I feel like such a failure as I christian..once again

[Oregongrown]

Thank you so much and how timely. I have done little today except homework and a little crying as I listened to my christian music going into town and back. It always brings tears to my eyes because it is the only music that reaches me. I believe it is His music, it is from Him and He always sends me just the right song at the right time. This is one that gives me chills even now:

http://youtu.be/6BahULUIdf0 It's Kutless "Carry Me to the Cross"

Sis, I've been through exactly what you're describing, and it is hellish. Be encouraged, though, because even in our weakness God is faithful. Many times, the "god" we think we are turning away from is not our heavenly Father...it is the "god" of misconception and misunderstanding. I grew up thinking He was really ticked off at me and that He could hardly wait to zap me to hell...to the point that I jumped in fright every time I heard a loud noise, fearing it was the last trumpet. He will not leave you, Denise. He will not leave you now or ever...and nothing can separate you from His love. There are only 3 voices we can hear: the voice of man (including our own), the voice of the enemy, and the voice of God Himself. Listen for His small, still voice. He is pursuing you, wooing you, longing to lovingly and comfortingly embrace you. He loves you so much that He'd rather die that live without you. Don't listen to the voice of doubt (the enemy) or to the voice of reason (man)...they will lead you astray every time.

As to your comment about folks spending eternity in hell, I recommend The Fire That Consumes, by Edward Fudge. It is not my habit to recommend books I haven't yet completed reading personally; however, I am finding it to be a very good look at a possible misunderstanding regarding the nature of eternal separation from God. Hang in there, and know prayers are being lifted for you daily.

ybiC,

Watchman

[Oregongrown]

To All that took the time to visit with me and encourage me, I wanted to tell you I really enjoyed being back in church yesterday. It's only a start I know but one thing about this little church is there are homegroups(biblestudies)which I have so missed. It's called Family Church and seems just right for me. Although I also realize there are other imperfect people there, like me I am spending time reading devotionals and even sending a message to someone here. My devotional was so appropriate for where I am. http://odb.org/2012/02/13/wings-like-a-dove/ I really think if someone like David wanted to throw up his hands and fly away, then I shouldn't be feeling weird about doing the same. I want to go crawl up into Jesus lap and just stay there forever. This world is fallen and there will be much trouble, especially for followers of Christ. 99% of the people I have been in touch with over the last month are not christians and why I want to "fit in" with them EVER, is a mystery to me. I guess I don't want to fit in, but it hurts to not fit in. I know you all understand, you have surely been there The more I spend time with God and His kids, the more part of I will "feel" again. But feelings can't lead my life. I do understand that. It is faith and faith isn't about feeling is it. Faith is believing even when the world is closing in and trying desperatly to convince me there is no God.

God's love to ALL, a sister in Christ, Denise

[Indueseason]

Oh I'm so glad your feeling better dear sister! There's no greater place to be than curled up on Jesus's lap!! Keep going in that direction, focus on Him and be encouraged by the body, and you will go from strength to strength! I am glad you have a nice church to attend, that's really important in these dark days!

blessings to you

[Saved7]

Glad you're feeling better. Spend time in prayer with Him and reading his word, you will get there.

[Oregongrown]

Thanks again everyone Talk with you soon, Denise

[Oregongrown]

Just an update if anyone is watching the thread I am enjoying my new church and started a biblestudy(started going to)on Wednesday nights. I also have a women's retreat coming up and a regular women's meeting. I am thinking seriously about volunteering for a 2 week mission(I don't know how long but I have 3 months off from school). I am scared to do it but yet I can't think of a better thing to do to help me grow in Christ, and, maybe be of service to people who have so little. I probably can't afford to go far but I am looking into it today.

God bless all and any feedback is welcome, Denise, a sister in Christ

[turtledove]

Just an update if anyone is watching the thread I am enjoying my new church and started a biblestudy(started going to)on Wednesday nights. I also have a women's retreat coming up and a regular women's meeting. I am thinking seriously about volunteering for a 2 week mission(I don't know how long but I have 3 months off from school). I am scared to do it but yet I can't think of a better thing to do to help me grow in Christ, and, maybe be of service to people who have so little. I probably can't afford to go far but I am looking into it today.

