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Thread: Silent Treatment...

  1. #1

    Silent Treatment...

    Anyone have a loved one use the silent treatment against them as a form of control?

  2. #2

    Re: Silent Treatment...

    Yep. Not fun at all.

  3. #3
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    Re: Silent Treatment...

    Used too...and at the time I didn't understand why he would do that. It was very confusing and frustrating that is for sure. I was finally able to get him to tell me why he did that and he said it just didn't want to deal with anything. He would be tired or stressed or whatever. Wouldn't even answer the phone when it rang which really drove me nutty...

    But I think too it can be used as a way to control someone. In his case he was avoiding everything...just didn't want to deal with things at that moment. I think if I was treated like that now I would get the car keys and leave for awhile...too cool off... Its extremely rude, disrespectful and shows a complete lack of caring about the person its being done too. And I think I would tell that person that too...after I cooled down that is. I am sorry you are dealing with this!

    God bless
    "People do not drift toward holiness. Apart from grace-driven effort, people do not gravitate toward godliness, prayer, obedience to Scripture, faith, and delight in the Lord. We drift toward compromise and call it tolerance; We drift toward disobedience and call it freedom; We drift toward superstition and call it faith. We cherish the indiscipline of lost self-control and call it relaxation; we slouch toward prayerlessness and delude ourselves into thinking we have escaped legalism; we slide toward godlessness and convince ourselves we have been liberated?" - D A Carson

  4. #4

    Re: Silent Treatment...

    my sister did when we were kids... she grew out of it though.

  5. #5

    Re: Silent Treatment...

    to just cut contact with someone is emotional torture...to not know when it's going to end or what I did wrong...it's terrible. Just curious if anyone else had someone in their lives that does this to them...he does it to "punish" me

  6. #6
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    Re: Silent Treatment...

    cindylou,
    I've experienced this and you know what, all you can do is put them in God's hands.
    Sure it hurts for them to cut you off like that, but they're using guilt manipulation to control you, and that's a very bad thing.

    Just pray for this person and as the saying goes, let go and let God.
    He will have to deal with them. You do not have to subject yourself to that kind of behavior.

    Later on, when and if you resume your relationship with him, talk to him about it and tell him you will have to let the relationship go completely, if he chooses to continue to treat you this way.

    Jeanne
    Refrain your voice from weeping, and your eyes from tears, for your work shall be rewarded declares the Lord, and they (your children) will come back from the land of the enemy. Jeremiah 31:16-17
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Sometimes God lets you hit rock bottom so that you can discover He is the rock at the bottom

    All the forces of darkness cannot stop what God has ordained. Isaiah 14:27

  7. #7
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    Re: Silent Treatment...

    I have someone that does this every couple of years. My stomach used to turn in knots over it. I always ended it by reaching out -- usually showing up at the door and just acting like nothing happened.

    I've concluded I've been hindering this person from growing. Right now this person hasn't talked to me in almost three months. I called three times. I'm not going over there this time. This individual put the wall up. This time I am making the individual take the wall down. And if they never talk to me again, I reached out three times. It's time for the other person to grow up and get over it. My stomach never bothers me anymore.

    In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, charity. - Rupertus Meldenius

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    If your grace ain't greasier than a bucket full of chitlin's and gravy, you might be a legalist - an internet friend.

  8. #8

    Re: Silent Treatment...

    Well, its happened again...I'm terrified at the frequency of this happening. Last time the silent treatment lasted two days, but sometimes it can stretch for longer, I have no way of knowing I have absolutely no control. The worst is that obviously I've done something wrong, but I can't even apologize for it or ask for forgiveness? Everything inside me wants to say I'm sorry and make it right with this person, but I'm not even allowed to do that. The silent treatments are worse than anything I could have said to make this person angry.

  9. #9
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    Re: Silent Treatment...

    Quote Originally Posted by cindylou View Post
    Anyone have a loved one use the silent treatment against them as a form of control?
    Unless related by blood or marriage, this is a good sign that person has no place in your life.

    Manipulative behavour is a good indicator of bigger personality issues..... don't negotiate with terrorists.
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  10. #10

    Re: Silent Treatment...

    My ex-wife would try to do this to me at times. I'd just ignore her and make like she wasn't there whenever she was in one of her moods. One time, when she was doing this to me, she was watching tv; I came out of the room, grabbed the remote and changed the station. She got mad and said, "what the **** are you doing??". I asked her, "Oh, are you talking to me now?". She got mad and left the house for a couple of hours.

  11. #11
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    Re: Silent Treatment...

    Quote Originally Posted by Amos_with_goats View Post
    Unless related by blood or marriage, this is a good sign that person has no place in your life.

    Manipulative behavour is a good indicator of bigger personality issues..... don't negotiate with terrorists.
    LOL...I never looked at it that way....
    Amazzin

    Obedience to God is more than a soldier obeying his commander. It is our grateful response to the Lover of our souls.

    CHURCH: Where worship is enjoyed, not endured - Grace is preached, not legalism - And Christ is exalted, not religion!




  12. #12
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    Re: Silent Treatment...

