My struggle with Lust

[Joey]

My story is, im sure, the same as many others on this site who have shared their struggles and have had fellowship here to help them through. I was saved nearly 3 years ago, and the lustful sin that was in my life before has not taken a vacation since then. I find myself struggling more than ever since being saved. I, even after being saved have given in to sexual immorality time and time again. I love my church, and am glad god led me to it. I have since become active in a couple of ministries which include guest service relations and i was chosen to be on the mens ministry council board. I love being a part of these, but also feel ashamed and guilty for continuing on in them while being a slave to lust and sinful acts of sexual immorality. I have slept with girls, including my girlfriend now. Also have looked at pictures i know are wrong, pornography and such. Thinking it was ok to look at these and using self gratification to make myself think i was not commiting adultry since i was not sleeping with anyone. I have thoughts in my head of girls in lustful ways and struggle to work on that. I now, when talking to girls and start lusting for them, look away sometimes while talking with them but dont feel as if it really matters. I have fallen over and over and continue to ask god for forgiveness. I have met with my pastor on this and had fellowship with other christians in regards to this and still struggle. Every time i give in i feel horrible and now days i feel there is no hope, I feel maybe god has given me enough chances. I have been told this is not true but i just feel this way. Although i have gotten my gf to start coming to church with me, and she ahs fully embraced it, including having her daughter baptized there, there is just something inside of me that feels lost and empty, mainly scared that my salvation is long gone. I found this site and have read many informative articles on this subject and seen how people have struggled with this and overcome it. I feel since i havent overcome it, i am lost. It scares me to think this way, and also i feel ashamed for calling myself a christian, being in my ministries, but still falling short of what a christian is suppose to be. I have now started studying more in the bible, and do find relief. But i still feel those urges and keep thinking to myself its only a matter of time before i fall again. Im tired of making excuses for the reasons ive fallen, trying to justify my actions, i know its wrong but its very hard to overcome this. I just anted to share this and wonder if anyone else has experienced, or is experiencing this issue. Thank you for your time.

Joey

[Boo]

Many men struggle with the same lusts that you experience. Some of us, however, have had to suffer the penalties of acting out our desires; and that tends to help us resist in the future. The amount of damage done by our actions brings a sobering consideration to what we are actually allowing to happen. We discover that our actions do indeed have consequences - it is not a victemless crime against God. People can and do suffer later on.

Perhaps you should look to the Newlife people for help. Since your problem seems to be beyond your own ability to deal with it, http://newlife.com/emb/ .

[Slug1]

My story is, im sure, the same as many others on this site who have shared their struggles and have had fellowship here to help them through. I was saved nearly 3 years ago, and the lustful sin that was in my life before has not taken a vacation since then. I find myself struggling more than ever since being saved. I, even after being saved have given in to sexual immorality time and time again. I love my church, and am glad god led me to it. I have since become active in a couple of ministries which include guest service relations and i was chosen to be on the mens ministry council board. I love being a part of these, but also feel ashamed and guilty for continuing on in them while being a slave to lust and sinful acts of sexual immorality. I have slept with girls, including my girlfriend now. Also have looked at pictures i know are wrong, pornography and such. Thinking it was ok to look at these and using self gratification to make myself think i was not commiting adultry since i was not sleeping with anyone. I have thoughts in my head of girls in lustful ways and struggle to work on that. I now, when talking to girls and start lusting for them, look away sometimes while talking with them but dont feel as if it really matters. I have fallen over and over and continue to ask god for forgiveness. I have met with my pastor on this and had fellowship with other christians in regards to this and still struggle. Every time i give in i feel horrible and now days i feel there is no hope, I feel maybe god has given me enough chances. I have been told this is not true but i just feel this way. Although i have gotten my gf to start coming to church with me, and she ahs fully embraced it, including having her daughter baptized there, there is just something inside of me that feels lost and empty, mainly scared that my salvation is long gone. I found this site and have read many informative articles on this subject and seen how people have struggled with this and overcome it. I feel since i havent overcome it, i am lost. It scares me to think this way, and also i feel ashamed for calling myself a christian, being in my ministries, but still falling short of what a christian is suppose to be. I have now started studying more in the bible, and do find relief. But i still feel those urges and keep thinking to myself its only a matter of time before i fall again. Im tired of making excuses for the reasons ive fallen, trying to justify my actions, i know its wrong but its very hard to overcome this. I just anted to share this and wonder if anyone else has experienced, or is experiencing this issue. Thank you for your time.

