I need help!!

[Jerome1]

Ok, this is kinda long. I'm 20 years old. I just re-deticated my life to Christ about a year ago. I have a 6 month old child with my girlfriend of two years, who just became saved about a year ago (after our child was conceived.) we are living with my parents until we get on our feet and get our own place and get married. My mother and father are very loving, kind and supportive. We have always had a open relationship, and the house is generally peaceful, but ever since my son has been born, there has been some battling between my girlfriend and I, and my mother and father. It has been a parent battle.

Let me give u some examples, before he was born, we all was sitting down having lunch talking about my son and my parents was saying they were going to get him a leash so when he is out with them (when he can walk) they can have him on it. Me and my girlfriend disagreed and said we don't want him on that he is no dog. And they were just stubborn and kept saying well when he is with me he is going to have it on. That's 1.

The first day he came home, my mother turned the heat up to 76 in the house. I told her to turn it down cause it was 2 hot and he is going to over heat. She insisted it was fine, he is a newborn and can't take the cold and all that, while he is upstairs crying and beat red cause it is hot.

3. At night, he would cry all night, so she would come over 2 the room ever time he started crying, saying let me see him, let me rock him. At first we were ok with it but then is started to get annoying and then it was like ok, he is my child, I have to do this, if we need you we will come get u. So one morning I confronted her about it in love, I said mom we would appreciate if you don't come over when he is crying, cause we have to learn how to confront him and stiff like that, if we do need u we will come get u. And she said, well I guess I'm just useless, I just won't help at all no more and all that, and I kept telling her, u are taking it wrong, if we need you we will get u, but we have to learn and care for our child, that's my Job. So it took awhile and I guess she got it.

4. He wanted to pick the god-parents, and she went and told her friend and husband that we want them to be the God parents and we didn't even know about it, then she told me and I said I don't want them we already picked some one else, and she got all upset and said, well u don't trust my judgement enough to allow them to be the Godparents. And it was just a big thing.

5. My girlfriend and I like to Go by the book alot, so when he was first born we didn't want him laying on beds that wasn't his, so I saw my father had him lying on there bed, I told him that we don't want that, he said well I have raised more kids then u and I know what's best and all that.. And that was a thing.

6. And last one, my father come Over to day hi to my son and now my son loves putting his hands in his mouth. So my father was playing with his hands and stuff, and we gently said, we aren't touching his hands anymore cause he is always putting them in his mouth, so my father says what if I put sanitizer on, and wr said no cause then that will be on his hands, then he got all made and said, yall think yall know it all, I have raised more kids then u and the whole spill!!!

This has been happening since day 1 and I'm tired of it, now I feel like I have to walk on eggshells to say something to them about MY Son!!! And I just want them to relieze that I'm not going to be just like them or always take there advice, they feel like if we don't do what they say with him and take there advice, we don't Trust them or we know it all. No I don't know it all but I'm the parent your not, learn your roll!!!! Thank u for reading!!! God bless

[Diggindeeper]

Jerome, I think I have the experience to qualify me to answer you since I have 4 children all married with their own families. They have given me 7 grandchildren and 3 great-grandchildren!
Not that I am an expert or anything, but I do have 52 years of parenting behind me and my grandchildren are aged 25 down to age 10.

First of all, parenting is just IN us. We can't help it.

Now, first of all, I think you and your wife are making too much out of their offering their help. Let them do for your baby! Its their job and it sounds like they love him so, SO much! In the future, like at Christmas and Birthdays, you are going to be SO VERY glad his grandparents are in his life! Its going to mean many more gifts for him!

I really think you and your wife are going a bit overboard in setting certain rules for the baby, but since he is your FIRST child, I can understand. But, baby is going to touch lots of things with those hands, and that rule for him is just kinda, well...far fetched.

Lighten up, friend! Hey, you should be so thankful that they are letting the three of you stay there for now. And one more thing I'd like to ask you to do, especially since you and your girlfriend are both Christians now. Friend, go ahead and marry the girl. Make it legal, for her sake and for the baby's. He deserves parents who have the same last name and...marriage puts your house into God's divine order of things.

Marry her!

Listen, its not gonna hurt one thing if someone TOUCHES his little hands! Doctors and nurses certainly will! And he is not going to get contaminated from lying on someone's bed. I'm telling you as nicely as I know how...lighten up on the things that aren't so important and start doing the things that ARE. Like, praying with family and the baby. Listen to good Christian music. Get the baby in Church.

You are slowly alienating everyone from the baby's life. If you were one of my children, I would be thinking, Okay already! I won't touch the kid. I'll stay away.

