I always have a fear of posting mt testimony in any forum: not because I am worried about how others will judge me, but because sometimes it seems I am glorifying my past when I truly am not. It is so different when I am "face to face" with someone and they can hear me speak, and understand that I am in no way doing something like that. And the only way I can provide my testimony is to start at the beginning...
I grew up in rural New Hampshire, with 3 older brothers and an older sister: there is 12 years between my oldest brother and myself. My next brothers are fraternal twins, bith 10 years older then I, and my sister is 6 years older. My father owned his own business, and my mother stayed at home. We were not wealthy at all: we did not lack for needs, but I would say that was about it.
I think my fall into the arms of Satan started when I was around 6 years old: that was the day my mother walked out on my family. She told me she was going to the corner store, but never came back. It turned out she had been having an affair with my fathers younger brother for years, and decided to run away with him and divorce my father. So, my dad was left to raise all of us on his own.
At that time I started to get closer to one of my older brothers, Frank. He was one of the twins. From an early age he was nothing but trouble: stealing, using drugs, and getting into all kinds of other things. My dad eventually had to have him arrested to try and get him straight: had Frank sent to a Youth Facility. Sadly, it worked in reverse: made Frank worse, but it also taught him how to hide it better. Frank hooked up with me because I was very impressionable at that time: he started to teach me about things. Little things at first: how the trees and dirt could give me power. He started me on the road to the occult and witchcraft.
Frank was in and out of my life for several years (he would spend time in jail on a regular basis). I went to church with my Grandfather, but got nothing out of it because it was a Catholic Mass every Sunday in French (my family is from Canada originally). All I ever knew about God was Sit-Stand-Sit-Stand-Kneel-Stand-Sit-Kneel-Ring Bell-Kneel-Give Money-Stand and Walk-Dry Bread-Stand-Leave. This is not an insult to Catholicity, but just the way God was introduced to me. At that time my father told me he wanted me to go to Confirmation. And at that time, Frank came to live back home. I agreed, but by then Frank had gotten deeply into the occult: and he wanted me to join him. We had many late nights where he would tell me things that he "could do", and how amazing the power he now had was. I wanted power like that: I was 12.
Well, I started to carry around tarot cards at that time while going to my 1 hr classes each week. The cards never left me. Frank was teaching me all about wicca whenever he could, going over books and such. By the time several months had passed, I wanted to be the next Aleister Crowley. I went through Confirmation, but it ment nothing to be: I had by this time rejected the God of the Bible and was on a new course. A path I thought would lead me to fame and fortune.
The summer I was 12 was huge for me: Frank really took me under his wings, so to speak. He started me drinking and using drugs: beer and pot to begin with. To "expand" my mind. He would take me to parties, under the guise that we were going fishing. The parties were not "keggers", though there was booze and drugs there: they were wiccan parties. It was there, in the woods behind some farm in Dover, NH, I had my first sexual experience.
That whole summer I completely changed: but I was also taught to "keep it quiet". I began using drugs and alcohol on a regular basis, having sex with people (always ladies, as they are the head of the covens), masturbating over odd things. I was a smart kid, but only "made grades" so my dad would not wonder what was up. I was arrested several times, but for "kid" things (shoplifting and being a general nuisance mostly), and never for the bigger things I was doing.
As I entered my teen years, the occult really got it's dirty claws into me. I began to carry around "charms", and cursing people. I could list so many, many things I did through out my teen years I am not proud of: I sacrificed cats, killed other peoples farm animals, destroyed peoples properties, the list is long. And so very sad. By the time I was a senior in High School everyone knew if they needed drugs, or wanted a "spell", or any such thing, to come to me. On the outside, I was a pretty good guy: I had learned the lessons of my "big brother" well. On the inside, I was a seething mass of nastiness. I hated people: I used girls and guys for my own gain. If I wanted something, I took it. At school, I was high often, having graduated from pot to acid and other myriad of drugs. Somehow, I graduated from High School. And that is when God began to chisel at my heart...
In the Fall of 1988, I was, as usual, at a party. I had a friend there, and I was complaining about needing a new girl, as I had broken up with mine the week before (I have a tattoo of her on my arm). He suggested that I go across the street to the store and pick up the girl that worked there: he knew her, and she was only dating around. So I did: when I walked in, I met the lady that God would give me to be my future wife. We began dating, and in little time I had convinced her to move in with me. After a year of living together, she was pregnant.
