Hi all, I Recently became a Christian about 6 months ago after endeavoring to seek the mysteries of life. I grew up in a christian household
and by my teenage years i had concluded that Christianity was all a crock and that choosing any of the worlds religions was like casting the roulette ball. That being said I knew due to the complex nature of life, and experiences with ghost that there was indeed more to life then meets the eye. I had concluded the existence of a higher power but at the time i believed nothing specific. As allot of people can see the world is boiling right now in all facets of life and there is an explosion of previously unrevealed information coming to light due to the internet. There is allot of talk about Consciousness and spirituality going around.
In studying these things i came into the knowledge of a substance being studied by our governments that until recently has been a well kept secret. These substances have been used in shamanic cultures and the writings and studies on these things flat out amazed me. The writings claimed that people under the influence of these things would experience visions, shared visions, strange entities, strange noises, voices, audible sounds, expansion of consciousness, knowing and many many more strange anomalies. These substances exist in the human brain and are normally experienced at the time of death. They are present in plants and animals in most Eco-systems in the world.
Needless to say i was VERY intrigued. So with the help of the internet and a little time and patience i was able to attain these substances.
At first when messing with these things i started to think it was going to be a let down. The affects of these things are minimal when used in small doses. There was many visual experiences and strange noises to say the least but up until my 4th day of trials there was nothing that was the knock your socks off experiences i had read about. I learned that there was a threshold dose needed to "cross over" or "break through the veil" so i decided to up the dose. At this point things got way to real.
(ill try to explain the visions as best i can but these things are ineffable to the 10th power) I was sitting on my couch after ingestion and the vision hit me like a brick. My arms locked up in front of my body crossed in an X shape. To my right flies up a SERPENT woman thing at incredible speed. She was snake from the waste down, human female like body from the waist up, 6 arms wiggling, 3 on each side. My right eye was closing and opening with the right side of my face contorting wildly. She had 1 arm raised to her mouth with her index and birdie fingers open in a perverted manner jabbing her tongue through her fingers in the most VILE manner. It sounded like I was By a water fall. I felt two clean like energies behind me on each side and they were talking to me!! in rapid succession they said "Look at her in the eyes" "Want her to be gone" "Tell her to be gone" "You cant do DMT for fun" "Things can hurt you when you cross over". Well after this i was
shocked, surprised, appalled, terrified but mostly intrigued all the more. This experience Lit a fire under my butt like never before.
I went head long into studying major religions. I wanted the TRUTH! I bought a bible(which i tossed aside) and researched PDF's on the spiritual beliefs and i started dosing my self up constantly every day for over a month on these things. I was dosing small amounts very often. Not enough to get visuals but i somehow thought i was getting somewhere doing this. I was doing meditations and leaning mostly towards the spiritual practices like allot of people my age. Although i bought a Bible, i didn't even read it at all at this point, but in the midst of all this my mom found out we were messing with these things and she was mad. She started telling me and my brother that's witchcraft! that's sorcery! so i considered it and did a bit of research on what the bible had to say about witchcraft and sorcery. I looked up the roots of the words and what it was and i was thinking "ya know what, this could be true" at this point i had stopped messing with these things for a good bit of time maybe a week or 2. I was thinking alright this could be true but i WANT to believe its not. I WANTED to do these things since they were so revealing and gave earth shattering revelations of hidden knowledge. I finally i convinced myself that the bible was a lie made to keep people from the truth and i went off with friends to journey to the void once more. Needless to say I MESSED UP!!!
The next time time i used these things was THE WORST most TERRIFYING absolute most TERRIBLE thing any man can imagine. This vision/experience was truly unfathomable. I heard the word BITCH SLAP! loud, audible and stern. I jumped to my feet in shock. Everything flashed with a white flash and a noise like the people getting beamed up on star trek. I was out in space in a full on giant panoramic vision. I seen the earth and onside the earth was a cloud of golden dust and out from the cloud of dust raised a MASSIVE right hand. As the hand rose it was like seeing multiple visions at once, I seen people pointing to the sky like "whats that?!?!". I felt static dancing on the hairs of my arms and felt the rise of absolute hot terror. As this was happening i felt like i was 10 tons of NASTY SICK VILENESS.(before this i never thought myself that bad of a person). It was a feeling of being the last one picked for the team because this hand was RIGHTEOUS! I felt unrivaled white knuckle terror and it made me feel like a limp rag. I trembled from the core of my bones and the very essence of my being. As the hand reached the apex of its rearing back. Then the perception of the vision changed. I was now standing on the ground looking down at the grass. The silhouetted shadow of the hand was LIGHT!! not darkness!! was descending and growing larger as the hand approached. The Hand hit and it was the LOUDEST audible explosion i have ever heard. The sound was so real and so loud it temporarily sent me into shock. Its was as a slapping sound mixed with an unthinkable explosion. when it hit everything went white and i felt i saw myself crying and i had a knowledge that this sadness i was seeing was what i left my family to feel. This experience was heavy heavy heavy on my mind. I ran and hit my knees and threw my hands around my wife and i was completely soaked, raining sweat. My friends were all scared, with fear in there eyes just from seeing my reaction. I ended up arguing with a friend that was trying to tell me it wasn't real, and trying to calm me down, but this was loud and real almost to the extent that id say it was PAINFUL with the seriousness of war attached.
Needless to say i was defeated in everything i had ever known or desired i couldn't sleep at night and i was despaired to the core.
Id lay in bed at night thinking, I didn't know. I didn't know. I started remembering all the things i had done in life and realizing how bad and perverse and wrong i had been about it all. I had entertained sick thoughts in masturbation that i thought were harmless as long as it was in my head. I had vandalized churches with paint and by attempting to cut down the cross as a child with my friends. I had cut my self deep in a suicide attempt when i was younger requiring staples. I had blasphemed god and Jesus in my teenage years. I had been rude sick and selfish. I was a sluggard and a glutton, deeply involved in witchcraft. Despite all that our wonderfully awesome god loved me enough to discipline me and i am GREAT-FULL!!! God is truly great beyond our wildest dreams as sick and lost as i was he saw it fit to discipline me as his child and i have now dedicated my self to him and my life has done an about face!
I whimpered back to the bible and the first thing i seen as i opened it was FEAR OF GOD IS THE BEGINNING OF WISDOM!!
I started reading the bible everyday and it broke me down and rebuilt me. my desires of the flesh are almost nay! yet when i started reading the bible now i have come into a crippling affliction. I hear Blasphemy in my head! i really need the advice and help of anyone going through this because it is HELL living with this. It didn't start til i started reading the bible. Id be praying the name Jesus over and over in my head and i would hear the F* word before and after his name. I fasted to get rid of it and it worked but only for a few days and it has came back with vengeance. I found a church and talked with the pastor and he says its the attacks of the devil who is the accuser of brethren and that many people experience this. It gets to the point where i question if its me thinking these things. I writhe in fear as i hear them and the attempts to flee from the fear causes the focus on blasphemy to increase. It overshadows me in doubt about being saved. Once the other day i was reading about the blasphemy of the holy spirit and i heard in my thoughts F* the holy spirit and i fall to my knees and writhe in trembling gripping my bed n pillows i feel almost insane now it gets so bad. Please give me prayers and advice if anyone has went through this.