On down the road, in a short matter of months, you will be needing them to babysit now and then and they could be scared to death to keep him a few hours. Listen, face it, you and your young girlfriend are young, NEW parents.

Don't be the over-protective, silly kind! And that's what EVERYBODY is going to be thinking.
Again, I urge you to get married. That baby deserves it!

[Cornflake]

What DD said.

I don't know what book you're going by that'd say that a baby shouldn't lay on other beds but... babies lay around a lot. They rarely head out for a jog. Inevitably, they're on beds.

Same as the not touching his hands thing - if the grandfather was willing to wash his hands, what's the big deal? Think about how this will progress. The baby will very soon be chomping on his feet. Are you going to prevent him from crawling on the floor because he'll roll over and stick his foot in his mouth?

It's not unusual first-time stuff but there needs to be some realism in the mix with the natural fear. If you're worried about his hands getting germy because they go in his mouth, just ask people to wash their hands before playing with him.

Try taking the things to their conclusion, like the foot thing, or think about, or try to catch how many times you and your wife put your hands in your mouth all day. I bet it's way more than you'd think. You're not just stuffing your fist in there, I assume, but you munch on cuticles, ragged nail ends, ponder something chewing on a thumb, adults do it all the time. Children do it all the time. God wouldn't have designed people in a general sense to do something innately that would be dangerous.

Also think about their point of view, like the leash thing. Now that you have a kid, how worried would you be about taking someone else's kid out? Now what if you were much older, couldn't move as fast, and feared the kid running away before you could snag him and heading into traffic or getting lost in a crowd of people. Makes a leash sound more reasonable, no?

Picking out grandparents does sound weird, but is that a custom where they or their parents or whatever are from?

DD is right, don't sweat the small stuff and this is all small stuff. It sounds like you're alienating your parents over little things and once you grow up more and spend more time as a parent you'll probably realize how silly this all is. A friend of mine once wandered into the next room to check on her baby, who had crawled off 10 minutes earlier from the room she'd been in and was now suspiciously quiet. When she found him, he was cleaning the floor - by studiously licking it. A lot. In a grid formation. As he wasn't her first baby, she just laughed and was happy to not have to mop.

Like the guy says - first kid drops the pacifier on the floor, you grab it, sterilize it, dry it under a germ-killing UV light and then give it back. Second kid drops the pacifier on the floor, you start by rinsing it for half a second under the faucet and stick it back in their mouth. Few months later, you clean it by sticking it in your own mouth for a sec and then back in theirs. Third kid, you hold it out for the dog to lick clean before sticking it back in the kid's mouth. That's a perfectly natural progression and everyone understands that's how it is but if someone is obnoxious about their UV light or keeps it up too long, people get really tired of it.

They're your parents. They did manage to raise you.

[BirdOfPray]

Ok, this is kinda long. I'm 20 years old. I just re-deticated my life to Christ about a year ago. I have a 6 month old child with my girlfriend of two years, who just became saved about a year ago (after our child was conceived.) we are living with my parents until we get on our feet and get our own place and get married. My mother and father are very loving, kind and supportive. We have always had a open relationship, and the house is generally peaceful, but ever since my son has been born, there has been some battling between my girlfriend and I, and my mother and father. It has been a parent battle.

For what it's worth, I'm 26 with two kids (3 and 1) and I'm spoiled rotten by having wonderful parents and in-laws. I'll say right out that some of the things your parents are doing would drive me a little nuts, but I think there's some on both sides. Since you can only control your own actions, I'll just come at it from that perspective. And all this is just what I would do, not a Biblical mandate. So take it as you will.

Let me give u some examples, before he was born, we all was sitting down having lunch talking about my son and my parents was saying they were going to get him a leash so when he is out with them (when he can walk) they can have him on it. Me and my girlfriend disagreed and said we don't want him on that he is no dog. And they were just stubborn and kept saying well when he is with me he is going to have it on. That's 1.

I personally wouldn't have a problem with a leash depending on the child... but you've got at least a few months yet before he's walking, so no need to sweat it right now. If it turns out he's really obedient and sticks close, maybe your parents will forget the leash thing. If he's running wild, maybe you'll change your mind. If it's really a problem for you, when and why are your parents taking your baby places without you? If it's as a favor to you, work with them and compromise a little. If it's because they want to, well, maybe there's a little more room for setting some ground rules. But let me tell you: grandparents who are involved in your kids' lives are the best thing on the face of God's green earth! I don't know what I'd do without my kids' grandparents. Be willing to be flexible if it means having them around to love on your kid, give you and your wife much-needed breaks, etc. You'll appreciate it even more as he gets older.

