Straight Girl and Bi-Guy - Is he still wrong if he isn't acting on his bi-sexuality.

[golden-veil]

~ This is hard to explain - please read before posting! ~ Also... hoping that this is posted to the right place - I'm just at a loss.

A few years ago, while still an undergraduate I had a crush / fell in love with a guy who was and still is bi-sexual. Since meeting we have been close friends and personally I feel a total peace while I'm with him. However due to pressures from my family, doubts within myself and fear of committing to anything I rejected his advances - which has caused a lot of strife. As far as I can tell the feelings we did have for each other never went away and although he has dated another girl (they have since broken up) three years later we are finding ourselves in a very similar position to before.

He's an atheist, and stubbornly so - he's said to me before that he just can't find the faith that I have. So you see, he has no reason to think that his actions at any time were wrong. I know he prefers girls to boys and I know he is a trust worthy and respectful person who would never do anything behind my back - he just wouldn't do that. So if we stayed together he wouldn't go out with or sleep with another man again. The temptation would be there no doubt but that can happen with a straight man can't it? As long as he didn't act on it he wouldn't be sinning - he has no reason at this time to consider it wrong himself though.

I have always talked to my parents openly about my feelings and about my friends. Funnily enough, I have a lot of bi and gay friends, which they hate. Recently though, I've felt drawn to him again since he has broken up with his girlfriend and is paying me a lot of attention. I told my mother that I was considering starting a relationship with him, and she immediately started pointing out that he was bi, that he was disgusting etc. but if he repented for what he had done that she would accept him. My father... well my father basically said that I wouldn't get any help from him (and I'd lose my house ) if I went out with this guy.

What I don't understand, or seemingly get an answer for is if he still considers himself Bi (i.e. he finds some men attractive) and yet is going out with a woman is he sinning? Would I be sinning for going out with him? Is there anything saying that this is wrong?

I know the teaching on homosexuality, but if for all intent and purposes he has been and would be in a hetero-sexual relationship, is there an issue?

My mother thinks there is an issue, and that he's untrustworthy etc because of his bi-sexuality... this doesn't bother me however because I know that he'd never do such a thing as cheat.

Now I'm feeling so upset and such resentment for my family's reaction - I just don't understand where the issue is if he is in a heterosexual relationship.

I have no idea how I would broach the subject with anyone and I don't know where I can find teaching on this - how do you approach this? How do you reason not wanting to repent because of atheism?

I'm completely at a loss.

Thank You for taking your time to read this.

Veil.

[notuptome]

If this person denies that God is God then you have a problem. The bible commands that we not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. 2 Cor 6:14

His lack of the fear of God before his eyes is the key factor that is controlling his behaviour and will continue to control it. There will always be a gulf fixed between you as long as he refuses to acknowledge God in his life.

For the cause of Christ
Roger

[Nyoka]

notuptome is right. Then bible tells us not to be unequally yoked: 2Co 6:14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers; for what fellowship does righteousness have with lawlessness? And what partnership does light have with darkness? 2Co 6:15 And what agreement does Christ have with Belial? Or what part does a believer have with an unbeliever? You would be unequally yoked with this man. Also you have to consider somethings that would bring conflict to your relationship with him. If this ended in marriage then how will your children be raised - believers or non believers? What happens when he wants to do something that conflicts with your faith? Also he said he said that he just can't find the faith that you have and this shows us that he has no intention of changing anything because if he accepted Jesus then he would have to change. If he has no reason to change, or see his actions as wrong, then he has no reason to be faithful to you. You say he would always have the temptation to go with a man so this alone shows you are not the only one for him as if you were his one true love, so to speak, then he would have no temptation for another.

Also something else to consider is that he has already shown you that he has no consideration for you. He has done this by doing what is needed to have a relationship with you, "he is paying me a lot of attention", and he has not even considered how this may harm or affect you. True love puts the other person and their wellbeing first and he is clearly not doing this. True love never seeks its own way or does harm to the object of that love. He is harming you and seeking his own way by the fact that he is coming between you and your family. If this was me in your situation I would run as far as I could from this man as his thoughts are all about what he wants and raise too many red flags for there to be any chance of a good and godly relationship with him.

[chad]

If you are a christian and he is an atheist, then there is already a divide between the two of you in terms of faith. Then there is the matter of his bi-sexuality, which is sinful as God does not condone homo-sexuality or fornication.

Even though you may have feelings for this person, it may not be a good idea to start a relationship with him, as you may be the one compromising your faith in order to be with him. I can understand why your family and mother would have concerns. They probably seeing the red flags and warning bells, that I am seeing.

Have you prayed about this matter?

[Diggindeeper]

Mod Note: Moving this thread to the Counseling forum. It does not fit well in Apologetics and Evangelism.

Carry on.

[lovex]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation... it seems tough but.... very clear to me about what the answer is.

I really don't think you should get yourself any more involved with him then you already are. Look at how many things it's starting already and you both aren't even together. Above all though, is where he stands with the Lord. You have to ask yourself, whats more important.. my feelings and desires and passion to be with this boy... or my relationship with the One and Only Lord Jesus Christ who came to this earth to die for me and made it clear that those who deny Him will be separated from Him at the day of judgment. If you do enter in this relationship, you are by far compromising. You are choosing to just deal with this rather than say Lord, I choose You. And if You desire me to remain away from this relationship, I am content with that because I have You, and only You. Why don't you take time away from him for a while? Pray that he will come to know Christ. That he will see his faults and come to the Lord and repent. Talk to him about how you've repented from the sinful things that you've done and how Christ changed your life. And, if you can't handle being away from him... then be an example of Christ... do not walk into the relationship without him knowing that Christ has your heart, your life, your mind, and your desires. I mean, how much better would this relationship be if he came to know Christ, and you could both serve the Lord together? He would have an awesome testimony on how the Lord changed his heart.

