Relapse

[IMINXTC]

My immediate response, if it were me, would be to get out of there before becoming acclimated to the medication and to re-group and reevaluate.

You appear to have enough of a handle on your own circumstances to decide if you are able to resist urges to use without them, particularly in a support environment.

Your now suddenly being diagnosed as bi-polar seems typical of what is happening too often these days - too much medication that has the potential for rumming you out and altering your personality. There is this tendency, at least around here, to toss pills at every problem and over-prescribe. If you can't get a practitioner who will take the time to carefully determine the minimal dosage of medication needed to help you, it's not worth the risk, IMO.

If the urges to relapse are based on habitual, emotional mind-sets, as you describe, rather than driven by overly-strong imbalances, you've demonstrated enough self-awareness and discernment to successfully apply your faith and have already submitted to some Godly accountability.

Individuals here are typically medicated for schizophrenia, bi-polar and other, chronic combinations combined with habitual drug-alcohol abuse. One individual in mind, for example, is under so much medication he is practically disabled by it, yet without it he is a danger to himself. It's been almost impossible to keep him from going to the crack-dealer at the first of the month then spending the rest of the month in dark depression because of his relapse, worrying that he has lost or is not actually saved. A vicious circle. And that's just one.

In contrast, you might be able, with the Lord's help, to forgo.

[MercyChild]

Thank you, that is exactly what I were on about the last couple of days, people are too quick to diagnose and too slow to hear me out. I am looking for another opinion, but as you know addicts in recovery also have a long way to get their finances recovered. So, in other words I just don't have the cash right now to get the second opinion. I know the recipy to stay clean, I just need to keep on practising it the way I did for the past month. There were not much support, but I leaned on Christ, and if one can do this for an entire month, you can adapt and learn to do this an entire lifetime.

I will however keep on using the minimal medication as I know how difficult it is for me to stand tall without that crutch, and I will finish the program the medical aid paid for, but I cannot just agree with anything and I refuse to be a zombie and not have control over my mind and body. Is self-control not one of the fruits of the Spirit? I cannot make good decisions being drugged on medication and there action I still need to take. Also alone I know that I tend to make bad decisions, but I can however make better decisions by being totaly honest and then pray about them.

[Brother Mark]

Also alone I know that I tend to make bad decisions, but I can however make better decisions by being totaly honest and then pray about them.

Generally, I am fearful of giving too much advice on such threads as this. There's so much that gets left out of posts just because we have to be brief. There's simply no way to communicate all that is going on in brevity.

Having said that, the quote above of your post is true of all of us! When we understand that we are prone to deceive ourselves then we go and get wise counsel, pray and follow the Holy Spirit, our decision making is much improved.

May the Lord guide you in all ways!

[Dani H]

Well, to be completely honest, you're complaining about psychiatrists wanting to medicate you above your comfort level, yet you've previously chosen to self-medicate by randomly using drugs you know are destructive, addictive and unhealthy. Not much difference, is there, when you really think about it?

Having said that, if I was in your shoes, I'd stick to the medication level that actually works for you for the time being, and move toward healing.

Because drugs destroy more than "just" brain cells. They cause kidney damage, liver damage, and heart damage. And the long-term effects on your body have yet to display themselves, and from what I've seen in medical reports, can turn out to get rather ugly. I didn't write that to scare you; but it's a reality that you need to consider and take steps to deal with. You only get one body; take care of it.

So if you're going to talk about healing ... focus on nutrition and working toward undoing some of that damage to your body in order to ward off those long-term effects. Because all drugs have to go through your system and emptied out of it, and that means they traveled through your kidneys and liver and probably left them working less than properly.

So maybe focus on restoring your body. That way, you're going to be going down a path that is going to require some readjusting and focusing on your actual health, and that's going to be leaving you hard pressed in wanting to take any sort of backward steps and undoing the positive things you have worked so hard to achieve, regardless of whatever cravings you might face that are yet future.

Because cravings usually happen if we're depriving our bodies of something they actually need, and we're misreading the signals and think "my body wants drugs" when that's not the case at all.

Just my 2 cents for you to do with as you wish.

[MercyChild]

I know I have to do thing differently. I spoke to thedoctor at Rehab last night and his suggestions with the symptoms the medicationis giving me; it is medically wise to stop the intake with immediate effect asit could actually be fatal. So, I will phone the psychologist later and informhim about the symptoms. The thing is, in my opinion once you go to see apsychologist, they will find something wrong with you, and that is just how itis. One problem sorted at least.