Joey

Hey Joey, gonna begin with some questions...

Well, first... BE ASSURED in your salvation and this is why, the fact you posted this, the fact that the sin of sexual immorality is causing you to KNOW there is something wrong, then have NO FEAR that you are not saved. Conviction is working upon you but since you have succumbed to the temptation of lust and acted upon the temptation and have done sin... then the enemy also has an authority to pound you with something that feels very close to the feelings of Conviction. GUILT feels like Conviction but "unlike" conviction that is from God and is to BUILD a person up, guilt is of the enemy and is to TEAR a person down.

Based on your post, you are torn down, the guilt is doing it's job and making you feel like you described.

So... the 1st question:

Wait... gotta post this...

1 Cor 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.

You see, God only allows the enemy to tempt you to a level that is able to be handled and when it can't be handled, then God has provided an escape.

What this means... as you overcome this specific sexual immoral sin, there will be a day that you can surf the internet and NEVER find yourself falling for the temptation to go, CLICK and there's a porn sight on the monitor. You just will not do that anymore because you are at a point where the temptation is beyond you. However, when the temptation(s) is/are BEYOND you... as it seems they are right now, then resistance just isn't gonna work. You know, "RESIST the devil and he will flee!!"

James 4:7 Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.

Do you want to know why Christian can't seem to do that very simple thing called, "resistance" against the devil??? OK... Ill get back to the ACTUAL question I want to ask. I'm just going with what I'm being led to write, so write I will do in obedience.

So... why do Christians have such a hard time resisting the devil? Well, you'll notice that there are two parts to that scripture and the 1st part... "Therefore submit to God."... this is the part that MANY DON'T DO!!! So then... HOW CAN THEY DO THE 2ND PART???

They can't... you can't... I can't... NOBODY CAN unless they FIRST do the 1st part and BE IN SUBMISSION TO GOD!

So... read this, pray and evaluate yourself... honestly. We are to submit to God 100% of ourselves and when we do... then we can resist the devil.

Back to my question I wanted to ask this whole time and let me build some more to the foundation of understanding for it as well... in the 1 Cor 10:13 scripture, we also see something very important and that is an... ESCAPE!!!

Many Christians don't take the escape either... and finally, this is the question:

What SHOULD you be doing to escape from temptation, thus bear it... before you end up sinning???

[david]

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. 1 Corinthians 10:13

Went through this struggle too. You're not alone. This is what I did that helped me a lot (and you must take this very seriously. you can't be complacent by going halfway and still expect to make it out. Matthew 5:30 says, "if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell."): First, I drastically cut off all my causes of sin. I cut off all porn sources. I deleted all the porn off my harddrives. Second, I took out the wireless card in my laptop so that I'm less likely to use the internet in a private place. Third, I asked people to help pray for me. Fourth, I installed an accountability program on my computer that reports my internet history to another person (Norton Family Minder). Lastly, here are some verses that may help you to stop sinning (meditating on these when temptations came up helped me a lot):