God bless all and any feedback is welcome, Denise, a sister in Christ

May the Lord continue to help you grow in faith and confidence. Surely sounds like that is happening. God bless.

[A820djd]

I feel the same way, but throwing away education isn't necessary,.....then somewhere along the line the desire for knowledge walks in and we slip away.

Is this a bit like being willfully ignorant? To deny facts in this world we live in is being ignorant and that's why as a human or Christian you're looked at as ignorant and laughable. Having faith is fine, but nothing to prove it's no different than any other religion. Say after you die you're reincarnated, prove you're not, you can't. So prove that God exists to someone to save someone else, why would they listen to someone who doesn't know anything other than bible quotes with no scientific facts to back up your claims. (It's getting harder and harder to save someone)

[Nobunaga]

(It's getting harder and harder to save someone)

It's impossible to save someone...always has been, all the rational arguments in the world wont convert anyone... Only God can do that.

Luke 18:27.

[A820djd]

It's impossible to save someone...always has been, all the rational arguments in the world wont convert anyone... Only God can do that.

Luke 18:27.

Why do we preach to anyone then?

[Nobunaga]

I probably can't afford to go far but I am looking into it today.

God bless all and any feedback is welcome, Denise, a sister in Christ

Hi Denise, if it's Gods will He will provide for it, ask for support from friends and family, i will have to do this soon also, its a bit daunting asking folks for money but if you feel this is something for you then...Go for it !

[Nobunaga]

Why do we preach to anyone then?

How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? Romans 10:14

We are obliged to preach the Gospel but we cannot make someone repent and believe this is the work of the Holy Spirit.

It's worth while having good arguments to reinforce why you believe what you believe but it wont wont change a sinners heart only God can do that

I'm all for apologetic's dont get me wrong.

[A820djd]

It's worth while having good arguments to reinforce why you believe what you believe but it wont wont change a sinners heart only God can do that

I can't but by preaching I would think it'd be good evidence in believing and proving God's existence. I don't believe I can do anything but show the word for proof, but it's getting harder when you can't really prove God's existence in a REAL way.

Saying "God works in mysterious ways." is a horrible thing to say to anyone

[Nobunaga]

I don't believe I can do anything but show the word for proof, but it's getting harder when you can't really prove God's existence in a REAL way.

It takes faith to believe any world view...even the atheist has to believe that there is no God he/she cannot prove it by logical deduction or empirical science. If it could be proven in a "real way" by logical deduction it would take no faith...The just shall live by Faith.

Saying "God works in mysterious ways." is a horrible thing to say to anyone

I agree

[Dani H]

First of all ... you get out of a relationship what you put in it.

Second of all ... I'm not quite understanding the thought of "people in the church hurt me so I kinda got away from faith in God."

Because to me, that's kind of like saying "I got food poisoning so now I'm going to stop eating". Or "I got a respiratory infection and now I'm going to stop breathing." Of course not. We need food, and we need air, and we know that well enough to not let a hurtful incident stop us from having our needs met. Well, God is a need too. Our highest and greatest need, in fact. It doesn't matter what other people do to us. Their behavior has nothing to do with our relationship with God, and doesn't belong in it; not even a little bit. God has never not been faithful to me. People may have acted like idiots, and even people who supposedly know Him, but God has always been faithful. Never once has He ever done anything but be there for me and provide for me.

People are free will agents and they're going to act like they're going to act. But they're not Jesus, and Jesus isn't them.

I hope that helps you in some way. It really helped me learn to separate things and shake the dust off certain people and situations, forgive and let go, and just follow Jesus around, regardless. That's when the roller coaster ride will hopefully finally stop for you. I know it did for me. Not that I ever walked away from Him, but blaming God for what people choose to do doesn't help any and isn't realistic. Expect people to be people, and God to be God, and you'll be alright.