I am trying to stick with a diet that was given to me toenhance nutrition, but don’t always have the resources to do so. Sometime youjust need to do to survive, if you know what I mean, but the fact is I amworking on it.

I checked my motivation why I want to change so manythings, and it is for no other reason because I want to strive to life a pureand sober life. By the grace of God, I have come too far to turn back to oldways. I know it will not always be easy, but I also know that with strength fromabove it is possible.

I am attending an over comers spiritual weekend and hopeto find more answers in my search. I know that in all things God is the answerand if I follow the Word, I will get to do things right this time around.

[Dani H]

I think everyone's path to healing is individual. You try some things, stick with what works, and toss out what doesn't. God knows what will work for you, so just follow His lead. We're complete people and so any answer God has for us will address our spiritual needs, emotional needs, mental needs, physical needs, and so forth. It's usually never an either/or scenario anyway and so don't be tossing the baby out with the bathwater. It's YOUR health and YOUR life. YOU take ownership (looks like you're already doing that) and follow through. Because no doctor is going to be there with you 24/7, whether they're a psychiatrist or regular doctor or whatever. YOU are with you 24/7 and so is God. Every so often, reevaluate and adapt. Nothing is going to work 100% perfect, so there's always wiggle room. It's about what we do over the long term that matters. Strive for some sort of overall balance and the minor details will usually work themselves out.

[baxpack7]

I have had a bad and hard full blown relapse on hard core drugs last year. I have been in rehab for 5 weeks and returned back to work and normal society.

During my stay in rehab I have worked with the program and dealt with issues and physical problems. The problem I am facing now, is self-forgiveness for what I have done and caused. I knew of better, had all the knowledge and answers, but knowledge is only powerfull when it is applied.

The question is, how many times would I be allowed to start over, or start fresh? I thougth that I could still have alcohol, you know, a glass of wine every here and there, but I am almost certain that alcohol was the door to falling back to old trends. So, I have decided that I have an alcohol problem also and will not consume anything from now.

Craving is part of sobriety, but I was hoping that some would help me to share how they deal with suffering cravings. While in rehab my cravings were kind of under control, but since I am out, it appears that cravings is much worse and difficult to deal with. Drug dreams are one of the things that sets me off the most.

Having been a drug user, I know about relapsing. I also know that no matter how many times you stumble, God is waiting with open arms to welcome you back, if you are truly repentant. The bible states that we should forgive our brother "70x7". God does that exponentially!
Just stay in the word, stay prayed up, and surround yourself with supportive people that will help you stay away from that stuff. Also know that I will personally be praying for you.

[MercyChild]

I am concerned. How do I know I am not doing things out of my own strenght? How do I know that I am following God's lead in doing things........How do I know that everything I am doing rigtht now and implementing as safety nets is the right thing to do? If I keep on doing things for myself, might that mean that I still did not get to the point where I acknowledged that I am powerless against my addiction? All my searches for answers is giving me so much different information, that I find it is confusing me at this stage. Am I by being so active and busy by searching for answers by any chance honestly doing the right things, or am I not relying on Him to do things for me? Am I trying to control the sittuation, by trying to change it? Should I sit back more and let God do? If so, how do I do it? Which is the right way? Am I honestly on track here, or am I just trying to be a control freak in every sittuation?

Having been a drug user, I know about relapsing. I also know that no matter how many times you stumble, God is waiting with open arms to welcome you back, if you are truly repentant. The bible states that we should forgive our brother "70x7". God does that exponentially!
Just stay in the word, stay prayed up, and surround yourself with supportive people that will help you stay away from that stuff. Also know that I will personally be praying for you.

To forgive 70 x 7 times = 490 times. So this means if I choose to forgive once a day it will take me 1 year and 3 months. If I choose to forgive once a week it will take 9 and a half years! I do now understand why everyone says forgiveness is a process, but never did I realise that if I chose not to forgive, I might perhaps be in bondage for the rest of my life!

Oh yes, I have sorted the medication. I will only use the minimum amount. I am not taking any medication for Bi-polar for now. I still believe that it is a spiritual bondage and not a medical condition. I might be wrong. I am so uncertain because I know that I am very strong willed which I have seen in the past as a strenght, but now I am thinking that, just that might actually be one of my weaknesses, if that makes any sens at all?

