I Need Advice on This Please (and prayer!)...

[mom_of_four]

As you all know, I haven't seen my boys (now ages 17 and 14) since July 29, 2010. I am not gonna repeat the entire story. But, they are living with their father who has turned them against me. And they will not talk to me at all. They will not even answer my phone calls, emails, letters, or Facebook messages. So heartbreaking....

So, here is my problem. In my house, they shared a bedroom. It has not been touched since July 29, 2010. Their stuff is still lying around just like they left it and I haven't been able to bring myself to touching any of it. I haven't even washed any of their bed linens in that long! It has been extremely hard for me. I had planned on keeping it that way until they came back home. I am trusting in God to soften their hearts and bring them back to me. But here is my problem - The room is now getting moldy. There is a bad smell in there and there is actual visible mold on the bedspreads and in their closets. I have to do something! I can't let this mold take over my house. Their closets are FULL of their clothes and toys. And their beds (which both have drawers underneath like Captain's beds) have stuff in them too. So here is my question - What do I do with all of their stuff? If I keep it, it is going to rot and mold and cause terrible problems in my house. But, if I take it to Goodwill, they might return and be angry and hurt that I got rid of all of it. What do I do? I have no storage building to store the stuff in. I wish I did. But, right now, I can't afford one - especially one big enough to store all of their stuff! They have 2 twin size beds, 2 chests, a full-size set of drums, and 3 guitars. As well as two closets chocked full of clothes. I am sure that they have outgrown these clothes by now. But, it is still hard for me to let go of them. It is kind of like that last part of them that I have left. Does that make sense? Please give me some advice on what to do. And please pray for me as I clean that room this week. I went in there yesterday and was only in there about 5 minutes when I broke down and started crying uncontrollably and had to leave the room. It is almost like someone who has lost a child to death. Please...any advice?

[Jeanne D]

As you all know, I haven't seen my boys (now ages 17 and 14) since July 29, 2010. I am not gonna repeat the entire story. But, they are living with their father who has turned them against me. And they will not talk to me at all. They will not even answer my phone calls, emails, letters, or Facebook messages. So heartbreaking....

So, here is my problem. In my house, they shared a bedroom. It has not been touched since July 29, 2010. Their stuff is still lying around just like they left it and I haven't been able to bring myself to touching any of it. I haven't even washed any of their bed linens in that long! It has been extremely hard for me. I had planned on keeping it that way until they came back home. I am trusting in God to soften their hearts and bring them back to me. But here is my problem - The room is now getting moldy. There is a bad smell in there and there is actual visible mold on the bedspreads and in their closets. I have to do something! I can't let this mold take over my house. Their closets are FULL of their clothes and toys. And their beds (which both have drawers underneath like Captain's beds) have stuff in them too. So here is my question - What do I do with all of their stuff? If I keep it, it is going to rot and mold and cause terrible problems in my house. But, if I take it to Goodwill, they might return and be angry and hurt that I got rid of all of it. What do I do? I have no storage building to store the stuff in. I wish I did. But, right now, I can't afford one - especially one big enough to store all of their stuff! They have 2 twin size beds, 2 chests, a full-size set of drums, and 3 guitars. As well as two closets chocked full of clothes. I am sure that they have outgrown these clothes by now. But, it is still hard for me to let go of them. It is kind of like that last part of them that I have left. Does that make sense? Please give me some advice on what to do. And please pray for me as I clean that room this week. I went in there yesterday and was only in there about 5 minutes when I broke down and started crying uncontrollably and had to leave the room. It is almost like someone who has lost a child to death. Please...any advice?

This of course is only my opinion, but here goes. First of all you have to throw away anything that is moldy because of the potential health problems it can cause. Maybe you can keep a couple of their things, small stuff, but then maybe you can just donate the rest to Goodwill as you mentioned. When they return, they probably won't be interested in their "stuff" as much as in their relationship with you. That's far more important than their things. Your older son may return when he's 18, and by then he may be on his way to college or getting his own place, so he will have probably outgrown many of his things. They're just things and they really don't matter in the long run. You can tell them that you are starting fresh in your relationship and that those former things can be replaced.

In the meantime, someone else may greatly benefit from that stuff.. someone who could really use it. Otherwise it's just going to waste.
Trust God to restore your relationship with them, and continue to pray (I will too), then watch as He works out all the details.

Jeanne

[mom_of_four]

Thank you so much Jeanne! I did start today with throwing stuff away. It is going to take me a couple of weeks to completely clean the room thoroughly. But, here is what my husband and I have decided to do - We are selling their beds and furniture. We are donating their clothes to Goodwill (except I am keeping 2-3 of their favorite t-shirts for keepsakes). I am storing my son's drums and guitars in his closet (which will be big enough once his clothes are gone - it is a large walk-in closet). And then - Gonna shampoo the carpet, wash down the walls and repaint them (because I had painted murals on the walls for them of guitars, and stuff. And we are going to buy a full-size bed and turn the room into a guest room. Then, if they ever return. No, I won't say IF!! I am believing in God that they WILL return. And when they do, they will still have some place to sleep at least. Plus, I will have a place for my sister-in-law and brother-in-law to stay who like to visit. I have to do this. I love my boys. But, I have to do this to allow myself to heal emotionally. Thank you for your advice and prayers!