LUST OF THE EYES: Flee youthful lusts. 2ti 2:22 The mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the spirit is life and peace. Ro 8:6 Everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Mt 5:28 It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing. Jn 6:63 We put no confidence in the flesh. Php 3:3 Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. Col3.11 Do not desire her beauty in your heart, and do not let her capture you with her eyelashes. Pr 6:25 Charm is deceitful. Pr 31.30 Never satisfied are the eyes of man. Pr 27:20 The eye is not satisfied with seeing, nor the ear filled with hearing. Eccl 1:8 Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness. Lk 12.15 LOOKING ON THE OUTWARD APPEARANCES: Beauty is vain. Pr 31:30 What is exalted among men is an abomination in the sight of God. Lk 16:15 man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart. 1Sa 16:7 All flesh is like grass and all its glory like the flower of grass. The grass withers, and the flower falls, but the word of God stands forever. 1pe 1:24-25 We walk by faith, not by sight. 2co 5:7 Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment. Jn 7:24 You judge according to the flesh; I judge no one. Jn 8:15 His appearance was so marred, beyond human semblance, and his form beyond that of the children of mankind. Isa 52:14 Show no partiality. Jas 2:1 No one is a Jew who is merely one outwardly, nor is circumcision outward and physical. Ro 2:28 We behaved in the world with simplicity and godly sincerity, not by earthly wisdom but by the grace of God. 2co 1:12 LUST OF THE FLESH: Let us walk properly as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in quarreling and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires. Ro 13:13-14 I said in my heart, Come now, I will test you with pleasure; enjoy yourself. But behold, this also was vanity. Eccl 2:1-3 My people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me, the fountain of living waters, and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that can hold no water. Jer 2:13 Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. Jn 4:13-14 Fornication and all uncleanness or greediness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints, Eph 5:3 I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul. 1pe 2:11 I will not be brought under the power of anything. 1co 6.12 Keep your way far from the forbidden woman, and do not go near the door of her house. Pr 5:8 Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. Mt 10:39 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, Eph 5:18 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. He 13:4

Don't give up! Fight as a good soldier of Christ Jesus! We are receiving an inheritance as a reward for fighting!

[jecelpabor]

Out of all the other sins out there, Lust appears to be the most difficult to overcome. Or is it really? 1 John 4:4 - "But you belong to God, my children, and have defeated the false prophets, for He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world." This means if you submit yourself to God, if you have Him inside your heart, just take up arms against the wiles of the devil (temptation when it comes to lust) and remember the word. There's no better weapon than the word of God to combat this sly enemy. I have been a victim of this sin in a way, for so long for that matter. There came a time that I was so consumed by this sin that I got ensared by the adversary. But I just gave up everything to the Lord - I deleted all of my pornographic files, threw away the CDs, deleted all pornographic websites from my computer. And when I did remove them one by one, I felt triumphant.

Remember this: You can never serve two masters. Decide now after reading this post. Do not worry about it coming back. Focus on the Lord and it will not. It may haunt you, but everytime it does, focus again on the Lord. Remember a scripture that we posted here by heart so you can pray with it everytime. Nurture yourself with the good (the word of God) by reading the Bible. If you bombarded yourself with these sinful things in the past, He can blast you with His atomic love. Just believe my friend. You will triumph! Amen!

[Boo]

I we were to pause and think for a few moments and then take a vote, I'd feel pretty confident that - for men, anyway - our most common and troublesome sin is pride. Lust might be second, but pride is the monster under the bed for most folks I know of.

[baxpack7]

I must respectfully disagree with brutha Boo. I think that because of the desensetization of society, and the permissiveness of our media, lust is harder to overcome due to the fact that it's everywhere we look(just about).Billboards, commercials, heck, even the way that some parents let their children wear provocative clothing

Also, lust is not restricted to sex alone. Lust can also be for another's possessions (also known as envy). Although it doesn't seem as bad as sexual lust, sin is sin and all sin is bad.

[Boo]

I must respectfully disagree with brutha Boo. I think that because of the desensetization of society, and the permissiveness of our media, lust is harder to overcome due to the fact that it's everywhere we look(just about).Billboards, commercials, heck, even the way that some parents let their children wear provocative clothing

Also, lust is not restricted to sex alone. Lust can also be for another's possessions (also known as envy). Although it doesn't seem as bad as sexual lust, sin is sin and all sin is bad.

I accept your view very well. We are bombarded with things designed to create lust in us, and because it is so common, we don't even fight it off any more. Whether it is a Victoria's Secret commercial to an iPhone advertisement; we are the recipients of an appeal to desire something wordly.

Please accept, though, that in avoiding sin for me; I still think pride causes a lot of errant behavior - more so than lust.

[ClayInHisHands]

I accept your view very well. We are bombarded with things designed to create lust in us, and because it is so common, we don't even fight it off any more. Whether it is a Victoria's Secret commercial to an iPhone advertisement; we are the recipients of an appeal to desire something wordly.