Do we then not pray to the Father to forgive our trespassed just as we forgive those who trespass against us? And if I am not willing to forgive, I will not be forgiven?

This is scary stuff!

[baxpack7]

Scary indeed! I know that even when I became saved, I couldn't experience the fullness of God's grace until I forgave those who I thought had "wronged" me. Once I had done that, then I had to take a long hard look at myself and release the guilt of the things I'd done, and forgive myself! If we can't forgive others, then how can our Father in heaven forgive us? And that most certainly includes forgiving ourselves! The "70x7" principle, was an illustration just to show us that we must have grace in us like God has grace FOR us!

As for searching for answers, God has given us many ways to do this:
First: The Word. God's word has all the answers you need, but if you don't search through it, you'll never find it. When searching for answers in the word, pray for "eyes that see and hands that find" in the name of Jesus, and He'll lead you on the correct path.
Second: Christian fellowship. God can and will put people in your life that can help you. God can use people from all walks of life to deliver a word to help you out. Which leads to to my next point:
Third: Friends. This could be a potentially dangerous way to find answers. Especially friends that are non-Christian. Their intentions may seem right, because they are your friends, but lots of times, they'll tell you what you want to hear, which may or may not be the best thing for you.
Fourth: Yourself. I have found in my own life, that when I make my own decisions(w/out praying about it)a lot of times they can lead me down the wrong path. Our flesh will tell us what we want to hear most times, so we must be careful what we do.

Above all, prayer will help us stay on the right path. Fasting with prayer will also help you to train yourself to be obedient and help you get closer to God.

It all boils down to faith. The saying that we all can live by is this: "Let go, and let God".

I hope this helps. Still prayin for ya!

[Dani H]

It's not that God won't forgive us if we don't forgive others. God forgives. Period.

But if we do not forgive, we cut ourselves off from walking in God's forgiveness and His fellowship due to the hardness of our own hearts.

Jesus died for everyone. Not all receive salvation. Same holds true for forgiveness.

But if we belong to the Lord, and He forgives us ... what right do we have to NOT forgive other people? I mean, really? What right do we have to not forgive someone when Jesus stands ready to forgive them? We're no greater than our Master. Ever. The call to forgiveness is the call to get over ourselves. Which must happen if we're going to receive greater measures of grace and power to walk in every day.

God can't fill someone who is already full of themselves.

Know what I mean?

[ClayInHisHands]

what right do we have to NOT forgive other people? I mean, really? What right do we have to not forgive someone when Jesus stands ready to forgive them?

And forgiveness is....then, at that moment.....not minutes, hours, days or weeks after you've sat angry and sulking about it either. No matter if it's something horrifying or not, we must...no matter how hard it might be.

[Reynolds357]

I have had a bad and hard full blown relapse on hard core drugs last year. I have been in rehab for 5 weeks and returned back to work and normal society.

During my stay in rehab I have worked with the program and dealt with issues and physical problems. The problem I am facing now, is self-forgiveness for what I have done and caused. I knew of better, had all the knowledge and answers, but knowledge is only powerfull when it is applied.

The question is, how many times would I be allowed to start over, or start fresh? I thougth that I could still have alcohol, you know, a glass of wine every here and there, but I am almost certain that alcohol was the door to falling back to old trends. So, I have decided that I have an alcohol problem also and will not consume anything from now.

Craving is part of sobriety, but I was hoping that some would help me to share how they deal with suffering cravings. While in rehab my cravings were kind of under control, but since I am out, it appears that cravings is much worse and difficult to deal with. Drug dreams are one of the things that sets me off the most.

I am not trying to interfere with your many step recovery process. Having said that, the only way you beat those addictions is through the power of The Cross. The old "I am an alcoholic" mentality is totally wrong. The "I am a new creature" mentality is where you need to put your focus. I used to absolutely love alcohol. Liked the taste of it. Liked the smell of it. Liked the effects of it. Literally, within a period of a few days, I quit liking the taste of it, quit liking the smell of it, and had absolutely no desire to experience the intoxicating effects of it.
I am also aquainted with a man who went for a $2K per day cocaine habit to stone cold sober in 1 day. The power is in The Cross, not in a multi step program.