[mom_of_four]

I have sold my youngest son's bed and chest to some lady that I don't even know. I advertised it yesterday on Facebook and got a response within 10 minutes! She will be here tomorrow to pick it up. It will be hard to see that bed go. He loved that bed. But, I have to clean out that room. I also have a potential buyer for my oldest son's bed. Not sure yet, buy pretty sure that I have it sold also. So much to do in that room and memories everywhere I look. I dread the next few days of cleaning. Please continue praying for me and this situation.

[Jeanne D]

I have sold my youngest son's bed and chest to some lady that I don't even know. I advertised it yesterday on Facebook and got a response within 10 minutes! She will be here tomorrow to pick it up. It will be hard to see that bed go. He loved that bed. But, I have to clean out that room. I also have a potential buyer for my oldest son's bed. Not sure yet, buy pretty sure that I have it sold also. So much to do in that room and memories everywhere I look. I dread the next few days of cleaning. Please continue praying for me and this situation.

Just picture them coming back, and they will , in God's time. Just hold on to that and He will get you through all the cleaning and sorting. Stay encouraged.

Jeanne

[cindylou]

Why do you have to get rid of the furniture? I agree though, you should definitely get rid of the clothing and anything moldy.

[mom_of_four]

Why do you have to get rid of the furniture? I agree though, you should definitely get rid of the clothing and anything moldy.

I am getting rid of the furniture because (1) the beds are for younger boys and they have outgrown them by now anyway. And (2), It hurts me to look at them every time I go past that room.

[mom_of_four]

Well, I have taken all of the clothes to Goodwill. I kept their favorite t-shirts in their closets as keepsakes (3 each). These are the shirts they loved the most. I just couldn't get rid of them. All of the furniture has been sold. And now I am in the middle of washing down the walls and sanitizing everything. This has been very hard. I have decided to send them a large gift box for Christmas with new shoes and shirts in it. I bought them both a new pair of Nike's and some new shirts for school. I am hoping that these are not sent back to me. (Their father may not accept a box from me). I will mail them out so that they receive them right before Christmas. I am going to pray over these shoes. That may sound strange to some of you. But, I am praying that anywhere these shoes may lead them that they will be safe and guarded from Satan's tricks. I pray for a hedge of protection around them every day. Please keep praying that they will come back home to have a relationship with me and my husband and daughters again. Thanks

[Jeanne D]

Well, I have taken all of the clothes to Goodwill. I kept their favorite t-shirts in their closets as keepsakes (3 each). These are the shirts they loved the most. I just couldn't get rid of them. All of the furniture has been sold. And now I am in the middle of washing down the walls and sanitizing everything. This has been very hard. I have decided to send them a large gift box for Christmas with new shoes and shirts in it. I bought them both a new pair of Nike's and some new shirts for school. I am hoping that these are not sent back to me. (Their father may not accept a box from me). I will mail them out so that they receive them right before Christmas. I am going to pray over these shoes. That may sound strange to some of you. But, I am praying that anywhere these shoes may lead them that they will be safe and guarded from Satan's tricks. I pray for a hedge of protection around them every day. Please keep praying that they will come back home to have a relationship with me and my husband and daughters again. Thanks

It all sounds good. You've done the right thing IMO and I believe God will bring them back.
I will be praying.

Jeanne

[mom_of_four]

It all sounds good. You've done the right thing IMO and I believe God will bring them back.
I will be praying.

Jeanne

Thank you Jeanne! I truly appreciate your prayers!

[faithfulwife]

I am sure they will be back in time. I imagine they still love and think of you. I am new here, so I don't know your whole story, but there is nothing that can replace a mothers love. You have no way of knowing what is really causing this. I have to assume it is fear. They may be afraid of what he will do if they speak to you, and also he may be telling them you won't take them back.

[otis lilly]

well I am about to tell you what you need to hear not what you want to hear.
but first i will say, i am sorry for the situation you are in , and i truly hope the issue with your boys will be worked out.
Have faith that in thier manhood (whatever age that is when they achieve it) will want answers and the truth of it all.
I recomend that you keep some sort of records,aka the returned letters and such, as there is the posibility they do not even know of your attempts.

