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Thread: Flubbed Headlines

  1. #1
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    Flubbed Headlines

    Some wacky headlines from a variety of newspapers:

    1. Include Your Children when Baking Cookies

    2. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
    3. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
    4. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
    5. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
    6. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
    7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
    8. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
    9. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
    10. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
    11. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
    12. Eye Drops Off Shelf
    13. Teachers Strike Idle Kids
    14. Clinton Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
    15. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax
    16. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
    17. Miners Refuse to Work after Death
    18. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
    19. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
    20. Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Counter
    21. Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
    22. Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
    23. War Dims Hope for Peace
    24. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
    25. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
    26. Deer Kill 17,000
    27. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
    28. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
    29. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
    30. Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
    31. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
    32. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
    33. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
    34. Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
    35. Arson Suspect Held in Massachusetts Fire
    36. Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
    37. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
    38. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
    39. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

    When we stand before the Judgment Seat, we will have retained only two things from our earthly life: what God gave us, and what we did with what He gave us.

  2. #2
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    Re: Flubbed Headlines

    Quote Originally Posted by Sojourner55 View Post
    Some wacky headlines from a variety of newspapers:

    19. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
    Can't you just picture it? "Sargeant? There's an elm here to see you. Says he's got a stolen Renoir he found in a dumpster behind a coffee shop!"

    39. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors


    I like this one, too. "Why are those doctors suing us again? Oh, yeah. They claim our doors are too short."

    Yours in Christ,

    Benjamin
    Last edited by thethirdtuttle; Nov 16th 2011 at 12:21 PM. Reason: fine-tuned the formatting of my response
    "Mark the blameless man, and behold the upright; for the man of peace will have a posterity." Psalms 37:37, NASB

    "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God." Matthew 5:9, NASB

    "The only people who do not see Christ and his teachings as nonviolent are Christians."
    Mohandas K. Gandhi

    "Fighting to preserve peace is like [expletive deleted] to preserve virginity." Dr. Stanley Hauerwas, Gilbert T. Rowe Professor of Theological Ethics, Duke University Divinity School

  3. #3
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    Re: Flubbed Headlines

    Where do you fiind these things Sojourner55? They're hysterical!

    Jeanne

    "He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it". ~ Martin Luther King Jr.

    "If we ever forget that we are ONE NATION UNDER GOD, then we will be a nation gone under" ~ Ronald Reagan

  4. #4
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    Re: Flubbed Headlines

    Quote Originally Posted by thethirdtuttle View Post
    Can't you just picture it? "Sargeant? There's an elm here to see you. Says he's got a stolen Renoir he found in a dumpster behind a coffee shop!"



    I like this one, too. "Why are those doctors suing us again? Oh, yeah. They claim our doors are too short."

    Yours in Christ,

    Benjamin
    Yeah, wording something without thinking it through can have hilarious results--especially in a national publication. (Lucky for us they didn't bother proof-reading).

    When we stand before the Judgment Seat, we will have retained only two things from our earthly life: what God gave us, and what we did with what He gave us.

  5. #5
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    Re: Flubbed Headlines

    Quote Originally Posted by Jeanne D View Post
    Where do you fiind these things Sojourner55? They're hysterical!

    Jeanne
    Please, call me Randy. Actually, so far, most of them are from the "Uncle John's" book series--which in turn, culled them from somewhere else. Fortunately however, a quick "Googling" turned up nearly all of them on a variety of websites--already typed up for me, and everything. I don't know who had the copyrights originally, but they are everywhere now. I have some more goodies I think are also funny enough to share, so I'll probably be posting them in the not-too-distant future. Glad you're enjoying them.

    When we stand before the Judgment Seat, we will have retained only two things from our earthly life: what God gave us, and what we did with what He gave us.

  6. #6

    Re: Flubbed Headlines

    These are fantastic! thanks for sharing them with us.

  7. #7
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    Re: Flubbed Headlines

    Quote Originally Posted by ImABeliever View Post
    These are fantastic! thanks for sharing them with us.
    You're very welcome. We all need a little chuckle now and then. I like # 32. I can just picture him sheepishly saying, "I'm really sorry. I knew I shouldn't have had that bean burrito for lunch."

    When we stand before the Judgment Seat, we will have retained only two things from our earthly life: what God gave us, and what we did with what He gave us.

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