Please accept, though, that in avoiding sin for me; I still think pride causes a lot of errant behavior - more so than lust.

I agree. If we would examine really deep I believe pride is rooted in everything, in some shape or form. As well as pride, anger is rooted deep too in a lot of things. We seek to avenge peoples words, actions, ways of life, etc. It's crazy but all these words are so closely knitted into the same quilt of SIN. God help us and grant us the eyes and hearts to perceive the hopes we have. And. May we see how we cling to so many worldly aspirations without even knowing it fully.

[baxpack7]

I agree. If we would examine really deep I believe pride is rooted in everything, in some shape or form. As well as pride, anger is rooted deep too in a lot of things. We seek to avenge peoples words, actions, ways of life, etc. It's crazy but all these words are so closely knitted into the same quilt of SIN. God help us and grant us the eyes and hearts to perceive the hopes we have. And. May we see how we cling to so many worldly aspirations without even knowing it fully.

I think that whether it's pride, anger, or lust-when it comes down to sin, there are no wrong answers. So, we're all pretty much right.
It all comes down to that 2nd greatest commandment: "Love thy neighbor as thyself".

[Joey]

Very true, which in alot of cases is almost impossible to do as well, it seems we cannot walk out of the front door without sin being with us in some way shape or form, its a struggle no matter the sin and i believe we are always going to struggle with it, but i also believe god acknowledges the fact that we try and when we ask for forgiveness he is there.

[janfow365]

I profoundly feel for your situation. I too used to have problems with this temptation. The interesting thing I realized is that whatever demonic oppression we are experiencing is usually because of several factors. It might be interesting to consider these:

- Demons have legal access to our lives to tempt us. This is part of the fall of Adam. What we are to do is to RESIST the Devil. Meaning, we push away all things that lead us to that temptation. God always provides a way out - so take those clear steps first. They will be painful, but believe me, well worth it. You need first need to purge your life of anything that you are doing that brings you to that temptation. STOP sleeping with your girlfriend. If this means breaking up with her, so be it. No one person is worth your soul's eternal future. Stop sleeping with other women. Delete the porn. Cancel the porn subscriptions. What you let into your eyes will be absorbed into your spirit, and your memory. If you can't stop because you need the internet, then can the internet. Christ said himself, that it's better to live without something then to let it constantly tempt you to sin. Get rid of cable tv also if need be. Purge the house of any lustful material. Racy magazines. Sex-laced movies. Lingerie. Sex toys. TV show watching that is blase about sexual immorality. It all effects your viewpoint and actions.

- Remember that sin that you wish to repent of does not violate your salvation. The fact that you care so much about stopping the behavior means you are well on the road to repentance. Now you just need God's support and Spirit to follow through. Do not let the Enemy lie to you and say that you are no good and that your salvation is void. God is not someone, who ever in my experience, guilts His children. God would rather have you recognize the sin, and then instead of making you feel bad, He would rather help empower you to deal with the root of the issue. Any negative thoughts are from the Enemy on this. You recognizing your sin is a wonderful sign, but you must realize that you have asked for forgiveness, press DELETE on that sin, and simply move forward the best way you can. If you stumble, you simply repent again, and press DELETE again. Don't look back. God doesn't. Eventually you will conquer this issue if you do that.

- The other thing you need to consider is that the sins we commit against the flesh are often a physical manifestation or expression of a deeper Spiritual problem. The first thing you need to clarify is the sin. Lust is not the same as Sexual Immorality. Lust is the sin of not having self-control. You can be lustful with just about anything. Addiction, imbalance of lifestyle are all signs of the problem of Lust. Sexual Immorality is another matter. This is a very guilt-laden sin as sex in a spiritual sense often reflects a broken relationship with God. It is an indicator of something in your life you are putting ahead of God, that is probably NOT sex related.

Here's an example. Many people at times dream that they are having sex with some stranger that they are not married to. They feel guilt after the dream, or they don't even know why they are dreaming this. Dreams of immoral sex are typically a warning from God that you have committed a sin of spiritual adultery. Spiritual Adultery usually has to do with putting someone or something on a pedestal higher than God. Examples would be: Picking something or someone over church/prayer, etc. Paying attention to something or spending more time with someone or something than spending the time with God (and you know you should be). Having an unhealthy fixation on someone that you shouldn't - like lusting or idolizing someone (could be someone you know, or a celebrity) that is married, or is committing sin to entice you themselves.

