell, who is full of mercy and lovingkindness but who also judges righteously and deals with sin in His own way.

Last time I prayed for a person in a domestic violence situation, the fella ended up in jail, which was where he needed to be, for a spell, until God got a hold of him and broke him of addiction and helped him understand that there's consequences to sin.

Perhaps you're right. That I don't have enough faith in my prayers that is. I have faith in God, but not that I know his will or that I can influence it. I don't see him as some sort of transcendental 0.357 I can aim at someone and ask if they feel lucky, punk? I can pray for her, for strength, wisdom, good friends and his support, but thats about all, in faith and honesty.

And the real kicker? They're both JW's, and because she wants to leave she's going to be disfellowshipped and is suffering all the guilt and worry which goes with that!

Sick