Concerned won't be able to stay virgin before married

[hgchrisfor]

I've always been a Christian even though I wasn't raised studying, going to church etc. But I've always been saving myself for marriage and have been really committed to living Christ-like more so the past few years.


I am starting to look for a future wife much more in depth now and have realized that it's a tough world out there. We are all victims of sin and it's tough to find people out there that have not had pre-marital sex.


I know we are saved by grace through faith, in what Jesus did for us. And not by our works, but I know our works keep us close to God so we don't fall away. - I know God throws our sins from as far as East to West when we ask for forgiveness though.


But I don't want to abuse this. - I am worried I won't be able to stay a virgin before marriage, especially if I find a girl that has had sex before.


I think sex is an important part of marriage because I have seen a lot of couples grow apart and even grow to hate each other. I think intimacy is important. - I am worried that I will not be able to please my future wife if she was not a virgin, and if she wants to have sex to make sure we were compatible.


I know I would be knowingly sinning, but also know I could be forgiven. But as I said, I don't want to abuse God's forgiveness and what Christ did for us.


I just want to make sure I can please my wife and we can have the best and happiest marriage. I've just seen some many couples that are unhappy and don't want this.


But I also want to be yielding and obey God. - But I think finding a great wife that can help me grow closer to God and live a happy life for God is important.


So i'm just worried that I will find myself "needing" to have premarital sex. Not for myself, but for my wife to make sure we are compatible and can truly love one another.

- Just to be clear, this is not about temptation or wanting to have sex. I'm just worried that with today's society unless I find a "strict" Christian that is saving herself, most girls I come across (and have come across) are not virgins. And I will "need" to have sex with them to make sure we can have a great relationship and/or are sexually compatible.

[Hunter121]

Well, my advice would be to go to church, maybe a study group or something, to try and find a girl there, because your more likely to find a girl who hasn't had sex there than probably any other place. But for now don't worry about it, wait until you find a girl that you really like and want to get married to, Before you think about this, once you find the girl tell her your a virgin and have been saving yourself until marriage. If she really likes you she will understand, and who knows she might have the same case.

[Al_S]

Well, here' my thought and this is coming from someone who messed up. I was saving myself for marriage and slept with my wife prior because she didn't hold the same beliefs. Find a woman that has the same convictions as you. If you as a couple are not willing to place God before your own pleasures prior to marriage, what makes you think that you'll be able to place God at the head of your marriage. If she doesn't respect this--and more importantly hold the same opinion even if she's sinned and slept with someone in the past, you don't want to be yoked with her as it will only lead to troubles down the line.

As I said, I made the same mistake and am still paying for it 15 years later. I love my wife and thank God for her and my daughter, but as a result of my sin, I backslid for 15 years after knowingly sinning. Though I knew Christ had paid for my sins, the enemy crept into my head and played mental games which shook my foundation to the core. Fortunately I returned to my faith and the Lord has given me back what the locusts ate (Joel 2:25) meaning my faith didn't start from square 1 upon return, but I've dived in and found Christ has been with me all along. That said, I am still paying for the results of my sins as well. My wife (who was close to conversion when we met) is still not a Christian and in fact in recent years has delved heavily into Buddhism. While Christ is the forefront of my life and i hold no idols before Him (I am willing to give up anything as loss for Christ if called upon--this includes wife, daughter, livelihood, my life, whatever), He is not at the center of my marriage, which is very difficult.

I hope you can learn from my mistakes. Do yourself a favor and find a woman who #1 will put the Lord above all else, including your relationship and #2 (which follows with #1) is willing to respect your convictions of faith. Putting your potentially future wife before God is only erecting an idol to both your wife and yourself. It will only lead to heartbreak.

