Parents say I'm too young to get married.

[Revmitchell]

I am 24 years old and my boyfriend is 23. We have been together for 6 years. He lives with his brother and a friend, and I live at home with my parents. We have decided that we want to buy a house together in about 12 months time and have saved up enough money for a downpayment etc as we both have very steady, well-paying jobs.

Before we buy a house though we want to get married. He is a Christian and firmly believes in marriage, and I too believe that we should get married before living together. We love each other more than anything... the problem is that my parents don't approve. They think I am too young to get married and that I should just live at home for a few more years.

I thought that by getting married we were declaring our love before God and doing the right thing. Isn't it better that we get married before we move out together? I just don't know what to do. We have been together for 6 years and I was so excited to marry him and start a life together. Now I don't know what to do because my parents don't approve - they think I am way too young to get married and settle down.

I don't know what to do. I want to marry the man that I love but I also want my parents to approve of my decisions, I am so torn.

There is no reason to get married right now. I would heed your parents counsel even if you believe there reason is incorrect. Wait for their approval, honor your parents, and let patience have its effect in your life.

[Dani H]

Did you ever find out the real reasons from your parents? It probably has nothing to do with you being "too young". 24 is perfectly respectable and age usually has nothing to do with how solid your marriage is going to be. Rather you need to have a solid understanding of what God expects from you as a wife and from your boyfriend as a husband. Have a solid understanding of covenant and commitment and of the stuff married couples go through that is perfectly normal and the dangers that lurk in tearing married people apart. Know what you're getting into, be realistic about it, make adult decisions, and if you're going to vow yourself to your partner for life ... then do so with eyes wide open.

Certainly you're both adults and don't need your parents' permission. But support is necessary because you're marrying one another's families too. So have a sit-down with all parties involved and see if y'all can get on the same page.

[Claire]

It sounds to me like their reasons are cultural. It is only recently that age for marriage has become much older, usually attributed to later maturity and financial issues. I am sure your parents got married long before they were 30.

[TonySodza]

Other people have already mentioned this - but there surely is another reason as to why they want you to wait. Are they seeing something in him that you are blind to and are to modest/meek to say anything about it? I don't want to sound holier than thou when I say this - Pray to have Christ's eyes and ears when you are around your future husband and see if you can pick up on what they might be seeing/ sensing.

[Saved7]

Katy, I'm with the other posters. Ya know, it may not be a real disapproval when they say "you are too young, you should...."
This may be more of a parents doing what parents do; encouraging their beloved child to be certain that this is what they want at such a young age. A wise approach, but unnecessary in this particular instance. From what I've seen of you're posts here, I'd say your old enough to make that decision. Sometimes we parents aren't disapproving of a decision so much as we are urging caution.

[Justin Roll]

Try haveing your boyfriend over at the same time that you talk to your parents. Show them that you care about him infront of them. Tell your parents that you love him and you want to be with him and you want to do it in a Christian manner.

Also give them an idea what you would be doing in your lives, ie. jobs, Church, lifestyle.

Honor your parents by asking them to please respect your decision to marry him. If it helps, have the Pastor/Minister that is going to marring you both to be present at the meeting.

My wife and I have been married since 9/4/2011, and I am 39 and got married at 38. My Father-in-law was a little bit uneasy about me. The way I cared for her, he knew I was the right one and he was happy with her decision.

[Ta-An]

We got married a week before my hubby turned 21
We will be married 32 years this year.
It is not an age thing, but maturity

[Quickened]

There is no reason to get married right now. I would heed your parents counsel even if you believe there reason is incorrect. Wait for their approval, honor your parents, and let patience have its effect in your life.

No reason? I would refer to 1 Cor 7:9. Now after reading that let's ask ourselves... does scripture ever forbid or dissuade marriage? I am sure we can agree that if the man were not Christian and served another god then it would not be advisable. They have been together 6 years. There comes a point where people are just dragging their feet regardless of what a particular culture thinks.

Scripture doesn't prohibit it and I would argue encourages it. As you are an adult you really should step forward and make the adult decision. Staying Chaste for no other reason then somehow honoring your parents wishes isn't exactly honorable.... I feel that it leaves the door open to temptations unnecessarily.

[glazer1972]

Although my wife and I married late (I was 22 and my wife was 27 when we married.) I don't think you are too young.

[Athanasius]

I got married at 23, my wife had just turned 24 a month before the wedding (we would have married earlier if circumstances permitted). I can't see age as being a reason, so as others have said, have a serious talk with them about what's going on. At some point, though, it's your life, and you have to make decisions that are best for you.

[EarlyCall]

Thanks for the advice and encouragement so far everyone.



Yes, we have always had a very healthy relationship. I don't know what other reasons they wouldn't approve for I think it's purely an age thing - the average age for marriage in Australia is about 27-30. Most of my older cousins and family friends are in their late twenties and thirties and aren't married yet and I think my mum thinks it's weird that I'm marrying first when I'm the youngest...

Well, being an American, I can't speak to customs in your country, but here your age is not considered to young to get married. Our view here is that at your age, younger even to be sure, you are an adult and you make your own decisions. Yes, it is always nice if your family is supporting you, but in the end, it is not their decision.

You know, if you let them determine this decision for the two of you, what else then in your marriage, when you finally get married, will they decide for you both?

Family, because they are family, deserve the right of opinion but not the right of decision in matters that are not their own.

[andrew_no_one]

I am 24 years old and my boyfriend is 23. We have been together for 6 years. He lives with his brother and a friend, and I live at home with my parents. We have decided that we want to buy a house together in about 12 months time and have saved up enough money for a downpayment etc as we both have very steady, well-paying jobs.

Before we buy a house though we want to get married. He is a Christian and firmly believes in marriage, and I too believe that we should get married before living together. We love each other more than anything... the problem is that my parents don't approve. They think I am too young to get married and that I should just live at home for a few more years.

I thought that by getting married we were declaring our love before God and doing the right thing. Isn't it better that we get married before we move out together? I just don't know what to do. We have been together for 6 years and I was so excited to marry him and start a life together. Now I don't know what to do because my parents don't approve - they think I am way too young to get married and settle down.

I don't know what to do. I want to marry the man that I love but I also want my parents to approve of my decisions, I am so torn.

My wife was twenty-five when we were married and I was thirty-one. I think your views on cohabitation (marriage first) are praiseworthy which is why I repped you.
Perhaps sit down with your parents with your husband-to-be and inform them of your decisions. It's unfortunate that they want to keep you in their house for so long but...at some point you've gotta get going...
Risks in child birth increase after a (not too distant) certain age so that can be considered.
"Too young" really isn't a valid objection at your age so maybe they have some other objection that they feel less comfortable saying?

[Jeanne D]

My wife was twenty-five when we were married and I was thirty-one. I think your views on cohabitation (marriage first) are praiseworthy which is why I repped you.
Perhaps sit down with your parents with your husband-to-be and inform them of your decisions. It's unfortunate that they want to keep you in their house for so long but...at some point you've gotta get going...
Risks in child birth increase after a (not too distant) certain age so that can be considered.
"Too young" really isn't a valid objection at your age so maybe they have some other objection that they feel less comfortable saying?

I have to agree. I was 20 and my husband was 21 when we got married, almost 32 years ago.
Of course show them the respect due them and sit down to have a heart to heart talk with them. Pray about it before you do.

All the best to you.
Jeanne

[scottyscotts]

I don't see any reason why you shouldn't get married. You're an adult; it's your decision, not your parents. Go for it!

[Watchman]

I was 21 when I married...and was way too young; however, age doesn't indicate maturity.