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Thread: Standing firm on your convictions...

  1. #1

    Standing firm on your convictions...

    Hi,

    I am sort of struggling with something. I am very conservative with my views on things. For instance, one of my strongest convictions are the clothes that I wear. I like to be covered, with nothing revealing to others. I think it is so strong because before Christ came into my life, I never cared. I never thought about what I was doing to the mind of men out there and also, I never really thought about what they were thinking about doing to me in their minds.

    My sister is getting married in a month. During this, I wanted to wear a dress that was elegant, not tight or revealing, and also not bringing attention to me since it is her day. My sister and mom are probably the most fashionable people I know, and they find it hard to understand why I don't want to wear a dress that is EXTREMELY fitting on me and why I wouldn't want to show off my shape. I chose a dress that is in my opinion modest... but they seem to disagree and want me to wear something else, that I wouldn't feel comfortable. My mom has been saying "it's only for the night... it's not a big deal"... but it is to me. I don't want to first of all be in something that I know would draw attention to my body, and secondly, my conviction is so strong over this.

    So my question is... Why do I feel guilty for not giving in? I don't want to wear a dress like that but I also don't want them to be upset with me on my sisters wedding day. I know that I'm not going to wear the dress they want me too, but still, why do I feel guilty?
    I don't mind being this conservative with views, but at the same time, you start to notice the division that takes place when others don't agree and your views clash. The Lord is more important to me than a dress... and I am standing firm, no matter what.
    Why are you searching for love? Why are you still looking as if I'm not enough?

  2. #2
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    Re: Standing firm on your convictions...

    Never compromise your convictions.

    Now .... I think you feel guilty because you think this somehow hurts your relationship with your mom and sister. But you know what? Their fashion choices are their fashion choices, and their taste is their taste. They do not have approve of yours in order for yours to be valid and right, and vice versa.

    Maybe you can shop around some more and find a compromise that makes you all happy, if there is such a dress?

    Going to tell you a story here:

    Some years back, I had a strong conviction about a certain dietary issue. I was invited to a lady's home where a friend and I stayed for a couple of days while we were attending a conference. This lady was most gracious and I was being a complete butthead because when she cooked a meal, I was being obnoxiously picky with all my "convictions". In retrospect, I thought I was honoring God but at the end of the day if you boil it right down, I was obnoxiously rude to someone who graciously took a stranger into her home, and I had to repent.

    So convictions ... great, have them, especially those who go deep in your conscience. We all know that there are certain things that are non-negotiable. Modesty is absolutely a Biblical principle, and your wanting to honor the Lord in this deserves support and encouragement, especially in a day and age where young women use their clothing choices to make themselves fodder for men's leering glances and then wonder why they're being objectified and can't get respect.

    However, do consider your relationship with your mom and sister and make sure that with all your convictions, you're walking in love in this. Because love never fails, and love is the highest commandment, and we are to owe others nothing except love. Because we both know that this isn't about the dress.

  3. #3
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    Re: Standing firm on your convictions...

    Quote Originally Posted by lovex View Post
    Hi,

    I am sort of struggling with something. I am very conservative with my views on things. For instance, one of my strongest convictions are the clothes that I wear. I like to be covered, with nothing revealing to others. I think it is so strong because before Christ came into my life, I never cared. I never thought about what I was doing to the mind of men out there and also, I never really thought about what they were thinking about doing to me in their minds.

    My sister is getting married in a month. During this, I wanted to wear a dress that was elegant, not tight or revealing, and also not bringing attention to me since it is her day. My sister and mom are probably the most fashionable people I know, and they find it hard to understand why I don't want to wear a dress that is EXTREMELY fitting on me and why I wouldn't want to show off my shape. I chose a dress that is in my opinion modest... but they seem to disagree and want me to wear something else, that I wouldn't feel comfortable. My mom has been saying "it's only for the night... it's not a big deal"... but it is to me. I don't want to first of all be in something that I know would draw attention to my body, and secondly, my conviction is so strong over this.