[thethirdtuttle]

hgchrisfor:

First of all, I wanted to let you know it's good to know there are young men out there, such as yourself, who are willing to wait until marriage for sex. Having said that, I am a bit concerned that you think that you will somehow "need" to have sex before marriage to make sure you are physically compatible with your future wife. That does not line up with Scripture at all. In fact, that is a lie straight from the pit of hell, trying to get you to compromise your convictions and do something you know is not right. You need to recognize it and reject it as such. God will give you the strength to resist the temptation if you trust in and rely on Him completely. Will He forgive, restore and heal you if you do mess up? Yes, but the Bible makes it very clear that sexual sin is different than all other sins in the damaging effects it has on your soul. Please pray and get into God's Word about this. God will bring the right woman into your life at just the right time, when you are both ready. Seek Him and His kingdom and righteousness first and foremost, and He will bless that faithfulness and diligence with a godly, wonderful woman. Please don't compromise your convictions in this area. Pour your heart and life into living a life that is pleasing and honoring to God, and He will give you the strength of character, wisdom and discernment you need to reject the temptation to have sex before marriage. And, take my word for it, this is from someone who messed up and had sex before marriage. I only wish that I had someone giving the kind of advice I and the rest of the guys on here are giving you. It would have saved me a lot of pain and heartache. The only difference is, I wasn't a Christian until after I starting becoming sexually active, so you have that advantage over me. In any case, I will definitely be praying that God will help you stay pure up until your wedding night, and will bring just the right woman into your life, when you are both ready. God bless and stay strong!

Yours in Christ,

Benjamin

[WILDJC]

My friend, sex is overrated. Anyway, the flesh is the flesh. Seems like you are more worried about the guilt coming at ya if you have sex before marriage. Personally, (and I know I'll catch grief for this), I am an advocate for premarital sex, especially with a professional. Experience it, get over it, rejoice in it, then put it behind you and move forward and get married. God loves you, virgin or not. (OK everyone-start quoting scripture and stone me)

[-SEEKING-]

I am an advocate for premarital sex, especially with a professional.(OK everyone-start quoting scripture and stone me)

There ya go. Promote illegal behavior. Right on dude. You certainly are Wild.

[Slug1]

My friend, sex is overrated. Anyway, the flesh is the flesh. Seems like you are more worried about the guilt coming at ya if you have sex before marriage. Personally, (and I know I'll catch grief for this), I am an advocate for premarital sex, especially with a professional. Experience it, get over it, rejoice in it, then put it behind you and move forward and get married. God loves you, virgin or not. (OK everyone-start quoting scripture and stone me)

Receive grief from readers and members because you advocate SIN... you bet you will. Now imagine what you'll receive from God for advocating sin??

[Reynolds357]

My friend, sex is overrated. Anyway, the flesh is the flesh. Seems like you are more worried about the guilt coming at ya if you have sex before marriage. Personally, (and I know I'll catch grief for this), I am an advocate for premarital sex, especially with a professional. Experience it, get over it, rejoice in it, then put it behind you and move forward and get married. God loves you, virgin or not. (OK everyone-start quoting scripture and stone me)

Glad to know you are smarter than God. Don't just have premarital sex, but have it with a prostitute? That is really Godly advice.

[HisLeast]

You do well to worry about this. Firstly, because its difficult. Sex is the apex thrill. Secondly, because the consequences are far beyond what you think you can imagine right now.

Keep yourself out of harms way. Don't see how close you can get to the edge.

[Al_S]

My friend, sex is overrated. Anyway, the flesh is the flesh. Seems like you are more worried about the guilt coming at ya if you have sex before marriage. Personally, (and I know I'll catch grief for this), I am an advocate for premarital sex, especially with a professional. Experience it, get over it, rejoice in it, then put it behind you and move forward and get married. God loves you, virgin or not. (OK everyone-start quoting scripture and stone me)

I'd be interested in hearing how you justify this advice biblically. Care to share scripture?