Christ said that sexuality immorality is the only sin that is committed that is a sin against yourself. He said this because sex represents your relationship with God. Christ is the groom, the church is the bride. If we violate that intimacy, we become a "whore", meaning someone who is spiritually adulterous - loving and lusting something other than God. This is one of the easiest sins to commit, as it's deeply routed in pride - we think WE and our pleasures are more important then intimacy and solid advice from God. And growing with God can be painful and laborious, because it takes effort for us to change for the better. We too often think of the short term pain, over the long term gain.

In the end, the issues you are dealing with now, and how you are trying to find a way out of them, is a good thing. You wish to walk closely with God. That is to be praised and admired. Many men simply rationalize their sin and say it's too hard to deal with. No. A REAL man is someone who realized that THEY have the freedom in Christ to choose what they are a slave to or not. You just need to believe and claim that strength, ask God to help you in your weakness, and move forward, always forward, as much as you can. The cost of holy living is high. You will have to make some severe changes, but believe you me, coming from someone who has it is MORE than worth it. And you will have a peace about yourself that you never had before, and your relationship and closeness with God will soar to such heights that you will look back and wonder what you EVER saw in what you are struggling with now.

Freedom is available to you. You just have to believe it. May Christ be with you, brother. It IS possible to overcome.

It is like the song says, "If you want to be somebody else CHANGE YOUR MIND."

[cheech]

Many things we do that becomes an addiction is to soothe ourselves. Most of the time there are underlying reasons for our addictions. Somewhere along the way a door was opened for you in this area. I know hormones can play a factor when we are going through puberty but think back when you were younger...did you see anything or experience anything that could have opened that door. Sometimes people who are abused have that door opened (and not talking sexually abused). Without going into detail...look at your fantasies...are they way out there, violent, etc or pretty normal...that can be another factor. Do you ever use it so you don't have to face problems. These are things to think about. Pray for God to show you where that door opened up. He will break your chains, but you have to put your foot forward as well. Then you will have to battle for that freedom...which you are doing right now. Once you became saved you began battle for that freedom and yes the thoughts and going to hit you harder because the enemy wants you back.

Slug is right...submit to God. When I was getting healed from my own issues, I use to cast and cast the thoughts away but it seemed like they just hounded me even more...until I learned the fine art of surrendering. "Lord, I surrender these thoughts/feelings to you. I don't want them as they are not from you but the enemy...take them from me". If I had to say that once I had to say it a hundred times a day...over time the amount of time lessened that i had to say it. It took time though...what we don't realize is that we have no way to see what is happening internally. On the outside we can see when wounds are healing but on the inside we can't, so for a while you may not know if it's working or not...but I can assure you it will be working. The more you surrender to God the more that is being taken from you. I had issues with pain, anger and jealousy. I couldn't even look at this person's car without feeling the fiery darts hit me. I knew when I was healing when I could look at their car, their picture or whatever and I wasn't being as affected any longer. In time...I felt no pain whatsoever. Doesn't mean the enemy doesn't try but I even if I feel the slightest bit of a twinge, I will surrender it to God. So if you struggle with lust...there may come a day when you will see a beautiful woman on an add and what once would have sent you looking at porn, it won't affect you any longer...that's how you can tell it's working.

So surrender every negative and lustful feeling to God every single time you feel it and don't be discouraged if you have to do it many times in a day...that's the process. I have had to do it, my husband has and we have taught many people this process and we know it works for them from their testimonies.

[KevenChia]

Thanks everyone.

@ Cheech, I'll start trying and pray about it. But nonetheless, I hope that I won't go astray or distant away from the Lord.

School's gonna start soon and well everyone. God bless, and happy new year in advance!
<3.

[cheech]

It's not easy Keven...with man it's impossible but with God all things are possible. Seemed like I surrendered a thousand times a day and the thoughts still pounded me (ok...an exaggeration but it seemed like it lol) but over time they got less and less.