The first day he came home, my mother turned the heat up to 76 in the house. I told her to turn it down cause it was 2 hot and he is going to over heat. She insisted it was fine, he is a newborn and can't take the cold and all that, while he is upstairs crying and beat red cause it is hot.

For what it's worth, we only cool the house to 78 in the summer (and my babies were both born in May). I just keep the babies lightly dressed (diaper and maybe a onesie) and maybe turn on a ceiling fan. They've never had a problem with it. If you're really worried about it, ask your pediatrician if 76 is an ok temperature for the house and I'm sure he or she will set your mind at ease. I'm actually considering turning the temperature up to 80 lately because 78 feels downright cold when it's 100+ outside!

3. At night, he would cry all night, so she would come over 2 the room ever time he started crying, saying let me see him, let me rock him. At first we were ok with it but then is started to get annoying and then it was like ok, he is my child, I have to do this, if we need you we will come get u. So one morning I confronted her about it in love, I said mom we would appreciate if you don't come over when he is crying, cause we have to learn how to confront him and stiff like that, if we do need u we will come get u. And she said, well I guess I'm just useless, I just won't help at all no more and all that, and I kept telling her, u are taking it wrong, if we need you we will get u, but we have to learn and care for our child, that's my Job. So it took awhile and I guess she got it.

I think I'd side with you on this one, but do try to remember that she's trying to help. She probably remembers sleepless nights as a new parent and wants to spare you some of the exhaustion and stress. If you want to compromise, maybe pick a night or two that she can be "on duty" if he cries at night and ask her to leave the rest to you. Most new parents don't have that option and would kill for it!

4. He wanted to pick the god-parents, and she went and told her friend and husband that we want them to be the God parents and we didn't even know about it, then she told me and I said I don't want them we already picked some one else, and she got all upset and said, well u don't trust my judgement enough to allow them to be the Godparents. And it was just a big thing.

This one also seems a little out of line to me, but I wouldn't hold it against her. It was probably just a misunderstanding; maybe she thought she had talked to you about it, or she thought she knew who you would want to pick. I don't really know anything about godparents and how all that works, so I can't say much other than that Ii it's all over and done with, I'd just let it go.

5. My girlfriend and I like to Go by the book alot, so when he was first born we didn't want him laying on beds that wasn't his, so I saw my father had him lying on there bed, I told him that we don't want that, he said well I have raised more kids then u and I know what's best and all that.. And that was a thing.

I didn't like to lay my firstborn on beds either... I was always afraid he'd roll off! Then I had the second one and was a lot more laid back about it. It's just one of those things. Maybe ask your parents if they can remember any of those crazy things they worried about with their firstborn that were no big deal with later kids. Could be good for some laughs, give you some perspective, and help them remember what it's like to have your first baby.

6. And last one, my father come Over to day hi to my son and now my son loves putting his hands in his mouth. So my father was playing with his hands and stuff, and we gently said, we aren't touching his hands anymore cause he is always putting them in his mouth, so my father says what if I put sanitizer on, and wr said no cause then that will be on his hands, then he got all made and said, yall think yall know it all, I have raised more kids then u and the whole spill!!!

Personally, I'd let him wash his hands (soap and water would be fine) and play with the baby's hands. Trust me, that baby will get everything imaginable in his mouth by the time he's a few years old! Washed hands are far from the worst of it. Heck, I let my baby crawl around on the airport floor in Chicago this summer (traveling alone with a 2-hour layover after 6 hours in a seat on the plane, what else do you do?) and he sucks his thumb. He didn't get sick from it. Better to get exposed to a few germs here and there and get that immune system developed.

This has been happening since day 1 and I'm tired of it, now I feel like I have to walk on eggshells to say something to them about MY Son!!! And I just want them to relieze that I'm not going to be just like them or always take there advice, they feel like if we don't do what they say with him and take there advice, we don't Trust them or we know it all. No I don't know it all but I'm the parent your not, learn your roll!!!! Thank u for reading!!! God bless

Bear in mind that you're living in their house and (I assume) getting a lot of help from them in being able to provide for your son. Sometimes, that has a cost. I think your best bet is to marry your girlfriend yesterday (and this part actually is Biblical -- you need to be married or not living together) and then make sure you're doing everything it takes to work toward finding a place of your own. It doesn't have to be big and fancy. My sister-in-law is about to have three kids in a tiny 2-bedroom apartment, and their family is healthy and happy and doing just fine. Make sure it's affordable for you. But if you can afford it, I think it'll be the healthiest thing for your relationship with you parents if you have a little space.

And above all -- be gracious. They love you. They love your girlfriend. They love your son. Annoying as these things may be, they're all well-intentioned. It could be a lot worse.