To skip back a little, when we first met she was intrigued with me. Not so much because I was a nice guy or anything, but because I was into the occult and wicca. I began to teach her things, but she never caught on. God blocked me from doing this, I believe. Her family was a strong Christian faith: and their prayers had much to do with what I have become today.
I had several "friends" in High School, but none like Bill. I called him "Bible Bill": a strong man of faith. He was as Christian as I was wiccan. He walked the walk and talked the talk, from an early age. So, naturally, I tried to show him his errors. And he tried to show me mine. It was amazing that the only true friend I had in High School was a Christian: and Bill knew me. He knew I did drugs, drank, would stuff "nerds" into lockers and "bowl" kids I did not like. But he was always my friend. Because he respected me, I did him as well. If someone was antagonizing him, I stepped in. People knew that to mess with Bill was to mess with the witch, so they would not. Our friendship was a very odd thing, but it worked. I guess even back then I loved him without realizing it.
Anyhow, she was pregnant, and we married. It was then that God decided to begin to change me: my wife became ill. By her 3rd month she had toxemia, which is the bodies way of attempting to abort a child. I think it was Satan trying to kill my son. I think that because of what began 3 months later...
My wife was gravely ill: the local doctors had sent her to a specialized hospital to have a c-section. He odds of surviving were low, my child's was 1 in a million (remember, this is in 1990: medical advances for newborns have grown by leaps and bounds. Back then, a preemie had a 1 in 6 survival rate). My wife was 6 months pregnant. She went by ambulance, and I stole money from my dad and drove my car to the hospital.
The operation was a success: both wife and child survived it. They said my boy was "stable", so I made the long drive home to go to work the next day. And that was when things happened. My son Alex, his lungs were never developed: what was in there collapsed. I got a phone call at work from my mother in law that morning telling me I needed to get to the hospital if I wanted to see him alive. I raced there, praying to my "goddess" for help. They had read Alex his last rights, they had him paralyzed and were discussing what to do after he died. I wanted no part of that sober: I called Bill. I asked him if he could drive down and bring me a bottle or some money. He could not: but he promised to pray, and have his little church pray. I cussed him out for the first time ever: I even told him I hated him. He just said he would pray, and he would be in touch.
My son lived: at first I tried to credit it to my "prayers", but I was knowing better. And yet I did not want to admit it. Not long after that, my wife re-dedicated her life to Christ. I had decided not to: I was going to finally prove Bill, my wife, and everyone else wrong about Jesus. So I picked up a Bible to disprove it.....
I will not go blow by blow. I will not make a long story so much longer. But I will say this: in a parking lot where I was working, I was reading the Book of Luke. Chapter 12. Verses 40-48. The same verses that President Obama misquoted: the same thread that brought me to this wonderful site. These verses especially:
47 “The servant who knows the master’s will and does not get ready or does not do what the master wants will be beaten with many blows.
48 But the one who does not know and does things deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows. From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.
My heart was broken: when I got home I read the verses to my wife. She looked at me like I had 3 heads: no understanding what those verses meant. I read them to others, and got the same type of reaction:I thought I was going crazy. Then, there was one final set of verses. This set, from Romans. It appears, in one form or another, in my sig lines in everything I write:
14 For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God.
15 The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship.[f] And by him we cry, “Abba,[g] Father.”
16 The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children.
17 Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.
I finally, honestly received Christ in 1998. Made Him my Savior, my Lord, the first love of my life. I will be honest: I have condensed this down quite a bit: I am a sober person. I have been sober from booze since 1992. Been off from drugs since 1990. There is so much more I would write as a testimony, but it would fill pages and pages, maybe the whole forum. But the reason I am writing this is simple: if I can help someone, anyone, with what I have gone through I will do it. I have been addicted to drugs, alcohol, porn, sex, and trapped in the occult. I came to Jesus Christ at an age where it is very difficult for men to do things like that, as we are usually "set" in our ways. I tend to disagree with Paul: he was not the chief of sinners: I AM. He only held coats and arrested Christians, I bashed Christians, threw stones, dumped things on their front porches. He was blind for only a few days, awaiting for someone to touch him and remove the scales: I was blinded for many years until He Himself removed my scales. I am blessed: and living proof that God and Jesus exist: for if not for Him, where would I be now? And if He can love me and change me, what more can He do for you?
My answer is simple: He can do EVERYTHING.