[Adstars]

My friend, sex is overrated. Anyway, the flesh is the flesh. Seems like you are more worried about the guilt coming at ya if you have sex before marriage. Personally, (and I know I'll catch grief for this), I am an advocate for premarital sex, especially with a professional. Experience it, get over it, rejoice in it, then put it behind you and move forward and get married. God loves you, virgin or not. (OK everyone-start quoting scripture and stone me)

Consider yourself spiritually stoned. And worthy of it too.

A disgraceful suggestion to see in a Christian forum.


All Praise The Ancient Of Days

[Adstars]

Do yourself a favor and find a woman who #1 will put the Lord above all else, including your relationship and #2 (which follows with #1) is willing to respect your convictions of faith.

Good advice.

It may be hard to find a woman like that. But if you find one she will be worth more then her weight in gold.


All Praise The Ancient Of Days

[WILDJC]

I would like to clarify my previous statement on premarital sex. You may all condemn me, so be it. I do not think premarital sex is a sin. Adultery yes, sex no. My liberal views on this stem from personal experience. Will you also condemn masturbation? The act of two consenting people enjoying the pleasures of sex is a marvelous thing. Whether you like it or not, the sexual urge is a God given characteristic of humanity. My suggestion to go to a prostitute (I hate that word - maybe sex therapist would be better) would allow this young man to experience the act that is causing his angst. Let's not be hypocritical here. We are all guilty of lustful thoughts, imaginations, flirtations, etc. Do you condemn the Kings and prophets of having concubines? Have you taken the beauty of sex and with a broad brush condemned it or compare it to Sodom and Gomorrah? Please show me in the scriptures where it is sinful to engage in premarital sex? I'm sorry if I offended anyone, but in my heart I do not see anything wrong with premarital sex. If I am guilty of anything, it is my honesty.

[Reynolds357]

I would like to clarify my previous statement on premarital sex. You may all condemn me, so be it. I do not think premarital sex is a sin. Adultery yes, sex no. My liberal views on this stem from personal experience. Will you also condemn masturbation? The act of two consenting people enjoying the pleasures of sex is a marvelous thing. Whether you like it or not, the sexual urge is a God given characteristic of humanity. My suggestion to go to a prostitute (I hate that word - maybe sex therapist would be better) would allow this young man to experience the act that is causing his angst. Let's not be hypocritical here. We are all guilty of lustful thoughts, imaginations, flirtations, etc. Do you condemn the Kings and prophets of having concubines? Have you taken the beauty of sex and with a broad brush condemned it or compare it to Sodom and Gomorrah? Please show me in the scriptures where it is sinful to engage in premarital sex? I'm sorry if I offended anyone, but in my heart I do not see anything wrong with premarital sex. If I am guilty of anything, it is my honesty.

God does not decide what is and is not sin based on your "personal experience." Word of God says fornicatio is sin. You say it is not sin. I wonder who is correct? I will weigh in on the side of God.

[WILDJC]

God does not decide what is and is not sin based on your "personal experience." Word of God says fornicatio is sin. You say it is not sin. I wonder who is correct? I will weigh in on the side of God.

Where in scripture does God say fornication is sin? What is fornication? From what you say, if I fornicated with my wife, that would be a sin? Or do you mean fornication as the means to get what you want from others in a covetous manner? IE: Fornicating with the great whore of Babylon in Revelations. Please clarify for me because it's the use of such words that tarnishes such a wonderful natural act that has become mired in man's doctrine and interpretation. I guess we all wave the fig leaf as Adam did because he was told he was naked and ashamed. Having premarital sex is not shameful. It's a natural step of selection which I think ultimately leads us to our mate whereby we take vows and live blessed in God's presence. I lived with my wife before I got married. I have now been married for 33 years and have been faithful to her throughout. I could not have remained faithful if not for God's blessings.

By the way, is the Word of God the same for all, or is God's grace and mercy given in measure, according to your needs and according to what your ability is in serving Him. We all serve Him differently. You one way, me another. If He accepts me, who are you to tell me I'm wrong. And please show me scripture where the sexual act between a man and a woman prior to marriage is a sin? PEACE.