Now as far as thier room... I am a home specialist, For a living, and i can tell you 1 thing for a fact.
If you have not been in that room for a year and a half and there is anything growing in it you have bigger problems than you think.
there is moisture in that room, or there is no airflow to remove the combined moisture.
I hope the problem is easily fixed
without even asking i assume the door has been shut and, also without asking i can assume that the crack between the door and the floor is less than 1 1/2 inches. I hope if not you have bigger problems.
I see this problem on about 40% of my calls for moldy walls, closets and the likes.
when the door is shut air cant flow through the room, the average air vent in a room is 40 square inches inflow but if the door is shut and no 1 1/2 crack the outflow is restricted or as much as stopped on rooms where the door touches the carpet.
if this is the case keep the door open or have friend cut off the door for you ( if its a hollow door the bottom binding will be cut off with it and require glue and clamps to restore it) private message me for more details on the fix of the mold problem
as JUST cleaning the room will not solve it if that i all thats done, a room in a properly maintained home should be able to have the door closed indefinitly, without worry of mold, as mold is not a sign of dirtyness or cleanliness, but of moisture.

as far as the problem as it is, i understand your reluctance to enter it, i truly feel bad for you. I highly recommend you ask a friend to do it for you. seriously, a true friend will understand, the entire room needs cleaned up, what is trash trash, what can be washed needs washed, and then it can be decided what to do with thier personals. I also recommend The 3m P-100 resperator mask from lowes, the P 100 is good for mold spores, which CAN cause LUNG INFECTIONS in humans. THIS PROBLEM IS SERIOUS TO YOUR HEALTH, aka prolonged sinus problems at the least. pm me i will try to help all i can with knowledge. NOTHING HAS TO BE thrown away i can tell you how to safely clean everything to non hazardous state

be strong on the mental side, time has a funny way of working things out.

[mom_of_four]

well I am about to tell you what you need to hear not what you want to hear.
but first i will say, i am sorry for the situation you are in , and i truly hope the issue with your boys will be worked out.
Have faith that in thier manhood (whatever age that is when they achieve it) will want answers and the truth of it all.
I recomend that you keep some sort of records,aka the returned letters and such, as there is the posibility they do not even know of your attempts.

Now as far as thier room... I am a home specialist, For a living, and i can tell you 1 thing for a fact.
If you have not been in that room for a year and a half and there is anything growing in it you have bigger problems than you think.
there is moisture in that room, or there is no airflow to remove the combined moisture.
I hope the problem is easily fixed
without even asking i assume the door has been shut and, also without asking i can assume that the crack between the door and the floor is less than 1 1/2 inches. I hope if not you have bigger problems.
I see this problem on about 40% of my calls for moldy walls, closets and the likes.
when the door is shut air cant flow through the room, the average air vent in a room is 40 square inches inflow but if the door is shut and no 1 1/2 crack the outflow is restricted or as much as stopped on rooms where the door touches the carpet.
if this is the case keep the door open or have friend cut off the door for you ( if its a hollow door the bottom binding will be cut off with it and require glue and clamps to restore it) private message me for more details on the fix of the mold problem
as JUST cleaning the room will not solve it if that i all thats done, a room in a properly maintained home should be able to have the door closed indefinitly, without worry of mold, as mold is not a sign of dirtyness or cleanliness, but of moisture.

as far as the problem as it is, i understand your reluctance to enter it, i truly feel bad for you. I highly recommend you ask a friend to do it for you. seriously, a true friend will understand, the entire room needs cleaned up, what is trash trash, what can be washed needs washed, and then it can be decided what to do with thier personals. I also recommend The 3m P-100 resperator mask from lowes, the P 100 is good for mold spores, which CAN cause LUNG INFECTIONS in humans. THIS PROBLEM IS SERIOUS TO YOUR HEALTH, aka prolonged sinus problems at the least. pm me i will try to help all i can with knowledge. NOTHING HAS TO BE thrown away i can tell you how to safely clean everything to non hazardous state

be strong on the mental side, time has a funny way of working things out.

Thanks for the advice. I have been washing down the walls and have gotten rid of all of the moldy growth. Yes, that room was closed off for the entire time. The door was shut and no one ever went in there. There wasn't a TON of mold or anything. But, I could see the beginnings of it forming. That is why I took action now before it got out of hand. I have already gotten rid of everything that had any mold on it. And the vent in there works well. So, things should be fine now. I am keeping the door open now at all times. There is no furniture in that room any more. And it is a pretty big room. So, the air has tons of space to circulate around now. Thanks for all of your advice!!

[otis lilly]

If there is a space of 1 1/2 inches under the door it may be closed no problem, also Lowes sells a product called "Moldstat Plus" that is a approved moldicide for mold litigation, will also help with that lingering smell.
now that the room has been opened keep in mind the spores that were lost into the house, change air filters regularly for the next 3 months, infact i recommend you buy the really fine ones and change every 2 weeks, if you go through the next 3 months without any mold appearing
in the bathrooms you are fine
also want to keep notice around the refrigerator door, as this is a great indicator of interior problems
(note, if you often burn candles in the house , the carbon will show up there as well, and cant be used as an visual indicator)
you can buy tests at lowes, or you can simply use damp paper towel to wipe the area, place in a closed ziplock bag and toss under a cabinet in the dark for a few days/week , the results will be obvious.

the mold even in small amounts is serious, but easily remidied.
i wish the situation with the kids were the same, I hope you can find and keep the strength to wait it out. So often it is situations like this that destroy a person, making them bitter to themselves and those around them. keep faith that it will work out, we dont know the plan, but there is purpose.