I don't know though, I hope what I said was helpful. Pray and never stop praying.

[golden-veil]

Thanks Everyone for replying to this thread and sharing your thoughts =)

I have prayed about this matter for years, but I haven't had a resolution... I prayed about my previous relationship, asking God that if it wasn't the right thing to do, that it should end - and it did... But this problem has had a lot of prayer and meditation, but it remains unresolved.

If the issue is just about a believer and an unbeliever being together, then I can't understand my mother's stance; since my father also when they were married didn't believe in God, and he doesn't follow a faith now or pray or anything like that. My grandmother also wasn't faithful and yet was a Godly person, whilst my grandfather was of sorts, and my other grandparents have no faith either. I suppose this confuses me because they condoned my previous relationship, and yet he wasn't Christian and the reason it ended was essentially because I wouldn't have sex etc. I always get mixed responses on what I should do, my mother being exasperated that I don't go out on weekends, and that I show very little interest in guys...

Urgh...

I've always been Christian, I love God and it's not like I've had a miraculous conversion or anything. I've been Catholic my whole life, but recently I've decided to go to other churches since I no longer agree with aspects of the teaching. I have gifts of the Holy Spirit and I don't feel I'm immature in my faith. I can see and understand that there are people who are not Christian and yet are good and wise people who I believe will also share the kingdom of heaven.

lovex - that would be wonderful, I would love for that to happen ^^;

Yes, but thank you for replying to my post. I will think on this further =) If you have any other opinion then I would be glad to hear it.

Also, might I ask for your prayers? Perhaps someone may get an answer on my behalf =)

Golden x

[lovex]

You have my prayer!!!! Love you sister. Keep praying and praying and praying. In all circumstances. Whatever the outcome is, be thankful in the Lord. His love endures forever!

P/S I am the same as you. I don't go out on the weekend either, and I have no interest in guys either... except one. Who I've held onto for eight years... still hoping God will make Him be my husband for the rest of my life. I am twenty years old. How old are you?

[golden-veil]

lovex - Thank You for your prayers; I'll pray for you and your guy too =). I'm 23.

[miepie]

I would think twice before going back into that relationship.......... My first marriage was with an atheist who was bi....... he told me after 4 years of marriage......... then when I didn't cooperate in the things he wanted to do se*ually, the verbally abuse started....... he started to watch p*rn and from that moment on I couldn't live with him no longer as he was dragging me into his world of p*rn.......... I have strong suspicions that he did act out on it though........ you can never tell in the beginning...... they promise to be faithful but in the end they are not........ God saved me by giving me a real man as a husband after my divorce and we're very happily married.........
Please watch out what you're doing.......

Love you,
Mieke

[Diggindeeper]

I pray you listen to Mieke! She knows, from experience.

It is a proven fact that his kind tends to promise you EVERYTHING and anything and tell you anything, but they never keep those promises.

Also, know that you cannot change him. You may think, If he's with me, I'll be everything he needs and I will change him. But you can't change him or anyone else. Even yourself! It truly takes the power of God through the Holy Spirit to change anyone. You are helpless to change him and you need to understand that.

The truth is you have nothing but what he tells you, meaning that when he is telling you now that he isn't acting on his feelings. Just because he says that it does not make it true. He can tell you he isn't, but he can also lie and you know that! The problem is he is an avid outspoken atheist! Why should lying bother an atheist? You said yourself:

"He's an atheist, and stubbornly so - he's said to me before that he just can't find the faith that I have. So you see, he has no reason to think that his actions at any time were wrong." And yet, you believe him when he says that he is not now acting on what he wants to do.

You have blind faith in him and you are going to end up in a very hurtful situation. You are so naive. You said:
"I know he is a trust worthy and respectful person who would never do anything behind my back - he just wouldn't do that."

But he will.

Until you both get right with the Lord, this just cannot work. It just is doomed for failure before it even begins.

But you will go on believing him and there's not one thing we can do about it. We'll most likely see you back here before too long, with a hurting broken heart. I am so sorry I must think that, but if you don't listen to Mieke, that is how it will be.

[fightfan9]

I am late replying to this message, but if it helps any other girl out there.

I was in a serious relationship with a man who was Bi, but this one believed in God. I didn't know till about a year afterwords when he told me, but after he did a lot things started to make sense. I thought I loved this man, and breaking up with him made me seriously depressed. It hurt, I cried and moped around thinking There would never be a better guy for me. Fool. I ended up marrying the best man, perfect for me.

Now Z____ I know would never tell me the whole truth, so I found one of his Ex-BFs and went to talk to Him. Turns out that he and Z___ would get it on while Z___ then girlfriend lived on the other side of the appartment complex. Yuck. He would say they he wasn't into guys anymore, but when we broke up he went to a gay club....of course he lied and said it was just for boredom.......yeah, right! Z____ also admited that he was guys that had girlfriends and wives that never knew anything about it, completely in the dark.
According to Z____, apparently Homo-man sex feels Great, and its hard to forget.

My advise, be smart and run the other way. Some things you can deal with, somethings you can fix, this ain't one of them.

As for the atheism, take it from someone who was raised by a devout christian and a devout buddhist, once you have kids you have a whole new huge thing to fight about. My mother wanted us kids to be buddhist, my father wanted us to christian. Their marriage fell apart when we chose christainity, it just broke my mother's heart. You will love your kids more than life itself, and it will hurt your heart to see them not belive in your God. Please don't do that to yourself or your future kids.

You would be happier in the long run by finding someone else. Good Luck.