    Quote Originally Posted by cindylou View Post
    Well, its happened again...I'm terrified at the frequency of this happening. Last time the silent treatment lasted two days, but sometimes it can stretch for longer, I have no way of knowing I have absolutely no control. The worst is that obviously I've done something wrong, but I can't even apologize for it or ask for forgiveness? Everything inside me wants to say I'm sorry and make it right with this person, but I'm not even allowed to do that. The silent treatments are worse than anything I could have said to make this person angry.

    cindylou is this person your husband? If it is, I would suggest if you belong to a church you talk to the pastor about this. You aren't helpless in this. There are many different things you can do actually. Even if its not your husband...but a family member...someone you feel you must keep in a relationship, you can talk to your pastor or a close Christian friend for guidance on this. If those aren't options then talk to us...we can't help without knowing more. Another thing you can do is change how you respond...why are you assuming you did something wrong? I guess I would be thinking they are doing something horribly wrong to me if I was being ignored like this. They are in the wrong. At this point...who cares if you did something that upset them. That is no reason for them to emotional abuse you and that is exactly what this is: abuse. No one deserves to be abused no matter what they did. If you really feel you can't tell us more..here are a couple of Christian links on this topic that may help: http://www.dovechristiancounseling.c...Treatment.html

    The too common abusive silent treatment

    Meanwhile I am praying for you. I am angry that someone is treating you like this. I really am. I guess I would be in their face telling them that too and who cares if they ignore me..they are going to hear it anyway.
    "People do not drift toward holiness. Apart from grace-driven effort, people do not gravitate toward godliness, prayer, obedience to Scripture, faith, and delight in the Lord. We drift toward compromise and call it tolerance; We drift toward disobedience and call it freedom; We drift toward superstition and call it faith. We cherish the indiscipline of lost self-control and call it relaxation; we slouch toward prayerlessness and delude ourselves into thinking we have escaped legalism; we slide toward godlessness and convince ourselves we have been liberated?" - D A Carson

  13. #13

    Re: Silent Treatment...

    Yes...and I'm crying right now as I realize now that I'm being emotionally abused and I have been for awhile. I have no idea when I'll see/talk to him again. I can't tell him how I feel if it involves my feelings and giving him any criticism. I told him last night he was acting like a child over the phone, he hung up, shut his phone off and I have no idea when i'll talk to him again. I was wrong for telling him that, but man is this way worse than what I did to him. He's done this so many times that I"m paranoid...I"m losing my mind...I have no idea when it will happen again or if it will happen again... He is unsaved...an atheist. I've been called mentally challenged for being a Christian and there is this pattern where he will begin to cut me down before he goes NC...I can't believe I'm living like this...I was at one time a strong, happy, woman...

    I didn't mean for the thread to get so negative...I was curious if this was a normal relationship dynamic..it does not feel normal

  14. #14
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    Re: Silent Treatment...

    Quote Originally Posted by cindylou View Post
    Yes...and I'm crying right now as I realize now that I'm being emotionally abused and I have been for awhile. I have no idea when I'll see/talk to him again. I can't tell him how I feel if it involves my feelings and giving him any criticism. I told him last night he was acting like a child over the phone, he hung up, shut his phone off and I have no idea when i'll talk to him again. I was wrong for telling him that, but man is this way worse than what I did to him. He's done this so many times that I"m paranoid...I"m losing my mind...I have no idea when it will happen again or if it will happen again... He is unsaved...an atheist. I've been called mentally challenged for being a Christian and there is this pattern where he will begin to cut me down before he goes NC...I can't believe I'm living like this...I was at one time a strong, happy, woman...

    I didn't mean for the thread to get so negative...I was curious if this was a normal relationship dynamic..it does not feel normal
    Cindy,
    The fact that he is causing this reaction from you is a warning for you to cut him loose. Turn him over to God, pray for him daily and walk away.
    In time God may bring him around and restore that relationship.
    In the meantime, turn your thoughts toward God, realizing that you are His precious child.
    He knows how to handle this person, and He will in His time.

    Be at peace,

    Jeanne
    Refrain your voice from weeping, and your eyes from tears, for your work shall be rewarded declares the Lord, and they (your children) will come back from the land of the enemy. Jeremiah 31:16-17
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Sometimes God lets you hit rock bottom so that you can discover He is the rock at the bottom

    All the forces of darkness cannot stop what God has ordained. Isaiah 14:27

  15. #15
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    Re: Silent Treatment...

    Quote Originally Posted by Liquid Tension View Post
    My ex-wife would try to do this to me at times. I'd just ignore her and make like she wasn't there whenever she was in one of her moods. One time, when she was doing this to me, she was watching tv; I came out of the room, grabbed the remote and changed the station. She got mad and said, "what the **** are you doing??". I asked her, "Oh, are you talking to me now?". She got mad and left the house for a couple of hours.
    LOL thanks I need to try that on my husband.....he can hold out for days
    99.1 JOY FM
    It sorta struck me this morning that I spend way too much time worried about what other people think of me, when I should be spending that time just in awe of how God feels about me. Look at what it says in Zephaniah 3:17 "The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.



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