    So my question is... Why do I feel guilty for not giving in? I don't want to wear a dress like that but I also don't want them to be upset with me on my sisters wedding day. I know that I'm not going to wear the dress they want me too, but still, why do I feel guilty?
    I don't mind being this conservative with views, but at the same time, you start to notice the division that takes place when others don't agree and your views clash. The Lord is more important to me than a dress... and I am standing firm, no matter what.
    There are many beautiful dresses out there that are modest also. I don't know about your mon but it would be a shame if she would feel hurt if you did wear the dress of your choice. I hope you stand firm in your decision to dress with modesty. For sure go out and try a few dresses on with your mom and if you find one that makes you both happy all well and good. Search for an acceptable compromise. But if any solution offered to you compromises your modesty then politely but with conviction refuse it and select the dress that does sit well with your conscience to God.


    All Praise The Ancient Of Days

  4. #4

    Re: Standing firm on your convictions...

    You are both right. Thank you for advice.

    That is one thing that I was concerned on whether my conviction was ridiculously legalistic or what, but I know that my decision is based upon the Lord's word and what He has placed inside of my heart. I think one reason this is hard for them to accept is because the old me would wear any dress... no matter how short, how long, how low, how high... sadly. But now,in the way that I dress, I find it to be about the Lord and the men in this world, I need to help them by the way that I dress and also be a representation of Christ in love. I want purity... period.. and my path to purity has allowed me to search modesty like never before... I did find a dress... I can post it on here if it's okay?
    Why are you searching for love? Why are you still looking as if I'm not enough?

  5. #5

    Re: Standing firm on your convictions...

    Others have given a lot of great advice in this respect. I'm not sure what your mother & sisters relationships with the Lord look like. if they aren't saved they won't understand. Perhaps a way of helping them realize is by also telling them that you don't want to distract the crowd on your sister's day to stand out.

  6. #6

    Re: Standing firm on your convictions...

    Quote Originally Posted by Al_S View Post
    Others have given a lot of great advice in this respect. I'm not sure what your mother & sisters relationships with the Lord look like. if they aren't saved they won't understand. Perhaps a way of helping them realize is by also telling them that you don't want to distract the crowd on your sister's day to stand out.
    Thank you for your advice.
    Why are you searching for love? Why are you still looking as if I'm not enough?

  7. #7
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    Re: Standing firm on your convictions...

    Ill tell you something I heard, let not your heart walk away from you, lest your mind get up and follow.
    Every temptation is of the devil, and every sin leads to death.

  8. #8
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    Re: Standing firm on your convictions...

    Quote Originally Posted by lovex View Post
    Hi,

    I am sort of struggling with something. I am very conservative with my views on things. For instance, one of my strongest convictions are the clothes that I wear. I like to be covered, with nothing revealing to others. I think it is so strong because before Christ came into my life, I never cared. I never thought about what I was doing to the mind of men out there and also, I never really thought about what they were thinking about doing to me in their minds.

    My sister is getting married in a month. During this, I wanted to wear a dress that was elegant, not tight or revealing, and also not bringing attention to me since it is her day. My sister and mom are probably the most fashionable people I know, and they find it hard to understand why I don't want to wear a dress that is EXTREMELY fitting on me and why I wouldn't want to show off my shape. I chose a dress that is in my opinion modest... but they seem to disagree and want me to wear something else, that I wouldn't feel comfortable. My mom has been saying "it's only for the night... it's not a big deal"... but it is to me. I don't want to first of all be in something that I know would draw attention to my body, and secondly, my conviction is so strong over this.

    So my question is... Why do I feel guilty for not giving in? I don't want to wear a dress like that but I also don't want them to be upset with me on my sisters wedding day. I know that I'm not going to wear the dress they want me too, but still, why do I feel guilty?
    I don't mind being this conservative with views, but at the same time, you start to notice the division that takes place when others don't agree and your views clash. The Lord is more important to me than a dress... and I am standing firm, no matter what.