[jayne]

The power is in The Cross, not in a multi step program.

But sometimes the power of the cross comes to us via a 12-step program or a Christian counselor or an accountability partner or a competent rehab program. I've seen people who are instantaneously delivered from alcohol, cigarettes, porn, and more. And I've seen those that struggle and the struggle is genuine.

Sometimes those that struggle are trying too hard to be perfectly immune. We can't be perfectly immune. We can just live day to day, one step at a time under the Lordship of Christ. Sometimes they struggle because they still surround themselves with people and places and things that contribute to the addictive behavior. Sometimes they struggle because the devil just will NOT leave them alone. Sometimes the struggle is emotional, physical, or pychological in nature.

Is the cross and blood of Jesus Christ more powerful than all of these? Yes. Light years upon light years more powerful and beyond. And because He is our Lord and Savior and Master, He is our first and most potent course of action in seeking deliverance.

Are addicts morally accountable for their drunkeness and other problems. Of course. Is alcoholism a sin or an addiction? It's both.

I haven't participated much in this thread, but I just had to say that I am hesitant in telling someone that a 12-step is of no use. I believe that God can use programs like these to deliver people who are in hard-core bondage - as long as Christ is upheld as the first and primary source of of our deliverance.

[Reynolds357]

But sometimes the power of the cross comes to us via a 12-step program or a Christian counselor or an accountability partner or a competent rehab program. I've seen people who are instantaneously delivered from alcohol, cigarettes, porn, and more. And I've seen those that struggle and the struggle is genuine.

Sometimes those that struggle are trying too hard to be perfectly immune. We can't be perfectly immune. We can just live day to day, one step at a time under the Lordship of Christ. Sometimes they struggle because they still surround themselves with people and places and things that contribute to the addictive behavior. Sometimes they struggle because the devil just will NOT leave them alone. Sometimes the struggle is emotional, physical, or pychological in nature.

Is the cross and blood of Jesus Christ more powerful than all of these? Yes. Light years upon light years more powerful and beyond. And because He is our Lord and Savior and Master, He is our first and most potent course of action in seeking deliverance.

Are addicts morally accountable for their drunkeness and other problems. Of course. Is alcoholism a sin or an addiction? It's both.

I haven't participated much in this thread, but I just had to say that I am hesitant in telling someone that a 12-step is of no use. I believe that God can use programs like these to deliver people who are in hard-core bondage - as long as Christ is upheld as the first and primary source of of our deliverance.

The Power of the cross does not come through a 12 step program. A 12 step program can allow one to cope with a bondage. It can never break a bondage. Being delivered from alcoholism is not accomplished by saying "I am an alcoholic."
You can not rest in your position as a "new creature" and profess to be an "alcoholic" at the same time.

[BrianW]

The power is in the cross. God gives us strength and nothing is greater than He.

MercyChild,

I intimately understand where you're coming from when you wrote this:

Craving is part of sobriety, but I was hoping that some would help me to share how they deal with suffering cravings. While in rehab my cravings were kind of under control, but since I am out, it appears that cravings is much worse and difficult to deal with. Drug dreams are one of the things that sets me off the most.

I've been sober and clean for many years. The cravings have never went away for me personally. I doubt that for me they will ever go away.

I deal with the cravings the same way I got sober. I give them to God just the same way I gave myself to Him.
Because when we are born again that is what we should do. It is all His. Money, job, family, laughter, tears, love, anger, repentance and yes even the cravings and our next breath are all under His control and His.

There is nothing to hold back. Nothing that is -yours.-

Paul wrote of the thorn in his flesh. We all have our own thorn.

But

The only time the cravings can take control is when we try to do things on our own. By our own strength. By our own wills. Believe me when I say, I found that out the hard way.

Remember that we have been crucified with Christ. It is not we who live now but it is Christ who lives in us. Who loves us and gave His life for us.

Galatians 2:20

He gave His life for us. Was crucified for us. He also rose again and gives us strength.

-I- do not deal with the cravings. -God- does.

We can't. He can.

I was a slave to my own will that led me to drugs, alcohol, sexual sin and a love of violence (The two were not connected by the way)

I am now a slave to Christ. That is how I deal with it. By letting Him deal with it. And He never does me wrong.

God bless you, I am praying for you and trusting that God will see you through this.