At my wits end with husband

[peacewithin]

Just being able to talk to you guys has helped and thank you all for your advice. It will all work out one way or another!
Take care everyone,
Beverly

[ImABeliever]

i dont have a lot of advice but just a small thought...

I think you should develop some new hobbies and interests. My Ma went through something like with my dad. In the meantime she learnt Italian, did Japanese cooking, starting a book club and did power-walking! She didnt rely on him for her happiness and something happened in the meantime-my Dad came back to her emotionally. now they are happier than ever! i don't know how it worked but it did and some of my friends have told me simmilar things about their parents.

The most important thing you can do though is PRAY! PRAY and keep praying! God is with you in your pain!

[Ta-An]

peacewithin

[Dani H]

I'm glad you've gotten some responses. I regularly swat my husband off, but honestly I'm glad he still finds me desirable and so I can't imagine what I'd do if he quit chasing after me. It goes both ways, right?

Having said that, beside the testosterone issue ... it really sounds like you flat-out miss his friendship and companionship. Maybe go putter in his work shop with him? Maybe find things to do together, as friends? Maybe focus on common interests, take day trips, do things together you both enjoy and find a new "normal" for both of you?

I don't look to my husband to make me happy. That's not his job and I'm not going to burden him with those kinds of expectations that he's not able to fulfill anyway, nor would I want him to expect me to make him happy. Personal happiness is just that: Personal and up to us individually. But I do value our friendship. However, I have my own interests and things I enjoy and get excited about, and I let him have his because we've realized we don't have to enjoy the same things and do everything together to have a good marriage.

Focus on things that interest you and get your own passion and excitement about life back, and maybe it'll spread?

I mean, who knows, maybe once the friendship aspect comes back together, it might lead to other things ...

[peacewithin]

Dani,
I don't look to my husband to make me happy, I am a naturally happy person and I'm usually in a good mood it's just that sometimes I'd like to have him to "share" that good mood with!lol

[mrsarnold]

i dont have a lot of advice but just a small thought...

I think you should develop some new hobbies and interests. My Ma went through something like with my dad. In the meantime she learnt Italian, did Japanese cooking, starting a book club and did power-walking! She didnt rely on him for her happiness and something happened in the meantime-my Dad came back to her emotionally. now they are happier than ever! i don't know how it worked but it did and some of my friends have told me simmilar things about their parents.

The most important thing you can do though is PRAY! PRAY and keep praying! God is with you in your pain!

I know that this thread is old and I'm coming to the table waaaay late but I like this suggestion. No, it doesn't replace the intimacy but it can be fulfilling. And whilst the wife is out living and improving herself and learning and the husband has absolutely zero pressure put on him to make her happy he gradually becomes interested again... that coupled with prayer is probably a pretty good recipe for success. I'm not shooting down any of the other suggestions, but having known a man who sounds a tiny bit like your husband I can tell you that if he does have any problems with feeling sad about his own aging, or his lack of erectile ability etc... you crying to him about him not being affectionate may come across like an accusation, even though that is the LAST thing you mean it to be. Also if he hugs you in response to you asking for it that might not be as fulfilling as him coming to you on his own. So I would vote for the above suggestion (if you haven't already got it all sorted out) of becoming active and busy with trying out new things that make you happy. Your own happiness and fulfillment might just spark a renewed attraction.

Also I'm curious to know how things have been going. I hope and pray it has resolved and you don't need any more advice.

Hugs,
Kim

[Diggindeeper]

I know that this thread is old and I'm coming to the table waaaay late but I like this suggestion. No, it doesn't replace the intimacy but it can be fulfilling. And whilst the wife is out living and improving herself and learning and the husband has absolutely zero pressure put on him to make her happy he gradually becomes interested again... that coupled with prayer is probably a pretty good recipe for success. I'm not shooting down any of the other suggestions, but having known a man who sounds a tiny bit like your husband I can tell you that if he does have any problems with feeling sad about his own aging, or his lack of erectile ability etc... you crying to him about him not being affectionate may come across like an accusation, even though that is the LAST thing you mean it to be. Also if he hugs you in response to you asking for it that might not be as fulfilling as him coming to you on his own. So I would vote for the above suggestion (if you haven't already got it all sorted out) of becoming active and busy with trying out new things that make you happy. Your own happiness and fulfillment might just spark a renewed attraction.

Also I'm curious to know how things have been going. I hope and pray it has resolved and you don't need any more advice.

Hugs,
Kim

I too hope and pray it has been resolved...
I buried my husband on July 1st after a courageous battle with cancer. Oh my, how I would love to have him here with me again.
I would not care if he just sat there grumpy all day, which he never did.
I would love to tell him, "Honey, you need to shave."
I would love to wash his dirty socks again, make up the bed after him, because he could really make a mess of the covers.
I would love to see him sit in his recliner and watch reruns of football games again.
I would even love to hear his loud snoring again, and boy could he snore!

If only he could just be here again.......... Nothing else would bother me for the rest of my life.
But all I have is his voice on the answering machine...

[Jeanne D]

I too hope and pray it has been resolved...
I buried my husband on July 1st after a courageous battle with cancer. Oh my, how I would love to have him here with me again.
I would not care if he just sat there grumpy all day, which he never did.
I would love to tell him, "Honey, you need to shave."
I would love to wash his dirty socks again, make up the bed after him, because he could really make a mess of the covers.
I would love to see him sit in his recliner and watch reruns of football games again.
I would even love to hear his loud snoring again, and boy could he snore!

If only he could just be here again.......... Nothing else would bother me for the rest of my life.
But all I have is his voice on the answering machine...

I'm so happy that you will see him again and the he is with the Lord.
I'm sad that you're hurting and missing him, but I know that the Lord is with you.

Love,
Jeanne