    Hey lovex

    You ask in the OP why you would feel guilty...and here’s the thing...guilt is not from God...He will never taunt you with guilt and shame and condemnation...that is satan’s domain... God will however convict you of your righteousness...He will assure you of the holiness He has poured within you through His Holy Spirit...so...if you are led in your heart to dress a certain way please don’t allow guilt to plague you...take your thoughts captive to Christ, pull out some scriptures that speak of grace and modesty and meditate on them and allow God to bring peace into your heart again...when you feel guilt you are not walking in peace...and God would have you rest in His peace always lovex. Listen for your Abba Father’s voice when He encourages you that you are so beautiful in His eyes and when He whispers into your heart that He is so very proud of you.

    Also...I wouldn’t really know what is going on in your family’s hearts and minds when they express disappointment in your choices...that is between them and God ultimately...when you have done all you can to love and care for them (as Dani says, love is the purest key and the key to purity) and to gently shine with God’s light and grace...while living by the choices that you believe honour God and do not cause harm to others...then you need to come to a place where you refuse to take ‘responsibility’ for the thoughts and attitudes of others...I’m absolutely not saying this is the case with your family but you will find that many in this world will literally hate you because of your righteousness and because of their own shame...in light of this it is so important to know that you are responsible for your own choices and not the choices of others...yes you can influence for good or bad...seek to be Spirit-led in situations like this one and trust that God will minister to the hearts of others through you...know that He will protect your heart from words of hurt and accusation...and believe that He will reveal His goodness to others around you and in so doing will soften them leading them to repentance and restoration to Him. But ultimately others are responsible for their own thoughts and attitudes and choices etc. And the same applies when it comes to the thoughts of men regarding your appearance...the reality is some guys would get all hot and bothered if you were to wear a tent...go figure but that’s how it is with some! So while you understand and live by principles of modesty and honour God with your appearance it is again so important to release yourself from the burden of others’ choices and thoughts etc.

    Hope you sister has an absolutely wonderful day on her wedding lovex...and that God blesses and fills her marriage with love and grace and wisdom... And hope that you and the rest of your family have a marvellous time at the wedding too...whatever you wear let God comfort and encourage you that your robes of righteousness are the most delightful and important wedding fashions of the day!

    Treasured

  9. #9
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    Re: Standing firm on your convictions...

    That is the devil working through the carnally minded to attempt to persuade you to put down your armour, and it is even offered for a short time, which also is sins way to try and influence us from "Standing Firm On Our Convictions". They of the world speak of the world, and the world hears them; but they who are of God hears God´s Word. It is of great price in the sight of God that you keep your sincerity toward Him, it is the faith of Abraham which conviction he stood on as well, and the Lord´s angel told him, "Now I know that you fear God, seeing that you have not withheld your son". So also you, you have not withheld your conviction to dress in modest apparel.
    And some believed the things which were spoken, and some believed not.
    Acts 28:24

  10. #10

    Re: Standing firm on your convictions...

    You're not in the wedding, are you?

    There's a difference, I think, between if you're a guest and if you're standing with your sister and in the pictures and etc. I'm not suggesting you compromise your convictions but your convictions are toward modesty not toward any one particular dress. I'd agree with Dani - is there no dress in between that you could compromise with your sister and mother on?

  11. #11
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    Re: Standing firm on your convictions...

    I cannot see why you could not post it here Lovex.


    All Praise The Ancient Of Days

  12. #12

    Re: Standing firm on your convictions...

    Quote Originally Posted by Cornflake View Post
    You're not in the wedding, are you?

    There's a difference, I think, between if you're a guest and if you're standing with your sister and in the pictures and etc. I'm not suggesting you compromise your convictions but your convictions are toward modesty not toward any one particular dress. I'd agree with Dani - is there no dress in between that you could compromise with your sister and mother on?
    I am her maid of honor. I have found a dress, and they seem to be okay with it. But in the end, it's not about if it's okay when them... it's about God. What would He think if He saw me in this dress? Do I feel at peace with my decision... yes.
    Why are you searching for love? Why are you still looking as if I'm not enough?

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